I'm rather amazed by my composure and also my lapse in control. I end up telling my story to the rest of the world while pressing work awaits and the crossover into another week is minutes away. I'm a chronic slacker.

Saturday can be struck off as a wasted day because I was grovelling in bed most of the time and my noggin forbade me from mustering my intelligence into attempting good old hard work.

Went back to the desk and came away finishing only 1 math question. Not worth any honourable mention. I wished I could do more, but wishes aren't something like vouchers which we can take to the shop and redeem something tangible in return or a cheque to the bank to cash it.

I enjoy typing my testimonial myself because I think highly of myself and am blessed with good expressive ability. I'm praising myself unburdenedly and it feels good reminding myself of how brilliant I actually am. Fluency is really an asset when it comes to doing this. I do not know what is shame.

I hate meeting expectations. I wanna live life on my own terms, but that is just not possible.
No rest for the wicked.

finis

I've actually forgotten how shitty it feels when you get sick.

It's been probably more than 6 months since I got quite ill, and I attribute this record to my workouts and good eating. No matter how big a man or strong are you, illness will run you over like any other common man and leave you frail and pitiful.

Throat, nose and headache gnaw at me. The illness has already graduated into a temperature, which is not simply only my oozing sexuality, but also a medical fever. And the throb kept away by paracetemol is finding its way back to the knob at the base of my skull. Saying it like that makes me think of a skeleton. Skull-skeleton, unappealing. Totally unlike me.

Anyway, Friday has its blend of ups and downs. I was very apprehensive about NAPFA early in the week and was pretty much worried about my performance and the elusive GOLD that I'd never been able to get, even in primary school. I was always the last in my 1.6 then, because I was fat and also those people who were slower than me had the sense and spunk not to turn up.

I came out to run on Tuesday to try and assauge the doubts that the weakling in me dreamed up. As a result, I got overzealous and twisted my ankle. The rest of the week had me fret about my recovery and reduced the anxieties about the testing.

I think I surprised people and also myself with my 2.4 km run. It was the bit that fazed me. I was running on adrenaline and also 2 bananas from an hour ago, and I took off in the front when we started. Passing the first guy and also leading the group during the run was a mega boost, and it kept me at what I was doing.

The first round was over so quickly and then the next few rounds too! The time was 1:21 when I finished round 1, and 3:00 odd when it was lap 2. By round 5 Jay was next to me and after that, he went ahead to take his place at the front. I followed his sprint and ended up 2 seconds after him with 9:46.

A strong start will ensure a strong finish. By the time your run is near the end, you won't make up for the seconds that you lost; you have to carve out those seconds in the beginning.

I'm rather pleased with the run, though I speculate that the exertion has made me more susceptible to illness. I worry that the bout of unwell-ness will sap time away from what I plan to do with my weekend.

I found this picture while me and Derek were in the computer lab early in the week.

Chaste kisses are the most romantic kisses, I say.

Derek and I had another intimate session at White Sands food court yesterday where our conversation topics were broad and definitely will remain undisclosed.

He's been egging me on to make a move, but if I do so, things will change and I'm not a big fan of change. I need more affirmation. Not just from Derek, this time.

He did cause me to mull over the people and things I would miss in time, and also what do we do with the remaining time we are left with.

Pause for solemn thinking. I was jolted by the sudden realization that I miss her voice and talking to her over the phone last night. I've quas

hed the fleeting feeling.

By the way:

Friends, do not try to invoke a response from a woman by trying to make her all green-eyed with jealousy. Women like to think themselves big hearted and magnanimous, so you won't get the angry reaction you're after.

finis

I severely loathe it when things don't go as planned. And even though it doesn't look it, I do function on a schedule.

Old eccentricities die hard. But since then I've learned to tolerate the inevitable, like a twisted ankle. It irks me, both the pain and the bandage, but it's inevitable. Wearing slippers at school gives me a rather relaxed overall mood, but it renders you vulnerable. Megan stepped on my feet. That was rude. But I have a big heart, so I'm cool.

