I am to write a short piece on the four defining moments in my Basic Military Training phase, and I thought I'd do it here, before extracting it and then giving it to my officer.

Four Defining Moments

My first comment would be that, it is hard to point out/pull out any single sharp moment where I can hold it to be precisely when I felt was most edifying for my person.

I find that the whole process is affecting, and myself at the end of it, is a positive product of what I've gone through.

It has been observed most people appreciate honesty, and so I will first list the instance at "stand two" during evening where I was proning in my shell scrape and feeling like a baby, as one. While trying to keep looking through the scope of my rifle, I felt really lousy then, because out-field, the low levels of comfort were a blow to the bum that I was.

This was the second day of field camp and I was the Platoon I/C. The mud and sand and the wetness, and the hunger and the stress and homesickness had gotten to me, and I realized that my mental strength was insufficient and I was not as tough as I supposed or liked to be.

The responsibility as Platoon I/C anchored me and I gathered the parts of me that were not so weak and pushed on, learning quickly that striving for comfort is foolish, but becoming indifferent to discomfort is key.

I imagine most people would claim that being handed their rifle is a defining moment, but I think for me, firing the rifle was a positive defining moment. I began by being afraid of the rifle, because I was hyper-aware that it could kill, and although this apprehension dimed when I grew familiar with the weapon, live firing called it out again.

It was firing the weapon that made me even more sensitive to the fact that I was a soldier, and that I was to shoot at my enemy and injure or destroy him. All the foolery before was insignificant when lined up next to this. What we were doing was real and serious, and all of it led up to this.

The other moment was being called to use the branches and leaves to adorn ourselves and then lying on the forest floor in field craft. Apart from being pleasantly surprised at the effectiveness of our pixelized uniform, it was a important skill to acquire to boost my survivability in future. It was also extremely fun.

I gleaned that in a team with a mutual end-objective, only joint progress is valid. The moments from which I learned this are numerous and many of them involved my palms supporting my body from the floor.

This was the case in fire drill or any settings where we failed to meet timings given.
Individual responsibilty in addition to contributing to the larger outfit was something precious that would spare us muscle soreness and result in the objective being achieved.

Feelings are unrealiable, and if I base decisions and actions by how I feel at the moment, I am setting myself up for either regret, disaster or both.

The fuzzy feeling which I thought I had and I like, and we popularly call love is a misnomer. Yet many people rush into big things like marriage on basis of such feelings, and then wonder how come the amazing thing they had going on before fell apart.

I am more aware that I'm looking for that feeling all over again, looking to be satisfied with some kind of flare that will light up for a bit, but will short out later.

I'm hoping that there might be a female that will captivate, entrance me and occupy all of my thoughts and fill up my waking-sleeping moments.

And I realise quickly that this is wrong and should not be the case.
I should not be exalting a woman to the status of a goddess, and have her take hold of all my thoughts, occupying the highest position in my life no matter how desirable she is.

And our definition of desirable is a faulty human one. When the virtuous woman is placed next to the vixen, temptress our fiercely wild hearts inclines towards the second woman.

In the second woman, she has the flavour of animality and that the base, carnal man wants-I will begin to quote C.S. Lewis-she is the "type which he desires brutally, and desires to desire brutally, a type best used to draw him away from marriage altogether but which even within marriage, he would tend to treat as a slave, an idol, or an accomplice".

The woman is very precious, and all the pornography and the flaunting of sexuality in the media simply devalues her, as well as BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) turns her into an object in which we expend all our lust.

This ugliness appeals to us as erotic and causes our hearts to leap, which in rare moments of sanity and clear vision should really be recognized for being gross and evil.

I have this kind of blindness as well.

I am sure that the evil one seriously hates women and thus devalues, demeans and disfigures her in this manner. His attacks on her aims at reducing her from her status as the crowning glory of her husband, to an ugly animal.

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

1 Corinthians 11:7
A man ought not to cover his head since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

Our definition of desirable and of beauty must be applied to character and nature and not the outward-the physical and the carnal.

