Saturday, December 26, 2009

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.—Charles Dickens


Friday, December 25, 2009

HAPPY CHRISTMAS;

My blog is in dire need of colour and life. The above greeting stands as an attempt to expunge the monotony.

I traditionally celebrate Christmas by watching a continuous strings of cartoons that build the festive mood because there is no snow, no tree, no turkey.

My program starts in the morning and it will persist till the night, and morph from animation to live-action TV.

Shows like The Polar Express and definitely, Love Actually create a tropical, local Christmas that is a prized holiday.

Now that I am a soldier and an almost-adult, Christmas is no longer a subset of a larger and longer holiday because I'm no longer schooling.

This makes me really miss JC and the time I spent then, as a student who's mistakes were mild and less costly and had the huge autonomy to do what, when I liked.

Looking back at being a student and comparing that with now being a soldier, I feel evermore that the leap is massive, and I've been put on accelerated growth in this whole year.
I think that most of the female and large parts of the male people in our land have very little idea about what we do and how we train and fight, and if I ever get to a position with leverage and heavy influence, I would propose that (female) students get to see us do a regular mission.

Videos and photos cannot capture the heat and rigour with what we do, and even I myself could never have imagined doing the things that I've been at, a year ago.

The future is unseen, but only to our less powerful eyes and not un-sketched or out of the hands of our God, who is faithful and good.

I came up with some realizations.
First, Santa Claus is a big racist who neglects Asians.
Since he is full of magic, the weak excuse about there being no chimneys in our flats and condominiums is non-believable.

If he were committed, he might use the general rubbish chute that connects every single apartment.

Two would be that I am wholly unprepared for any sort of romance.

Three is that I am actually pretty good with children. My mutant ability to induce laughter strikes a chord with those below 1.5m in height, and I am thinking this accidental weapon is also potent when turned on even ladies above this range.

Many of the people I know in Anglican High are expressing faith in Christ.
This is a pleasant surprise and I wonder if He is working on something while drawing all of us deep into Him, because we are the next generation of believers who will impact the world, acting in the full might and power of His Holy Spirit.

To pray for softening of hearts which grow receptive to the message of love, and to be perfect in Christ. Softening is hardly the same as weakening, which I think is an association we make inadvertently.

GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO

Friday, September 18, 2009

It's pretty startling to note how quickly time slips when you stop noticing.
I've staved off writing here for more than 10 weeks, which on hindsight, now seemed much shorter than they were while I was living through them.

The agony and the injury were fresh then, but now that they've gone faint, they've also gotten distant. This is the kind of time where we document what we've lived through as the primary precautiounary measure against forgetfulness.

In being pious in journaling, there's a lot of value in marking out the progress and as well as the peaks and troughs in the period. So I use my sketchbook and document (active).

Today was uneventful, lest for a scenic 9 kilometre run in the morning that I was reluctant to put any effort into at first. Later, my muscles and mind grew warm to the idea of such a run, and with good companions, good rhythm and stride, it went really well.

I re-learned that taxis are valued for their speed, and the recompense for such speed is cost.
However, when the expressway is jammed, there is little speed but the cost still rises exponentially, as well as my anxiety and rapid eye movement (REM) from all places to the taxi meter.

I'm trying to hold on to the dreamy, happy feeling incurred early this week that I know won't endure and I'm plugging the leak with romantic films and poor copies of romance.

Finally stole the chance to watch 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' and I think that it has been underrated, because I like the element of the male lead improving and changing and earning a good romance.

Would like to go in a parallel direction, though I think that the world outside of a theatre screen is less predictable and formulaic.

Otherwise, I'm faring badly in diet, sleep and prayer. Going to remmedy all of them now.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I am in need of a Civilian Conversion Course, now that after almost 3 weeks in SAFTI MI, and all I know now is the inside of an army camp.

I very much need a break from the tempo and culture of military life and to turn back into the lazy civilian.

I am told that my book-out, which is a regular dose of happy pill that must be taken (much like an antibiotic) is pushed back to Sunday the 12th.

This comes as a mighty blow to my person, but I am slightly cheered by the promise of being let out again. It will be a week-end/start of sequels.

Where I have squeezed out some minutes to write, I will not waste those minutes.

First, a decent quote:

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The next thing to do is act on this wisdom.

*

Next, what I have learnt.
It took me some time to learn this, that Christians were never meant to stand alone, or remain cut off from each other, and that we were not to be angry at, or be in conflict.

To be united in Christ is something that was plain, but yet I could miss. It took Solomon and Ryan in BMTC to educate me about this; that although we had different knowledge, progress and growth, we all looked to Christ and put our hope and trust in Him.

Romans 15:5-7

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15: 13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

My learnings from the above were that our highest goal is to praise, worship and glorify God and to give supremacy to His Son, Jesus Christ whom He delighted in giving headship and authority over all of us to.

That we must pray actively and constantly for things, even the things we presume will be given to us naturally, like our daily bread.

Always give thanks, and always remember that God is with us.
God being with us has many implications, and that our conduct and attitude and speech have all got to do with how we are with God.

My second learning was that Scripture is rich and that even with the same words, we must bear in mind that the Word of God is living and very applicable.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

In short I need to watch myself and rein in my conduct and be ready for when I am almost at my breaking point and the real selfish, unlovely me surfaces.

On romance, I would like one, but it should be lasting and sincere and committed.
Strangely, not as keen on one now, but missing the support and concern from one.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

I feel less inclined to love, and though I still must, I realize that while people are being difficult it is primarily me that refuses to be kind or understanding, and it is my temper that is put to the test.

It is always our response and subsequent action in a hard situation that matters to God, and the response and action indicates our level of strength.

I had a poor showing in the situations I was in today and before I saw it for what it really was (my small test), and it is something I need to work on.
I forgot the basic truths I learnt and leapt into my mistakes.

It exposed my weaknesses and showed me how easily I could be swayed, and that a neglect in spending time in prayer to realign myself opened me up very quickly.

I have to get up and moving and accept correction, and keep striving to keep in step, not giving up in my striving for it is very much this that God is looking at.

I get mad easily, at silliness and at slowness. Today while getting away from SFT, my companion was so bent on getting a taxi, he wanted to walk with the supremely heavy load until he reached a junction.

Because I spent my younger years with my cousins cycling or simply walking along the stretching leading up to and beyond the Ferry Terminal, I knew that it was too far to walk and I pressed them to take Bus no. 9 with me and took some delight at highlighting my intelligence and stressing on his stupidity.

I was again hyper-aware afterward that what I felt at being right was a break from the behaviour that my faith is supposed to bring about in me.

