I think I'm faulty.
Not full of cheer right now. I still laugh, but my foundation mood is still unhappiness and anger.
I'm unhappy with myself and the things that happen not-nicely around me, and also some people who have the power to piss you off without much trying.
I've been intentionally ignoring God deliberately forgetting that He exists. I haven't been talking to Him, or even reading His Word. I lent my Bible to my sister, in the hope that she'll understand my views right now, but it isn't an excuse for me to 'take a break from God'. This isn't the way things should be, but I'm still not that keen on changing. I'm disgusting.
I wish I could have worked out more and live this short life much better.
My choice of CCA has come back to haunt me. I somewhat should have known what I was heading into when I joined TKD a year ago. The good bits from it are in bit-sizes, and much of what I get from TKD is frustration and a lousy way to spend me mondays and wednesdays.
CCA should be a small portion of College life; I don't understand why do those buggers want to blow it up and exceed the proportions that it should have been.
Thank God its only one year.
Will have to fork out more precious time to stifle the call-backs of the EXCO.
Screw it. (them actually)
What's next that's upsetting me? Romance? I don't have a proper romance to speak of. I have dreams of romance, rather. I'm a Piscean, maybe that's why. People like to speculate that I have a thing for a certain someone. She is an amazing girl and I admit I'm fond of her. But even if my affections were larger, it isn't enough for me to enter a relationship with her (or anyone).
I've seen many examples of childish relationships of others and mine too. No thanks.
And there are also sweet females that intrigue and attract me. I'm a frivolous sucker.
My idea of a relationship-romance, fun, laughter, closeness and if there could be, God and love. Can there? The last bit is the thing that holds me down. Dreamt of my idea yesterday. Held on to that dream and used it to get to sleep last night. It was with my eyecandy. My subconscious is going nuts. Have never spoken to her before and the closest I ever got near her, was the distance with a medium sized fat arse in between. So how did she feature?
And I think the girls I am attracted to all have something in common. I'm trying to understand what.
But its nice to have a someone to think about.
Well, saying the above hasn't changed my surliness.
I want more time to myself so that I can train, sleep more, watch Scrubs, surf the Internet, train somemore, and be away from the scum that makes my stay on Earth unpleasureable. The road race has reminded me that while I'm getting in shape nicely, it still isn't enough and what I want. Will need to push myself more, even though it will feel shitty when I do that.
What lulls me to sleep?
Ans: 2 fantasies.
One of them is involving smashing the face of one of the guys who made my primary school life unpleasant into the canteen table during peak human traffic flow, and then slapping his face on one side more than the other. I think tonight I want to add the new bit of dragging him by his nose after I've broken it along the length of the canteen. I can imagine Ms Lai telling me I did the right thing by exacting justice on behalf on some of my other primary school friends. : )
The other is where I hold hands forever with my eyecandy and we share a blissful moment of intimacy (sorry, nothing sexual, just emotional closeness) on the highest floor of BLK 626 which I was at yesterday with Derek, where the view is really pretty.
I'm still somewhat angry, but I'm hoping that it'll go away soon. Now, I just need some moron to set me off so I have a reason to go ballistic. Release is healthier than keeping it in. I hope its that guy from Pri Sch. And no, I don't need anger management.
What I need:
meet the love of my life
a serious relationship with God
smooth academic progress
the mysterious absences of several irritating people
unexplained sudden hypertrophy
carebears to descend onto humanity and beam us with their infectious love
Parting shot:
I don't think Dodos are extinct. Look around us, there're so many of them strutting about.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Today was the first ever road race I'd ever ran, considering that I wasn't at Meridian this time last year and that I was mysteriously absent from TPJC's road race. It turned out better than I feared, but I'm ashamed I suddenly stoppped and walked. An abrupt rebellion from my body. Stupid. But I take a bit of satisfaction in running just a bit faster than Titus. He's fast.
Fell back to Position 49 only. Would have made it much ahead if I pushed more. But it's a learning point. Running at that pace was ferociously tiring. Got surprised by the speed of some people. I guess my problem was that I was thinking too much during the run.
Good Job Jay! He ran 7th. Crazy fool. Jealous over here.
Bananas are really useful. Contain tyrosine and boosts alertness and is a quick source of energy because it is a light carbohydrate. I brought 3 and ate 2.5. Gave some to Hakim and Jay. Prosper my friends!
Not a great day though, for Triton House. Fell to 4th overall. But somehow at the plaza in the morning, wasn't feeling to enthusiatic about their cheering and all. Ah, bother.
The wind at Pasir Ris park was really amazing! Could have stayed there forever, and an added bonus was the eyecandy from Derek's OG that was nearby. Minus all the nonsensical things that were happening around and just us and the wind...Magical.
Nawal agrees that the wind was great too. And Nawal is a cynical crazy girl. Or, maybe not that crazy.
The class went to the rocks to camwhore, with the guys doing our X-men: The Last Stand poses, and Andrew interrupting us by doing Spider-man instead. Got a series on emo and many others. Got the inspiration from Derek's OG, And also because I was reluctant to let my eyecandy out of my sight so soon. Heh. Sinful.
Had a real good time there! Everyone was having great laughs and the place was simply enchante, as the French would say. Pictures soon!
Only bad thing was that the girls changed horribly S...L..O...W.
Made me and Dickson a bit irritated.
Sometimes I wonder if girls actually have many folds of skin and they have to slowly unfold their layers and clean thoroughly and dry the folds before rolling them back and dressing on. Haha. Crazy hypothesis. Came up with it during the OGL camp when the guys were rotting while the girls took a LONG time in the bathroom.
After that, I sinned at Burger King. BK Fish meal. Didn't bring money cos I got out of house late. Only got to eat thanks to Derek. What else is new? Love him.
Later, we went to give out pamphlets door-to-door for CIP. Derek was super fast. I took my time, cos I was really beat. It wasn't that hard as I imagined.
Got some attitude from several dogs. The moment I came to the gate, they started barking their guts out. But I was too tired to respond.
Finished and got home. It took a lot before I was finally allowed to rest...
Hit the bed at 4 plus and drifted in and out of sleep until 7:35.
My body was deceived into believing that it was already late night and it needed to sleep more.
Woke myself up with 2 bananas.
And I took some time to blog, seeing that the lack of newness was a bit disgusting. I might regret this, but well.
I should be relieved the week is over, but the shitty thing is that a new one is creeping up on me. The strangeness about this week 4 was that I expected it to be a great week for me, seeing that I'd done all my homework last sunday, and would be able the face the next days with surety.