Today was rather interesting. Wrote nonsense during the Bio SPA trial and managed to get off; went for early break, ate quite a load, and played a prank on Andrew. It was spontaneous and it originated with Dicky. Dicky finished his triple choc and Andrew just bought one. We filled the empty bottle with plain water, switched them and hid his. It was so damn amusing!

Laughing works your abdominals. But you'd probably die if you laughed long enough to work your midsection.

Chemistry test was rather sweet for me. I'm surprised that I could actually do it. And Megan who sat beside me was pretty interesting too. She wasn't prepared for the test and was writing very slowly and holding her head. Her stomach growled during the test also. It was loud enough to make me look up.

Had the honour and luck of having Nawal accompany at the bus-stop after Megan and Rebecca left. Aku Cinta Perdamu, darling.

It seems that there are a lot of women around me. I'm not very surprised. I already said that I was turning up the charm sometime back.
Studies have shown 10 out of 10 women think about Song Leng all the time.
I cast my net, and the haul is full of blue-fin tuna. Don't get me wrong, I love blue-fin, but I'm really in love with the dolphin.

Tomorrow-NAPFA. Hopefully it'll be a good showing. I'm in pretty good shape apart from my ankle. My body is screaming for a good hard run. It would have been possible on Wednesday if not for the injury.

Slivers of my memory are finding their way back to the surface. I recall things from extremities like what Sensei said years ago, to the conversations I had on the phone with her last time. I'm growing hypersensory. But I think this isn't highly relevant or interesting.

This is my current taste in music.





finis

Got outdoors to run after I got home from college to compensate for not having any PE today. I'm not very sure if it was the right thing to do, considering that I twisted my ankle a bit while racing against an SBS bus. Competing with buses was cool; too bad I didn't notice the bit of thing on the ground while I was going fast and nearly fell over.
Luckily I reacted quickly and it didn't grow into a full-blow sprain.
A good-looking girl and a reasonably slow SBS bus are really helpful when you're looking to sprint.

Sweet. We have a full-course NAPFA on Friday and this happens on Tuesday.
Really cheerful. I remember that my uncle rubbed my ankle when I was small after I sprained it and it got all better. Should visit him again; massages are magic.

I probably was over-zealous to pound pavement and brought this upon myself, but the goodfeel from the run and the alertness now is serving me pretty good. I just gotta deal with the disgusting pain. This gives me a reason to feign that I can't do pull-ups and not take my NAPFA now. More time to raise my fitness and readiness. The bad bit is I will be with strange people I don't know. I want to do it with less strange people like Dickson, Jay, Hakim and all.

Today was pretty decent, though I felt stifled by some of the lectures, and I surmise some people do sympathise or live that feeling out daily. I do love the females in my class and I'm assured they love me. However, the last row in the class is reserved for the cool people i.e. the men. Get back to the front rows man!
I tried to hum Dickson to sleep in G.P. but gave up because I felt like sleeping also; Hakim looks adorable with his boyish hair; Derek has lost his touch at making me speechless...

I stand by my theory that the girl that your heart is leaning towards will appear on your radar no matter what. You won't miss her. In a big crowd, your gaze will definitely lock on her. You will have developed an acute sense of her, and she seems to be wherever you be. Something about her will click with all of our senses and register.
My radar was put to the test numerous times today, and it was always proven true.

I enclose another song that is approved by Crystal-Britney Spears' 'Radar'. It will be an honorific to what I've said above.



After talking with Derek and Megan, I realise that I'm a bit abnormal for being so at ease.
There are plenty of things that are looming ahead.

1) Biology SPA Trial on Thursday
2) Chemistry Lecture Test on Thursday
3) Biology Tutorial; GP TYS.
4) Book Review
5) Literature group project on Othello.

Appalling. I aspire to finish all of them and look forward to falling short of my aspiration.
Bummer.

I need to know what does that particular look she gives mean.
It's probably unbecoming of a man to add a smiley face, but I will.
=)

finis

A relationship that has ended, has ended. I don't look to linger afterward and I certainly do not want a sequel to what has transpired before.

