The weekend is overhyped.
We spend all week looking forward to those last 2 days and when they've arrived, they aren't anything special.
My dream in the morning was a bit peculiar. My subconscious conjured a neat little fantasy of me being a floorball hero, and had it play all night.
Ploughed through a tutorial and talked on the phone with Crystal. We're on the same wavelengths, maybe that's why we enjoy our verbal sparring. I made her dizzy with joy when I told her I value what she thinks.
Honesty pays, Ha!
She's probably one of the few whom I will tell-all to without giving much thought to it.
And someone should back up her supposition that Cancer and Pisces get along well.
Otherwise it's probably just my affectionate attributes that reel in all the ladies.
Had an intimate session (not sex) with Derek yesterday too over lunch. My observations and suspicions about him were all proven accurate and true, and I've earned the label of being a bastard, according to Derek. I won't elaborate because I would forfeit whatever little trust he has in me. I must apologize to Dicky. You may never know (who)!
After that, we went back to the canteen to talk about pretty girls in MJC. That got us really laughing. Dick was in a crazy mood.
I was talking about the weekend. It seems like a lot of time, but then again it doesn't.
I checked on the quick fixes that I listed and I've gotten 4 of them.
I got my phone back; I had a really good dream; I had a good gym day on Thursday, and I blazed through the sixth season of Scrubs.
Pretty decent, but not entirely satisfactory.
I feel that life has lost some sort of spunky flavour.
But to invoke Chris Moon's philosophy; he is a really amazing person.
"Most people stop when they get uncomfortable. Then they will never reach their peak. You have to keep going, one step, one step.
You'll go further."
Where will I go after hearing this? I need to take in more pain and more of the discomfort and push against it so that it'll take much more to beat me each stab I have at the thing I'm doing, whether it's going through schoolwork or heaving the barbell in the weight room.
I've been studying couples in the people around me and also paying some attention to Scrubs. Two people coming together is not as simple as it looks. It is the merging of two broad social circles. The circles should fit nicely together for a good union.
There is something that brings two people together. And once that something is gone, so is the reason for them to be together. I gleaned that from J.D and Kim in Scrubs who were having a baby, and were brought together by that bundle. It's not exactly a fitting analogy, but I like to think I make sense.
Stroke my ego please.
Love can do all but raise the Dead.
finis
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Snuck online to express myself in this neat little space.
Am supposed to be exploring career options, which would stimulate me to strive harder to qualify for the career choice that I have in mind.
Even so, the most lucrative job I think would be a divorce lawyer (family lawyer) or being the son of a multi-millionaire-you can source through Forbes' list and look at which old dude looks most like you.
The Army seems viable, but I don't like the sound of a contract with them, and a 9 to 5 job with them is daunting.
Come to think of it, a 9 to 5 (desk) job with anyone will probably stink. I had a taste of that in the holidays last year. It wasn't boring, but you find yourself going to work even when you don't feel like it and you don't have much of an option.
Your play time is severly minimised and you're mentally drained when you get home and you won't have the drive or energy to work out or enjoy yourself; and you don't get to see your friends much.
Being a teacher is safe, and it's been made to sound really good because teachers supposedly have high salaries and also the same holidays as their students. But they don't list the stress levels, mid-to-low job satisfaction and diminished social life. Not very appealing. Just look at our educators. They don't exactly glow or are vibrant and very cheerful.
I've been shelving this little chat with myself about THE FUTURE for quite a while. I think I cannot avoid it much longer. What will I be doing in 5 years' time. I need to know fast.
This is probably the easiest week in J2 ever, coming back after the Block Test. We have had unexplained long breaks that we didn't have for a helluva long time; there aren't any tutorials or assignments that are urgently in demand. I like this, but I know it won't stay like this for long.
Forced a gym session into my day, because I needed the pump and also the growth.
No sacrifice, no victory; no guts, no glory etc.
Ran yesterday to chase away the weariness and to beat my previous time.
Staying in shape is not always easy. You gotta bully yourself sometimes and embrace the pain that is bound to come afterward.
The feel of satisfaction in the form of intermittent aching and heat siphoning off your body.
That's sweet.
Otherwise, there isn't anything really much that validates a happy mood lest one.
There is a gaping void and I can't really measure it.
BSB's "Just Want You to Know",
Lookin at your picture
From when we first met
You gave me a smile
That I could never forget
Nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger
Always on my mind
The days would blend
Cause we stayed up all night
Yeah you and I were everything
Everything to me
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
All the doors are closing
I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know
That since I lost you
I lost myself
No I can't fake it
There's no one else
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
Cause I can't fight to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
A moment of weakness or a leakage of hearfelt-I dunno.
Can't put anything into "I dunno".
I need to be a better in every way. Can I say I've started?
I want to recognize and reassure people around me who aren't feeling in excellent form right now also. There is/ can be an epicentre of laughter and you should hang around him more. I will be that epicentre for you. That's what friends are for.
finis
Am supposed to be exploring career options, which would stimulate me to strive harder to qualify for the career choice that I have in mind.
Even so, the most lucrative job I think would be a divorce lawyer (family lawyer) or being the son of a multi-millionaire-you can source through Forbes' list and look at which old dude looks most like you.
The Army seems viable, but I don't like the sound of a contract with them, and a 9 to 5 job with them is daunting.
Come to think of it, a 9 to 5 (desk) job with anyone will probably stink. I had a taste of that in the holidays last year. It wasn't boring, but you find yourself going to work even when you don't feel like it and you don't have much of an option.
Your play time is severly minimised and you're mentally drained when you get home and you won't have the drive or energy to work out or enjoy yourself; and you don't get to see your friends much.
Being a teacher is safe, and it's been made to sound really good because teachers supposedly have high salaries and also the same holidays as their students. But they don't list the stress levels, mid-to-low job satisfaction and diminished social life. Not very appealing. Just look at our educators. They don't exactly glow or are vibrant and very cheerful.
I've been shelving this little chat with myself about THE FUTURE for quite a while. I think I cannot avoid it much longer. What will I be doing in 5 years' time. I need to know fast.
This is probably the easiest week in J2 ever, coming back after the Block Test. We have had unexplained long breaks that we didn't have for a helluva long time; there aren't any tutorials or assignments that are urgently in demand. I like this, but I know it won't stay like this for long.
Forced a gym session into my day, because I needed the pump and also the growth.
No sacrifice, no victory; no guts, no glory etc.
Ran yesterday to chase away the weariness and to beat my previous time.
Staying in shape is not always easy. You gotta bully yourself sometimes and embrace the pain that is bound to come afterward.
The feel of satisfaction in the form of intermittent aching and heat siphoning off your body.
That's sweet.
Otherwise, there isn't anything really much that validates a happy mood lest one.
There is a gaping void and I can't really measure it.
BSB's "Just Want You to Know",
Lookin at your picture
From when we first met
You gave me a smile
That I could never forget
Nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger
Always on my mind
The days would blend
Cause we stayed up all night
Yeah you and I were everything
Everything to me
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
All the doors are closing
I'm trying to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know
That since I lost you
I lost myself
No I can't fake it
There's no one else
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
Cause I can't fight to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know
A moment of weakness or a leakage of hearfelt-I dunno.
Can't put anything into "I dunno".
I need to be a better in every way. Can I say I've started?
I want to recognize and reassure people around me who aren't feeling in excellent form right now also. There is/ can be an epicentre of laughter and you should hang around him more. I will be that epicentre for you. That's what friends are for.
finis
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I'm not strictly upset these days. Only disgruntled.
I'm disturbed because I did not have my weekly dose of weight training or run, and interrupted, fitful sleep.
I am bugged by dreams that either don't make sense or are very deviant from harsh reality; I am bored by the mundane lifestyle that I'm confined to; and many other wordless things.
I need some quick fixes:
I need a hard session in the gym,
my lovely handphone that has been estranged from me back,
pure dreamless sleep or a really good dream,
spontaneous pockets of time to see off tutorials and assignments that are due,
unceasing comedy and laughter brought on by Scrubs
Or I could simply daydream. HELLO!
Hakim would understand that. Watch Scrubs Derek!
finis
I'm disturbed because I did not have my weekly dose of weight training or run, and interrupted, fitful sleep.