But alas, Monday began to make it all bad.
Sunday's little sleep caught up with me and I began Monday with low energy and alertness and struggled through everything. Halfway through lesson, my new phone blacked out and started giving me problems. It then never woke up again. I then lost my pen, then had to go for TKD training, which I was already unhappy about. It stretched late and I got home late and wasn't in time to do any real work.
Tuesday was another bad day, and the 4.3 km run was bad for me. I was slow and the sun wasn't friendly.Disgusting. And afterward was a torturous Chemistry extra lesson. Couldn't suffer through another long day and really needed rest on Wed. So I didn't go for training and went to rest at home. Thursday is my sacred day where I do what I want. So I went to the gym with Hakim, who swam and spent the afternoon with him eating and talking.
Met Zicong at the Gym and was also startled by my sister's O level Results.
Congratulations to Eunice on her
7 A1s and 2 A2s. The tycho prick...
Later on Thursday night, I realised I was the Duty officer for parade on Friday at 10. I got really mad because I wasn't informed and was still expected to show and run the parade. Can't stand incompetence. But my temper was evened by the parade and spending time with the NCOs and imparting my know-how to them. Was real glad that Zicong was around and I made him settle the Recruits and to mentor Keane and Wei Jian.
Real proud of him. Us together were a good combo last year as Recruit Instructors.
It brought back a wave of nostalgia when I heard Zicong's roaring at the Sec Ones. I assigned him to sort out the recruits who said they had some attitude problem.
He can resolve it, no problem at all.
When I was a Boy, when our Sergeants made us run like dogs, we ran like dogs and prayed it would be over.
Now, when we tell our Boys to run like dogs, they immediately ask you why are they doing that.
It's an unavoidable trend. But Friday ended quite nicely with us, the big men going down to a dinner at blk 85, and then hurriedly finishing to rush after the netball girls and take the same bus 17 as them. We were cute. Well mostly me, but ya.
Friday then spilled over to Saturday, which was Road Race.
Have I gleaned anything from this stupid week?
If I begin with normal expectations and regard the week as a Challenge, maybe I would not take it that badly.
There are sometimes where you gotta stop thinking and just do it.
Things happen because we make them happen.
I got a new eyecandy : )
Bananas are really beneficial!
Goodbye everyone. There're 5 tests next week. I'm trying not to suck at all of them.
Fell back to Position 49 only. Would have made it much ahead if I pushed more. But it's a learning point. Running at that pace was ferociously tiring. Got surprised by the speed of some people. I guess my problem was that I was thinking too much during the run.
Good Job Jay! He ran 7th. Crazy fool. Jealous over here.
Bananas are really useful. Contain tyrosine and boosts alertness and is a quick source of energy because it is a light carbohydrate. I brought 3 and ate 2.5. Gave some to Hakim and Jay. Prosper my friends!
Not a great day though, for Triton House. Fell to 4th overall. But somehow at the plaza in the morning, wasn't feeling to enthusiatic about their cheering and all. Ah, bother.
The wind at Pasir Ris park was really amazing! Could have stayed there forever, and an added bonus was the eyecandy from Derek's OG that was nearby. Minus all the nonsensical things that were happening around and just us and the wind...Magical.
Nawal agrees that the wind was great too. And Nawal is a cynical crazy girl. Or, maybe not that crazy.
The class went to the rocks to camwhore, with the guys doing our X-men: The Last Stand poses, and Andrew interrupting us by doing Spider-man instead. Got a series on emo and many others. Got the inspiration from Derek's OG, And also because I was reluctant to let my eyecandy out of my sight so soon. Heh. Sinful.
Had a real good time there! Everyone was having great laughs and the place was simply enchante, as the French would say. Pictures soon!
Only bad thing was that the girls changed horribly S...L..O...W.
Made me and Dickson a bit irritated.
Sometimes I wonder if girls actually have many folds of skin and they have to slowly unfold their layers and clean thoroughly and dry the folds before rolling them back and dressing on. Haha. Crazy hypothesis. Came up with it during the OGL camp when the guys were rotting while the girls took a LONG time in the bathroom.
After that, I sinned at Burger King. BK Fish meal. Didn't bring money cos I got out of house late. Only got to eat thanks to Derek. What else is new? Love him.
Later, we went to give out pamphlets door-to-door for CIP. Derek was super fast. I took my time, cos I was really beat. It wasn't that hard as I imagined.
Got some attitude from several dogs. The moment I came to the gate, they started barking their guts out. But I was too tired to respond.
Finished and got home. It took a lot before I was finally allowed to rest...
Hit the bed at 4 plus and drifted in and out of sleep until 7:35.
My body was deceived into believing that it was already late night and it needed to sleep more.
Woke myself up with 2 bananas.
And I took some time to blog, seeing that the lack of newness was a bit disgusting. I might regret this, but well.
I should be relieved the week is over, but the shitty thing is that a new one is creeping up on me. The strangeness about this week 4 was that I expected it to be a great week for me, seeing that I'd done all my homework last sunday, and would be able the face the next days with surety.
But alas, Monday began to make it all bad.
Sunday's little sleep caught up with me and I began Monday with low energy and alertness and struggled through everything. Halfway through lesson, my new phone blacked out and started giving me problems. It then never woke up again. I then lost my pen, then had to go for TKD training, which I was already unhappy about. It stretched late and I got home late and wasn't in time to do any real work.
Tuesday was another bad day, and the 4.3 km run was bad for me. I was slow and the sun wasn't friendly.Disgusting. And afterward was a torturous Chemistry extra lesson. Couldn't suffer through another long day and really needed rest on Wed. So I didn't go for training and went to rest at home. Thursday is my sacred day where I do what I want. So I went to the gym with Hakim, who swam and spent the afternoon with him eating and talking.
Met Zicong at the Gym and was also startled by my sister's O level Results.
Congratulations to Eunice on her
7 A1s and 2 A2s. The tycho prick...
Later on Thursday night, I realised I was the Duty officer for parade on Friday at 10. I got really mad because I wasn't informed and was still expected to show and run the parade. Can't stand incompetence. But my temper was evened by the parade and spending time with the NCOs and imparting my know-how to them. Was real glad that Zicong was around and I made him settle the Recruits and to mentor Keane and Wei Jian.
Real proud of him. Us together were a good combo last year as Recruit Instructors.
It brought back a wave of nostalgia when I heard Zicong's roaring at the Sec Ones. I assigned him to sort out the recruits who said they had some attitude problem.