*

C.S. Lewis really has a brilliant mind, and is gifted by God with a good grasp of Theology. I dare not hold him up to be supremely accurate, but his writings are learned and helpful.

He may not be fully accurate about Christian doctrine, and I would be mistaken also, but we who depend on God to reveal, teach and correct us are not given grace on account of how well we understand the difficult things, but on our attitude and obedience.

It is the weak, meek, helpless and defenseless and lost sheep that the Shepherd came back to herd and add to His flock; when He declares us worthy and acceptable, we are and while we are mistaken, divided or in conflict about matters of teaching we must be focused on Christ, on love and on being humble and submissive to correction.

I have not fully learned this yet.

If your feeling is selfish, or selfishness is mixed up in some of it, then it isn't love.

Love isn't a feeling, or a whim. It is something noble and great that is missing in us or mostly fractured. God uses our whole life to teach us to love.

In Marriage, we learn to love our partners and absorb their imperfections; in Parenting, we learn more about God's nurturing and sustenance and self-less, almost always sacrificial-giving that we pay back with low gratitude.

*

I'm riding/writing on fumes of indignation, because my mother suggested in a tone I loathe, that I lack discernment in my choice of friends.

In some areas, my mother knows what I am like, but as to what goes on inside my head, or how I think and make considerations she has little understanding.

I think it isn't fitting that my dear mother doesn't get how my mind works, and I feel that it is inappropriate that your mother has poor idea of how you think and what you think about.

It is even more dire that we as children, have close to no idea what our mothers' thoughts are occupied by.

But while we bridge this break, we must also try hard to understand how our mothers think and work, because while we are very concerned with mostly ourselves, their concern expands to include us.

I just realised my indignation has vanished. Writing for me now is a therapeutic process that leads to a satisfactory outcome, especially if I add reflecting into the mix.



Utah's rainbow bridge; I wanted to put a rainbow here, but thought that this was even more of a visual treat.

*

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis is a big book (although it's small) which once you've had the patience to read through slowly, will strengthen your understanding of the Christian faith and the gospel.

The Screwtape Letters is a satire which pokes fun at the devil and amuses but has depth and still educates, never mind it having dramatised the way minor devils try to intercept the progress of a young, shaky Christian male.

I know this even more acutely-my life must be spent in being aligned to Christ and it must be one of steady obedience.

We are called to walk on water, out of our familiar steadiness to reach toward Him, in doing what our minds perceive as impossible. And when we stumble, He takes hold of us and steadies us equipping us with what we need to triumph the common 'impossible'.

The storms and wind buffet us, but so long as we fix our eyes on Jesus, we will not fall.

God is operating inside of me, and even if it is painful, I am convinced it is for my good.

God is working in my family and I am thankful for His faithfulness, and for renewing and strengthening my family.

Forgive me if I've been uninteresting-these are the things I feel compelled to say, even though most of me think an apology to my readers is unnecessary.

There are many times while I am training that I wish I could somehow capture, retain, bottle up the moment and/or the view that is laid before me.

The jokes and the laughs are wonderful, but their quality and familiarity fades as time goes on, and there is little allowance to hold on to them.

I have forgotten a great deal of things, and I pray that when I have a quiet moment, God will remind me of the things that matter.

*

When I lean back and try to ignore the sandflies, I look out for the crescent moon.

During field camp, I looked to the moon-"the lesser light" according to Scripture-as my lamp; because in the expansive darkness, which can be severely unsettling even for myself, my lighter and the flickering blue line of my torch is useless.

For me the moon brings comfort, and is a firm reminder of God being close, real, and with me.

Under the moon, I prayed together with Ryan and Solomon, and I am grateful for God's arrangement in having them with me, in giving me Christian support.

I also learnt that prayer is suitable for all times and we must not stall in consulting God.

I prayed that my week would be one which God would be actively involved in, and He answered out of His loving mercy, providing me with numerous blessings that would seem ordinary if I were not paying attention.

I need to appreciate the things God has arranged in my favour, that I do not know of.

Our need for our mothers is so strong. On a long trip, she will be the one we miss first; and hers is the voice that will still us when we are unsettled, her food will be the most satisfying, and her care will be most complete.