I open with this:
Ladies, never underestimate the power of your smile.
A strategic grin will disarm, confund a male and leave him in a state of disarray.
I'm serious.

I relish the distress I can cause my deranged sister. It's the chief form of payback I can harmlessly muster against her daily repertoire of insults and unkind words and regard.
Never mind that she is in possibly the best institution in this country, or if her scores are overly impressive. She isn't a very rational person and she isn't very smart either.
I lost my temper at her in the week when she scorned my PW grade in an entirely unrelated argument. I reined myself in and warned her not to piss me off, but she went and fired at me again.

It was a noisy and grossly unpleasant night in the household, and while I was full of pent-up rage, the degree of remorse in me was low. I'm not usually violent and I'm quite aware of what I can do to people physically (if I'm bragging then I reserve the right to brag because this is my site), but wednesday's showing got me really riled up.
I don't think I'm slow to anger, but I think assholes need to understand that I have a threshold and I won't be very friendly if you trespass that threshold.
You need to back away when I tell you not to piss me off.

I do not detest or dislike my sister, but we are nominally rivals by default, on principle and in actuality. Things might improve but considering the current times, I think it unlikely.
We'll see.

Otherwise, I'm rather satisfied with the way this weekend's been, because I got some Chemistry done, and my push was to avoid hearing Ong's voice. It's become like nails grating on blackboard to me. I reckon I'm quite insulated from her now.

I got back my 2 gym workouts a week, am at a nice weight and just need to run some more. So long as it doesn't rain through the week. I resent the rain, and my disdain for cold wet days only dissipates if I'm looking to nap.

I will need good nutrition, many runs, and plenty of sleep and more bubbles of time to complete my work. This week's work will have to spill over to next week. But it isn't that big a deal. Behaves like an oxygen debt. I haven't died yet.

I trust Crystal's taste. Britney Spears' 'Break the Ice' is actually not bad. And so are the songs that she wrote down on my Biology notes. She might be slightly insane, but I still value whatever she says. So I will probably listen when she has something to say. Unless I can perceptively see that it flows from her well of crazy. Ha!
And speaking of songs, my taste is mutating. I'm beginning to like Miley Cyrus. I suspect its influence caused by the Hannah Montana show that Kids Central is beginning to air.

Derek has been a real pillar and he's seen a lot of my transition into a happy man-child again. I will hope that the brief recharge during the short 48 hrs will ensure that I can best him at being excruciatingly lame through next week. The laughter we have together is great.

Hakim's crazy is really really flummoxing. He says a lot of stuff that has to be censored. Some of them are really amusing though. But this isn't encouragement to spur him on! Control yourself man! You can simply ask when you need some loving.

It will be Week 17 of 2008 in some more minutes. I know just the thing(s) that will make everything better. More eyecandy and exercise like yesterday's lifting. Kah Kee was amazed that lifting weights would make us sweat faster and more than running or sprinting. But I think eyecandy would probably make me happy sufficiently.

I wonder if I'm in her mind space as often as she's in mine. But I will now be on a mission to collect her smiles. My friends around me, please bear with me as I turn up my charm. The charm setting will now be at overheat. Please do not fall in love with me on impulse.

Goodbye.

Was led to this song. The lyrics do click somewhat.
Plain White T's are pretty good. But I've only checked out 2 songs from their album. Need to taste more of them.

Love, love, love, love, love, love.
Woo!

You were everything I wanted.
You were everything a girl could be.
Then you left me brokenhearted,
Now you don't mean a thing to me.
All I wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you.
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you.
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really don't like you.

I really don't like you...

Thought that everything was perfect,
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it,
Now I think a little differently.
All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you. (I really don't like you)
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you. (liked about you)
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really dont like you

Now that it's over,
you can't hurt me.
Now that it's over,
you can't bring me down.

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh...)[x2]

All i wanted was your
Love, love, love, love, love, love.

