Reviewing 2009

I leaped from being a student to being a temporary bum and then to being a full-time soldier. Life, especially as a cadet is wholly different.

My usual life is now a subset of my time as an officer cadet, and the leisure activities I could spread over at least one week have to be compressed into 2 days.

I look to lift weights, to meet friends, to attend service-to loaf and play like an animal with no leash.

I want the power of making my own meals again and not have the same repetitive sets doled out to us week after week.

I've understood myself more greatly over the course of the year and my course. I do love and think highly of myself, but my blatant weaknesses and illnesses are not invisible, even to my own person.

I am vain, and part of my pursuit of fitness is not just for longevity and the feel-good from purposeful exertion, but for aesthetic reasons.Even then, there isn't much allowance any more for me to upkeep this.
What a shame.

I believe that I am the greatest/mightiest/smartest in whatever setting.
But in sober moments, I am aware that I'm moved to give in/up and tread the soft option when challenges become larger than my coping ability.

One thing that I was right about the present, re-viewing my review of the year 2008, I did miss all those things that I listed, and I have lived through my bare expectations of the military, which are even more acute and less pleasant then I thought.

I have felt absolute hopelessness in the year;
I have felt genuine strength from the joy of the LORD and it is one of the most beautiful and wonderful feelings ever;
My life was in considerable danger many times over;
My body felt like it would crumble;
I have felt genuine love for my friends;
I have traveled to a nasty dark place (The Bruneian Jungle) and a considerably better place (Taipei City);
I have manned up.

All in all there was, although not always perceivable growth and I am grateful to God's interference and sustenance.

Seizing some time to express myself in this place.
I pride myself in being eloquent and full of wit, and thus, have had difficulty in beginning to write because I find it hard to match the standard I once had.

But I have been jumpstarted by the blog of a particular someone I've visited on occasion, and this made me want to review the past year.

The first portion of the year was the most relaxed time of my life, that I failed to identify and utilize. So many days where I could grow and in big leaps, built a sturdy foundation in the Word and also in fitness.

The next part was when I became a soldier.
It was an absolute change, from being a refined academic to a raw recruit and then an officer cadet. I've learnt and endured much and will continue to do so.
I find it remarkable that in a span of 6 months, I've visited 2 countries and fought in a manner that the many people I share my life with cannot begin to imagine.

I find it hard to translate the actuality and value of what we do, to my friends and have them understand, and appreciate the effort that is required from us on our missions.

I've met new friends who have probably been so knitted to myself that it might have been that we've covalently bonded.

We've had so much thrills, upsets and common experience that I've come to depend on them for cheer and maintenance of sanity.

God's grace and blessings were not always noticed by my short-sightedness, and God's presence, driven away by my folly, mistakes and laziness was never far away.

Despite my numerous inadequacies, I cling to His promise that He will never leave or forsake us, but make us perfect in His love.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.—Charles Dickens

HAPPY CHRISTMAS;

My blog is in dire need of colour and life. The above greeting stands as an attempt to expunge the monotony.

I traditionally celebrate Christmas by watching a continuous strings of cartoons that build the festive mood because there is no snow, no tree, no turkey.

My program starts in the morning and it will persist till the night, and morph from animation to live-action TV.

Shows like The Polar Express and definitely, Love Actually create a tropical, local Christmas that is a prized holiday.

Now that I am a soldier and an almost-adult, Christmas is no longer a subset of a larger and longer holiday because I'm no longer schooling.

This makes me really miss JC and the time I spent then, as a student who's mistakes were mild and less costly and had the huge autonomy to do what, when I liked.

Looking back at being a student and comparing that with now being a soldier, I feel evermore that the leap is massive, and I've been put on accelerated growth in this whole year.

I think that most of the female and large parts of the male people in our land have very little idea about what we do and how we train and fight, and if I ever get to a position with leverage and heavy influence, I would propose that (female) students get to see us do a regular mission.

Videos and photos cannot capture the heat and rigour with what we do, and even I myself could never have imagined doing the things that I've been at, a year ago.

The future is unseen, but only to our less powerful eyes and not un-sketched or out of the hands of our God, who is faithful and good.