I find surprisingly that it's easier now for me to go on doing things that I don't feel like doing, like washing an item that requires a lot of work and time while I am weary.

My mind protests at the offensive chore, but my hands and the rest of my body are already on it.
This is a useful skill, and maybe I've really built up some steel within me.

Dare I say that Army has made me disciplined and self-reliant?
I am loathe to give so much credit to them, for after all, they have endangered my health and sanity and cost me 13 pounds of mass, 4 of which I barely managed to gain back.

They starve and stress me and deprive me, and I am injured by this treatment.
But then again, this is the military and if they apply tenderness and do not expose their soldiers to discomfort, then we wouldn't be a fighting force, would we?

They probably just recalled the dormant discipline acquired in my uniformed group that I laid aside the moment I assumed a leadership role in upper secondary.

This self-reliance is mostly probably a nicer name for when I do not trust other people to do things for me and prefer to do it myself.

Because of my stint in Basic Military Training and with my particular/ peculiar company, I'm fully prepared for command school and further "ill-treatment". I have been priming myself for difficult times ahead, and will be sustained by my faith, my family and friends, the hope of a real romance, and continuous griping.
I don't like it very much, but I would carry on.

I discover I have almost adapted to being pummelled in excess with rough treatment, but I absolutely cannot stand poor planning in the aspect of programme and also the failure to lead by example.

If you are unable, or unwilling to conform to the similar requests you dole out to your men, you are not an adequate commander. Your men serve alongside you, and you need to show them that you can do what you ask of them.
Your willingness will induce their willingness to comply.
On hindsight, cooperation is more appropriate a term than compliance.

I noticed that the chain of command is also a food-chain, where the higher-ups snap at their subordinates more often than we thought.

I think that there comes a time where the truth is not believed, but thought to be a lie. Things like, "I do not have a girlfriend" or "I have never kissed a girl", or something along those lines. Try it; when you get to a certain point, you are thought to be executing a good joke.

I like to capture beauty in this space, and Allison Stokke is a good-looker, and although I am stunned when I see her, I will do well to remember that the heart being beautiful is a better prize than the surface appearance. The real indication of good health is a kind, loving and gracious heart.

She is an American pole vaulter from Orange County, California, both athletic and beautiful.





There were some people who were pretty rude toward me, I noticed. They need to have more respect for beautiful people.

God looks out for me regardless, and He gave me an extra sausage and egg at breakfast on Friday when Xiao Wei gave his hard-boiled oval brown chicken egg to me. It was important for my body to absorb good quality protein, seeing that good old nutrition is hard to come by in camp, no matter what the food people claim.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

I am to write a short piece on the four defining moments in my Basic Military Training phase, and I thought I'd do it here, before extracting it and then giving it to my officer.



Four Defining Moments

My first comment would be that, it is hard to point out/pull out any single sharp moment where I can hold it to be precisely when I felt was most edifying for my person.

I find that the whole process is affecting, and myself at the end of it, is a positive product of what I've gone through.

It has been observed most people appreciate honesty, and so I will first list the instance at "stand two" during evening where I was proning in my shell scrape and feeling like a baby, as one. While trying to keep looking through the scope of my rifle, I felt really lousy then, because out-field, the low levels of comfort were a blow to the bum that I was.

This was the second day of field camp and I was the Platoon I/C. The mud and sand and the wetness, and the hunger and the stress and homesickness had gotten to me, and I realized that my mental strength was insufficient and I was not as tough as I supposed or liked to be.

The responsibility as Platoon I/C anchored me and I gathered the parts of me that were not so weak and pushed on, learning quickly that striving for comfort is foolish, but becoming indifferent to discomfort is key.

I imagine most people would claim that being handed their rifle is a defining moment, but I think for me, firing the rifle was a positive defining moment. I began by being afraid of the rifle, because I was hyper-aware that it could kill, and although this apprehension dimed when I grew familiar with the weapon, live firing called it out again.

It was firing the weapon that made me even more sensitive to the fact that I was a soldier, and that I was to shoot at my enemy and injure or destroy him. All the foolery before was insignificant when lined up next to this. What we were doing was real and serious, and all of it led up to this.

The other moment was being called to use the branches and leaves to adorn ourselves and then lying on the forest floor in field craft. Apart from being pleasantly surprised at the effectiveness of our pixelized uniform, it was a important skill to acquire to boost my survivability in future. It was also extremely fun.

I gleaned that in a team with a mutual end-objective, only joint progress is valid. The moments from which I learned this are numerous and many of them involved my palms supporting my body from the floor.

This was the case in fire drill or any settings where we failed to meet timings given.
Individual responsibilty in addition to contributing to the larger outfit was something precious that would spare us muscle soreness and result in the objective being achieved.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Feelings are unrealiable, and if I base decisions and actions by how I feel at the moment, I am setting myself up for either regret, disaster or both.

The fuzzy feeling which I thought I had and I like, and we popularly call love is a misnomer. Yet many people rush into big things like marriage on basis of such feelings, and then wonder how come the amazing thing they had going on before fell apart.

I am more aware that I'm looking for that feeling all over again, looking to be satisfied with some kind of flare that will light up for a bit, but will short out later.

I'm hoping that there might be a female that will captivate, entrance me and occupy all of my thoughts and fill up my waking-sleeping moments.

And I realise quickly that this is wrong and should not be the case.
I should not be exalting a woman to the status of a goddess, and have her take hold of all my thoughts, occupying the highest position in my life no matter how desirable she is.

And our definition of desirable is a faulty human one. When the virtuous woman is placed next to the vixen, temptress our fiercely wild hearts inclines towards the second woman.

In the second woman, she has the flavour of animality and that the base, carnal man wants-I will begin to quote C.S. Lewis-she is the "type which he desires brutally, and desires to desire brutally, a type best used to draw him away from marriage altogether but which even within marriage, he would tend to treat as a slave, an idol, or an accomplice".

The woman is very precious, and all the pornography and the flaunting of sexuality in the media simply devalues her, as well as BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) turns her into an object in which we expend all our lust.

This ugliness appeals to us as erotic and causes our hearts to leap, which in rare moments of sanity and clear vision should really be recognized for being gross and evil.
I have this kind of blindness as well.

I am sure that the evil one seriously hates women and thus devalues, demeans and disfigures her in this manner. His attacks on her aims at reducing her from her status as the crowning glory of her husband, to an ugly animal.

Proverbs 12:4
A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

1 Corinthians 11:7
A man ought not to cover his head since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

Our definition of desirable and of beauty must be applied to character and nature and not the outward-the physical and the carnal.
*

C.S. Lewis really has a brilliant mind, and is gifted by God with a good grasp of Theology. I dare not hold him up to be supremely accurate, but his writings are learned and helpful.