When I viewed Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan", it doesn't surprise me that the mortally wounded soldiers are baying for their mothers, because it is the comforting love from their mothers that they received right from they were nursed and up to even beyond adulthood that they desperately need.

I believe we'll never be weaned off this reliance on our mothers.

The handphone is a luxury item, that I found myself craving for even though I supposed I was fine without it. In increasing our comfort, we subscribe to peculiar habits.

I keep my sketchbook, which is my prayer journal, gym log and thoughts-book all in one close-by, and scribble on it whenever something comes to me.

I know my friend wears his shirt from home to sleep, and I think it's a way he can mimic the comfort from there.

I am very hasty this weekend and must slow down, but I cannot seem to.

My sister provided the push for me to post, saying that staving off writing would blunt my wit, because the Army suspends your intellect.

I've learned experientially several things from the past 2 weeks, and the first of which was that:
Striving for comfort is foolish; becoming indifferent to discomfort is key.

The next that I posit would be that: only joint progress i.e. in a team is valid.

I was accurate in predicting that Field Camp would be horrid, but it exceeded even those expectations I had.
But I grew even though the conditions were unfriendly and though it was by far the worst week I had lived through, it was one that was very important to my person.

I discovered that my mental strength was found wanting, and that I was not as tough as I supposed I was.

*
But all in all, I discovered that God was faithful and stedfast, and so very near. He comforted and counselled me in my distress and He provided me with support from fellow Christians around me right there in the field and strengthened me.
He fed me when I was hungry and he gave me down time when I was ill.
He had me meet my friends from Karate on Friday, which I was hoping to but thought I missed.

I must learn to recognize and appreciate His numerous blessings.

I am still learning to slow down and listen to Him, and behave the way He leads me to, in being patient and gentle, and not brusque or brash which is the typical Song Leng-fashion.

I discovered that my need for Him is so great, that apart from Him, I can do nothing.
He is in us, He is with us, and in Him, only in Him we are strong. Are we with Him?

It was with this I held onto throughout the past week-
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12

I am pleased with this book-out because I procured a new cell-phone, and added to my small library of Christian literature C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters.

I cooked and savoured my dish of pork chops,
managed to go to the gym,
and then caught a movie with my beloved Derek.

I met friends whom I wanted to see but couldn't, and sat and talked with them, almost like I used to.
Can I say I have not lived under His blessing?

*
In reflecting, I must constantly ask myself who is Jesus to me? (1)
Have I grown in the past month, and have I learnt? (2)

Good and bad things happen to me; do they propel me towards God? (3)

Do I mock Christ by continuing in, and to sin, or because of His love for me, throw myself fully onto Him? (4)

*
On another note, I find that real love is not concerned with beauty.
Love does not mind, but instead it takes in and encompasses all offences and gives back affection, care and everything good.

I realize that parents are often distinguished by their children.
I'm pleasantly surprised because Christ wins glory for His Father.

The Christian life is one of vigilance and obedience.
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
(Mark 14:38)

While many times I do not feel like, when I am neither awake or energized, I must pursue God.

I must not give in to my selfish desires and sin, but instead stay guarded, conscious and sensitive to their destructiveness.

Lastly, in my pro-Christian writings, I do not aim to bruise, but instead seek to freely express my beliefs about Divinity. Pray, do not take offense at my words but consider their validity.

I made a list of the things I was going to do on my first ever book-out, and I'm pretty pleased that I actually got to do some of them.

I wanted a massage badly throughout the whole of the confinement period while in-camp, because I hoped it will relieve the sorenesss I've accumulated over time and unknot the tense muscles from the routines they put us through, seeing that we have great workloads but less recovery time.

This is one bit I'm pretty disgruntled about; where we are given high workload and minimal allowance for rest. This coupled with the higher temperatures on the island, it's no wonder people with weaker constitution fall sick.

I still have not gotten my massage, but I have about half a day left, and if God permits I will be able to swing by the place, which I heard was in Tampines.