Hate is a strong word,
but i really, really, really don't like you. (I really don't like you)
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you. (Liked about you)
Brought you around,
and you just brought me down.
Hate is a strong word,
but I really, really, really dont like you

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh...)[x4]silent

(I really don't like you...) [x3]louder

We're already in the middle of our precious weekend.
I'm rather pleased with my Saturday, but it could be better. (Naturally)
How about you?

I have words for my listeners and also my close loves, but it's hard to list all of them.

The best bits about the week so far:

• I missed most of TKD which was rather dull, and went for a hard tug-of-war. The workout gave me soreness up til Thursday.
• Tuesday's PE was phenomenally easy, with minimal work. I got home early and managed to sleep.
• Wednesday got me pretty riled up because the rain and lightning hit the area where I intended to run. I headed out anyway even though lightning struck next to my window. The need to pound pavement overcame my fear of sudden painful death.
• Trained at the Gym with Zicong's friend, and ran home with backpack and all from the MRT.
• Colosseum fun and also got into close range with my sweet eyecandy. It was fight night at Karate too. I think I've developed an acute precognitive sensor.

I'm hoping that Sunday's promises of being another fairly OK day will come into fruition.

finis

I must warn my readers that this post will not be very relevant to people who aren't violent or interested in combat and stand-up fights.

I was studying several Kyokushin fights while recalling my last bout on Sunday with a junior belt taking his grading. My role then was to command the group taking the last round of the full grading and to run their test. Was surprised when Sensei told me to get onto the mat and lead. Never done it before.

The highlight for me and the unfortunate person that had to face me was definitely kumite. I have not properly fought with someone for almost a month, and the fluttery feeling that I presume to be the effect of adrenaline came back very strongly. It is a feeling that surfaces before every fight, but it mostly disappears when the fight starts and I come into the battle mode. It was most acute right before my 20 men kumite and I like to think that it primes me for the fight.

I needed a good fight to expend some energy and I think I was nasty to him. He was definitely older than me by a few years, shorter, but stouter. I was pleasantly surprised that my first punch hurt him. I encouraged him to do what he could and then gave him a hard fight. I do remember landing a measured kick to his head.

It was a good fight for me, but it prods me to think about how would I fare against another evenly skilled black belt in tournament. Then I realised that there isn't such an evenly skilled person. The disparity in skill and strength aren't always obvious, but will be brought out under prolonged exchange. I'll need to be ahead in both skill and strength.

And so, I went back to watch the vids.

The 9th Kyokushin World tournament final was won by a succession of three hard low kicks to the thigh. It was a clean and clear victory, and Jan Soukup could not get up. I know the exact feeling.

Texeira of Brazil was endowed with natural strength and speed and i think he is lacking in the technique department, but is otherwise a monster. He comes at you and hits you hard.

In any fight, I feel that the most important things you must have are confidence, awareness and the strength of will to stay in the fight.

You are confident-cocky and arrogant, so you intimidate your opponent and you reduce his surety. A deadened expression and offensive posture will cause them to doubt.

You are aware-conscious of your abilities and his and you know the damage you can cause to another human being. You know how to manipulate the distance between you and him so that it is favourable for you and bad for him.

You are strong willed-you want to finish the fight and you want to win. Any lapse in resolve will be bad. You've already embraced the possibility of loss.

These are the other fights, and they move me to get up and box.

On a side note,

I dislike the way that the importance of money has increased these days.
I want life to be easy and according to my pace. But that is just wishful thinking. I think my sourness has to do with how wishful thinking isn't anything more powerful.

finis

Firstly, in case anybody asks anymore, I got a glorious B for PW. Please do not pursue the matter, or I will give you free cosmetic surgery with my strong hands.

I needed some crazy unbridled fun to forget, or dampen the badfeel from the disgusting alphabet that I saw at the General Office in the morning. It took a run to college after the rain and the sight of Nawal, Naq and the other Cheerleaders and a hug from Yang Xin to feel slightly better. Splashing in puddles near Elias Park Primary, which was my old playground for 6 years was really good childish fun. My shoes got wet, but the splashing was cool.