I am bugged by dreams that either don't make sense or are very deviant from harsh reality; I am bored by the mundane lifestyle that I'm confined to; and many other wordless things.
I need some quick fixes:
I need a hard session in the gym,
my lovely handphone that has been estranged from me back,
pure dreamless sleep or a really good dream,
spontaneous pockets of time to see off tutorials and assignments that are due,
unceasing comedy and laughter brought on by Scrubs
Or I could simply daydream. HELLO!
Hakim would understand that. Watch Scrubs Derek!
finis
Friday, March 21, 2008
I have been on the computer most of today and I feel like a hermit.
I've grown a headache and deserve to retire and I have been given reason to do so, because my dearest Chong Rui told me as I was making my own meal that a 20 km run was scheduled tomorrow and it would be nice to have me there. Even better, if I could run it with them.
Brilliant. My dearest Boy calls me up after neglecting me for a month and expects guidance and counsel on the impending Adventure Quest. A 20 km run is not a walk in the park and with full pack too. I need the run, but I don't need the pain. And I'll be technically the only adult there, responsible for 16 pubescent Boys. I've been 18 years old for a month today.
That is an amazing privilege, to hit the pavement and also to in some sense watch over my little ones.
I have a good mind to ditch them when we hit Pasir Ris along our route, but some bit in me instigates me to follow through and make sure things get done right tomorrow. That would mean clocking in time after parade until 5 or 6 with minimal appreciation, recognition and anything else nice.
I'm an angry person.
But my anger at Cherng Ru for not being around when this should have been the little bugger's job and Chong Rui for not being obeisant is tempered when I hear praise from the little ones about my lovely qualities to move men to do things that they can't do alone. The sweet caress on my ego feels excellent.
Apparently MJ thinks that I motivated the team to a crazy high back in 2006 just before the race and they thought we were surely going to win the entire thing even though we didn't.
I do honestly think I have a gift for riling people up, either is it to make my mother rise from a whisper to a ear-piercing shriek or to make people fully moved to give their all. But Rui was asking me how to lift the spirits of everyone on the team seeing that they weren't so confident.
My blog isn't broadly read, either because it's full of sophistry, or if they don't because they don't think their Cadet Lieutenant (I prefer my old rank, WO. Sounds nicer) would do something like this.
Anyway, I will give a lesson anyway.
In this respect, I do think I AM qualified to give you some of my wisdom.
A leader is fallible even if he doesn't show it. He has to be strong and unfazed by whatever setbacks that the team meets and he has to hide his shock and adverse reactions to the impending difficulties and immediately convert it into an optimistic smile.
It isn't easy.
When you convince your team that you're going to win, you're also trying to convince yourself.
And often believing in yourself is the hardest thing to do.
It was never easy when I took up the entire Adventure Quest project. It spans over 5 or 6 months of your time in a short year and almost all of your brain space.
There were plenty of hiccups and I have been conditioned to the extent that even if Chong Rui were to wake me up with his screaming at 4 am (he lives in Pasir Ris too), I wouldn't be very surprised and I'd dismiss him with a one-liner solution to his problems.
I fully understand the doubts and worries that my man is having because I lived through it in my day.
In 2006, our BBAQ team was my baby. Every single thought I had was given to it and I was possessed with a want to win. I made everyone share that by going a bit crazy and wild with my insane rants and a rehearsal session to cross the finish line in style at our regular space (3rd Floor CC). Going into a mood not unlike a spiritual medium and laughing and mocking at other teams weren't simply for fun or laughter.
It was to make everyone feel the same want to win; to recognize and feed on that thirst and make everybody also insanely crazy and confident.
I had doubts myself even when I was running with Joel on race day when we were falling behind, but still insisted that we were going to win no matter what even if it didn't look like so. And dear Joel, on his bad leg and holding my hand, made it to the end point also.
In 2007, Kah Kee took over and he had his own brand of doing things and the worst bit about him was that he had no idea how to care for his people. He was not a crazy optimist like me and when the Boys' team lost out, and even though the Relay team were dizzy with happiness, he could barely say much to make his people happier than they were and if they weren't.
He was very upset about the outcome because he felt they could have made it.
I felt the same the previous year.
But I had to say something to the slaves I had been driving for months and recognize their presence and value. I said something about every single person in the team and even though we fell short, everyone was happy and looking to next year. And in this case, I spoke for KK and put out the badfeel and stirred them to celebrate their victory and then I proceeded to ease the Boys' team that didn't do that well while KK was still reeling.
Every leader is different. I'm eloquent, hopelessly optimistic and with the right crowd, I can be insane. Kah Kee is straight and clever but very negative. Chong Rui is unsure of himself and still needs to lean on something i.e. me. Zicong likes to hit Chong Rui.
Anyway.
You don't have to be good at speaking to make your men get you.
You have to be sincere and tell them why you want that damned end result, and if everybody looks closely at that damned result and start moving to get there, you definitely will.
I hope those buggers that read this get something out of it. It's been tiring writing all of that to prove my point. I enjoy being in my position where I mentor young studs who actually have the substance to do some great things, and drive them like silly kids with my sarcasm and quirky instructions.
This post is dedicated to those who have served in the same time as me under the Boys' Brigade.
If you don't understand any of this, then you probably have never served in a Uniformed Group or under the witty, intelligent and unerring CLT Lau Song Leng.
Though I very much prefer Warrant Officer Lau Song Leng still.
To my Boys:
Please wise up and do EVERYTHING I say or I will make you grow pectorals as large as mine in a way shorter time, with a numerous number of push-ups upward of Avogadro's Constant (6.02 X 10^23).
I will need to ready my bones for an unnecessary long run and I will also need to pack for tomorrow's fun. I have an appointment with Ben and Rui at 17 bus stop at 0655 hours.
This is what I gleaned from Scrubs:
It's all your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones that make you up as a person.
I realised that, riding the waves of my wishful fantasy with my eyecandy-I want to be a super-hero for her. At least in my dreams and fantasies. We can talk about the rest if the Almighty wills this into fruition.
finis
I've grown a headache and deserve to retire and I have been given reason to do so, because my dearest Chong Rui told me as I was making my own meal that a 20 km run was scheduled tomorrow and it would be nice to have me there. Even better, if I could run it with them.
Brilliant. My dearest Boy calls me up after neglecting me for a month and expects guidance and counsel on the impending Adventure Quest. A 20 km run is not a walk in the park and with full pack too. I need the run, but I don't need the pain. And I'll be technically the only adult there, responsible for 16 pubescent Boys. I've been 18 years old for a month today.
That is an amazing privilege, to hit the pavement and also to in some sense watch over my little ones.
I have a good mind to ditch them when we hit Pasir Ris along our route, but some bit in me instigates me to follow through and make sure things get done right tomorrow. That would mean clocking in time after parade until 5 or 6 with minimal appreciation, recognition and anything else nice.
I'm an angry person.
But my anger at Cherng Ru for not being around when this should have been the little bugger's job and Chong Rui for not being obeisant is tempered when I hear praise from the little ones about my lovely qualities to move men to do things that they can't do alone. The sweet caress on my ego feels excellent.
Apparently MJ thinks that I motivated the team to a crazy high back in 2006 just before the race and they thought we were surely going to win the entire thing even though we didn't.
I do honestly think I have a gift for riling people up, either is it to make my mother rise from a whisper to a ear-piercing shriek or to make people fully moved to give their all. But Rui was asking me how to lift the spirits of everyone on the team seeing that they weren't so confident.
My blog isn't broadly read, either because it's full of sophistry, or if they don't because they don't think their Cadet Lieutenant (I prefer my old rank, WO. Sounds nicer) would do something like this.
Anyway, I will give a lesson anyway.
In this respect, I do think I AM qualified to give you some of my wisdom.
A leader is fallible even if he doesn't show it. He has to be strong and unfazed by whatever setbacks that the team meets and he has to hide his shock and adverse reactions to the impending difficulties and immediately convert it into an optimistic smile.
It isn't easy.
When you convince your team that you're going to win, you're also trying to convince yourself.
And often believing in yourself is the hardest thing to do.