He may not be fully accurate about Christian doctrine, and I would be mistaken also, but we who depend on God to reveal, teach and correct us are not given grace on account of how well we understand the difficult things, but on our attitude and obedience.

It is the weak, meek, helpless and defenseless and lost sheep that the Shepherd came back to herd and add to His flock; when He declares us worthy and acceptable, we are and while we are mistaken, divided or in conflict about matters of teaching we must be focused on Christ, on love and on being humble and submissive to correction.

I have not fully learned this yet.

If your feeling is selfish, or selfishness is mixed up in some of it, then it isn't love.

Love isn't a feeling, or a whim. It is something noble and great that is missing in us or mostly fractured. God uses our whole life to teach us to love.
In Marriage, we learn to love our partners and absorb their imperfections; in Parenting, we learn more about God's nurturing and sustenance and self-less, almost always sacrificial-giving that we pay back with low gratitude.

*

I'm riding/writing on fumes of indignation, because my mother suggested in a tone I loathe, that I lack discernment in my choice of friends.

In some areas, my mother knows what I am like, but as to what goes on inside my head, or how I think and make considerations she has little understanding.

I think it isn't fitting that my dear mother doesn't get how my mind works, and I feel that it is inappropriate that your mother has poor idea of how you think and what you think about.
It is even more dire that we as children, have close to no idea what our mothers' thoughts are occupied by.

But while we bridge this break, we must also try hard to understand how our mothers think and work, because while we are very concerned with mostly ourselves, their concern expands to include us.

I just realised my indignation has vanished. Writing for me now is a therapeutic process that leads to a satisfactory outcome, especially if I add reflecting into the mix.



Utah's rainbow bridge; I wanted to put a rainbow here, but thought that this was even more of a visual treat.

*

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis is a big book (although it's small) which once you've had the patience to read through slowly, will strengthen your understanding of the Christian faith and the gospel.

The Screwtape Letters is a satire which pokes fun at the devil and amuses but has depth and still educates, never mind it having dramatised the way minor devils try to intercept the progress of a young, shaky Christian male.

I know this even more acutely-my life must be spent in being aligned to Christ and it must be one of steady obedience.
We are called to walk on water, out of our familiar steadiness to reach toward Him, in doing what our minds perceive as impossible. And when we stumble, He takes hold of us and steadies us equipping us with what we need to triumph the common 'impossible'.

The storms and wind buffet us, but so long as we fix our eyes on Jesus, we will not fall.

God is operating inside of me, and even if it is painful, I am convinced it is for my good.

God is working in my family and I am thankful for His faithfulness, and for renewing and strengthening my family.

Forgive me if I've been uninteresting-these are the things I feel compelled to say, even though most of me think an apology to my readers is unnecessary.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

There are many times while I am training that I wish I could somehow capture, retain, bottle up the moment and/or the view that is laid before me.

The jokes and the laughs are wonderful, but their quality and familiarity fades as time goes on, and there is little allowance to hold on to them.

I have forgotten a great deal of things, and I pray that when I have a quiet moment, God will remind me of the things that matter.

*

When I lean back and try to ignore the sandflies, I look out for the crescent moon.

During field camp, I looked to the moon-"the lesser light" according to Scripture-as my lamp; because in the expansive darkness, which can be severely unsettling even for myself, my lighter and the flickering blue line of my torch is useless.

For me the moon brings comfort, and is a firm reminder of God being close, real, and with me.

Under the moon, I prayed together with Ryan and Solomon, and I am grateful for God's arrangement in having them with me, in giving me Christian support.

I also learnt that prayer is suitable for all times and we must not stall in consulting God.

I prayed that my week would be one which God would be actively involved in, and He answered out of His loving mercy, providing me with numerous blessings that would seem ordinary if I were not paying attention.

I need to appreciate the things God has arranged in my favour, that I do not know of.

Our need for our mothers is so strong. On a long trip, she will be the one we miss first; and hers is the voice that will still us when we are unsettled, her food will be the most satisfying, and her care will be most complete.

When I viewed Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan", it doesn't surprise me that the mortally wounded soldiers are baying for their mothers, because it is the comforting love from their mothers that they received right from they were nursed and up to even beyond adulthood that they desperately need.

I believe we'll never be weaned off this reliance on our mothers.

The handphone is a luxury item, that I found myself craving for even though I supposed I was fine without it. In increasing our comfort, we subscribe to peculiar habits.

I keep my sketchbook, which is my prayer journal, gym log and thoughts-book all in one close-by, and scribble on it whenever something comes to me.

I know my friend wears his shirt from home to sleep, and I think it's a way he can mimic the comfort from there.

I am very hasty this weekend and must slow down, but I cannot seem to.

Sunday, May 17, 2009



My sister provided the push for me to post, saying that staving off writing would blunt my wit, because the Army suspends your intellect.

I've learned experientially several things from the past 2 weeks, and the first of which was that:
Striving for comfort is foolish; becoming indifferent to discomfort is key.

The next that I posit would be that: only joint progress i.e. in a team is valid.

I was accurate in predicting that Field Camp would be horrid, but it exceeded even those expectations I had.
But I grew even though the conditions were unfriendly and though it was by far the worst week I had lived through, it was one that was very important to my person.

I discovered that my mental strength was found wanting, and that I was not as tough as I supposed I was.

*
But all in all, I discovered that God was faithful and stedfast, and so very near. He comforted and counselled me in my distress and He provided me with support from fellow Christians around me right there in the field and strengthened me.
He fed me when I was hungry and he gave me down time when I was ill.
He had me meet my friends from Karate on Friday, which I was hoping to but thought I missed.

I must learn to recognize and appreciate His numerous blessings.

I am still learning to slow down and listen to Him, and behave the way He leads me to, in being patient and gentle, and not brusque or brash which is the typical Song Leng-fashion.

I discovered that my need for Him is so great, that apart from Him, I can do nothing.
He is in us, He is with us, and in Him, only in Him we are strong. Are we with Him?

It was with this I held onto throughout the past week-
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12

I am pleased with this book-out because I procured a new cell-phone, and added to my small library of Christian literature C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters.

I cooked and savoured my dish of pork chops,
managed to go to the gym,
and then caught a movie with my beloved Derek.

I met friends whom I wanted to see but couldn't, and sat and talked with them, almost like I used to.
Can I say I have not lived under His blessing?