People should try it.

Got to college and saw the grade for myself and stuck around to check out cheerleading before running to the MRT to meet Crystal. She made me walk with her from the MRT back to MJ again. Crystal is crazy.

I took this picture of her and a reasonably adorable dog outside block of flats near EPPS and also the bus-stop MJ students always get off to go to White Sands. I really like the green-ness of the grass and the colour. And I must say I like her hair, even though she says she hates it. Again, Crystal is crazy.
I love dogs, but I didn't wanna touch the love thing. She wondered why until she stood up and realised that the smell wasn't as cute as the dog.



Got home, completed an important errand for my mother and subsequently gave the parade a miss, took a nap, got woken up by an irritating Chinese telemarketer and got ready(and dressed)Took a detour to get some Subway sandwich and met Jeremy at the Bus-stop near White Sands. Got onto 109 with the rest (Dick, Nawal, Atiqah, Naqiah) and took off to Seng Kang.

Me and Jeremy got checked out by some Secondary School girls on the bus. An ego boost for us two! Ha! Actually, Song Leng doesn't need an ego boost anymore; he's at his peak.
I finished my tuna sandwich on the road, and also invented a new pick-up line.
You need just one prop. A tin of Eclipse mints.
You go to a girl and show her the mints.
You say," Would you like a sweet?"
When she says yes, you lean over and offer her yourself!

We overshot the bus stop and had to cross the road to take 109 back to Compass Point Mall.
We crossed a muddy field because Naqiah or Dick stepped onto it first.
Jeremy and his white skinny jeans transformed him into a sissy.



We reached her nice place and began taking pictures of ourselves in the toilet, while Dick was trying to make himself feel better in the cubicle.





I think that Dickson looks hot. I was trying to disturb him by groping him. Me like.



These are the ladies, Naqiah, Atiqah and Nawal! They are obliging models.


The LRT line is just next to her place!



We discovered the playground at the top of the stairs.



I really like this picture man! Me and my red motorbike. We're going somewhere. Wei Lin snapped this before I passed her along the traffic light.



The cooks.



The bad bit of my phone is that the camera function doesn't perform under the night sky.







Shez made me take a picture of her climbing the slide.



I passed the keys of my bike to Naqiah. She needs to go home.


It was a nice evening and we had a nice time talking rubbish and exchanging bits about girls and stupid stories and pick-up lines.

The men swam a bit until the security guard came along. We considered swimming to the other end when the security guard came over to diss him. But our conscience took over and we got only a laugh from that idea.

This (below) is a sweet video, and it features my current favourite artise, Jon Mclaughlin.
The song playing, "So Close" is the beautiful piece in Disney's ENCHANTED, at the ballroom scene.
I will risk being a wuss and declare my liking for ENCHANTED. It's a lovely movie that has just the romance and happy ending that would make me become a big softie.
I concede.



I cannot believe I've never heard of this.
This played during Scrubs Season 6 Episode 20 "My Conventional Wisdom".
It's called "Human", and it's great.



Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind,
all these ups and downs,
they trip up our good intentions,
nobody said this was easy right?

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason
why we stay instead of leavin’ after all

Can we get back to the point of this conversation,
when we saw things through each others eyes,
cause now all I see is ruin and devastation,
we all need some place we can hide inside, and

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason
why we stay instead of leavin’

I’m smart enough to know,
that life goes by,
and it leaves a trail of broken hearts behind,
if you feel I’m letting go,
just give me time,
I’ll come running to your side,
Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind cause

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason
why we stay instead of leavin’

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
After all we’re only human,
is there any other reason
why we stay instead of leavin’ after all

Any other reason
to stay instead of leavin’
after all, yeah

finis

I needed this reminder (from Scrubs).

You have to trust that whatever's supposed to happen will happen.
Somehow you'll always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.

The above two lines are also a cue for this sweet little song by The Beatles!