It was never easy when I took up the entire Adventure Quest project. It spans over 5 or 6 months of your time in a short year and almost all of your brain space.
There were plenty of hiccups and I have been conditioned to the extent that even if Chong Rui were to wake me up with his screaming at 4 am (he lives in Pasir Ris too), I wouldn't be very surprised and I'd dismiss him with a one-liner solution to his problems.
I fully understand the doubts and worries that my man is having because I lived through it in my day.
In 2006, our BBAQ team was my baby. Every single thought I had was given to it and I was possessed with a want to win. I made everyone share that by going a bit crazy and wild with my insane rants and a rehearsal session to cross the finish line in style at our regular space (3rd Floor CC). Going into a mood not unlike a spiritual medium and laughing and mocking at other teams weren't simply for fun or laughter.
It was to make everyone feel the same want to win; to recognize and feed on that thirst and make everybody also insanely crazy and confident.
I had doubts myself even when I was running with Joel on race day when we were falling behind, but still insisted that we were going to win no matter what even if it didn't look like so. And dear Joel, on his bad leg and holding my hand, made it to the end point also.
In 2007, Kah Kee took over and he had his own brand of doing things and the worst bit about him was that he had no idea how to care for his people. He was not a crazy optimist like me and when the Boys' team lost out, and even though the Relay team were dizzy with happiness, he could barely say much to make his people happier than they were and if they weren't.
He was very upset about the outcome because he felt they could have made it.
I felt the same the previous year.
But I had to say something to the slaves I had been driving for months and recognize their presence and value. I said something about every single person in the team and even though we fell short, everyone was happy and looking to next year. And in this case, I spoke for KK and put out the badfeel and stirred them to celebrate their victory and then I proceeded to ease the Boys' team that didn't do that well while KK was still reeling.
Every leader is different. I'm eloquent, hopelessly optimistic and with the right crowd, I can be insane. Kah Kee is straight and clever but very negative. Chong Rui is unsure of himself and still needs to lean on something i.e. me. Zicong likes to hit Chong Rui.
Anyway.
You don't have to be good at speaking to make your men get you.
You have to be sincere and tell them why you want that damned end result, and if everybody looks closely at that damned result and start moving to get there, you definitely will.
I hope those buggers that read this get something out of it. It's been tiring writing all of that to prove my point. I enjoy being in my position where I mentor young studs who actually have the substance to do some great things, and drive them like silly kids with my sarcasm and quirky instructions.
This post is dedicated to those who have served in the same time as me under the Boys' Brigade.
If you don't understand any of this, then you probably have never served in a Uniformed Group or under the witty, intelligent and unerring CLT Lau Song Leng.
Though I very much prefer Warrant Officer Lau Song Leng still.
To my Boys:
Please wise up and do EVERYTHING I say or I will make you grow pectorals as large as mine in a way shorter time, with a numerous number of push-ups upward of Avogadro's Constant (6.02 X 10^23).
I will need to ready my bones for an unnecessary long run and I will also need to pack for tomorrow's fun. I have an appointment with Ben and Rui at 17 bus stop at 0655 hours.
This is what I gleaned from Scrubs:
It's all your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones that make you up as a person.
I realised that, riding the waves of my wishful fantasy with my eyecandy-I want to be a super-hero for her. At least in my dreams and fantasies. We can talk about the rest if the Almighty wills this into fruition.
finis
I opened my eyes to this world at 10:15 and after I checked my phone, crawled back under my covers to hold on to the fantasy that conjured itself up while I was dead to the world. It was a really sweet dream and I was kinda surprised that the female lead was her.
I haven't given her much thought after January the 27th where she featured in a dream also.
Oh well, it was one-sided but almost blissful and too bad I had to wake up.
The thing about dreams is that they are fleeting and based on nothing more than wishful thinking.
It doesn't make sense to fancy a person by virtue of her appearing in your non-real visions late at night.
I'm living out Good Friday in this manner because my mother has forbidden me to watch Scrubs because I was on the computer until 2:30 am and disturbed her with my typing on the keyboard. Hey, too bad.
Got a callback to the company for their Archery parade tomorrow. It sounds good because Wilson and Cher Han are there and not because of anything else. Hanging out leisurely with the people from your squad and did the same silly things together really appeals, rather than firing slim arrows into a square target board.
We've been together for a long time, and I enjoy Wilson's vulgar humour and erractic behaviour as well as Cher Han's rage. Still remember his hairdo in Sec 1 and 2.
I have to be in AHS soil by 0745 hours. That's so early it's strange to me.
I suspect I will not see Cherng Ru tomorrow. My suspicions recently have proven correct and I want to credit my super-human intellect. But I want to slap him.
Your girlfriend will not be the most important thing on this planet. But it's true that she will compete with your friends for your time and affections. And it seems that in this case, your friends are losing out.
Am I qualified to dish out advice to people? Don't think so.
But the feeling is a bit sour when your beloved friend, protege and junior who looks up to you grows away from you and onto this girl he knows for a much lesser length of time.
I'm feeling rather angry.
1800-DIAL-AN-ASS.
ASS. is short for assassin.
There's no reason to minimise the space in your life for friends even when you meet a fantastic girl.
My weekend will be disgusting.
Saturday, my morning will be blocked out by Archery at Northbrooks which is on the other end of Singapore; I'm obligated to visit my grandmother come evening. I love her, but it isn't exactly a lot of fun.
Sunday, my sister has booked me for gym because she is unhappy that she is unable to do a standard male push-up and her inclined pull ups has lost to an RJC canoeist. After that will be my new cousin's full-month celebration. I will have to socialize with people who's relational links with me aren't so clear and I have to remember how to address them. Tough.
If you're stalking me, I should be very predictable. I suspect (once again) that my life is so mundane that I should really rob a bank to spice things up.
What do I see in the future?
Raising beautiful, smart and atheletic children with a currently faceless wife I love dearly and a sweet job with flexible hours and lots of "me-time". It will be lovely.
Sorry. Was dreaming again.
Everyone wants to spend the rest of their lives with the one they love, but they forget one thing. That person has to love them back.
finis
I haven't given her much thought after January the 27th where she featured in a dream also.
Oh well, it was one-sided but almost blissful and too bad I had to wake up.
The thing about dreams is that they are fleeting and based on nothing more than wishful thinking.
It doesn't make sense to fancy a person by virtue of her appearing in your non-real visions late at night.
I'm living out Good Friday in this manner because my mother has forbidden me to watch Scrubs because I was on the computer until 2:30 am and disturbed her with my typing on the keyboard. Hey, too bad.
Got a callback to the company for their Archery parade tomorrow. It sounds good because Wilson and Cher Han are there and not because of anything else. Hanging out leisurely with the people from your squad and did the same silly things together really appeals, rather than firing slim arrows into a square target board.
We've been together for a long time, and I enjoy Wilson's vulgar humour and erractic behaviour as well as Cher Han's rage. Still remember his hairdo in Sec 1 and 2.
I have to be in AHS soil by 0745 hours. That's so early it's strange to me.
I suspect I will not see Cherng Ru tomorrow. My suspicions recently have proven correct and I want to credit my super-human intellect. But I want to slap him.
Your girlfriend will not be the most important thing on this planet. But it's true that she will compete with your friends for your time and affections. And it seems that in this case, your friends are losing out.
Am I qualified to dish out advice to people? Don't think so.
But the feeling is a bit sour when your beloved friend, protege and junior who looks up to you grows away from you and onto this girl he knows for a much lesser length of time.
I'm feeling rather angry.
1800-DIAL-AN-ASS.
ASS. is short for assassin.
There's no reason to minimise the space in your life for friends even when you meet a fantastic girl.
My weekend will be disgusting.
Saturday, my morning will be blocked out by Archery at Northbrooks which is on the other end of Singapore; I'm obligated to visit my grandmother come evening. I love her, but it isn't exactly a lot of fun.
Sunday, my sister has booked me for gym because she is unhappy that she is unable to do a standard male push-up and her inclined pull ups has lost to an RJC canoeist. After that will be my new cousin's full-month celebration. I will have to socialize with people who's relational links with me aren't so clear and I have to remember how to address them. Tough.