He can resolve it, no problem at all.
When I was a Boy, when our Sergeants made us run like dogs, we ran like dogs and prayed it would be over.
Now, when we tell our Boys to run like dogs, they immediately ask you why are they doing that.
It's an unavoidable trend. But Friday ended quite nicely with us, the big men going down to a dinner at blk 85, and then hurriedly finishing to rush after the netball girls and take the same bus 17 as them. We were cute. Well mostly me, but ya.
Friday then spilled over to Saturday, which was Road Race.
Have I gleaned anything from this stupid week?
If I begin with normal expectations and regard the week as a Challenge, maybe I would not take it that badly.
There are sometimes where you gotta stop thinking and just do it.
Things happen because we make them happen.
I got a new eyecandy : )
Bananas are really beneficial!
Goodbye everyone. There're 5 tests next week. I'm trying not to suck at all of them.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
THE ROOM
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a
class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he
later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last.
Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School. Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework. Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life..
But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like youare there." Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road inPickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.
The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among then family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him." Brian's Essay:
The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed. "The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents.
The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!"
In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.
No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?
Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.
His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13
For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a
class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he
later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last.
Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley High School. Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework. Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life..
But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like youare there." Mr. Moore said. Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road inPickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.
The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among then family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him." Brian's Essay:
The Room...
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.
A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed. "The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents.
The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!"
In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.
No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?
Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.
His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."-Philippians 4:13
For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
It might be overkill to start posting again on this 'topic' so soon.
But this 'topic' is actually probably one of the most important stuff that we should really be concerned about, other than keeping up with the rest of the world in living carefreely.
I'm motivated to write all these, but I have to exercise caution and not get carried away.
I was hit with James 3 when I opened the Bible yesterday, which read, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly".
This was a warning from James to all the church teachers, and also to senior Christians, if there is such a thing; warning them of the heavy responsibility of teaching and guiding the Lord's sheep. James is in a sense, discouraging people from becoming teachers too easily.
It was also a warning to me, not to get carried away in the role I have taken up as a radical.
I have decided to focus on James 3 for a while, because the lessons inside are relevant to me now.
And I've also found precious directions from the verses inside, and I think I want to highlight several things being said by James, as intepreted by me from the Bible.
Before I talk more, please do not mistaken me to be a mature and sensible, or even a real Christian. A Christian should be someone who is a follower of Christ. The apostles were probably Christians. But I have not been following Christ's instructions and directions in the way I should live my life. I would just call myself a believer of Christ.
I'm struggling to be worthy and also to 'walk like Christ did'. My goal is to be a believer IN Christ. There is a difference.
Believing that there was person such as Jesus Christ is not sufficient. The Jews and Muslims believe that there was such a Man. But they do not think He is the Son of God, or the One. Other peoples believe He was simply a wise man.
Acknowledging Jesus then, to be God as step 2 is also not enough. You will then merely believe His identity, but you will not be believing in him.
Believing in Jesus, is trusting and also putting our faith in Him. And the amount of trust that most of us Christians have in Him is pathetic.
Previously I mentioned that most of us hate God. But as Christians, we are to be unworldly and not be like the rest of the world in the way we live, act and think. James rebukes us-'You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God?' (James 4:4)
This is something to think about.
But I want to steer us back to the verses that leapt up at me in James:
1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverence.
1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt.
1: 22 Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.
There are more, but maybe you'd like to read James yourself and let the words that are relevant 'leap up at you'. It's a short book that feels just right.
Whatever directions that the Word gives, do not expect it to be easy.
Jesus said to those who desired to follow Him-'take up your cross and follow Me'.
The Christian life is not easy to live out.
What does it then, to mean to be a Christian?
Jesus said that we would suffer persecution, as a result of Him. We are to be separate from the world and in doing so, the world will hate us as they had hated Him.
What would it cost you to be a Christian?
Everything. Your life the way you know it, your possessions, your loved ones and your health and your freedom. What happened to the early Christians? Most of the apostles were crucified. Many Christians became matyrs. Even today, people are dying because of their beliefs. Even though we live in Singapore, the impending persecution that Jesus promises us will still reach us.
People mistaken Christianity as a simple religion where we are cleansed and made better and also improved on; a conversion to Christianity would be like a sorta carwash. You come out a cleaner and more wholesome and likeable individual. People are drawn to Christianity, because it promises comfort and peace. Is it so?
No! Being a Christian is taking up the cross and following after Jesus, even at the cost of our lives and everything. That's what it's all about. Christians aren't happy people that are always nice neighbours and sweet friends that don't get angry and sing songs!
If you are a 'Christian' because you like the friends at Church, you like the way they make you feel valued and the nice music that they play, and the encouraging things that the preacher says to you all the time, then are you sure you are a Christian? Or have you just joined a mega socializing club?
Upsetting people I think, is now a reflex for me? I think some of you aren't that smiley now.
If being a Christian would mean so much hard stuff, then why are there so many Christians? Or do they not know of the persecution that Jesus said would befall His followers? So, did you know of all this 'sh*t' that you would have to endure as a believer in Christ? Or nobody said it?
We are being built up to endure our suffering for our Lord. James devoted a small bit to address the Christians in having Patience in Suffering. He said, "be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near".
I think that even though Christians are promised rewards, the preachers that call people up to the altar to 'receive Christ' have conveniently left out the hard work that we have to do to earn our reward.
That is why I'm not a big fan of trying to 'save' people. I was gyming with Kah Kee yesterday, and I really relish the time that I spend sharing and training with him. We always need a companion, as the Word says, "As Iron Sharpens Iron, So One Man Sharpens Another." (Proverbs 27:17). Really appreciate his company with me, and also his compliance in following my routines and being my spotter.
We were talking about God and all after we had eaten, and he was asking me how do I know that there is really God. I mean. 4 years of experiencing the BB ministry hasn't taught him or anyone else much about God and all! I don't intend to force him into the Christian 'thing' as most would call it. It's not a whim to become a Christian.
It means more than a moment of wanting to be happier or better, or because the senior that values you pressures you to grudgingly believe.
Even if he does, you have not conquered that person for your God.
So, we were also amused by the movie, Men in Black's suggestion that the Earth and galaxies are actually very small and we are part of another bigger space, and part of another bigger orb, and there would be bigger life forms that loom over us.
So, he first challenged, how can we prove there is a God?
My response was that, how can we prove that there isn't a God?
