Sunday, February 8, 2009

I've dug deep, but still have not found it in me to give a proper expository of what is going on in my head. I'm only going to do it in point form, and if my eloquence comes back to me, I might talk a bit more.

I have underestimated how much I would really miss school. I miss the groggy mornings and how I refused to starting talking to people until I've gotten to the study benches. I miss how Derek, Hakim and I irritate each other. I miss the smartmouths at the back row.
I miss the rendang from the Malay stall. I sorely miss talking over stupid topics at stupid times in stupid places with stupid people.

No, I am not a wuss. I'm only mildly sentimental.
Taking apart the word 'miss-ing', here's how I think of it.
1) Lacking in something;
2) Something is amiss, i.e. something is out of sorts.

So the above very excellently explained how I felt, or am sporadically feeling now.
It's funny how we now miss what we dread.

Then I thought about what I missed, and if I were to live through an extension of it again this year. I couldn't replicate the conditions or summon all my friends who've moved on.
I conclude that I miss the past, which is something that cannot be relived, only reminisced.



How cheerful. Being eighteen forever is an attractive but non-attainable thing.
I can only man-up and move on.

*

I am now like driftwood. So much freedom and no anchor.
I need funding for my pursuits, and I need real physical pursuits.


(Image Courtesy: TravelBlog)

I need a job and yet I fear a job would upset my current lifestyle, because the full hours would sap me of strength and drive to study God's Word, and heave big weights.

If only some teacher in Anglican would fall sick - I'm not intending this to be a curse, but there needs to be an opening before my entrance as an educator and while I displace you, I must add that it also means that apart from you getting more sleep, there will also be no pesky students in this same event.
Required: An Opening.

I had a very good dream this morning, that my results were very satisfactory. And while the endorphins had not yet receded when I rose, I got sober quickly, realising that the contrary always happen with me.

The fear that my results are inadequate are very real and suppressed by my regular treatment towards stress-giving objects (suspension) and my faith that wherever I end up, it will be God's placement.

REAL:
But I still am very much aware that it was my exam and my effort.
Though all of it have been in God's hands from the start, I will reap what I sow.
This worries me.

POSITIVES:
God controls the conditions and the outcome.
I have more years ahead of me which I could spend working towards something I should have attained in my youth.

Required: A swift disclosure of results, or Cambridge having lost all records in a localized fire that consumes only paper and bytes with no loss of human life.

Seek First the Kingdom of God. I got this in the same dream, which was a very strong message that lingered up till I was at church. Wanted to share it when it was time, but was slightly abashed and also because I deem myself dressed too casually, while the people serving were in robes.

I haven't gone deeper into this topic, but I understand that in seeking and receiving this kingdom, we must also embrace the Kingship of Christ. His commands and teachings will provide us with direction; His Word will be our daily nourishment, His way will be our way and we will pray unceasingly and continually. Christ rules over all of me.

Very often I hear people profess love for God. This arouses the skeptic in me.
I dare not say that I love God (as much as I should), and I know that my love for Him is miniscule compared to His for me.
I fear that I confuse love with emotion. Love is not just a feeling.
We humans have lousy, inaccurate ideas about Love.

Our love for Him is only shown through our obedience to Christ's teachings and commands.
If our profession does not match our behaviour, then-

In all,
I am highly dubious that God endorses our worldly pursuits of fame, riches and human success and human hobby.

We may have been expecting that the ungodly things that matter to us also have the same weight in God's sight. We must check ourselves all the time.

When we take on God's way as our way, we will then only be concerned with things of God.

Friends sighted:
Vivien; calligraphy
Aaron; army

Here's a goodbye from Derek and me.
Pictures courtesy of Catherine Chew :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Most people who know me from way back and maybe not even that long ago must be wondering why are my posts and expositories always about Jesus and the Bible.

I cannot have had a genuine knowledge of Christ and be unchanged and still living the same way as I was.

I was a poor example of a man and I still very much am.

