Sunday, June 29, 2008

Holidays are a farce.
We luxure in the false impression that time is aplenty.
Before we know it, all of it has gone by and our brief tenure of laxness is over.

A four-week away from school has allowed me to sleep later than usual, watch slightly more television, and ease into a less intense pace of living. However, I had to negotiate my laziness and innate inborne reflex to treat time lightly to turn to the things we must do.
It was difficult, and I fell short.

However, the easiness of living allowed my mind to wander and think more extensively about some things, and to formalize some perspectives and to expand my know-how about how the human body works.

1. What we do next can change the future.
I settled on can, because it indicates potential and it's something that we can take up, but most of us don't. I believe future is set in stone and that whatever we do will contribute to that future that, so our contributions do factor/matter and it's best to make good donations.

2.Our choices take us on. Where is a good question.
Our destiny hasn't been revealed to us.

3. Bully thyself.
The human body is extremely adaptive and whether is it in training or facing life's crazy forces, we adapt and get stronger with greater resistance. So go hard and bully thyself. You'll feel on top of the world briefly. And you'll probably want that feeling again. So bully thyself, again.

4. Hold on to what you can and don't let go (easily).
Tenacity and veracity and also not giving up.
But while rebuking yourself and trying to give some motivating talk to yourself, don't say, "Don't give up" to yourself.
Your brain is a search engine and will immediately turn up all the results associated with what you just thought of, and because of this you will seriously consider giving up.
You could deceive yourself with a loud "Hold on!".

This is what a famous man famously said:

We must use time as a tool, not a couch.
-John F. Kennedy

Adieu.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I concede that I'm wretched, and I've squandered away the days of my last June Holidays as a pupil, and there won't be another term break like this any longer. I estimate that this time next year, I will have a shaved head and be stripping down rifles over and over again at some undisclosed location on our island.

Often, the realty of things settle slow, and at this end of the term-break, my mood is sombre and my chest is a holding ground for the multiple feelings of unworthiness, regret, sorrow and all the horrid things that can potentially cripple a big man.

My unparalleled optimism is staving a probable total breakdown, and since I am not a girl, I'm denied any form of breakdown. All I am entitled to, is to suck it up bit by bit and carry on with the exams and make sure the outcome hurts enough to stir me into restlessness and purposeful action.

Perhaps using the word, 'girl' is erroneous. Females are a more hardy species and can take much more.

But I am also assured by the thought that what we do next changes the future.
We have to power to mould the specifics of our future, and to tune the smaller bits of our lives into something desirable and ideal. The future is indefinite and our destiny has not yet been unveiled, and so, whatever we do now contributes to shaping the future.

In the gym, I've abandoned using the Smith Machine for my squats, and have started doing raw squats with the manly Olympic Bar and can heave 80 kgs. Makes me feel bigger and manlier.
Went alone today, except that I had Crystal to sms in between hard work, and it amused me a bit. Music and Crystal isn't bad.

And I didn't really need a companion with what I was doing either. My new workout plan values bigger movements like the heavy squat and deadlift, which is efficient in inflicting stress on your body and giving you more muscles and stripping fat. I'm rather pleased in this department, despite my failures in academia.

I resist the idea that growing muscle will make you a big dumb-bell. There is wisdom and knowledge in weight training also, and dumb fecks will not grow a good bulk if they just lift without a plan.

I will fix my problem with the books immediately.
Too long have I donned the guise of an unintelligent, blundering git.

*

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

In a burst, I finished the whole of Season One (9 episodes) of Pushing Daisies because I lost restrain. But I'm not sorry, because it has fulfilled my gnawing need to finish all of it. I'm not very keen on taking small bites out of my hot steaming pie over some hours, but rather finish it all in one sitting, even if its a very long sitting.

Hence, I violated my pre-set limits of 3 episodes a day and sped it up to all 9 within 20 hours.
Brilliant.

I have not a lengthy tirade here to satisfy my many viewers, where I'm still quite unsure as to who is really amused by a semi-eloquent, mildly delusional but definitely sexy writer. I would hazard at a guess that the last quality I said above is a major attraction, like the London Eye is, or Disneyland.

I have some observations, which cannot count as epiphanies, but remain humbly observations that I made.

Never engage with an angry person, they aren't ready to process sense.