"Eight Days a Week"

Ooo I need your love, babe
Guess you know it's true
Hope you need my love babe
Just like I need you
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me
I ain't got nothing but love, babe
Eight days a week
Love you every day, girl
Always on my mind
One thing I can say, girl
Love you all the time Hold me, love me, hold me, love me
I ain't got nothing but love, girl
Eight days a week
Eight days a week
I love you
Eight days a week
Is not enough to show I care
Ooo I need your love, babe
Guess you know it's true
Hope you need my love babe
Just like I need you
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me
I ain't got nothing but love, babe
Eight days a week
Love you every day, girl
Always on my mind
One thing I can say girl
Love you all the time
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me
I ain't got nothing but love, babe
Eight days a week
Eight days a week
Eight days a week



That's decent good music, and I hope you like it.
I think it'll make you bob up and down and try to snap your fingers to the beat.

I woke up and came into a fantastic mood that evened out through the day. Started out in the morning talking cock with my mother and seriously amusing each other. I think its real important to have a good relationship with your mum. It's absolutely mandatory and it's an added bonus when she's on your side if the school ever calls to complain about your gross misdeeds.
I've almost converted her.

The good mood lasted for a bit more until after PE, where the disgusting day took over.
The 2.4 run dimmed my consciousness for a bit and I suspect I've somewhat lost some brain juice. The symptoms that herald the coming of a major illness are persistent and I'm still occasionally struck with giddiness. Cool feeling.

I've received an overdose of Chemistry today and will not bother with any of the work for now that has got to do with that subject.
I enjoyed the company at TKD today and also my precious Yi Feng's massage treatment. I'm trying to learn the technique from him and spread magic with my fingers too.
I beat Derek at giving him a witty and lame comeback that made him speechless; Jay amused me by disturbing Shez during Chem Clinic; I told Crystal she was hot (but nowhere near me, obviously) and hugged somebody. I forgot who. I'm positive it's a he.

I probably need to start on some work before I conclude my night.

finis

Now that this year's Adventure Quest is over, I have gotten a crazy thought, which is to join the Open category and race the full distance next year. I'll first treat this as an irrational idea and try and recall the pain from running the relay 2 years ago.

I'm still amused by my own cleverness when I was leading the our team of four out of Changi Village and into home territory, Pasir Ris. We made through Tampines and were in the lead (we got up from 4th place) until we came to the Archery station and was stalled there by the station master. I'm still quite pleased with how I kept the team together.
Pardon my lack of discretionary humility.

It didn't really upset me that we didn't earn a placing in the final results then, but I do know the disappointment that my dear Boys are suffering from now.
Like I told all of you on Saturday, bottle up this feeling and use this indignance to power your new attempt at next year's race. This will add to your motivation to go harder then.
I'm pleasantly surprised that each of you have so much strong feeling for this whole affair, and I'm impressed by your strong devotion.
Infect your juniors with this also, and we'll see about next year.

It took 14th many years to attain the Silver Cup in 2007, and it'll be a cumulative effort again, and it's already begun.
Channel your indignance into forceful action.

I decided that I need my weekly run to Changi Village. I need the tan, the discomfort and the burn. Will see about that.

The POP/Enrolment Service parade on Sunday has somewhat unsettled my 'designs' on the two days that are left to us at the end of each week.

I remain hopeful that Thursday will work out nicely and so will the Class BBQ on Friday. Need exhilarating fun like the T-C-S (talk-cock-session) us men had in the library yesterday. Do not undermine the levels of rubbish males suffering from severe boredom can produce. It is NC-16 and definitely hilarious.

I feel the coming of a huge bout of sickness, and I've been staving it off with some positive thinking-positive thinking is powerful-and also counting on the credit I built by eating nicely and working out. This is the longest that I've not fallen ill. Since November, I think. I blame the rigours of this hard slog that is our education (or indoctrination).

I'm rather okay with the way these two days have been, and I reckon more doses of eyecandy, more hard pounding in the gym and on the road, friends and fun (the two are often synonymous); pleasant study and good-old muscle soreness would make my life almost ideal. Almost.