*
In reflecting, I must constantly ask myself who is Jesus to me? (1)
Have I grown in the past month, and have I learnt? (2)

Good and bad things happen to me; do they propel me towards God? (3)

Do I mock Christ by continuing in, and to sin, or because of His love for me, throw myself fully onto Him? (4)

*
On another note, I find that real love is not concerned with beauty.
Love does not mind, but instead it takes in and encompasses all offences and gives back affection, care and everything good.

I realize that parents are often distinguished by their children.
I'm pleasantly surprised because Christ wins glory for His Father.

The Christian life is one of vigilance and obedience.
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
(Mark 14:38)

While many times I do not feel like, when I am neither awake or energized, I must pursue God.

I must not give in to my selfish desires and sin, but instead stay guarded, conscious and sensitive to their destructiveness.

Lastly, in my pro-Christian writings, I do not aim to bruise, but instead seek to freely express my beliefs about Divinity. Pray, do not take offense at my words but consider their validity.

Friday, May 1, 2009

I made a list of the things I was going to do on my first ever book-out, and I'm pretty pleased that I actually got to do some of them.

I wanted a massage badly throughout the whole of the confinement period while in-camp, because I hoped it will relieve the sorenesss I've accumulated over time and unknot the tense muscles from the routines they put us through, seeing that we have great workloads but less recovery time.

This is one bit I'm pretty disgruntled about; where we are given high workload and minimal allowance for rest. This coupled with the higher temperatures on the island, it's no wonder people with weaker constitution fall sick.

I still have not gotten my massage, but I have about half a day left, and if God permits I will be able to swing by the place, which I heard was in Tampines.


Sleep at my own discretion was something I missed also, seeing that it was a decree that said we had to wake up by 0530, except for one day where there was a turnout the night before. And it seems that they've already succeeded in hammering this into me, because I've been waking up around 0500 for the past two nights.

I've had no trouble getting to sleep though and now that so much sleep is a rare treat, I seize it properly.


The gymnasium was a place I missed, and I was fretting about the loss of strength, muscle and form after more than 20 days without lifting weights.

But God was gracious, and I pretty much completed all the movements I set out to.
(Image Credits, Google.)
The traditional Bench Press;



A new power movement that worked the Upper Posterior chain-the Dumbbell Snatch;




The almighty Squat;




And the Barbell Romanian Deadlift-to-Bent-over Row.




I remember saying I favour big, compound movements that engage multiple muscles and body parts and involve big weights. They boost my ego and assure me of measurable progress.

And then I rushed over to meet my movie buddy Nawal, to impress her with my bald head and also to blaze through two great movies which I'd been wanting to catch since the day before I enlisted.

Looking forward to our movie date was one of the main things that kept me sane, apart from my faith, and it was real good to see Nawal after 2 excruciating weeks. She's been a real good friend, and when I'm talking to her, she makes me want to tell her everything.
Perhaps she is a mutant with the power of persuasion?

Wolverine: Origins was a typical action movie for me, that although was really cool and all, but pretty much forgettable in terms of action, the fight sequences were good though and there were some nice jokes. But at least it answered Wolverine's memory loss satisfactory.

17 again was a chick flick, but deep down, I am a royal sucker for chick flicks like this, where the dose of romance severely infected me. Even Nawal who I think watched the movie only cause I wanted to was pleasantly surprised.

I like and enjoyed all of it (I will stop short of saying I loved it, to avoid putting my masculinity into question), and I grew fonder of Zac Efron, although I noted that his character still has some residual from High School Musical-the dancing, basketball and some lines.

I would say this flick isn't just for lovestruck adolescents who believe their little trysts are the real thing. It's also for middle-aged couples, who've been married long enough for them to forget why and how they met, grew to love each other and then get married in the first place.

I want to see it again, at least until I am desensitised to it.

*

I've been prompted to summon the inner cynic that I keep stowed away deep within me, and will proceed to offend certain people.

I have a great lack of empathy for vegetarians, mostly with those people who choose to become one 'for health reasons'. It is neither nutritionally nor medically sound and if we look at vegetarians, their physique and constitution is often poorer than the others.
It is ridiculous to assert that vegetable-only meals will clean out your system.

Not everyone is like Daniel, who could eat only greens and have a brighter complexion than everyone else.

Once again, my lack of patience and tolerance is glaring.

The other laughable reason is to uphold and secure animal rights.
Firstly, you are staging your protest on so small a scale that it has virtually no impact on the rest of the world. By one person not eating meat, this has no bearing on everyone else.
Less for you, more for me, we say. And the same number of animals are still being culled.

You are being an inactive, reserved activist, and that is really amusing.
You believe that your stand is a lost cause, and as long as you yourself do not partake of the bloodbath, your conscience is safe-kept and you are an elegant non-barbarian.

Next, I find the argument for animal rights to be absurd. What sort of rights should they get anyway? Should we have them herded into the booths on Election Day and let them decide who runs the country, since this 'right' is also awarded to some pig-headed biped?

Are ants and cockroaches equal to the elephant or the horse? Can it be that they have different value to us, while on one hand we hold that animal are just like us-equalityequalityequality, and then we call the pests experts when we have an infestation problem.

What gives you the right to decide which animals are of greater worth?
Could it be that we only give a damn about the animals that serve us well or are extremely useful, and slight those that are damaging, repulsive or can't be eaten, or are simply all these things.

Animal rights? You probably need to reexamine your superficial ideals.

*
It's disgusting that above I display how un-Christ-like and intolerant I am, and how I discredit the gospel with my poor showing, but I pray that God will give me patience because I have none; I pray He will give me love because I have little; and I ask that in my petition, He will remember me in my weakness and add strength and wisdom to me.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Justice is like a Tyrannosaurus Rex.


The T.Rex has really short arms, as seen from the picture above, and what I'm hitting at is that Justice has the same limited reach. My cell phone got stolen last Saturday and I felt even more acutely how helpless we all are when the offense is unanticipated and unseen.
I'm also thinking that our law enforcement is now reduced to tackling domestic disputes and petty mischiefs, and they may have acquired a dangerous contentment.
I disbelief in the low crime rate.
I would think that there is just a low occurence of serious crimes like arson, murder and the like.
Thefts, burglary, fraud happen all the time, and this offsets the assumption that we are a safe and secure society.
It's just that the threats aren't big enough, and the petty crimes that are still offenses don't get much exposure.
Hence I wait for God's righteousness to come again.