I came up with some realizations.

First, Santa Claus is a big racist who neglects Asians.

Since he is full of magic, the weak excuse about there being no chimneys in our flats and condominiums is non-believable.

If he were committed, he might use the general rubbish chute that connects every single apartment.

Two would be that I am wholly unprepared for any sort of romance.

Three is that I am actually pretty good with children. My mutant ability to induce laughter strikes a chord with those below 1.5m in height, and I am thinking this accidental weapon is also potent when turned on even ladies above this range.

Many of the people I know in Anglican High are expressing faith in Christ.

This is a pleasant surprise and I wonder if He is working on something while drawing all of us deep into Him, because we are the next generation of believers who will impact the world, acting in the full might and power of His Holy Spirit.

To pray for softening of hearts which grow receptive to the message of love, and to be perfect in Christ. Softening is hardly the same as weakening, which I think is an association we make inadvertently.

GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO

It's pretty startling to note how quickly time slips when you stop noticing.
I've staved off writing here for more than 10 weeks, which on hindsight, now seemed much shorter than they were while I was living through them.

The agony and the injury were fresh then, but now that they've gone faint, they've also gotten distant. This is the kind of time where we document what we've lived through as the primary precautiounary measure against forgetfulness.

In being pious in journaling, there's a lot of value in marking out the progress and as well as the peaks and troughs in the period. So I use my sketchbook and document (active).

Today was uneventful, lest for a scenic 9 kilometre run in the morning that I was reluctant to put any effort into at first. Later, my muscles and mind grew warm to the idea of such a run, and with good companions, good rhythm and stride, it went really well.

I re-learned that taxis are valued for their speed, and the recompense for such speed is cost.
However, when the expressway is jammed, there is little speed but the cost still rises exponentially, as well as my anxiety and rapid eye movement (REM) from all places to the taxi meter.

I'm trying to hold on to the dreamy, happy feeling incurred early this week that I know won't endure and I'm plugging the leak with romantic films and poor copies of romance.

Finally stole the chance to watch 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' and I think that it has been underrated, because I like the element of the male lead improving and changing and earning a good romance.

Would like to go in a parallel direction, though I think that the world outside of a theatre screen is less predictable and formulaic.

Otherwise, I'm faring badly in diet, sleep and prayer. Going to remmedy all of them now.

I am in need of a Civilian Conversion Course, now that after almost 3 weeks in SAFTI MI, and all I know now is the inside of an army camp.

I very much need a break from the tempo and culture of military life and to turn back into the lazy civilian.

I am told that my book-out, which is a regular dose of happy pill that must be taken (much like an antibiotic) is pushed back to Sunday the 12th.

This comes as a mighty blow to my person, but I am slightly cheered by the promise of being let out again. It will be a week-end/start of sequels.

Where I have squeezed out some minutes to write, I will not waste those minutes.

First, a decent quote:

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The next thing to do is act on this wisdom.

*

Next, what I have learnt.
It took me some time to learn this, that Christians were never meant to stand alone, or remain cut off from each other, and that we were not to be angry at, or be in conflict.

To be united in Christ is something that was plain, but yet I could miss. It took Solomon and Ryan in BMTC to educate me about this; that although we had different knowledge, progress and growth, we all looked to Christ and put our hope and trust in Him.

Romans 15:5-7

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15: 13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

My learnings from the above were that our highest goal is to praise, worship and glorify God and to give supremacy to His Son, Jesus Christ whom He delighted in giving headship and authority over all of us to.

That we must pray actively and constantly for things, even the things we presume will be given to us naturally, like our daily bread.

Always give thanks, and always remember that God is with us.
God being with us has many implications, and that our conduct and attitude and speech have all got to do with how we are with God.

My second learning was that Scripture is rich and that even with the same words, we must bear in mind that the Word of God is living and very applicable.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

In short I need to watch myself and rein in my conduct and be ready for when I am almost at my breaking point and the real selfish, unlovely me surfaces.

On romance, I would like one, but it should be lasting and sincere and committed.
Strangely, not as keen on one now, but missing the support and concern from one.