All of the things on this earth are made up of smaller, indivisible atoms and molecules that bond together to form a bigger object or structure. Humans are made up of atoms. The table we use is made up of atoms. The chopsticks we use and the computer you're staring at is made up of atoms. And since we're all made up of atoms, what makes us humans so distinctly different and unique, apart from all these other lumps of atoms?
There must be bit of spark in us that makes us special? Isn't there?
It is not a strong argument, and it invites further question. But the thing is, the above hints in the presence of a higher power.
Who do we think is that higher power?
My knowledge is very limited, which Crystal pointed out to me. It's not something that I like very much to confess, but it is true. I hope that I have not misled people, and I have only been succint in pointing out the problems with Christianity and 'Christians' today.
And I do pray that my conduct everyday would not insult God, but instead honour and glorify him. To live apart from the world.
Cheers.
But this 'topic' is actually probably one of the most important stuff that we should really be concerned about, other than keeping up with the rest of the world in living carefreely.
I'm motivated to write all these, but I have to exercise caution and not get carried away.
I was hit with James 3 when I opened the Bible yesterday, which read, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly".
This was a warning from James to all the church teachers, and also to senior Christians, if there is such a thing; warning them of the heavy responsibility of teaching and guiding the Lord's sheep. James is in a sense, discouraging people from becoming teachers too easily.
It was also a warning to me, not to get carried away in the role I have taken up as a radical.
I have decided to focus on James 3 for a while, because the lessons inside are relevant to me now.
And I've also found precious directions from the verses inside, and I think I want to highlight several things being said by James, as intepreted by me from the Bible.
Before I talk more, please do not mistaken me to be a mature and sensible, or even a real Christian. A Christian should be someone who is a follower of Christ. The apostles were probably Christians. But I have not been following Christ's instructions and directions in the way I should live my life. I would just call myself a believer of Christ.
I'm struggling to be worthy and also to 'walk like Christ did'. My goal is to be a believer IN Christ. There is a difference.
Believing that there was person such as Jesus Christ is not sufficient. The Jews and Muslims believe that there was such a Man. But they do not think He is the Son of God, or the One. Other peoples believe He was simply a wise man.
Acknowledging Jesus then, to be God as step 2 is also not enough. You will then merely believe His identity, but you will not be believing in him.
Believing in Jesus, is trusting and also putting our faith in Him. And the amount of trust that most of us Christians have in Him is pathetic.
Previously I mentioned that most of us hate God. But as Christians, we are to be unworldly and not be like the rest of the world in the way we live, act and think. James rebukes us-'You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred towards God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God?' (James 4:4)
This is something to think about.
But I want to steer us back to the verses that leapt up at me in James:
1: 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perserverence.
1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt.
1: 22 Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.
There are more, but maybe you'd like to read James yourself and let the words that are relevant 'leap up at you'. It's a short book that feels just right.
Whatever directions that the Word gives, do not expect it to be easy.
Jesus said to those who desired to follow Him-'take up your cross and follow Me'.
The Christian life is not easy to live out.
What does it then, to mean to be a Christian?
Jesus said that we would suffer persecution, as a result of Him. We are to be separate from the world and in doing so, the world will hate us as they had hated Him.
What would it cost you to be a Christian?
Everything. Your life the way you know it, your possessions, your loved ones and your health and your freedom. What happened to the early Christians? Most of the apostles were crucified. Many Christians became matyrs. Even today, people are dying because of their beliefs. Even though we live in Singapore, the impending persecution that Jesus promises us will still reach us.
People mistaken Christianity as a simple religion where we are cleansed and made better and also improved on; a conversion to Christianity would be like a sorta carwash. You come out a cleaner and more wholesome and likeable individual. People are drawn to Christianity, because it promises comfort and peace. Is it so?
No! Being a Christian is taking up the cross and following after Jesus, even at the cost of our lives and everything. That's what it's all about. Christians aren't happy people that are always nice neighbours and sweet friends that don't get angry and sing songs!
If you are a 'Christian' because you like the friends at Church, you like the way they make you feel valued and the nice music that they play, and the encouraging things that the preacher says to you all the time, then are you sure you are a Christian? Or have you just joined a mega socializing club?
Upsetting people I think, is now a reflex for me? I think some of you aren't that smiley now.
If being a Christian would mean so much hard stuff, then why are there so many Christians? Or do they not know of the persecution that Jesus said would befall His followers? So, did you know of all this 'sh*t' that you would have to endure as a believer in Christ? Or nobody said it?
We are being built up to endure our suffering for our Lord. James devoted a small bit to address the Christians in having Patience in Suffering. He said, "be patient and stand firm, because the Lord's coming is near".
I think that even though Christians are promised rewards, the preachers that call people up to the altar to 'receive Christ' have conveniently left out the hard work that we have to do to earn our reward.
That is why I'm not a big fan of trying to 'save' people. I was gyming with Kah Kee yesterday, and I really relish the time that I spend sharing and training with him. We always need a companion, as the Word says, "As Iron Sharpens Iron, So One Man Sharpens Another." (Proverbs 27:17). Really appreciate his company with me, and also his compliance in following my routines and being my spotter.
We were talking about God and all after we had eaten, and he was asking me how do I know that there is really God. I mean. 4 years of experiencing the BB ministry hasn't taught him or anyone else much about God and all! I don't intend to force him into the Christian 'thing' as most would call it. It's not a whim to become a Christian.
It means more than a moment of wanting to be happier or better, or because the senior that values you pressures you to grudgingly believe.
Even if he does, you have not conquered that person for your God.
So, we were also amused by the movie, Men in Black's suggestion that the Earth and galaxies are actually very small and we are part of another bigger space, and part of another bigger orb, and there would be bigger life forms that loom over us.
So, he first challenged, how can we prove there is a God?
My response was that, how can we prove that there isn't a God?
All of the things on this earth are made up of smaller, indivisible atoms and molecules that bond together to form a bigger object or structure. Humans are made up of atoms. The table we use is made up of atoms. The chopsticks we use and the computer you're staring at is made up of atoms. And since we're all made up of atoms, what makes us humans so distinctly different and unique, apart from all these other lumps of atoms?
There must be bit of spark in us that makes us special? Isn't there?
It is not a strong argument, and it invites further question. But the thing is, the above hints in the presence of a higher power.
Who do we think is that higher power?
My knowledge is very limited, which Crystal pointed out to me. It's not something that I like very much to confess, but it is true. I hope that I have not misled people, and I have only been succint in pointing out the problems with Christianity and 'Christians' today.