Romans 12: 19-21

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

My favourite exercise in the weights room is the Wide-grip Deadlift.
It hits your upper back, your quadriceps and glutes, and is still largely a deadlift, that works your hips, erector spinae and core. It builds good posture and also the lower body.
It makes you feel like a big, strong man also.
I'm in favour of exercises that recruit more muscle and involve heavy weights, because there is greater potential for growth and increase in strength.
The stimulus is huge; the corresponding growth is huger.
My workouts now strive to always contain the Deadlift and Squat, and even out the Push/Pull movements.
1 Push exercise
1 Pull Exercise
Squat/Deadlift
I've ditched the vanity exercises like bicep curls and the juvenile mistakes I acquired when I started out, and I now feel a mixed pity and scorn for new juveniles who are now making the identical mistakes.
Of course I am no expert in this field and my strength in the measurable exercises are below par. But I still advocate the importance of know-how before we dive into training.
The NIKE maxim of 'Just Do It', is not a license to forgo your good sense and plunge into deep water, but a reminder for people who know what they're getting into and as a result have good reasons to have reservations.
But now I'm overhauling my position, and believe that time-effective and hard training although is great, but it will be severely undermined, if we have lousy recovery (sleep and rest) and shoddy nutrition (eating habits).
*
While I am still learning and studying Scripture, it came to me even more startlingly that I belong to Christ wholely, because He has redeemed me.
Christ's ownership of me is total, and there can be no personal ambition or interest that I withhold from Him. I must submit all my thinking, doing and saying to Him and only do what is acceptable and pleasing.
C.S Lewis says this,
The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call "ourselves"-our personal happiness centred on money or pleasure or ambition-and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do. If I am a grass field-all the cutting will keep the grass less but won't produce wheat. If I want wheat...I must be plowed up and re-sown.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I have been valuing my own happiness above everything else for most of my life, and it is little wonder that I was unhappy. In striving to be happy, we give first place to the selfish desires of our hearts, which displace other people and promote ourselves.

The world is a cruel, selfish place that encourages self-centredness and conditions you to be self-centred.
We are often told: Fight for your own happiness.
I am astounded I could miss the great degree of self-centredness in that.
Our own happiness, if possible to attain, would come at others' expense and misery.
Our own happiness means that we disregard the condition of others' hearts and exalt ourselves above them.

Instead of cutthroat competitions, where men come up against one another, it should be as: Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (NIV)

There is a sense of mutual growth/ improvement in the Proverb, but in our human version of competition somebody gets hurt and left behind, thoroughly losing.

When we look at all the main sins and offences, we see that they have heavy overtones of self-interest in them. In coveting and in greed, where our own insecurity and self-interest instigate us to steal and claim things that aren't ours in the beginning. This of course harms the rightful owner whom we discount when matched with our desires.

In lust, we desire things that do not belong or cannot belong to us. We prize our pleasures and satisfaction either in the emotional or physical and sexual sense above all, and we do not care if it injures the people we love and care about or demean women who are of immeasureable worth.

Satiety and Fulfillment do not mean the same thing.

This is why I believe that the world is broken.
Some believe that love and neighbourliness will heal the world. I believe that it takes much more than human action to salvage the brokenness; I believe only Christ provides Salvation.

It is also unthinkable when we can be happy when our satisfaction is built on the misery of other people who are as precious as us.
What makes a person precious?
It should not be intellect, beauty, virtue. The human soul is precious.

Instead of self-centredness, we must be God-centred.

*

Looking at how most belief systems make out how our earthly lives, it seems almost like we are in a rat-race, where only at the end, are the Elite with special unique qualities of strength and power and brilliant minds, as well as an ambiguous label of goodness, rewarded with heaven.

I would instantly say that most of us will not make the cut because these virtues and qualities are neither common, or attainable in a lifetime. With doing good, while we are selfish, even when the things we do have positive consequences, it is questionable if we have done good.
I could take this on in another lengthy thread.

My question is: what about the weak, the helpless, the broken?
Are they cared for and catered for while they fail to qualify for heaven?

In a society that celebrates and rewards strength, is there any place for the weak and meek?

My critique is that we give too much weight to our moral efforts and we believe that these will be sufficient to carry ourselves to a higher place, and we structure the end reward in a laughable competition against each other, matching each other's moral contributions.
So once again, we displace one another and advance at others' expense.

I find it strange that the path to heaven seems extremely similar to the selfish cutthroat competitions on Planet Earth.

*

We fully depend on Christ because all of our strength is insignificant, and we have no ability to save ourselves from our own brokenness, our own insidious, unloving selves. Christ cleanses us, declares us righteous and worthy despite our fallenness and empowers us to follow after Him, which we could not. He teaches us to love Him and one another, and in all of this, we give glory to God who is worthy of the highest praise.

Only in the Grace of God can we eat and drink without cost. Christ has paid in full.


It is a big step to yield to Christ.
I dislike the word receive, because it is too genial and non-committal.
Rather, we should stop rejecting and resisting Christ in the areas of our life.

*

I have not mentioned Sin. Most of us have no concept of Sin, or we mute it into the form of an occasional mistake that we can surely avoid.

This low view of Sin is dangerous and foolish.
In characterizing Sin, Sin is like a serpent that sneaks in unaware and takes hold of you and will not let go. It aims to bring you with it to death.

If you are angry, it will instigate you to hurt/harm others, even those you care about, and yourself.

It will pervert your normal sexual urges into something beastly and unnatural, that demeans and twists what is meant to be beautiful communion between man and wife.

It will make you forget about love and kindness and gentleness.

It will lead you away from God because God who is Holy is incompatible with Sin.

It will lead you to go against God, and incite you to violate His laws, which have been meant to protect and sanctify you, reserving you who are originally His for sacred use and His purposes.

Because of sin, we lose our place in God's family and kingdom.

Sin is not contented in occupying a small part in your life, or a small piece of you. It will want full claim over all of you.

I am not scaring my readers, but Sin is not something that is over and done with. It is a constant threat to our relationship with God, and while Christ has broken its claim over us, we must not let it dominate us once again.

If we do not think we need to be saved, we will not want a Saviour.
Christ will not be relevant to us if we are fulfilled and happy.

But most of us are neither happy nor fulfilled.




*

Days left to Enlistment: 13

I'm looking to spend the rest of my time getting together with good old friends whom I have not seen, or will not be seeing for a long time, and also to slip in as many times of weight workouts as my weak body can afford, without breaking down.

Where I am now a free roaming adult with no longer any fresh income and thus a relevant resolution not to abuse my ATM card, I have to regulate my outings also.