And I have this question:

Does interactions between people require things like honesty and trustfulness or is measured tact enough for the relationship?

I saw this quote too: The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.

What else do I want to upchuck into this place?
Speaking of Chuck, I am very taken with Anna Friel, or rather, lonely tourist Charlotte Charles. Pushing Daisies viewers would know.



FINIS.

Monday, June 9, 2008

I was so distraught at missing Pushing Daisies yesterday that I hunted for it online and hit the jackpot twenty-odd minutes later when I stumbled onto YOUKU.COM and found all the episodes of the mini-series waiting for me in one search result page.
The leap of joy that lasted for approximately 40 seconds.
Since it's so short, I think it should be called a flicker of joy.
I like the flicker; it was rather magical.

Crystal called and asked me to go out with her on a de-stress tour. I would very much like to do so, but such a tour requires prior arrangement, so if you want to take me out on a date, the answer is yes and only yes if you were to provide me with the specifics at least 8 hours before?
I love you all, and thank you.

Pushing Daisies-I really like it. It's sweet and agonising, how you can't get to touch the girl you love; you can't hold her hand, you can't hug her when she's feeling sad, you can't hug her for no reason-that's tragic. And this adds to the beauty of the story.
Everybody in the show is witty; it's full of not just reparte but wisdom too.

The pie-maker, Ned has a gift.
He can revive the dead with his touch, but if he touches them a second time, they die again, this time forever. But if he lets that person stay alive for more than 1 minute, then someone else in close proximity will die randomly to maintain the balance.

And so, he teams up with a private investigator to solve murder cases by asking the victims how they died.

He then comes across his childhood sweetheart, who he revives and can't bear to kill her again. And he keeps her.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I decidedly think that's really sweet. I think it's a wonderful story and I can't wait to find out what'll happen in Season 2, because I've practically spoiled Season 1 for myself by visiting WIKIPEDIA because I almost cannot stand not knowing. I like it that the romance is pure and there isn't any sex in it that ruins the chasteness of it all. He loves her, but he can never touch her.

Watch those below-






Otherwise, I'm also enthralled by Narnia. Not simply Prince Caspian but the beauty of the series, which is a really marvellous tale not as complex or extensive as Tolkien's LORD OF THE RINGS, but still essentially brilliant in story-telling.

It preaches and values bravery and good heart and isn't very graphic, but retains a fairy-tale quality that is unlike the macabre warring in LOTR. The richness of the story has swallowed me up.

Today was made better by returning to familiar school and friends and family feasting at KFC. Manage to avert a potential catastrophe in Chemistry and had the delightful company of Megan and Shude who stood with me for the first bit of the lesson because we were late.
The session with Ong however highlighted how lax I still am and how much more I need to bully myself into getting to.

Self-depravation and baiting ourselves with the promise of relaxation would be the way forward.
Like in the gym, the harder you bully yourself, the more gains you'll get afterward.
I have to let this philosophy spill over into academia.
After what Sempai Colin said to us about not wandering aimlessly and to start planning something for our future now, I need to kick my own butt.

If I want to be great, I have to slog.
That is the pre-requisite for greatness.

FINIS.

Friday, June 6, 2008

My mind flits from this to that and I cannot settle on anything. This seriously hampers my progress in doing purposeful and plentiful work. I'm to blame for this, and I think I'll have to shift my battle plan to accomodate this lazy bit of me seeing that won't go away.

Accomplished little. I don't understand why am I still so assured.
Maybe yesterday's goodness has something to do with it.

Yesterday, I managed to do some good work, watch Prince Caspian and hit the gym.My morning was declared over by the drilling from next door and I'd no choice but to get up.
Studying was impossible, so my sisters and I decided to go over to the new mall at DWNTWN EST to catch Prince Caspian in theatre.

Ended up meeting my cousins who had the same thing in mind: Narnia.

The movie was pretty good but I couldn't really see why it was awesome like some people said. Maybe I had really high expectations for the movie, or it just didn't impress me like I thought it would. The first bit of the story where Caspian was running away and until before he called the 4 Pevensies wasn't very Narnian to me.
Maybe it's just hard to please someone who has watched Transformers and Iron Man.

I still think they could've made the visual spectacle better. They had some great filming locations, like the Cathedral Cove.