And I do pray that my conduct everyday would not insult God, but instead honour and glorify him. To live apart from the world.
Cheers.
Friday, January 11, 2008
I've actually been thinking a lot.
About God, His Word and the things that we should be concerned with as Christians and the things that we are ashamedly concerned with, even though we are Christians.
Have been watching a series of sermons by a man called Paul Washer, who is a Southern Baptist minister, but delivers a message that isn't popular, because it isn't a 'nice message'.
Have gotten several 'ideas' or rather, personal revelations. Because the ideas come from God's Word. But I'm sure that I'm going to upset some people or draw opposition. I'm not preaching, but just sharing. So maybe some of my friends might understand why my face is quite dark and I'm not that happy.
The first and foremost thing that I wanna say is that, men are evil. We are evil in nature, thought and deed. From birth. In God's sight, we're worthless and to quote 'all our great works are like filthy rags before Him'. We have sinned.
Romans-"all men have sinned and fallen short of God's glory".
I go bolder to say, we will never make God's standard.
Not nice isn't it? I am very depressed by that.
God calls us to be Holy like Him. But we're not going to be able to.
Hating God
The next thing is that we all hate God. There are many people who immediately say, "NO! I don't hate God! I love God! Why would I hate Him?" But the thing is, many people (I'm primarily talking about Christians here) do. We blame God for the bad things that happen, we are unhappy with 'some bits' of God, and there are times where we grow especially frustrated with Him. We wished that there had never been this 'God thing' in our lives, when life is already so hard. I find myself feeling that. I think everyone might agree.
But then, some people will still argue, "No I don't! I love God. He died for us!"
My sister said that. But then, like many young Christians (spiritually young), she had a poor understanding of the full nature of God.
When I show her the other bits of God that aren't so nice, when he destroyed people and cities, and did so seemingly 'unreasonably', she said-"God is not like that!" and something like 'God loves us.'
God does love us. But not how we think He does. (for later)
Christians should still be indignant now. But wait. The God you love is actually an image of the God you have in mind. The God who died for you and bought your way into heaven, loves you for what you are and values you, and the God who is pleasant. So. Is the God who destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah; the God who destroyed the world with a flood; the God who told David to fight wars and men to kill men; the God who scattered His people, the Jews and let all sorts of bad things happen to them...Is that God your God?
Or has God suddenly become nicer after the Gospel came, when Jesus came to Earth?
I hear voices-"God has changed His ways of doing things now".
Has He? Our God, if the God you have in mind, my God, the God is unchanging!
He has been the same from the beginnning, and He hasn't turned sweeter just 2000 years ago!
So it is impossible that the God that you believe in is infinitely forgiving and nice.
God is not a warm fuzzy soft toy that we go sobbing to. He is the Creator and Judge. God is love, but he is also Holy and evil-hating. There is also this side of Him.
People must already be very unhappy at this point.
My sister turned really upset and threw me this, "God has a unique plan for each everyone of us". This is one of the statements that draws people to Christianity. Other than the persistent touting of churches and 'Christians' and also other than the pretty girls that go to Church.
People think that they are important and that they matter in this world, and that they matter to God and His plans.
We like to hear and believe in a God that values us and employs us in His plan.
We do not like to believe that our worth is lower even than nothing in God's sight.
They believe that God 'has a plan for each and everyone of them' and that they are precious to God.
Oh, people love to hear pleasant things.
God isn't always nice. He is unchanging in Character and Thought, and no bit of His plan has changed. His plan wasn't developing. His plan was already in motion. We have been living out His plan from the moment God started creation.
Do you think that what we do affects any bit of His plan? God is sovereign, and we are nothing to him. His plan is absolute and nothing we do can influence it or affect the outcome.
We do not 'feature' in God's plan. Instead, God uses us in His plan.
So. Up to here. Is the God that you go to church and service to praise and hear about, the same God that the Bible says, the same God that Moses and Elijah have seen?
GOD'S PLAN?
Then, after we think about God, then we need to think. What is this plan that God has been going on about, and what are the things He is going to do?
Most Christians have no idea of God's plan. But God has made clear His plan in Ezekiel 36:22:
22 Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone.
23 I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Sovereign LORD, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes.
24 'For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land.
25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
28 You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.
29 I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the corn and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you.
30 I will increase the fruit of the trees and the crops of the field, so that you will no longer suffer disgrace among the nations because of famine.
31 Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices.
32 I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign LORD. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel!
33 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: On the day I cleanse you from all your sins, I will resettle your towns, and the ruins will be rebuilt.
34 The desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass through it.
35 They will say, This land that was laid waste has become like the garden of Eden; the cities that were lying in ruins, desolate and destroyed, are now fortified and inhabited.
36 Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the LORD have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.'
37 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Once again I will yield to the plea of the house of Israel and do this for them: I will make their people as numerous as sheep,
38 as numerous as the flocks for offerings at Jerusalem during her appointed feasts. So will the ruined cities be filled with flocks of people. Then they will know that I am the LORD.
God's plan is to glorify His Name and make known to all that He is the Lord.
I showed my sister this, and she ran off. She didn't like to believe that God is like that.
One might argue that God is speaking to only the Israelites and the Jews. But He is speaking to the heirs of His kingdom. Not just the Israelites. This is what is found in Galatians 3:26-
"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew, nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. "
There!
There are more to the above, but I need to get my thoughts in order and reference with both scripture and God. There are things about sin, God's sovereignty and many other things that the Churches are either not fully saying or they left out.
The final thing I want to talk about is Salvation.
People 'become' Christians also because they are drawn by the idea of eternal life in heaven and all that. But I am not sure that this Salvation is received easily. Churches and pastors and ministers use scripture and prayers to assure people of their Salvation and all, claiming 'by faith'. But who else apart from God can assure us that we have salvation? Who else can declare us saved, other than the One Who has extended His Hand to save us?
My question: Are you sure you are saved?
And if you think so, are you on the right track in getting to heaven?
Matthew 7 is a very important chapter.
Especially the bit about The Narrow and Wide Gates into heaven.
"small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it".
I think an explanation is due. The gate being small and the road narrow means that not many people will find it and be able to walk on it. Why does Jesus mention not just the gate, but also the road? The road is narrow. Narrow: precarious? The road that we have to walk is not easy. Few will find it. Simply: The road into heaven is not easy to follow and very few people will make it.
In the following bit, Jesus says:
21 Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?'