Wed 1:
Thu 2:
Fri 3:
Sat 4: KARATE DEMONSTRATION @ SUNTEC CITY

Sun 5: SERVICE (MORNING), THE PEOPLE FROM KARATE, MOTHERS' DAY DINNER
Mon 6: EVENING TRAINING @ KOLAM AYER CC
Tue 7:
Wed 8:
Thu 9 :
Fri 10 : FINAL KARATE TRAINING
Sat 11:

Sun 12: SERVICE, FINAL GYM SESSION
Mon 13: PPD
Tue 14: ENLISTMENT DAY

Unless something else seizes me violently, this will be the final expository from me.
And no, I am not a fanatic. If I were one, I would be very inconsistent, frenzied and beyond common reason.

I'm slightly stunned that it is April again.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I often post in response to somebody else's expository, before I either relate to that somebody's post or go off in another wholely different direction.
(This post was motivated by reading Catherine's.)

My first and foremost query is:
Do people actually read my posts properly and take in what I say?

I will come back to this.

I must address the 'A' Levels, in order to validate it having been a real experience for my person. The outcome was within my expectations when I had not finished the coursework. Xiao Yu tells me, all the way from Canada, that this is a shabby excuse and I concur.

Most of the nerves were lost on me on Friday, because I lunched with Derek first and had beef as well. I like beef because it is succulent (when cooked masterfully) and muscle-friendly and it spites the cow-abstaining idol at home.

I then had to pay $30 worth of fines at the library for a book I borrowed in 2007, and promptly returned into the book-drop because it was unhelpful. I reasoned that if I had paid, and my results were horrific, it'd be even more of a rip-off. Because of this (and other expenditures), I'm broke this whole week. Myself, and several others have been victims of the flawed system in the college library.

While waiting for the long-sighted lady to leaf through the wad of results slips of other compatriots marked down by the unmerciful library, the woman almost gave me a slip with Ds and Us and Ss. It was a rude shock and I thank God my name, "LAU" is super distinctive from other names like "LIM". I'm so sorry, Lim.

When I finally got my rightful slip, by virtue of stark comparison, it felt strangely liberating, though a mild, awful emotion did appear for a bit. I call it the "it should have been me" feeling, triggered when I watched, and recalled watching old friends go upstage to claim their deserved congratulations from the principal.

Back at the hall, even the VP kindly give me counsel and evaluated my results for me. Hakim gave me "The Killing Joke", a 1988 Batman graphic novel as a birthday gift, and it was very entertaining and distracting, while the people who did excellent were called onstage.

God's faithfulness was a solid comfort, because our future in Christ is extremely secure.

John 10:27-29 (NIV)

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."

This is a most important question I've been mulling over for quite some time.
Q: How do you tell if you are a sheep of God's flock.
A: Easy. You follow Him.

I also remembered to praise God for His divine arrangement which the short-sighted creature that I am cannot see. We survive only on His grace, and to also mention a delightful worship song, His Grace is Enough. My extensive study of Scripture then gave rise to two hard-sought A's amidst the other ugly alphabets, and I am thankful.
On hindsight, this was God at work, even through a lazy vessel like me.

A happy conclusion to a Korean drama, and a night at Karate which was slow-paced because of the visiting Swiss Blackbelt, made things better.

And this is how I've closed the chapter on my pre-university education. Even then, I will not entertain intrusive questions about my exam performance. I will then proceed to feign amnesia, in the hope that you might get my meaning and go away, else I will need to behave violently.

I have learnt more about leadership recently and although Gandhi is a pagan, he was pretty accurate to say: "I suppose that at one time leadership meant muscles, but today it means getting along with people."

This is not to say that Arnold Schwarzenegger makes a lousy governor, but that leadership is not a commanding presence or an inspiring one. It begins with humility, enthusiasm and offers respect to coworkers and especially subordinates. It concludes with appreciation for them when the job is done. I saw this in a slim man whose hair was growing white.

The Pyramid of Leadership
Image Credit: Google



If Christ is real, then He should be our everything and occupy all our thoughts all the time and unceasingly. There will be no self, no 'me' but only Christ.

We should strive to have Abraham's faith. God told Abraham to "Take your son, your only son, Isaac whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." (Genesis 22:2 (NIV))

It was incredulous, and it seemed incredulous to Abraham because God had said it was through Isaac that Abraham's offspring will be reckoned and he could not understand how would God still bring forth nations and the kings of peoples if he were to put his heir to death.

But his response was prompt:
"Early next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey." (verse 3)

Abraham trusted that God would provide and make his paths straight, and obeyed God IMMEDIATELY even while he could not understand what God was doing.
In short, trust God even while we cannot see and cannot understand.

In Genesis 15-22:19 (NIV),
"Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward."

1) God is our shield (refuge and shelter) and our defence.
With His protection, we are safe and secure.
But: If we put off our shield (God), we are extremely vulnerable.

Psalm 46:1-2 (NIV)

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,"

2) God is our very great reward. The best of all things are with God. He will protect, enrich, deliver, and correct us.

God is not just speaking to Abraham here. He speaks to His people who come from Abraham (was Abram).

We can even draw lessons from Genesis.

In contrast with how Abraham was willing to give his firstborn son to God. God gave His Son for all of us, and did not hold back. What else do we do, other than devote ourselves to Him.

*

In closing, having a good time should be the least of my concerns, because I should not be living for myself or my selfish pleasures and joys. My life is no longer just my own.

My favourite lines from a worship song, "Blessed be Your Name"-

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Praise God all the time, read His Word all the time, pray all the time.
Spiritual hunger must be satisfied with the correct spiritual food.
Christ is the Word of God, and will fulfill and nourish us.

Do you really read what I write, or you just stare at the pretty letters and wonder how come I'm so eloquent?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I've dug deep, but still have not found it in me to give a proper expository of what is going on in my head. I'm only going to do it in point form, and if my eloquence comes back to me, I might talk a bit more.

I have underestimated how much I would really miss school. I miss the groggy mornings and how I refused to starting talking to people until I've gotten to the study benches. I miss how Derek, Hakim and I irritate each other. I miss the smartmouths at the back row.
I miss the rendang from the Malay stall. I sorely miss talking over stupid topics at stupid times in stupid places with stupid people.

No, I am not a wuss. I'm only mildly sentimental.
Taking apart the word 'miss-ing', here's how I think of it.
1) Lacking in something;
2) Something is amiss, i.e. something is out of sorts.

So the above very excellently explained how I felt, or am sporadically feeling now.
It's funny how we now miss what we dread.

Then I thought about what I missed, and if I were to live through an extension of it again this year. I couldn't replicate the conditions or summon all my friends who've moved on.
I conclude that I miss the past, which is something that cannot be relived, only reminisced.



How cheerful. Being eighteen forever is an attractive but non-attainable thing.
I can only man-up and move on.