I need to go back to feeding my faith and to grow.

That's the chief thing I've been averting and I should pay attention to the subtle nudges that my God's been giving me instead of skulking away and wishing everything away.

Escapism is cowardly.

Otherwise, I'm quite happy with the mood-lift from a single smile; the Korean music in my ears, Derek's quaint sense of humour and some more.
Derek's being a darling and a close buddy. I will not stress him by calling him my best friend. A best friend is a really weighty label and everybody's measure is a bit different. But I'd like to tell Derek that he's entered my closest quarters.

Crystal amused me today by laughing at me when I reveled in the afterglow of a sweet girl's brief attention. But she also asked what does it mean if a guy smiles to himself after talking with a girl. The guy is definitely pleased with himself, and he probably likes the girl.

The effect of a girl:
If a girl you are fond of calls, the previously sleeping you will jolt wide awake.
If she so much as smiles at you or gestures, you will melt inside and spasm occasionally in celebration.

It is however not wise to let yourself drift off with the thought of bliss with a sweet lady solely because you are beginning to feel strongly for her. This is probably primal attraction and a real thing between a couple is based on much much more.

To my dearest Andrew, it takes a whole lot of will and plenty of distractions to forget a girl. If you're bent on getting there, then I'll be your distraction. I'm definitely sexy enough.

I love my Boys and the wild times we still can have together.



finis

The rain has foiled my running plans, and I'm quite used to these sort of disruptions, so I'm not mad. We are powerless humans and we sway with the conditions that paint our world.

My weekend has already begun to be lousy. I will not get to hit the gym; there is a TKD grading on Sunday and it rudely occupies several hours. I've to make a trip to Dover's ITE College West to meet the Boys who are racing today and either congratulate or console them. I'm additionally a bit miffed that this is still my role after 2 years of being in the mix.
I'm probably suffering from a heightened sense of self-importance. I think this is an affliction common among my generation of leaders.

Jeremy (Ang) made a comment to me about the wisdom of the Company leaders with regard to the Primers' Programme and also about other decisions made by them. I was too tired and lazy to correct him or to amend his thoughts and defend the leaders, but a bit of me concurs with what he says. The intentions of the higher-ups are good and I find myself on the same page as them at times, but I still feel that some of their ideas are either silly and/or non-pragmatic.

I keep getting the feeling that I've overstayed. It's no longer or really the same as my time, and I must remove myself from giving too much care for this.
The Company will move on. You'll do fine without me. I'm not needed in this mixture anymore.

I think the 'you'll do fine without me-' applies in another way too.
I should stop being silly and get on blazing through the other parts of my life. I will retract my resentment for the things that won't change and replace it with peace.

I will love people.

I dreamt of my grandfather this morning. It was a pleasant surprise for me, because he's been gone for 8 years now, and this is the third time he ever featured in one of my dreams ever since he died. My mind goes imaginative at night ever since ever. It probably realises I need a strong distraction from the nonsense that has been going on.

The thing that makes a me a bit sad is that he wasn't around to see me grow into a young man instead of that pudgy noisy boy at his bedside back in 2000. The last thing he said to me was a gentle rebuke/ comment that I wasn't a well-behaved boy. The exact wording was in Teochew.

I won't know what he thinks of me now, now that I'm taller, stronger, maybe brighter and definitely more dashing. But I probably won't know what he thinks of me even if he's around now. He's a quiet man. I still miss him and the way he walks around the place. And his straw hat.

Hm.

I quite like my Friday yesterday though. PE was entirely satisfactory. The men did quick interval runs of 800 m 3 times to make up the 2.4 distance with some rest in between.
It was the sort of push-myself-to-discomfort thing that made me feel great.
I took off behind Hakim, and made sure that I didn't lose him even though there was some metres between us. It took quite a bit from me to keep at it.

I kept reminding myself that the only thing that is keeping me going is my mind, and also that a cute girl in the canteen is watching. It worked! A 3 minute 800m run is difficult, but worth discomfort. I just need to reproduce that on the day of the test.
I will require several pretty things to be in the canteen then.