23 Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
Who is Jesus refering to? Jesus isn't talking to just any normal Christian. He is talking to people who prophecy and drive out demons, and perform miracles! He is talking to ministers and church leaders. Are they doing the will of God the Father? Are they even on the narrow road?
And can we follow their lead?
Because of this, I am disappointed in Churches and Church leaders. They are not concerned about the right thing. They are now more concerned about 'saving people', aka amassing bigger numbers of church goers. But the people they've already brought to church-are they saved? Are the evangelists and active preachers, are they saved?
They should take out the plank in their eyes, before removing the speck in their brother's eye, to quote Jesus in Matthew 7 still.
The thing is, I can look at the obituaries in the newspaper and read all those outstanding Christian epitaphs which read:
"So-and-so was called to be with the Lord on when-and-when"
Hold on! Are you sure this man/ woman was in God? Did he receive his salvation?
I think I can strike off most of the people who are Christians and featured in the obituaries as unsaved.
This would make a lot of people even more unhappy.
We believe by faith that in believing and following in Christ Jesus, God's Son, we are saved and will be with Him after death.
But have you been following and believing in Him?
The procedure for salvation is simple. Repent and believe in Christ. Keep the commandments and walk as Jesus did.
But it isn't a one time thing, where you say the prayer that asks Jesus to come into your heart and then, you have a stamp, guaranteed chop that'll you have a place in heaven. If it's so, millions have earned their place in heaven. Why did God say that few will find the way to heaven?
Salvation is not a matter of going to church or being godly. And no one can tell you you are saved. Only God can promise you that. Repent and believe in Christ. Sounds easy.
But why then, we can't 'make it' into heaven?
Looking at the example of the man that was crucified next to Jesus.
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. Don't you fear God, he said, since you are under the same sentence?
41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.
42 Then he said, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.
43 Jesus answered him, I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.
His salvation was guaranteed. This is one man I can assure that he is saved. Because Jesus Himself told him. He is a prime example to look at.
What did he do?
He recognised that he sinned and he repented. He feared God. He believed in Jesus.
That was all.
Is it so simple?
It isn't today.
But let's think, provided you have the patience to stay through the length of things I've been saying, and haven't think that it's 'not right' or nonsense.
What does it take to earn salvation?
Am I on the narrow road?
Is the God that I'm following the God of Abraham, the God of Issac and the God of Jacob?
Look to the Bible for guidance. Even if it doesn't outrightly seem helpful.
Because God said, "heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away."
Me, I'm not sure I'm saved. I think I'm heading to the wide gate. But whatever it is, God is our God, and we must love Him even if He casts us into hell.
Hope what I said is helpful and relevant. If I spread the wrong teaching, I'm doubly responsible for distorting God's Word and misling His sheep.
So, I didn't start writing this at whim.
I appreciate your amazing tolerance.
Praise God.
About God, His Word and the things that we should be concerned with as Christians and the things that we are ashamedly concerned with, even though we are Christians.
Have been watching a series of sermons by a man called Paul Washer, who is a Southern Baptist minister, but delivers a message that isn't popular, because it isn't a 'nice message'.
Have gotten several 'ideas' or rather, personal revelations. Because the ideas come from God's Word. But I'm sure that I'm going to upset some people or draw opposition. I'm not preaching, but just sharing. So maybe some of my friends might understand why my face is quite dark and I'm not that happy.
The first and foremost thing that I wanna say is that, men are evil. We are evil in nature, thought and deed. From birth. In God's sight, we're worthless and to quote 'all our great works are like filthy rags before Him'. We have sinned.
Romans-"all men have sinned and fallen short of God's glory".
I go bolder to say, we will never make God's standard.
Not nice isn't it? I am very depressed by that.
God calls us to be Holy like Him. But we're not going to be able to.
Hating God
The next thing is that we all hate God. There are many people who immediately say, "NO! I don't hate God! I love God! Why would I hate Him?" But the thing is, many people (I'm primarily talking about Christians here) do. We blame God for the bad things that happen, we are unhappy with 'some bits' of God, and there are times where we grow especially frustrated with Him. We wished that there had never been this 'God thing' in our lives, when life is already so hard. I find myself feeling that. I think everyone might agree.
But then, some people will still argue, "No I don't! I love God. He died for us!"
My sister said that. But then, like many young Christians (spiritually young), she had a poor understanding of the full nature of God.
When I show her the other bits of God that aren't so nice, when he destroyed people and cities, and did so seemingly 'unreasonably', she said-"God is not like that!" and something like 'God loves us.'
God does love us. But not how we think He does. (for later)
Christians should still be indignant now. But wait. The God you love is actually an image of the God you have in mind. The God who died for you and bought your way into heaven, loves you for what you are and values you, and the God who is pleasant. So. Is the God who destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah; the God who destroyed the world with a flood; the God who told David to fight wars and men to kill men; the God who scattered His people, the Jews and let all sorts of bad things happen to them...Is that God your God?
Or has God suddenly become nicer after the Gospel came, when Jesus came to Earth?
I hear voices-"God has changed His ways of doing things now".
Has He? Our God, if the God you have in mind, my God, the God is unchanging!
He has been the same from the beginnning, and He hasn't turned sweeter just 2000 years ago!
So it is impossible that the God that you believe in is infinitely forgiving and nice.
God is not a warm fuzzy soft toy that we go sobbing to. He is the Creator and Judge. God is love, but he is also Holy and evil-hating. There is also this side of Him.
People must already be very unhappy at this point.
My sister turned really upset and threw me this, "God has a unique plan for each everyone of us". This is one of the statements that draws people to Christianity. Other than the persistent touting of churches and 'Christians' and also other than the pretty girls that go to Church.
People think that they are important and that they matter in this world, and that they matter to God and His plans.
We like to hear and believe in a God that values us and employs us in His plan.
We do not like to believe that our worth is lower even than nothing in God's sight.
They believe that God 'has a plan for each and everyone of them' and that they are precious to God.
Oh, people love to hear pleasant things.
God isn't always nice. He is unchanging in Character and Thought, and no bit of His plan has changed. His plan wasn't developing. His plan was already in motion. We have been living out His plan from the moment God started creation.
Do you think that what we do affects any bit of His plan? God is sovereign, and we are nothing to him. His plan is absolute and nothing we do can influence it or affect the outcome.
We do not 'feature' in God's plan. Instead, God uses us in His plan.
So. Up to here. Is the God that you go to church and service to praise and hear about, the same God that the Bible says, the same God that Moses and Elijah have seen?
GOD'S PLAN?