If you're stalking me, I should be very predictable. I suspect (once again) that my life is so mundane that I should really rob a bank to spice things up.
What do I see in the future?
Raising beautiful, smart and atheletic children with a currently faceless wife I love dearly and a sweet job with flexible hours and lots of "me-time". It will be lovely.
Sorry. Was dreaming again.
Everyone wants to spend the rest of their lives with the one they love, but they forget one thing. That person has to love them back.
finis
I'm too tired to blog sensibly.
My eyelids are heavy from bad sleep and repetitive reading.
I gave up reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes because I wasn't absorbing. Do not be deceived by the subject. It's by Sir Arthur Conan Dyle and it should be somewhere up there with Jane Austen. I am not a boring lowlife fart.
Reading improves the quality of your mind. I read a lot.
Thursday was just over and I'm a bit amazed; filled my 24 hours with broadly sleeping; eating and then a solo gym session and some reading. Where did all my time go?
I fear tomorrow.
Everybody promises it will be good (Good Friday), but I grossly disagree. Unless the men in class have something planned, I will most definitely degrade from extreme boredom.
There isn't any Karate training; it's not a gym day, I don't have Cable TV and if it rains, I cannot run. My knee has started to hurt again.
Cheery.
I met Wei Wei just now at Tampines MRT and she waved to me, and here I must gravely apologize again and publicly for not immediately waving back. Smart girl, she. Not just because she's a VJC, but also because she recognized that I was very fit. Haha. I gave her my word that I would go for the 2K class gatherings in future and be very less rude. I don't forget people. I only forget names, so don't worry.
I woke up at 11 plus today, and had a small breakfast of tuna and tomatoes and cucumber slices in a magical concoction-a sandwich, before trying to do some reading.
I sparked my mother off and she could not stop talking to me at a higher volume where she insists is not shouting, and then continually expounds on her perspective of why I'm not that successful thus far and that she foresaw my ill fortune with the cursed examinations; the one that has just passed and the ones that are to follow. She maintained that she would not want to see my CT and yaddayaddayadda.
And I fell asleep and woke up at 2 pm. Excellent.
That brief lapse of shut-eye was really what I needed.
I haven't been getting much restive sleep these days, fitful nights and disturbing dreams that are either part of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep or really believable dreams where the feeling of swimming in salty green seawater lingers when I open my eyes.
I have the silly notion that I will pass away in my sleep and that I cannot afford to because 18 is a young age and I haven't really done anything that I wanted to and that really sucks.
Why I feel so is because when I shut down for sleep, I somewhat feel that I'm fading away and even though I'm conscious, I do not even have the strength to move my littlest finger or to alter my sleeping position. My mind is screaming at my body but nothing happens. Total immobilisation.
Frightful.
If I were to really leave this world, I would want to tell everybody I've caused hurt to that I'm sorry and I want to tell those people that are close to me that I love them and this is not capricious, but instead sincere love. And I would want people to find God and God to find them.
I would like to invoke a metaphor that a preacher mentioned.
Everybody likes to think they know God and know Jesus. It kinda like, do you know George Bush? Everybody says yes. But, does George Bush know you? If he does, he'd invite you into his white house, won't he?
It's worth our thought.
We caught Rule Number 1 yesterday, we being Jeremy, Hakim, Dickson and me. We wanted to watch Step Up 2, but me and Hakim arrived late and we couldn't watch it, and the original crowd with Crystal and Naq also disbanded. The four men settled for horrific Rule Number 1 late at night. The cinema was not filled and we took a whole row to ourselves where I refused to sit at the side in case somebody I can't see touched me.
It fully lived up to its label as horror movie, and Dickson who thought it was only a thriller was wanting to watch it. I was apprehensive, but complied.
It was a very good movie, with excellent plot and story-telling and heart-jolting bits. Female ghouls with wet long flowing hair and lots of blood and unnatural portions.
Dickson lost his cojones (Spanish for Balls) yesterday at the cinema. He realised it was a ghost show and shielded his eyes for most of the movie, and kept wanting me to tell him what was happening. Haha. That was funny. But I was a bit spooked too. But I was most disturbed by the conclusion. Song Leng is a proponent of happy blissful endings, not dark ones.
After the movie, Jeremy recited Rule Number 2: Don't ever let them touch you. And Hakim gripped my bicep immediately. Because it was dark and also Hakim's dark complexion, I couldn't see where the hand came from and I shook it off, jumped a metre away and shouted "F-you" all in one instant. It was hilarious in hindsight, but damn frigging not funny when you're on the receiving end.
It was a fun night and too bad Crystal and Naq didn't stay for the movie. But I'm sure there'll be another movie outing damn soon.
Having finished recounting the movie yesterday, I'll fill in some of my musings:
Time moves slowly when you've dropped out of the common pace.
I realised this when I was doing my Chemistry paper. Or sitting through mostly.
Time, you cannot hold it; it slips through your fingers like sand.
I wrote this in an essay when I was in Sec 4. Original.
You do not realise the value of things until you lose them.
I lost my stress squeeze ball and a short (long) list of things precious and dear to me and I was moved to reiterate this strand of wisdom.
Scrubs said this to me yesterday. A good hug takes 7 seconds.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and I once again am disillusioned by all of it.
I want to say more, but I think I'll pass this time.
I need a late night dose of Scrubs to temper out the badfeel. I had not expected to still feel like this after a week. But it's a one time recurrence, I hope and I want to snap out of it and get my living back on the fast track.
I have not been listening to any music expect Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours". I'm hoping to give that piece away in song, but I'm sealing up that bit of me that is a crazy irrational and insanely optimistic dreamer.
finis
My eyelids are heavy from bad sleep and repetitive reading.
I gave up reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes because I wasn't absorbing. Do not be deceived by the subject. It's by Sir Arthur Conan Dyle and it should be somewhere up there with Jane Austen. I am not a boring lowlife fart.
Reading improves the quality of your mind. I read a lot.
Thursday was just over and I'm a bit amazed; filled my 24 hours with broadly sleeping; eating and then a solo gym session and some reading. Where did all my time go?
I fear tomorrow.
Everybody promises it will be good (Good Friday), but I grossly disagree. Unless the men in class have something planned, I will most definitely degrade from extreme boredom.
There isn't any Karate training; it's not a gym day, I don't have Cable TV and if it rains, I cannot run. My knee has started to hurt again.
Cheery.
I met Wei Wei just now at Tampines MRT and she waved to me, and here I must gravely apologize again and publicly for not immediately waving back. Smart girl, she. Not just because she's a VJC, but also because she recognized that I was very fit. Haha. I gave her my word that I would go for the 2K class gatherings in future and be very less rude. I don't forget people. I only forget names, so don't worry.
I woke up at 11 plus today, and had a small breakfast of tuna and tomatoes and cucumber slices in a magical concoction-a sandwich, before trying to do some reading.
I sparked my mother off and she could not stop talking to me at a higher volume where she insists is not shouting, and then continually expounds on her perspective of why I'm not that successful thus far and that she foresaw my ill fortune with the cursed examinations; the one that has just passed and the ones that are to follow. She maintained that she would not want to see my CT and yaddayaddayadda.
And I fell asleep and woke up at 2 pm. Excellent.
That brief lapse of shut-eye was really what I needed.
I haven't been getting much restive sleep these days, fitful nights and disturbing dreams that are either part of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep or really believable dreams where the feeling of swimming in salty green seawater lingers when I open my eyes.
I have the silly notion that I will pass away in my sleep and that I cannot afford to because 18 is a young age and I haven't really done anything that I wanted to and that really sucks.
Why I feel so is because when I shut down for sleep, I somewhat feel that I'm fading away and even though I'm conscious, I do not even have the strength to move my littlest finger or to alter my sleeping position. My mind is screaming at my body but nothing happens. Total immobilisation.
Frightful.
If I were to really leave this world, I would want to tell everybody I've caused hurt to that I'm sorry and I want to tell those people that are close to me that I love them and this is not capricious, but instead sincere love. And I would want people to find God and God to find them.
I would like to invoke a metaphor that a preacher mentioned.