Sleep at my own discretion was something I missed also, seeing that it was a decree that said we had to wake up by 0530, except for one day where there was a turnout the night before. And it seems that they've already succeeded in hammering this into me, because I've been waking up around 0500 for the past two nights.

I've had no trouble getting to sleep though and now that so much sleep is a rare treat, I seize it properly.


The gymnasium was a place I missed, and I was fretting about the loss of strength, muscle and form after more than 20 days without lifting weights.

But God was gracious, and I pretty much completed all the movements I set out to.
(Image Credits, Google.)
The traditional Bench Press;



A new power movement that worked the Upper Posterior chain-the Dumbbell Snatch;



The almighty Squat;




And the Barbell Romanian Deadlift-to-Bent-over Row.




I remember saying I favour big, compound movements that engage multiple muscles and body parts and involve big weights. They boost my ego and assure me of measurable progress.

And then I rushed over to meet my movie buddy Nawal, to impress her with my bald head and also to blaze through two great movies which I'd been wanting to catch since the day before I enlisted.

Looking forward to our movie date was one of the main things that kept me sane, apart from my faith, and it was real good to see Nawal after 2 excruciating weeks. She's been a real good friend, and when I'm talking to her, she makes me want to tell her everything.
Perhaps she is a mutant with the power of persuasion?

Wolverine: Origins was a typical action movie for me, that although was really cool and all, but pretty much forgettable in terms of action, the fight sequences were good though and there were some nice jokes. But at least it answered Wolverine's memory loss satisfactory.

17 again was a chick flick, but deep down, I am a royal sucker for chick flicks like this, where the dose of romance severely infected me. Even Nawal who I think watched the movie only cause I wanted to was pleasantly surprised.

I like and enjoyed all of it (I will stop short of saying I loved it, to avoid putting my masculinity into question), and I grew fonder of Zac Efron, although I noted that his character still has some residual from High School Musical-the dancing, basketball and some lines.

I would say this flick isn't just for lovestruck adolescents who believe their little trysts are the real thing. It's also for middle-aged couples, who've been married long enough for them to forget why and how they met, grew to love each other and then get married in the first place.

I want to see it again, at least until I am desensitised to it.

*

I've been prompted to summon the inner cynic that I keep stowed away deep within me, and will proceed to offend certain people.

I have a great lack of empathy for vegetarians, mostly with those people who choose to become one 'for health reasons'. It is neither nutritionally nor medically sound and if we look at vegetarians, their physique and constitution is often poorer than the others.
It is ridiculous to assert that vegetable-only meals will clean out your system.

Not everyone is like Daniel, who could eat only greens and have a brighter complexion than everyone else.

Once again, my lack of patience and tolerance is glaring.

The other laughable reason is to uphold and secure animal rights.
Firstly, you are staging your protest on so small a scale that it has virtually no impact on the rest of the world. By one person not eating meat, this has no bearing on everyone else.
Less for you, more for me, we say. And the same number of animals are still being culled.

You are being an inactive, reserved activist, and that is really amusing.
You believe that your stand is a lost cause, and as long as you yourself do not partake of the bloodbath, your conscience is safe-kept and you are an elegant non-barbarian.

Next, I find the argument for animal rights to be absurd. What sort of rights should they get anyway? Should we have them herded into the booths on Election Day and let them decide who runs the country, since this 'right' is also awarded to some pig-headed biped?

Are ants and cockroaches equal to the elephant or the horse? Can it be that they have different value to us, while on one hand we hold that animal are just like us-equalityequalityequality, and then we call the pests experts when we have an infestation problem.

What gives you the right to decide which animals are of greater worth?
Could it be that we only give a damn about the animals that serve us well or are extremely useful, and slight those that are damaging, repulsive or can't be eaten, or are simply all these things.

Animal rights? You probably need to reexamine your superficial ideals.

*
It's disgusting that above I display how un-Christ-like and intolerant I am, and how I discredit the gospel with my poor showing, but I pray that God will give me patience because I have none; I pray He will give me love because I have little; and I ask that in my petition, He will remember me in my weakness and add strength and wisdom to me.