Then, after we think about God, then we need to think. What is this plan that God has been going on about, and what are the things He is going to do?
Most Christians have no idea of God's plan. But God has made clear His plan in Ezekiel 36:22:
22 Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone.
23 I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Sovereign LORD, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes.
24 'For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land.
25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
28 You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God.
29 I will save you from all your uncleanness. I will call for the corn and make it plentiful and will not bring famine upon you.
30 I will increase the fruit of the trees and the crops of the field, so that you will no longer suffer disgrace among the nations because of famine.
31 Then you will remember your evil ways and wicked deeds, and you will loathe yourselves for your sins and detestable practices.
32 I want you to know that I am not doing this for your sake, declares the Sovereign LORD. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel!
33 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: On the day I cleanse you from all your sins, I will resettle your towns, and the ruins will be rebuilt.
34 The desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass through it.
35 They will say, This land that was laid waste has become like the garden of Eden; the cities that were lying in ruins, desolate and destroyed, are now fortified and inhabited.
36 Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the LORD have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.'
37 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Once again I will yield to the plea of the house of Israel and do this for them: I will make their people as numerous as sheep,
38 as numerous as the flocks for offerings at Jerusalem during her appointed feasts. So will the ruined cities be filled with flocks of people. Then they will know that I am the LORD.
God's plan is to glorify His Name and make known to all that He is the Lord.
I showed my sister this, and she ran off. She didn't like to believe that God is like that.
One might argue that God is speaking to only the Israelites and the Jews. But He is speaking to the heirs of His kingdom. Not just the Israelites. This is what is found in Galatians 3:26-
"You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew, nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. "
There!
There are more to the above, but I need to get my thoughts in order and reference with both scripture and God. There are things about sin, God's sovereignty and many other things that the Churches are either not fully saying or they left out.
The final thing I want to talk about is Salvation.
People 'become' Christians also because they are drawn by the idea of eternal life in heaven and all that. But I am not sure that this Salvation is received easily. Churches and pastors and ministers use scripture and prayers to assure people of their Salvation and all, claiming 'by faith'. But who else apart from God can assure us that we have salvation? Who else can declare us saved, other than the One Who has extended His Hand to save us?
My question: Are you sure you are saved?
And if you think so, are you on the right track in getting to heaven?
Matthew 7 is a very important chapter.
Especially the bit about The Narrow and Wide Gates into heaven.
"small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it".
I think an explanation is due. The gate being small and the road narrow means that not many people will find it and be able to walk on it. Why does Jesus mention not just the gate, but also the road? The road is narrow. Narrow: precarious? The road that we have to walk is not easy. Few will find it. Simply: The road into heaven is not easy to follow and very few people will make it.
In the following bit, Jesus says:
21 Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.
22 Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?'
23 Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
Who is Jesus refering to? Jesus isn't talking to just any normal Christian. He is talking to people who prophecy and drive out demons, and perform miracles! He is talking to ministers and church leaders. Are they doing the will of God the Father? Are they even on the narrow road?
And can we follow their lead?
Because of this, I am disappointed in Churches and Church leaders. They are not concerned about the right thing. They are now more concerned about 'saving people', aka amassing bigger numbers of church goers. But the people they've already brought to church-are they saved? Are the evangelists and active preachers, are they saved?
They should take out the plank in their eyes, before removing the speck in their brother's eye, to quote Jesus in Matthew 7 still.
The thing is, I can look at the obituaries in the newspaper and read all those outstanding Christian epitaphs which read:
"So-and-so was called to be with the Lord on when-and-when"
Hold on! Are you sure this man/ woman was in God? Did he receive his salvation?
I think I can strike off most of the people who are Christians and featured in the obituaries as unsaved.
This would make a lot of people even more unhappy.
We believe by faith that in believing and following in Christ Jesus, God's Son, we are saved and will be with Him after death.
But have you been following and believing in Him?
The procedure for salvation is simple. Repent and believe in Christ. Keep the commandments and walk as Jesus did.
But it isn't a one time thing, where you say the prayer that asks Jesus to come into your heart and then, you have a stamp, guaranteed chop that'll you have a place in heaven. If it's so, millions have earned their place in heaven. Why did God say that few will find the way to heaven?
Salvation is not a matter of going to church or being godly. And no one can tell you you are saved. Only God can promise you that. Repent and believe in Christ. Sounds easy.
But why then, we can't 'make it' into heaven?
Looking at the example of the man that was crucified next to Jesus.
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. Don't you fear God, he said, since you are under the same sentence?
41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.
42 Then he said, Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.
43 Jesus answered him, I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.
His salvation was guaranteed. This is one man I can assure that he is saved. Because Jesus Himself told him. He is a prime example to look at.
What did he do?
He recognised that he sinned and he repented. He feared God. He believed in Jesus.
That was all.
Is it so simple?
It isn't today.
But let's think, provided you have the patience to stay through the length of things I've been saying, and haven't think that it's 'not right' or nonsense.
What does it take to earn salvation?
Am I on the narrow road?
Is the God that I'm following the God of Abraham, the God of Issac and the God of Jacob?
Look to the Bible for guidance. Even if it doesn't outrightly seem helpful.
Because God said, "heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away."
Me, I'm not sure I'm saved. I think I'm heading to the wide gate. But whatever it is, God is our God, and we must love Him even if He casts us into hell.
Hope what I said is helpful and relevant. If I spread the wrong teaching, I'm doubly responsible for distorting God's Word and misling His sheep.
So, I didn't start writing this at whim.
I appreciate your amazing tolerance.
Praise God.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Orientation 2008
Vincitore---Azimuth!
Take that, and a year flies by!
Orientation back in 2007 seemed not that far away when I was sitting beside this unknown guy (Derek) in the Hall and we started talking.
Now we're still talking in the hall, but standing up and holding green placards.
Goodness. I told him yesterday, probably everything now is all a dream and we'll wake up, still as Sec Threes. That would be seriously cool, but painful.
Would have to live the 3 years all over. No thanks.
Orientation in 2008 was great, and maybe not as close as it got when I was in Secondary School with the Sec Ones because we really knew each other then and there were fewer OGLs, but it was still magnificent fun and joyously noisy.
The OGL experience was PRICELESS. Like the mastercard thing, but it was for real.
That's the prime reason I signed up for it, its value and also the side-along benefits of delaying my proper entrance into J2.
My Trition OGL tag:
The team of OGLs, minus Dean and Mei Ying, 'cause they were at Stations in other parts of Singapore, during the Meridian Magnificent Marathon (MMM).