Everybody likes to think they know God and know Jesus. It kinda like, do you know George Bush? Everybody says yes. But, does George Bush know you? If he does, he'd invite you into his white house, won't he?
It's worth our thought.
We caught Rule Number 1 yesterday, we being Jeremy, Hakim, Dickson and me. We wanted to watch Step Up 2, but me and Hakim arrived late and we couldn't watch it, and the original crowd with Crystal and Naq also disbanded. The four men settled for horrific Rule Number 1 late at night. The cinema was not filled and we took a whole row to ourselves where I refused to sit at the side in case somebody I can't see touched me.
It fully lived up to its label as horror movie, and Dickson who thought it was only a thriller was wanting to watch it. I was apprehensive, but complied.
It was a very good movie, with excellent plot and story-telling and heart-jolting bits. Female ghouls with wet long flowing hair and lots of blood and unnatural portions.
Dickson lost his cojones (Spanish for Balls) yesterday at the cinema. He realised it was a ghost show and shielded his eyes for most of the movie, and kept wanting me to tell him what was happening. Haha. That was funny. But I was a bit spooked too. But I was most disturbed by the conclusion. Song Leng is a proponent of happy blissful endings, not dark ones.
After the movie, Jeremy recited Rule Number 2: Don't ever let them touch you. And Hakim gripped my bicep immediately. Because it was dark and also Hakim's dark complexion, I couldn't see where the hand came from and I shook it off, jumped a metre away and shouted "F-you" all in one instant. It was hilarious in hindsight, but damn frigging not funny when you're on the receiving end.
It was a fun night and too bad Crystal and Naq didn't stay for the movie. But I'm sure there'll be another movie outing damn soon.
Having finished recounting the movie yesterday, I'll fill in some of my musings:
Time moves slowly when you've dropped out of the common pace.
I realised this when I was doing my Chemistry paper. Or sitting through mostly.
Time, you cannot hold it; it slips through your fingers like sand.
I wrote this in an essay when I was in Sec 4. Original.
You do not realise the value of things until you lose them.
I lost my stress squeeze ball and a short (long) list of things precious and dear to me and I was moved to reiterate this strand of wisdom.
Scrubs said this to me yesterday. A good hug takes 7 seconds.
I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and I once again am disillusioned by all of it.
I want to say more, but I think I'll pass this time.
I need a late night dose of Scrubs to temper out the badfeel. I had not expected to still feel like this after a week. But it's a one time recurrence, I hope and I want to snap out of it and get my living back on the fast track.
I have not been listening to any music expect Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours". I'm hoping to give that piece away in song, but I'm sealing up that bit of me that is a crazy irrational and insanely optimistic dreamer.
finis
Monday, March 17, 2008
I'm not too worried by Biology. It's sealed, packaged and will await judgement tomorrow. I might scrape a full pass (45 marks), though nothing's certain. I don't know where my calm comes from.
Some of us went to KFC after the paper ( Hakim, Derek, Crystal, Dick, Jem, Jay and Wei Lin, and also the sexiest man alive) to talk trash and amuse ourselves and each other, and as well as to eat. I really appreciate KFC's mirrors. They very accurately reflect my beauty and probably that adds to my exuberant mood right now. Crystal as usual was slightly irked by my posturing, but I bet she's really impressed and was making a lot of effort to hide it.
Took 81 home and met a rather awkward sight. I was previously unsure and mightily curious about what would happen and how would I react in that scene, but my conduct was measured. I suspect I have incredible restrain no matter what.
I felt a weird tightness in my chest, but it passed after a bit.
Took to the outdoors for a run after I got home. I really like running. It forces me to face the demons in my head that hiss poisonous suggestions at me. They tell me to stop and to listen to the pain in my knee and calf and the sharp pain in my side and my hammering heart. Everytime I pass a traffic light, the demons give me meaningful whispers to cross it and shorten the run.
I'm a recreational runner who runs to feel good, shake off a lousy mood and to torch off calories.
Thought about the intimidating 42k, but am deterred by the damaging bit of the run. It causes some heart damage after all the distance and is too much.
I'll probably stay like this unless I gain new motivation to run more seriously.
But seriously, running is primal, tiring but definitely beneficial.
I met Yun Zhi and her grand-aunt when I first started out, gave her a little wave to remind her that I love her. Haha. Met another girl, but didn't get a good look. Damn. Shouldn't have rushed forward that hastily. I kept my pace by skipping across drain covers with even strides and also the rising heat in my upper body and neck.
That feeling was sweet. The sleeveless I was wearing was rather flattering, considering that I grew a habit of donning it when I ran 3 years ago. Can feel and see the improvement in my physique. That catapults my mood to a new high. Raced a bus at the end of the run, and won only by a small bit.
The feeling of bending over, hands on knees with the gentle wind coming onto you is wonderful.
Bottomline: Run.
Anyway, I was also doing some thinking and wondered about the endearing qualities that I find in a girl. Can't put a finger down on it really, but I'm taken by girls who are girls underneath. My mother says it could be flavour and disposition, but I think those won't have any staying power on me. There's something more, and I'm gonna identify it.
These music pieces have invoked me to burst into song:
"I'm Yours"-Jason Mraz
"When You Look Me in the Eyes"-Jonas Brothers
"Feels Like Tonight"-Chris Daughtry
"Love Hurts"-Incubus
"Low"- Flo Rida
I have good taste.
Parting Shot:
Epigram-
A short sentence that expresses an idea in a clever or amusing way.
Some of us went to KFC after the paper ( Hakim, Derek, Crystal, Dick, Jem, Jay and Wei Lin, and also the sexiest man alive) to talk trash and amuse ourselves and each other, and as well as to eat. I really appreciate KFC's mirrors. They very accurately reflect my beauty and probably that adds to my exuberant mood right now. Crystal as usual was slightly irked by my posturing, but I bet she's really impressed and was making a lot of effort to hide it.
Took 81 home and met a rather awkward sight. I was previously unsure and mightily curious about what would happen and how would I react in that scene, but my conduct was measured. I suspect I have incredible restrain no matter what.
I felt a weird tightness in my chest, but it passed after a bit.
Took to the outdoors for a run after I got home. I really like running. It forces me to face the demons in my head that hiss poisonous suggestions at me. They tell me to stop and to listen to the pain in my knee and calf and the sharp pain in my side and my hammering heart. Everytime I pass a traffic light, the demons give me meaningful whispers to cross it and shorten the run.
I'm a recreational runner who runs to feel good, shake off a lousy mood and to torch off calories.
Thought about the intimidating 42k, but am deterred by the damaging bit of the run. It causes some heart damage after all the distance and is too much.
I'll probably stay like this unless I gain new motivation to run more seriously.
But seriously, running is primal, tiring but definitely beneficial.
I met Yun Zhi and her grand-aunt when I first started out, gave her a little wave to remind her that I love her. Haha. Met another girl, but didn't get a good look. Damn. Shouldn't have rushed forward that hastily. I kept my pace by skipping across drain covers with even strides and also the rising heat in my upper body and neck.
That feeling was sweet. The sleeveless I was wearing was rather flattering, considering that I grew a habit of donning it when I ran 3 years ago. Can feel and see the improvement in my physique. That catapults my mood to a new high. Raced a bus at the end of the run, and won only by a small bit.
The feeling of bending over, hands on knees with the gentle wind coming onto you is wonderful.
Bottomline: Run.
Anyway, I was also doing some thinking and wondered about the endearing qualities that I find in a girl. Can't put a finger down on it really, but I'm taken by girls who are girls underneath. My mother says it could be flavour and disposition, but I think those won't have any staying power on me. There's something more, and I'm gonna identify it.
These music pieces have invoked me to burst into song:
"I'm Yours"-Jason Mraz
"When You Look Me in the Eyes"-Jonas Brothers
"Feels Like Tonight"-Chris Daughtry
"Love Hurts"-Incubus
"Low"- Flo Rida
I have good taste.
Parting Shot:
Epigram-
A short sentence that expresses an idea in a clever or amusing way.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Ran to Changi Village again just now-needed the hard pounding on pavement to trim my physique and also to get out of the house and away from my cluttered desk.
It's the second last day before the close of the March Holidays.