*

I am now like driftwood. So much freedom and no anchor.
I need funding for my pursuits, and I need real physical pursuits.


(Image Courtesy: TravelBlog)

I need a job and yet I fear a job would upset my current lifestyle, because the full hours would sap me of strength and drive to study God's Word, and heave big weights.

If only some teacher in Anglican would fall sick - I'm not intending this to be a curse, but there needs to be an opening before my entrance as an educator and while I displace you, I must add that it also means that apart from you getting more sleep, there will also be no pesky students in this same event.
Required: An Opening.

I had a very good dream this morning, that my results were very satisfactory. And while the endorphins had not yet receded when I rose, I got sober quickly, realising that the contrary always happen with me.

The fear that my results are inadequate are very real and suppressed by my regular treatment towards stress-giving objects (suspension) and my faith that wherever I end up, it will be God's placement.

REAL:
But I still am very much aware that it was my exam and my effort.
Though all of it have been in God's hands from the start, I will reap what I sow.
This worries me.

POSITIVES:
God controls the conditions and the outcome.
I have more years ahead of me which I could spend working towards something I should have attained in my youth.

Required: A swift disclosure of results, or Cambridge having lost all records in a localized fire that consumes only paper and bytes with no loss of human life.

Seek First the Kingdom of God. I got this in the same dream, which was a very strong message that lingered up till I was at church. Wanted to share it when it was time, but was slightly abashed and also because I deem myself dressed too casually, while the people serving were in robes.

I haven't gone deeper into this topic, but I understand that in seeking and receiving this kingdom, we must also embrace the Kingship of Christ. His commands and teachings will provide us with direction; His Word will be our daily nourishment, His way will be our way and we will pray unceasingly and continually. Christ rules over all of me.

Very often I hear people profess love for God. This arouses the skeptic in me.
I dare not say that I love God (as much as I should), and I know that my love for Him is miniscule compared to His for me.
I fear that I confuse love with emotion. Love is not just a feeling.
We humans have lousy, inaccurate ideas about Love.

Our love for Him is only shown through our obedience to Christ's teachings and commands.
If our profession does not match our behaviour, then-

In all,
I am highly dubious that God endorses our worldly pursuits of fame, riches and human success and human hobby.

We may have been expecting that the ungodly things that matter to us also have the same weight in God's sight. We must check ourselves all the time.

When we take on God's way as our way, we will then only be concerned with things of God.

Friends sighted:
Vivien; calligraphy
Aaron; army

Here's a goodbye from Derek and me.
Pictures courtesy of Catherine Chew :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Most people who know me from way back and maybe not even that long ago must be wondering why are my posts and expositories always about Jesus and the Bible.

I cannot have had a genuine knowledge of Christ and be unchanged and still living the same way as I was.

I was a poor example of a man and I still very much am.

But I cannot have come to a knowledge of Jesus Christ and keep Him out of parts of my life and separate secularism and Christianity in my person.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

He looked round again and could hardly believe his eyes. There was the blue sky overhead, and grassy country spreading as far as he could see in every direction, and his new friends all around him, laughing.
"It seems, then," said Tirian, smiling himself, "that the Stable from within and the Stable seen from without are two different places."
"Yes," said the Lord Digory. "Its inside is bigger than its outside."
"Yes," said Queen Lucy. "In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world."
(Lewis,1956, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle)

My mood has been cheered slightly by the beauty in Lewis' work, but also dampened by a random atheist on the Internet. For my opportunistic atheist friends that I may have, no, my faith has not been rocked.

I have always thought atheists were ostriches.
But then we cannot make them see what they don't want to see.

We need the Holy Spirit so much.


From the Squalor of a Borrowed Stable
Stuart Townsend

From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the spirit and a virgin's faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled, with the praise of heav'n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell
Of the Gift of God, come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel

King of heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father's hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man
Yes he walked my road, and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps, give me hope again-
I will follow my Immanuel!

Through the kisses of a friend's betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world's transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost
He fights for breath, He fights for me
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout, our souls are free
Death defeated by Immanuel!

Now He's standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls us to bring them home!
Then the skies will part, as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run, to her Lover's arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

God's Love and Mercy; God's Righteousness

I don't know who reads my blog, but I feel really compelled to do this, and explain the nature of our God, and why there is a need for Jesus Christ, His person and also how did He save us.

The world is drawn to a God who loves and promises goodness, because the world is a rough place and we are tender deep down, longing for care and nurture. That's why it appeals to us when we hear that there is a person called Jesus, who loves us no matter the condition of our mind, body and heart, and we take likely to Him.

Jesus had great love for all of us, if not He would not have the strength and courage to walk to the cross and be crucified.
His whole life was gearing toward His death at Golgotha.
His foreknowledge that His death would bridge God and man and triumph over sin and His love for everyone enabled Him to carry on.

When Jesus was arrested, He said:
"Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?"

Matthew 26:53-54 (New International Version)

God loves us and He cares about our suffering, our distress.
But Jesus came not to make our lives better in the worldly sense or to give us riches and prestige.
The blessings that Jesus brought and promised through Abraham, through Israel were not material wealth, but the promise of closeness and intimacy with a God who is mighty and full of love and power.

Yet our God is also Holy. God is righteous and just. He loves justice and hates iniquity.
He does not condone sin; sin is opposite to Him. God's righteous anger, God's wrath is incurred by our wickedness and our falleness. All have sinned, and there is no exclusivity.

Proverbs 17:15
"Acquiting the guilty and condemning the innoccent-the Lord detests them both."

Because of His righteousness, sin is serious to God. Sin is an offense against an infinite God, and as a result, the punishment is rightly infinite. God cannot, despite His love for us, compromise His justice and holiness and pardon us without a price.

Out of His great love, God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ to take our place and suffer God's righteous anger on the Christ. Jesus who is divinity became man and lived a perfect life as the perfect man, pure and blameless. He came and taught us by example the perfect godly man that we were designed to be, and did not turn away from His intended course-to death on the cross.

Christ Jesus is the Son of God and having infinite worth; therefore He was fully qualified to take up all the sins of the world past and future and pay it all for us. When He died for us, He paid it in full, saying "It is finished" before He gave up his life.

He died for us and He offered us a way out of our brokenness and fallenness, and a way to God. If we believe in Him, we gain life because His blood has fully washed away our sin and He has redeemed us from our death by His own death.

Isaiah 53 is very clear in telling us what was God doing through Christ. God's own arm worked salvation for Him and for us all.

Isaiah 53

Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied ;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Romans 3:23-26
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."

