I don't like to communicate with the use of curse-words.

There should be a better way than this to get across to thick-heads that I am furious, I want immediate action and that there's promise of violence if I don't get what I want.

I feel that I must practise a clear level temperament even if I'm getting mad, because I think better, consider more about the effect/impact of my potential outburst.

I am told to be and slow to anger.

Further Reflections:
James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry.

We should be receptive to what others say and give weight to their opinion. It's a good way to show that we value people and take their ideas seriously.

We have to weigh our words cautiously and make sure that it does not harm or mar the growth of a person. We are to edify our friends and not tear them down.

In giving in to rage, I become volatile, impulsive and make moves that hurt relationships and judgements that are too unforgiving.




A young officer must make up for his lack of experience with knowledge.

He must be fit and able to keep at his job ahead of his command team and soldiers even while they slow from weariness.

He must have the compulsion to keep at his task with high energy and to reflect on himself.
Has he let his people down, and has he let himself down?

When in command and with responsibility, can I assume what I do is sufficient or must I question and re-measure myself?

Look into yourself:

I am in a reflecting mood, especially since I have asked the people I lead to reflect on themselves.

I've been thinking and going off track all this while.
I do not think I am sufficient to enough for a mature, serious relationship.
I must learn responsibility first and be accountable for my decisions and behaviour.
I must learn to love others at great cost to myself.

Jesus taught in John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

A relationship is more than investment of emotion, time and money for good returns.
I believe it is the joining of two persons, soul and more together.

If I am hasty and I do not think and take this seriously, I will not do justice to a perfectly nice girl.

With wasting time on temporary flings, I have neither the nerves or the youth to do them again.

Keeping a blog documents growth and allows me to see how foolish, childish I was or what I was doing and thinking at any phase in my past.

I find it really fascinating when the posts in made in pique can trigger a pretty accurate recall of the situation then, and how I felt. These are things that I forgot to remember, things that made up the good years before I was soldiering.

Difficult as it is to write, I will still do so, because it will capture the feeling and thoughts I have at this point in time and reflect it to my future self who will view everything as an aid to remember.

Today I woke early, with a forcible removal from a really lovely dream. I was putting my lips to kiss a special lady during an elevator ride, and only the texture of her lip reminded me within the dream that it was not thoroughly as real as I'd like.

This leads me to examine the probability of this incidence. I believe it is low at this point.

Why I am reluctant to enter casually into a relationship even though I'm pining for a romance is because it isn't something to be taken lightly.

The relationship, no matter where it leads will irreversibly change both persons. It will mess with the heads of both persons especially if it ends badly.

Having strong feelings or affections for a girl is not good enough reason to get together. A relationship that is good and healthy and godly must be centred on Christ, have a good foundation, promising beneficial growth for both persons.

I refuse to waste time in short-term flings that have no potential to last the entire distance, that affects my heart and mind and that of the hypothetical hers. Some people say that having such poor imitations of a fulfilling relationship is experience.
I hardly think so.

Hence I am cautious because I have learnt that I cannot trust myself.
Will I treat a girl properly, rightfully? Will I be able to love her in increasing; will I in anger and self-centredness not bruise her with speech and disposition?

*

It is a struggle to break into the rhythm of exercise, but once I've gotten started, I want to accelerate and do more faster.

This week, I have masterfully managed to nap and then lift the weights in my precious Saturday while having not met any friends or cleaned my belongings.

SNATCH-GRIP DEADLIFT;
BENCH PRESS;
GOBLET SQUAT;
T-BAR ROW

These and a good, big meal plus coffee will improve the sixth day of the week.

*

I cannot see what is ahead of me because I am so short-sighted and am unable to see beyond myself. I do not know what the world will be like, I do not know the growth that i will go through in another 5 years, but I pray that Christ is in it; that my friends and family will remain close, or become even closer then.

I would very much like to close my eyes and imagine that things are sweet, but this is not how I will choose to get by.

Having just watched Smallville Season 10, I would like the outpour of affection from one heart to the other, but again, the probability is low. I re-watch the drama to satiate my inbuilt program that craves romantic fulfillment.