What I've done:
*
I like this the best:
The sun, finally back after so many dark days (ECLIPSE!) wasn't very friendly. It stung my skin and sapped my strength. Hence, was slower today.
It's the second last day before the close of the March Holidays.
I don't think we can strictly call it holiday, because it's just 1 measly week and we still get summons back to that place we normally would be at 5 days a week, many weeks a year.
Did very much less than what I had set out to do, but all of this is within my expectations because I know that I'm a laidback creature.
What I've done:
Maclaurin's Series,
Implicit Differentiation,
Implicit Differentiation,
Amines,
Pages 1-6 of Isolation, Cloning and Sequencing DNA.
Brilliant. I derive solace from the fact that I know the bits that I've spent time on really well. That's it.
*
Going back to class on Friday was quite fun, with everybody back together. It was more of a socializing session instead of Chemistry Make-up. Amused Derek with my emotional baggage. I think that he and my mother are the same. They give the same opinions and advice on almost everything.
He was WTF!, when I told him that I'd figured things out. His suggestion to the frustrating bit to my problem was the same as my mum's.
I'm advised by cynical people who like to shake their heads at me all the time.
*
Found these old pictures from a 2006 outdoor training. It was when I went back to training after a 6 month hiatus. The old pictures showed that I was really out of shape then.
I like this the best:
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Running in the post-rain outdoors was quite poetic.
Stomping in big puddles, and pissing people off-but you're already gone when they've only started to flare up; hearing the frogs sing in their deep basal tones, smelling the distinct smell of moist air and plants. That was nice.
Finally cleared off E-learning, which is a joyful thing even though it's something that I wished I'd never had to do today or any day. But it's over.
I've whiled away 4 days so far, not doing much studying. By all rights and tangible reason, there's only 1 thing I should engage in doing next.
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join me.
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm keeping my posts short, because dear Jinni Lu thinks that my posts are too wordy. I appreciate feedback. Maybe I should do it in point-form like the powerpoint slides.
I value feedback. Thank you, lady.
There are 2 last things I consider writing about:
Stomping in big puddles, and pissing people off-but you're already gone when they've only started to flare up; hearing the frogs sing in their deep basal tones, smelling the distinct smell of moist air and plants. That was nice.
Finally cleared off E-learning, which is a joyful thing even though it's something that I wished I'd never had to do today or any day. But it's over.
I've whiled away 4 days so far, not doing much studying. By all rights and tangible reason, there's only 1 thing I should engage in doing next.
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join me.
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm keeping my posts short, because dear Jinni Lu thinks that my posts are too wordy. I appreciate feedback. Maybe I should do it in point-form like the powerpoint slides.
I value feedback. Thank you, lady.
There are 2 last things I consider writing about:
- How to identify a man's weak point and exploit it in a one-on-one physical fight.
- A list of things I want to do before I get to the age of 30.
I think I should do this on a bi-weekly basis. Remedies that would fix my life and make me a happier person:
getting good grades without a lot of effort; best is without any (impossible)
realistically-smooth academic progress
getting back into God's good books
enter a fulfilling relationship with the most amazing girl ever.
Parting shot:
Everybody, watch Scrubs!
Spent the day catching up on the E-learning that I shelved and also mowing through Scrubs season 4. Sinful.
Got something that really clicked with me from the series.
Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
I'm going out for another fast run, and will let this line scroll over and over in my head while I do my thing fast and get out of the cold before 6.
Later.
I love you. Do you know?
Got something that really clicked with me from the series.
Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.
I'm going out for another fast run, and will let this line scroll over and over in my head while I do my thing fast and get out of the cold before 6.
Later.
I love you. Do you know?
Sunday, March 9, 2008
My only constant in recent days is being faithful in updating my life story at this venue.
I tided over the brief weekend by trying to assauge the wanderer in my blood, with infrequent excursions to the wide outdoors.
Saturday I couldn't stand being at home and labelled it my slack day.
Went out for a run to Changi Village with my kid sister bicycling beside. It's actually quite a long run, by normal standards. Can only remember running that route 4 times in my life.
The first was when I was Sec 3 or 4 I think. Ran to about less than half, turned and then walked back.
Number 2 was when I was AQ Team Captain and I made everyone run from the edge of Chang Village back to the hill up Anglican High School, about 10 kilometres plus. Bloody hell long. I think most of them still remember when we did that. We lay down on the concourse for an hour before we could move?
The third time was last year when I ran by myself from house to the market. Took what? 28 mins I think. That was very slow.
Yesterday I ran topless again under the sun. It felt pretty good to do that, and I was going at a nice pace. I let the stupid things that were bugging me hiss out of my system and finished the route. Was trying to impart to my sister the virtue of 'completing what you set out to do'.
Reached and then went to the beach look at the scenery, and was quite cheered up.
It was a brilliant day, sun, clouds and sea. We went on the board walk trail leading from the Ferry Terminal to the edge of the Chalets. It was a very long walk/ jog, but the beauty of the sea, sky and sun negated the soreness in my limbs.
Only regrets were that I didn't have my camera phone with me, and that I was with my sister.
Da-amn.
Came back from gym just now with Kah Kee and Zicong.
We had our dinner at the Interchange food place as usual and talked about women.
Zicong and I were plenty amused by KK's silly questions on how to woo a girl, what to say to her, how and what to talk to her on the phone and he made us assess his credentials. ZC said that KK's chances were low with this girl that he was harping on. KK also said some really crazy funny stuffs about CR and also about girls in general. He said that he might need a lecture or tutorial in wooing women. That got us laughing a lot.
We confessed our similarities in being rather obsessed with netball girls and dancers. These are the most desirables, Oh heavens.
We wondered about the dynamics of a love relationship and examined couples around us, trying to figure out the leap to emotional and physical closeness from being distant and different people. Can't explain it. The connectivity isn't that tangible. But we agreed that the best relationships are based on friendships.
Came home to an empty house; everybody was out to help my uncle get ready for his new baby, the promising Daren Choong.
I think I will train him to become a warrior.
Found this rather amusing sign just only.
General Paper tomorrow. I think I'm treating this whole affair too lightly.
Are you aching for a mention of you in my blog like I do in yours?
I tided over the brief weekend by trying to assauge the wanderer in my blood, with infrequent excursions to the wide outdoors.
Saturday I couldn't stand being at home and labelled it my slack day.
Went out for a run to Changi Village with my kid sister bicycling beside. It's actually quite a long run, by normal standards. Can only remember running that route 4 times in my life.
The first was when I was Sec 3 or 4 I think. Ran to about less than half, turned and then walked back.
Number 2 was when I was AQ Team Captain and I made everyone run from the edge of Chang Village back to the hill up Anglican High School, about 10 kilometres plus. Bloody hell long. I think most of them still remember when we did that. We lay down on the concourse for an hour before we could move?
The third time was last year when I ran by myself from house to the market. Took what? 28 mins I think. That was very slow.
Yesterday I ran topless again under the sun. It felt pretty good to do that, and I was going at a nice pace. I let the stupid things that were bugging me hiss out of my system and finished the route. Was trying to impart to my sister the virtue of 'completing what you set out to do'.
Reached and then went to the beach look at the scenery, and was quite cheered up.
It was a brilliant day, sun, clouds and sea. We went on the board walk trail leading from the Ferry Terminal to the edge of the Chalets. It was a very long walk/ jog, but the beauty of the sea, sky and sun negated the soreness in my limbs.
Only regrets were that I didn't have my camera phone with me, and that I was with my sister.
Da-amn.
Came back from gym just now with Kah Kee and Zicong.
We had our dinner at the Interchange food place as usual and talked about women.
Zicong and I were plenty amused by KK's silly questions on how to woo a girl, what to say to her, how and what to talk to her on the phone and he made us assess his credentials. ZC said that KK's chances were low with this girl that he was harping on. KK also said some really crazy funny stuffs about CR and also about girls in general. He said that he might need a lecture or tutorial in wooing women. That got us laughing a lot.
We confessed our similarities in being rather obsessed with netball girls and dancers. These are the most desirables, Oh heavens.