With this, we are new creatures in Christ who have received life from the Spirit and must live by the Spirit and according to Christ's teachings in Scripture to imitate and take on the likeness of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:14-16
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."

Finally, God says in Isaiah 44:22, "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you."

We are redeemed by Christ's sacrifice for us, and His resurrection authenticates the reality of God's grace. In this we must repent, believe and trust in Christ Jesus, submit to His Lordship and walk in love, obeying His commands and teachings and to bear fruit.

We should not only have passive faith, but active faith.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

This new year isn't festive, but familial.
Handshakes and hugs were longer and there were more laughs.
I managed to sit down with my cousins at every stop on the first day for meals and it was sweet.

The day before, my uncle had a little Hennessy which made him extremely talkative over steamboat. Red face and loose lips are excellent tell-tale signs of inebriation.
He gave me some sips which I suspect spread the headache over.

I now decidedly like steamboats, because they bring people together. I've had a few since last week and oh, they fill me up. The small space and the hot boiling pot with goodies in it, and humour flying across the table. The jokes strike you and make you purge rice out your mouth.

Meals are really powerful in bringing people together, especially if the meal is excessive and we are compelled to dine. Such pressure evokes humour which make stuffing yourself more pleasant. This classifies as the best part of all Lunar New Year.

Of the three cars setting off from my grandmother's place when we went to Hougang and the car I was in, with my witty uncle was first even though the odds were stacked against us. I like to thing that the vehicle I was on is blessed.

It was startling to run into Jamie from the back of my father's lorry on Lunar New Year Day One on Upper Changi Rd East while she was in her family's vehicle. Shouting across to her on the road was strange but pretty cool too. Meeting a friend from school on New Year is a rare first for me.

This reminds me that I met a lot of people on Sunday in Tampines after my workout. I was pretty outraged that every food place was closed and I couldn't have my salmon or beef post-workout meal. The good Lord has made me see people whom I haven't seen for a long time for reasons that I humanly cannot fathom, but am grateful for.

White wine helps me sleep I think. My grand-uncle was very generous while emptying the wine bottle. I'm resolving to get some into a private store which I will toast to the health of my big heart. I think beer is coarse and unbecoming of my refined character.
And it makes me nauseous.

I've been stuffed so much, I think I've probably taken in 3 times the amount of carbohydrates recommended by the RDA of Singapore for 20 year-old males. Steamboat and/or rice at every stop. Right now, I feel that my midsection has been compressed top and bottom and thus it has no other option but to balloon outwards.
This is a purely horrid sensation.

I'm wary of the effects of downing a last dose of milk tonight for fear it will upset everything within.

Realisations Recently :
We must magnify the child in us, but have an adult nearby.
I'm pretty sure I like muffins more and more.
I've bulked up, but I've added fat to my frame. Which is dismal.
You never recover from the death of a close one. It's a gap that doesn't get filled in.

With God who is all powerful, nothing is impossible. Also for us humans as limited beings, our definition of impossible is far off from his. Is anything too difficult for God?

I must love because I am a reflection of my God, who is Love.

1st Corinthians 1:27-31
27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

E.Coli Is To Blame

Recently, writing for me is like starting a car with no gas.
I will avail to reproduce some of the intellectual things that go on in my head.

I call it structural irony on Saturday when I was watching the eighth season of Scrubs and then got admitted into hospital some hours later. The diagnosis was pyelonephritis.
E. Coli again was the source of my agony.
The three-day hospital stay was unasked for but was absolutely necessary I realised, because God was at work.

INSERT-
[The way God works, He does one thing which has multiple and diverse effects that all work for His divine purpose and this is so complex that we haven't even been able to preceive all the things that He's been doing.]

This is what I realised: an antibiotic treatment can be a useful metaphor. If you don't finish the course, the bacteria doesn't die out and you still get sick.
What I really mean: God, unlike an antibiotic, never stops treating you. We need to go back to God, who is the physician and healer for follow-ups all the time. If not, sin cannot be excised from us. We need treatment constantly.

Faith expresses itself through love.
Galatians 5:6
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

All relationships need maintenance, whether if it's with another person, and especially if it's with God. If we leave it by itself, it'll degrade and start to stink.

We buy into lies when we think that we have enough of God sometimes after a heavy 'dose' of Bible Study or Christian literature. Only God fills us up. There is an infinite gap in all of us and only the Being who created us knows how to fix us up and we run away from His fix.

Humans have shallow perceptions. We make judgements based on what we see, and most times, we're not very far-sighted. This is why it is wiser to refer to God all the time.
In Isaiah 8:19, Isaiah asks "Should not a people inquire of their God?"
To Isaiah, it seems ludicrous that the Israelites turned to alternatives other than the Almighty God who had all the answers to every question.

But I guess we turn away from God because already know that God cannot concur with us and that we of course, are in the wrong.

The people we meet and come into contact with in whatever small way is definitely within God's plan. And for good reason. I think Romans 8:19 is especially concise in summing up what is taking place in the world.

"The creations waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. for creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

The human definition of freedom disparages with God's. Our definition of freedom is:
Autonomy from external sovereignty, even from and especially from God.

The freedom God actually gives is freedom from the bondage of sin.
Which as humans we actually love and uphold to be as 'nothing wrong'.
However, sin corrupts and is an object of God's righteous anger.
Dismal.

I enjoyed my hospital stay strangely, and it was not because of the food. I enjoyed the attention and maybe because I was grown up and the needles did not bother me that much. Maybe it's because being told I need to have some blood taken out of me immediately gives me little time to react when the needle is already in my arm.

Or was it because Vivien had her appendix taken out and was downstairs in the hospital. So though alone, I was also technically not alone.

I'm deeply impressed with the nursing team at CGH, and especially with the nurses on call at night. They really have a way of making me feel reassured. I have more respect for nurses than people in any other occupation. The student nurses are really cute though. And by cute I mean their disposition and gentleness. I am abashed to admit that I am attracted to one of them who somehow did not attend to me.
I wonder why.

I like to think that it was to safeguard their professionalism and not fall in love with me that they stayed away.

But the way she attended to the old man in the bed diagonal from mine really struck me because she was so caring and endearing with him. I'm going to ask God if I will see her again.

Visiting the Accident and Emergency area is a pretty interesting experience and it invokes several emotions. There's death, and you feel compassion for the bereaved; there's pain and you sympathise with them for you cannot imagine/understand their distress.
You also become a semi-detective who tries to figure out who's in for what, which can be slightly fun.

I'm grateful to my mentors who visited me and talked with me, because they really helped me a lot in defusing boredom and growing in understanding and knowledge.

In all, I'm grateful to God for everything. My attitude must first be right.