While I took my sister to her swimming lesson yesterday, I encountered several pretty ladies too! There was one at the Macdonald's at Tampines Interchange and we exchanged many glances. I should have talked to her. =(

The April issue of Men's Health has this to say, "Getting that girl you fancy is easier than you think: just keep looking. Researchers from Stirling and Aberdeen Universities in the UK report that people are up to eight times more attracted to potential partners who look them directly in the eyes and smile"

I saw many girls in nice swimsuits too.
Pleasantville.

The April issue of Men's Health is really nice. So is the girl on the cover and in the pages. She's hot! I got to read my sister's Cleo too and it's not too bad also. Only thing is the girl in MH is way hotter. I think I will write in and ask about her. And then look at her in the eyes and smile.

The weekend will still be bad, but the way we look at it can better things.
I'm looking forward to next Friday.

In parting,

Real men do the things that aren't what they want to do, but what must be done.

In the end, the only thing we take with us out of this life is our memories. We have the choice of putting what we want into it.

I want to catch "The Bucket List".

I'm running on anger now.
Was previously sleepy, but my hateful sister has jolted me out of lethargy into agitated action.
She promised to hand over the computer at 10, and I only appeared to prod her to finish her turn at 1030.
She overstayed her welcome and I rightly gave her a piece of my mind.
It thrills me that no matter how inclined she is at academics, she's never been able to best me at conversation, and the scale weighing our intellect is tipped, and likely forever will be in my favour. I take pride in being able to summon the bastard in me.

My dear 'underling' just msned me and this causes another bubble of anger to rise, and also the prevalent feeling that I am an underappreciated genius surrounded by hordes of bozos who cannot fulfill simple instructions and carry out simple tasks. I am not at all impressed by your refusal to take up my advice and orders, and the subsequent consequence of that would be-you people messing things up and then making those problems my problems and minimising my precious sleeping time and brain space.

Learn to respect each other's time and living space man.
I do not enjoy living according to drawn expectations of me, and also I do not always feel like satisfying the people around me and giving them what they want. I do it for the people that I give a damn about.

Good working relationships, strong friendships, long-lasting love relationships are built around mutual respect and observance of the not-oft spoken boundaries and also some exchange.
I'm disillusioned by the notion of a love relationship anyway, that's why I'll speak more at friendships and working relationships.

So, to my slaves, get our power relations correct. You work under me, and you consult me occasionally. I cannot be there all the time, and you better understand this and throw away all expectations of me coming in with my magic wand and fixing this and that anytime. I'm more like a free-lancer now. Get a dictionary and find out the meaning.

And to my friends, if I'm not respecting your own time and living space, you can slap me. But of course you gotta say why, or I'll slap you back much harder. Remember I mentioned exchange?

My bedtime has been pushed later and my eyelids are droopy (not deformed) but in slits.
This makes me very unhappy.

Blogging is an outlet for even grown men to bitch. I have been reduced to a pitiful form curled in front of the monitor, fingers flying over old keyboard.


"If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the arkness, we lie and do not live by the truth." 1 John 1:6

"This is how we know we are in him. Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."
1 John 2:5-6

finis

Derek reads me well. I'm very impressed.
I just replied his SMS twice and he concluded that I was in a lousy mood.
I was denied the chance to watch Scrubs because the sites were outdated
Got home from college and immediately went out for a speed run because I needed the discomfort to assauge the badfeel.
It didn't fully work because I was probably immune to the exertion.

Have been running plenty this 2 weeks. Crystal made me go to school early while it was still dark to run and work out before and carve her abs on Monday morning. She runs very fast for a girl. Don't be too flattered, woman. The workout was necessary and good, but I don't like starting the day all hot and bothered. It will be sometime before there is a repeat of this where I humour Crystal. Be really honoured, you.

School work doesn't bother me anymore, because I do it.

I do not enjoy posting under pressure.
This is it.









finis