We wondered about the dynamics of a love relationship and examined couples around us, trying to figure out the leap to emotional and physical closeness from being distant and different people. Can't explain it. The connectivity isn't that tangible. But we agreed that the best relationships are based on friendships.
Came home to an empty house; everybody was out to help my uncle get ready for his new baby, the promising Daren Choong.
I think I will train him to become a warrior.
Found this rather amusing sign just only.
General Paper tomorrow. I think I'm treating this whole affair too lightly.
Are you aching for a mention of you in my blog like I do in yours?
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
The J2s were treated to the 'A' level results release today.
We sat through the whole thing and I was trying to let the entire affair have its effect on me.
Of course I want to be one of those buggers that got to get their result slips from THE Ms. Esther Lai, but I'm fearful of the hard work that I have to put in to get there.
If there's any thing my two previous national exams have showed me, it would be that I'm lazy and reluctant to put in much effort. Even with things I'm passionate for like the BBAQ or Karate or my Gym trainings, I don't like to go too hard. I've been convincing myself that I'll get by by spontaneous inspiration, undercover brillance, and opportune time.
Need to shake off this lousy presumption.
No sacrifice, no victory.
There can be no balances in what I'm doing right now. I can't seek to manage all the things that are going on in my life. I have to minimise some windows and dive into just one first. I don't believe in balance and juggling. You will definitely have to slight some bits in favour of the thing you really want.
I've started to be absolute.
8 full days to March Block Test (MBT).
Can I con myself by dismissing it with a 'it doesn't matter'?
If I'm not already seeing As by March, what makes me think I'll see As one year later?
Crystal tormented me last night by calling me at 12 and having me talk to her until 1 am. It's a special service that's only given to really dear friends. If you're rude to me, Crystal, I will pawn you. I think my sense of humour has mutated. Anyway. We talked about a wide range of stuffs that got her really excited. She disagrees that going through relationships are necessary in a passage towards maturity. She' s crazy-everybody watch out. Otherwise, she's okay.
But I really thank God for friends like her and Derek and Andrew who can really make you feel loved. I appreciate your scribbling on my Isolation, Cloning and Sequencing DNA notes that day. The songs you wrote down were useful for tempering my mood.
Derek has been my conscience and we're a bit like a married couple now. He shakes his head at me in disapproval all the time. A bit irritating, but he makes sense. He's capable of spontaneous lameness which is extremely disarming. I can tell when something is bugging and on his mind, and I think I can guess what is it mostly. I think he can smell it when I'm abnormal too. He's been putting up with me a lot the whole week.
I see myself in Andrew now, the way he gets really excited over an SMS and also the way he is really bothered when his love interest takes a long time to reply, or doesn't at all. So funny, the way he asked me how to SMS a girl. Warned him not to have inflated expectations. Don't want him to be crushed. He's a sweet guy and he cheers me up with his silliness many times. He's the first person I want to see in the morning when I get off the bus, definitely.
This is the end of the week and it never ceases to intrigue me how things can change in such a short span of time. A week ago this time, I was wildly happy. I'm on the lower range one week later. The things that have happened are really distasteful, but I'm getting better. It would be worse if I let everything remain the same.
I still like green a lot. Does it matter that much anymore?
What I need:
1) Not to mind
2) Discipline and a hard heart.
3) To pull myself out of normal time and into limbo where I can study for MBT as much as I want.
Theme Songs:
"All or Nothing", Westlife
"If I let you go", Westlife
"Just want you to know", Backstreet Boys
"I Still", Backstreet Boys
"Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely", Backstreet Boys
Personal revelations:
I need to transfer the tenacity I sometimes have in the Gym to my work and I need supplements in the form of caffeine, bananas, Omega-3 fatty acid, Vitamins A-Z...
I make hasty decisions that might come back to haunt me
Scrubs said this to me last night:
The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
When you make tough decisions, good things can happen.
Andrew thinks my taste in music is gay. But it's only because these songs concur with me right now what. I'm waiting for the promise of good things.
The next leap year is four years away.
We sat through the whole thing and I was trying to let the entire affair have its effect on me.
Of course I want to be one of those buggers that got to get their result slips from THE Ms. Esther Lai, but I'm fearful of the hard work that I have to put in to get there.
If there's any thing my two previous national exams have showed me, it would be that I'm lazy and reluctant to put in much effort. Even with things I'm passionate for like the BBAQ or Karate or my Gym trainings, I don't like to go too hard. I've been convincing myself that I'll get by by spontaneous inspiration, undercover brillance, and opportune time.
Need to shake off this lousy presumption.
No sacrifice, no victory.
There can be no balances in what I'm doing right now. I can't seek to manage all the things that are going on in my life. I have to minimise some windows and dive into just one first. I don't believe in balance and juggling. You will definitely have to slight some bits in favour of the thing you really want.
I've started to be absolute.
8 full days to March Block Test (MBT).
Can I con myself by dismissing it with a 'it doesn't matter'?
If I'm not already seeing As by March, what makes me think I'll see As one year later?
Crystal tormented me last night by calling me at 12 and having me talk to her until 1 am. It's a special service that's only given to really dear friends. If you're rude to me, Crystal, I will pawn you. I think my sense of humour has mutated. Anyway. We talked about a wide range of stuffs that got her really excited. She disagrees that going through relationships are necessary in a passage towards maturity. She' s crazy-everybody watch out. Otherwise, she's okay.
But I really thank God for friends like her and Derek and Andrew who can really make you feel loved. I appreciate your scribbling on my Isolation, Cloning and Sequencing DNA notes that day. The songs you wrote down were useful for tempering my mood.
Derek has been my conscience and we're a bit like a married couple now. He shakes his head at me in disapproval all the time. A bit irritating, but he makes sense. He's capable of spontaneous lameness which is extremely disarming. I can tell when something is bugging and on his mind, and I think I can guess what is it mostly. I think he can smell it when I'm abnormal too. He's been putting up with me a lot the whole week.
I see myself in Andrew now, the way he gets really excited over an SMS and also the way he is really bothered when his love interest takes a long time to reply, or doesn't at all. So funny, the way he asked me how to SMS a girl. Warned him not to have inflated expectations. Don't want him to be crushed. He's a sweet guy and he cheers me up with his silliness many times. He's the first person I want to see in the morning when I get off the bus, definitely.
This is the end of the week and it never ceases to intrigue me how things can change in such a short span of time. A week ago this time, I was wildly happy. I'm on the lower range one week later. The things that have happened are really distasteful, but I'm getting better. It would be worse if I let everything remain the same.
I still like green a lot. Does it matter that much anymore?
What I need:
1) Not to mind
2) Discipline and a hard heart.
3) To pull myself out of normal time and into limbo where I can study for MBT as much as I want.
Theme Songs:
"All or Nothing", Westlife
"If I let you go", Westlife
"Just want you to know", Backstreet Boys
"I Still", Backstreet Boys
"Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely", Backstreet Boys
Personal revelations:
I need to transfer the tenacity I sometimes have in the Gym to my work and I need supplements in the form of caffeine, bananas, Omega-3 fatty acid, Vitamins A-Z...
I make hasty decisions that might come back to haunt me
Scrubs said this to me last night:
The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.
When you make tough decisions, good things can happen.
Andrew thinks my taste in music is gay. But it's only because these songs concur with me right now what. I'm waiting for the promise of good things.
The next leap year is four years away.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Got this from (Ng) Hui Min.
Humanity is classified into types by the time periods in which they are birthed. Intriguing. But no harm, and the things that I read about me aren't that off the mark either. I'm rather impressed.
PISCES MAN
He is very emotional and always allow himself to be very emotional. He can have a good night sleep and be in a good mood, and in less than few hours at work he can be very moody. He does not understand things or try to understand things easily. If you notice him carefully, you will notice what kind of moods he is in. He is a thinker and able to do well at work and always succeed. His normal gestures mean he always look at other people faults, but he will not talk about it.
He has the ability to know your thought and able to tell you what you are thinking about. He can mostly memorize all his anger, his loves. They are his important secrets and he will keep them to himself and will never let you know. He is not a very ambition man and careless about his position in society. Wealth does not drawn his attention, because he is not greedy man and as well he thinks money is not something that will last. He could be very careless about his future.