After that, got back into the gym, which I was afraid of. I probably got fazed by the workouts.
If it weren't for Hakim, I wouldn't have been able to keep at it. Met Shiva and his bunch there also. Finally conclude that Five is a bad time to go to the gym. Rush hour when lots of people come in, including silly amateurs who hog the weights and stations.

I really wonder if we would ever see a fight break out in the gym. That would be interesting and entertaining. Tensions simmer and men grow upset with each other and when their patience runs out-

However, although I might be impatient, I strive to be polite in the gym. Maybe even overly polite, according to some, but I do this because I dislike waiting too and I understand their frustration.

I posit that the best exercises to do in the gym are the pull-up, the bent-over row, the deadlift, and the squat. They build the most and the best muscle and despite these, are oft undermined.

Ate a hasty meal and took off with Hakim to meet Jeremy at his place to get my Group II notes from the man, near BLK 158. After the 3 of us parted ways in different directions, I lingered at the park to try and look at a pretty girl who was running laps. She was in red shorts I think and she had really pretty eyes. Wow.

I really respect runners who bully themselves into getting out of breath and uncomfortable and am impressed because they aren't compelled to do this but instead opt to.
This is what makes me even more taken with the girl I saw then.
Right now, I'm wondering if I should go near there again.
I could schedule my runs to hit that spot...

Was watching some old videos of Arnold Schwarzenegger and bodybuilding, and I can fully understand why some people are repulsed by the thought of such muscle. There's a fine line between aesthetic beauty and overkill. Professional bodybuilding I think has crossed that line.
Functional muscle and most importantly, strength will suffice.
I don't think bodybuilders are better than strong men.
I'm also flummoxed by how girls don't like muscle.
So, you like stick insects?

I'm almost done preaching, but I want to say that I'm not at all surprised that Barack Obama has become the presumptive Democratic nominee for the 2008 Presidential Elections. He is charismatic, and is showing a lot of promise. And he's beaten Hillary. I think even if Hillary's supporters aren't very pleased, they wouldn't give their vote to McCain would they?
I think this year belongs to the Democrats.
I don't like McCain. If I've time to spare, I might listen to his speech on Youtube.

This here is the song playing at the end of Prince Caspian. I really like it and it makes me think of Queen Susan whenever I hear it.

The Call, Regina Spektor



FINIS.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I think the most of us can almost dismiss the third of June as being over already, and looking at what I've been doing for most of the day, I'm very disgusted.

I'm dealing with work that should have been done before the weekend even set in, and I'm barely halfway done. My laziness and low work efficiency is really frustrating and I'm hoping to vanquish this weak bit of me or at least suppress him until after the impending examination.
I've decided to leave it at that tonight and continue tomorrow, and turn to tangible work in the form of paper that can be slotted into my "COMPLETED" folder.

This is what I've done;
I've categorized all my work in anticipation of the MID-YEARS into 5 folders:
Immediate, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Completed.
Only one thin worksheet is in the last folder. I'm feeling severely lousy. One week has elapsed and tomorrow will be mid-week.

I haven't finished anything.

This is only the first on the list of things that are bothering me.
The rest:

no emotional stimulus to stir me into positive mental wandering (translates into nobody significant to think about),
one missed gym session,
slow recovery,
being at home largely and in close contact with the silliest people that've ever lived. siblings,
zero funtime.

TKD farewell BBQ yesterday. I was ceremoniously late and it was quasi-intentional because I was doing the work that spilled over to today. This is making me angrier because it's still not finished yet. The BBQ fire was in embers when I descended on the group and while I missed most of the BBQ, I still got to bond and have small fun with my mates, new and old.
It's a pity my time with them is over.
But I relish the freeing up of my Mondays and Wednesdays.
And I suddenly realise that tutors will snatch up those days and claim it for their make-up.
I dread that.

To my TKD mates, you are loved by me. Which is a really big thing.
Indian poker should be called water poker, because the game really has got nothing to do with its supposed name. I still think it's not appropriate to call it that.
Nevertheless, it was fun and I won't spell the name of the 12 people who were at that stone table because as gifted as I am, I can't spell names I don't know.

Sorry no pictures, because my phone's camera loses its potency when night falls.
Hence my camera is diurnal i.e. active in the daytime.