But I cannot have come to a knowledge of Jesus Christ and keep Him out of parts of my life and separate secularism and Christianity in my person.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

He looked round again and could hardly believe his eyes. There was the blue sky overhead, and grassy country spreading as far as he could see in every direction, and his new friends all around him, laughing.
"It seems, then," said Tirian, smiling himself, "that the Stable from within and the Stable seen from without are two different places."
"Yes," said the Lord Digory. "Its inside is bigger than its outside."
"Yes," said Queen Lucy. "In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world."
(Lewis,1956, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle)

My mood has been cheered slightly by the beauty in Lewis' work, but also dampened by a random atheist on the Internet. For my opportunistic atheist friends that I may have, no, my faith has not been rocked.

I have always thought atheists were ostriches.
But then we cannot make them see what they don't want to see.

We need the Holy Spirit so much.


From the Squalor of a Borrowed Stable
Stuart Townsend

From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the spirit and a virgin's faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled, with the praise of heav'n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell
Of the Gift of God, come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel

King of heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father's hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man
Yes he walked my road, and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps, give me hope again-
I will follow my Immanuel!

Through the kisses of a friend's betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world's transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost
He fights for breath, He fights for me
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout, our souls are free
Death defeated by Immanuel!

Now He's standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls us to bring them home!
Then the skies will part, as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run, to her Lover's arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

God's Love and Mercy; God's Righteousness

I don't know who reads my blog, but I feel really compelled to do this, and explain the nature of our God, and why there is a need for Jesus Christ, His person and also how did He save us.

The world is drawn to a God who loves and promises goodness, because the world is a rough place and we are tender deep down, longing for care and nurture. That's why it appeals to us when we hear that there is a person called Jesus, who loves us no matter the condition of our mind, body and heart, and we take likely to Him.

Jesus had great love for all of us, if not He would not have the strength and courage to walk to the cross and be crucified.
His whole life was gearing toward His death at Golgotha.
His foreknowledge that His death would bridge God and man and triumph over sin and His love for everyone enabled Him to carry on.

When Jesus was arrested, He said:
"Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?"

Matthew 26:53-54 (New International Version)

God loves us and He cares about our suffering, our distress.
But Jesus came not to make our lives better in the worldly sense or to give us riches and prestige.
The blessings that Jesus brought and promised through Abraham, through Israel were not material wealth, but the promise of closeness and intimacy with a God who is mighty and full of love and power.

Yet our God is also Holy. God is righteous and just. He loves justice and hates iniquity.
He does not condone sin; sin is opposite to Him. God's righteous anger, God's wrath is incurred by our wickedness and our falleness. All have sinned, and there is no exclusivity.

Proverbs 17:15
"Acquiting the guilty and condemning the innoccent-the Lord detests them both."

Because of His righteousness, sin is serious to God. Sin is an offense against an infinite God, and as a result, the punishment is rightly infinite. God cannot, despite His love for us, compromise His justice and holiness and pardon us without a price.

Out of His great love, God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ to take our place and suffer God's righteous anger on the Christ. Jesus who is divinity became man and lived a perfect life as the perfect man, pure and blameless. He came and taught us by example the perfect godly man that we were designed to be, and did not turn away from His intended course-to death on the cross.

Christ Jesus is the Son of God and having infinite worth; therefore He was fully qualified to take up all the sins of the world past and future and pay it all for us. When He died for us, He paid it in full, saying "It is finished" before He gave up his life.

He died for us and He offered us a way out of our brokenness and fallenness, and a way to God. If we believe in Him, we gain life because His blood has fully washed away our sin and He has redeemed us from our death by His own death.

Isaiah 53 is very clear in telling us what was God doing through Christ. God's own arm worked salvation for Him and for us all.

Isaiah 53

Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied ;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Romans 3:23-26
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."

With this, we are new creatures in Christ who have received life from the Spirit and must live by the Spirit and according to Christ's teachings in Scripture to imitate and take on the likeness of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:14-16
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."

Finally, God says in Isaiah 44:22, "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you."

We are redeemed by Christ's sacrifice for us, and His resurrection authenticates the reality of God's grace. In this we must repent, believe and trust in Christ Jesus, submit to His Lordship and walk in love, obeying His commands and teachings and to bear fruit.

We should not only have passive faith, but active faith.