This is at China Square:
( from left, bottom: Joslyn, Shahidah, Yu Shu, Karimah;
top: boss Guo Hao, myself)
This was the first day, outside the hall, where the freshmen were running around the place with us. Lovely bunch of people. Boss is holding the placard.
Below is Daryl from my Sec Sch. He was in council with me back then, and we had great times wild-ing together. He got 'chosen' to rep his Orientation Group for the The Meridian Prophecy, which Triton won. Haha.
Dawnie! My supposed 'sweetheart' in our scandal.
(below) Victoria! From my Trition 1, our beloved rep. She's a real sweet girl, and she's actually Elizabeth's sister. She's quite cute actually, always falling for my trademark trick. Close friends would know? Haha. Got a chance to flaunt my masculinity when she left her bottle and wallet at one station during the TMP. Got it for her. I'm good.
I still think she should have won the TMP catwalk thingie! Her dress up was really good.
Triton 1 people are a creative bunch. Arts class what.
Day One ended okay, but with the Triton OGLs abit riled up by the unfairness of the treatment given to us by council and the other houses at certain points. Envy is harmful. Spent the evening preparing water bombs and all. They would become soft and leaky the next next morning.
Got home late and tired.
This was Day 2, MMM! We had a mass dance and then got ready to set off.
Triton 1 was due to travel to Tampines, which we did and then Clarke Quay and then Harbour Front. At Tampines, we completed 3 stations, and then 4 and 5 respectively at the other 2.
This was the locality map I took at the MRT and used to lead the og to the station at China Square. Before that, everybody was like-wtf? What is China Square?
This is me and Shahidah posing outside China Square. The wind was really really SONG! Haha.
I'm really pleased with my chest. Look at it stand out. I'm looking really strong! Heh.
Triton 1 Cheering at China Square.
I knelt down while everyone was running to the next station to take pictures of the new scenes to me.
We then got to the next zone (Harbourfront) and got to Vivo City!
This was on the roof of Vivo City where gamemaster Nawal! made Trition 1 members pose with a person wearing a striped shirt. I pointed this man to them, who gamely obliged. Cool dude!
Ritualistic cheering led by Shahidah above Vivo!
The above 2 group pics were taken by MJC Photography club member. But blur leh.
Triton 1 above 81 at Serangoon! We ditched Phobos 1 at the MRT and chionged for the bus.
This was us hiding from Miranda, where Body-gong Jian Rui's group was below, because we didn't want them to realise they could board the bus.
In the end we got to MJC after a mild scuffle at Kovan MRT where other groups tried to board 81 but couldn't.
Triton won the MMM, because we got to college all just in time and got the 1000 speed points.
But later at night, we lost the lead cause of some jaywalking controversy and also 700 points.
It was a low point with Jem and the rest working to put Campfire together. And it didn't help while Jessica was giving incessant nonsense all the time by the side as usual. or even more than usual. That person is like 5000 beats behind the tempo.
Left after 935 when Eugene wisely suggested so. I love Eugene. He's like me, and we have the similar uniformed group ideas. So whatever he came up was something that was from my heart too. He let us go home earlier than we were going to.
Day 3 was Wet n Wild and the campfire. It was a more friendly day for me, because I was stationed at the track at a station that only needed me to say some words and let a huge mess take place. Not difficult what.
This was a shot of Miranda at my station while they were cheering.
This was a shot of Miranda at my station while they were cheering.
This was a neighbouring station.
My lovely coworkers at W n W group 2: Pei Yi, Bernice and Grace!
This was Trition 2 passing by! If only the OGL was also looking over. The girl nearest the pic is Cheryl? If that's the right spelling. I danced with her when we paired up with freshies. She's quite cute and has really small hands. But cute. Haha.
Handsome Dickson! haha. I told him he looked like shit. But actually, wasn't truthful. Still suave despite the white stuff. Naughty naughty.
Trition 1 at the field at Xin Yun's feet, preparing for wet and wild finale.
An attempt at an artistic shot of Triton while Jeremy was talking.
Me and cute Jay at the field.
Me and my secret lover Derek. We were secret spies at Callisto 'supervising' the human chain transport of water bombs.
RuiBei and me! Haha. Cool girl! Really fun with her around, somebody to disturb. Was paired with her for the Wet and Wild finale. She came over to call me over. Wah, honoured. Met her several times during MMM and 'shook' her hand. RuiBei was genial enough to accompany me to the toilet, but not inside la! Haha. Mistook the dustbin for her. Haha.
Together at Callisto, we were like disturbing them and delaying their water bomb transporting.
Great fun. That bit of Orientation was quite bagus!
I'm cute.
Snuck a picture of Kevan while in the midst of disturbing Callisto. But I love Kevan. We were in TPJC together in oG 12. Still remember him in that Changkat uniform, and also how we sat together with George and the rest in TPJC track doing the 'win the war' chant.
Got the inspiration to do the flag of our fathers thing with Derek, Titus and his friend. Nice!
My beloved Titus, Operations Sergeant and junior.
Hot stuff. Jay with his back to us, Jeremy, Eugene and Me.
Triton 2 after the campfire at the bus stop opp college. Trition was preparing to go to Downtown to celebrate. We won the Campfire and also everything else! Shouted until my head hurt, oh my God. Really happy in the hall. And eager to party. Because of this picture, Mei Ying said that I made Trition 1 miss 89. Too bad. We got to Downtown still what.
The big men of Triton at the next table. Danial, Jeremy and my mistress, Hakim.
We celebrated at Burger King at Downtown like last year and stayed til quite late, chatting and laughing with our people. Ah. Victory, although annual, is still refreshing.
This is the placards in my lift.Got a swift ride home from sweet Megan's father and reached home with all the placards that were there at I dunno what time. We waited shortly before her dad cruised in. Said goodbye to the pair Winston and Xin Yun too.
Orientation had me burn more than 5626.8 kilocalories in total! I'm thankful. Haha. Not easy leh, shedding calories. And the height and weight indicators say that I'm 73 kgs. Are you sure? I thought I was more.
These three days, have been a bit of my life that I don't want missing. Those bits in the pictures above and also those bits not captured are precious.
There are bits that would also be as valued. Like sitting next to Derek, talking with Hakim in the canteen, dancing with Megan and 'pretending' to listen to Dawn and also watching Dickson, Naqiah dance...
Anyway. The final thing I have is:
Fear Triton!
(cos' got reason one. We win every year.)
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