But the whole affair was fine. In fact I'm pleasantly surprised because while I was getting there, I was checked out by a lot of people. Almost every female that passed locked eyes with me. I would very much prefer to lock lips, but it's okay. I'm not being as self-assured like I always am. And I was pretty puzzled about the female attention.

I checked in the nearest reflective surface I had and there was nothing on my face, so I attribute this to my tight fit sleeveless equipment shirt which barely contained my pectorals and my frame. Even Syaf said that when I entered the chalet she noticed my nipples first.
Girls clinging on to their boyfriends turned their gaze onto me.
What can I say?

I'm sexy.

I even met Glenn and his lady, Sihui at DWNTWN.
Forgive me for my poor spelling, doughnuts are all sold out.
Noticed a girl that was Sihui first and realised that Glenn was there. HELLO!

I want to apologise here to Kah Kee for missing out on telling him that our gym date on Monday at 2 was cancelled because 2 is lady's hour or something. So only women can workout in the gym then. I'm sorry again KK.

At night after the chalet, I ran home with my loving backpack. It was a pleasing run that made my heart pound hard and caused to double over panting. The feeling of heat spiraling off the surface of your skin and also the silent screaming by your legs when they paw at the hard ground; it's good. I got back home and dropped my bag and went off for another circuit to please my system. Hakim was crazy to even consider running the Adidas Sundown Marathon.
I'm far away from running 42 kilometres be it in the night or day.
Yesterday's hard pounding sorta proved it. I might run the Half-Marathon though. Quite tempting.

Saw another pretty girl at DWNTWN EST. It looks like I know her. Very pretty!

At this point, I don't think I have anything more to add. My life is mundane and empty and I resent this. I would ALMOST prefer to have school right now.

This is a really great song. In the song, McCartney sings to the girl about how she should leave her current boyfriend for him instead. Really catchy tune that makes you wanna dance. And his vocals...
Wonder what would this song do to me if it came out earlier in February where I was easily swayed by love songs like this and still very caught up.
Ah. I might bring this thought to sleep tonight.

Jesse McCartney, Leavin'
Hey baby girl, I’ve been watching you all day (All day [3x])
Man that thing you got behind you is amazing (Amazing [3x])
You make me want to take you out and let it rain (Let it rain [3x])
I know you got a man but this is what you should say

Why don’t you tell him that I’m leavin’ never to come back again
You found somebody who does it better than he can
No more making you cry, no more gray skies
Girl we're flyin on the G5 G5

And we're leavin’ never to come back again
So call your shawty and tell him you found a new man
The one that's so so fly
The one to keep you high
Have you singing all night, night, night

Oh oh oh (repeat)
Yeah
Man she gone be singin
Oh oh oh oh (repeat)

Now if I talk it girl, you know that I'mma walk it out (Walk it out [3x])
Man I’ll put my money (Money) where my mouth is (Mouth is [3x])
Cause you the baddest little thing that I’ve ever seen (Ever seen [3x])
So ima ask you one time if you got a man

Why don’t you tell him that I’m leavin’ never to come back again
You found somebody who does it better than he can
No more making you cry, no more them gray skies
Girl we're flyin on the G5 G5

And we're leavin’ never to come back again
So call your shawty you tell him you found a new man
The one that's so so fly
The one to keep you high
have you singing all night, night, night

Oh oh oh (repeat)
Man she gone be singin
She gone be singin, uh
She gone be singin,
She gone be singin,
Oh you're gone be singin
Oh oh oh oh (repeat)

Don’t stress, don’t stress, don’t stress
Just tell him to the left left left
Don’t stress, don’t stress, don’t stress
Cause we gone & we gone & we gone
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl you deserve nothing but the best
No stress, no stress, no stress
Girl you need to tell him…

That I'm leavin’ never to come back again
You found somebody who does it better than he can
no more making you cry, no more them gray skies
Girl we're flyin on the G5 G5

And we're leavin’ never to come back again…
So call your shawty you tell him you found a new man
The one who’s so so fly
The one to keep you high
have you singing all night, night, night

Oh oh oh (repeat)
Man she going to be singin'
Oh oh oh oh (repeat)

Have you singing all night like like
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
man she gone be singing
she gone be singin ah
she gone be singin
she gone be singin
oh you gone be singin



FINIS.