He does not like to fight against all odds, but instead following the stream and make life easier. Sometimes because he likes to take an easy path, which cause him very unsteady future. He is kind and slightly lazy, but it is his cute character. He hates rules and regulations. He will never look down on people.
He is a polite guy and can be very aggressive when he is mad. He loves to think that he lives in a beautiful world and surround by nice people, so if he finds his world is cruel and not what he expects, he will live in his world instead. His other charm is that he is a funny guy, and it is his real weapon. He can tease you and yet make it looks like one of his joke. Even when he is sad, he still has that funny face, so you could hardly tell if he is mad or depress. He likes to hide his feeling and help other people especially those who need friend or lonely. He will be everything that you want and everything you do not want. He has a chance to make it as much as a chance to fail. He can determine to make it work and can do it well, except he tends to lost his energy with other important things, that's how he miss many of his good opportunity.
He can be happy and content by himself. What he think is important is not 'Love' , but firm status and stability. He has plenty of love for you. He is a good speaker, as much as he is a good listener. When he is with you, he wants to be happy. He understand his partner's emotional. He likes to take a long rest and sometimes being alone. If he needs to be alone, try not to disturb him.
He is a sensitive, quiet , shy and easily hurt. He wants to feel worthy. He can be mad and noisy, but once he calm down, he will be that happy person again. He is not a jealous or possessive guy, and if he feels jealous he will hide it. He has many friends of both sex, and he cares about his friends. He likes to have lots of friends, so you can not get jealous or else you will loose him. He likes beautiful things, so if a pretty woman walks by he will look , so do not get mad at him knowing this fact.
When he is lonely or feeling sad, be close to comfort him. He does not like to take advice, so if you want him to listen or to follow your advice, you have to act as a good sample for him first. He likes a cheery and a smart woman. If you treat him like he is your special person, then he will be that special person for you. He will trust you if he is in love, but try not to over doing it and spoil him too much. You have to know your self-worth all the time too.
If you want this, be nice to me. Maybe I will go to the trouble to forward this to you. Chain mails normally end at my side, but I'll be lovely for you if you ask.
Humanity is classified into types by the time periods in which they are birthed. Intriguing. But no harm, and the things that I read about me aren't that off the mark either. I'm rather impressed.
PISCES MAN
He is very emotional and always allow himself to be very emotional. He can have a good night sleep and be in a good mood, and in less than few hours at work he can be very moody. He does not understand things or try to understand things easily. If you notice him carefully, you will notice what kind of moods he is in. He is a thinker and able to do well at work and always succeed. His normal gestures mean he always look at other people faults, but he will not talk about it.
He has the ability to know your thought and able to tell you what you are thinking about. He can mostly memorize all his anger, his loves. They are his important secrets and he will keep them to himself and will never let you know. He is not a very ambition man and careless about his position in society. Wealth does not drawn his attention, because he is not greedy man and as well he thinks money is not something that will last. He could be very careless about his future.
He does not like to fight against all odds, but instead following the stream and make life easier. Sometimes because he likes to take an easy path, which cause him very unsteady future. He is kind and slightly lazy, but it is his cute character. He hates rules and regulations. He will never look down on people.
He is a polite guy and can be very aggressive when he is mad. He loves to think that he lives in a beautiful world and surround by nice people, so if he finds his world is cruel and not what he expects, he will live in his world instead. His other charm is that he is a funny guy, and it is his real weapon. He can tease you and yet make it looks like one of his joke. Even when he is sad, he still has that funny face, so you could hardly tell if he is mad or depress. He likes to hide his feeling and help other people especially those who need friend or lonely. He will be everything that you want and everything you do not want. He has a chance to make it as much as a chance to fail. He can determine to make it work and can do it well, except he tends to lost his energy with other important things, that's how he miss many of his good opportunity.
He can be happy and content by himself. What he think is important is not 'Love' , but firm status and stability. He has plenty of love for you. He is a good speaker, as much as he is a good listener. When he is with you, he wants to be happy. He understand his partner's emotional. He likes to take a long rest and sometimes being alone. If he needs to be alone, try not to disturb him.
He is a sensitive, quiet , shy and easily hurt. He wants to feel worthy. He can be mad and noisy, but once he calm down, he will be that happy person again. He is not a jealous or possessive guy, and if he feels jealous he will hide it. He has many friends of both sex, and he cares about his friends. He likes to have lots of friends, so you can not get jealous or else you will loose him. He likes beautiful things, so if a pretty woman walks by he will look , so do not get mad at him knowing this fact.
When he is lonely or feeling sad, be close to comfort him. He does not like to take advice, so if you want him to listen or to follow your advice, you have to act as a good sample for him first. He likes a cheery and a smart woman. If you treat him like he is your special person, then he will be that special person for you. He will trust you if he is in love, but try not to over doing it and spoil him too much. You have to know your self-worth all the time too.
If you want this, be nice to me. Maybe I will go to the trouble to forward this to you. Chain mails normally end at my side, but I'll be lovely for you if you ask.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I just got this from Scrubs:
I guess in the end things seldom work out exactly the way you expect.
Sometimes fate is on your side.
Other times well, you kinda seal your own fate.
By the way you gotta trust that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.
A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.
I guess in the end things seldom work out exactly the way you expect.
Sometimes fate is on your side.
Other times well, you kinda seal your own fate.
By the way you gotta trust that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.
A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.
Back to previously? Not exactly.
Like a plaster that's been ripped off and left on the ground. The feeling of loss is raw, but it's fine. I borrowed this metaphor from Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony. The book looks and seems like kid reading material, but it takes a more sophisticated mind to appreciate the wit and humour.
Making a decision is easy, but sticking to it is the hard part, especially when it isn't what you really want.
I'm going to do my best at being firm.
Got Scrubs back yesterday. Finally able to watch and laugh at it.
Missed the wisdom that a comedy surprisingly can provide. Got to watch the seventeenth and eighteenth episodes of Season 3.
Takeaways from those 2 Episodes:
In the end, you want someone who's always there for you.
The perfect woman will always lead you to the right direction.
Sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend.
Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.
I may be stupid, listening to a non-serious sitcom/ drama for directions on leading my life, but it's amazing how these words hits home. It's amazing how a girl can make you feel. It's amazing how the world can change in an instant.
I bet there's more things that astound us.
No sacrifice, no victory.
God is at Work.
Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.
I want you to be my perfect woman. But I don't regret this trip that we took together and I'm kinda glad that I didn't slip up and ask to be back with you. I still love you; that makes it hard, but I'm working on it. Stay happy.
Like a plaster that's been ripped off and left on the ground. The feeling of loss is raw, but it's fine. I borrowed this metaphor from Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony. The book looks and seems like kid reading material, but it takes a more sophisticated mind to appreciate the wit and humour.
Making a decision is easy, but sticking to it is the hard part, especially when it isn't what you really want.
I'm going to do my best at being firm.
Got Scrubs back yesterday. Finally able to watch and laugh at it.
Missed the wisdom that a comedy surprisingly can provide. Got to watch the seventeenth and eighteenth episodes of Season 3.
Takeaways from those 2 Episodes:
In the end, you want someone who's always there for you.
The perfect woman will always lead you to the right direction.
Sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend.
Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.
I may be stupid, listening to a non-serious sitcom/ drama for directions on leading my life, but it's amazing how these words hits home. It's amazing how a girl can make you feel. It's amazing how the world can change in an instant.
I bet there's more things that astound us.
No sacrifice, no victory.
God is at Work.
Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.
I want you to be my perfect woman. But I don't regret this trip that we took together and I'm kinda glad that I didn't slip up and ask to be back with you. I still love you; that makes it hard, but I'm working on it. Stay happy.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I'm keeping my site open so that my anger and disgust at people is known and can be felt.
There is never an assurance that a sweet weekend preceding the new week will have things be brighter. I'm back to square one and have taken up my previous slogan about having expectations. Begin with no expectations and the plunge from all your inflated wishes will not be that painful. Of course this applies romantically.
For everything else:
Shoot for the stars. Even if you fall short, you'll land on the moon.
My Sony Ericsson phone is still under servicing. I'm getting very impatient now. If it still gives me problems when I finally get it back, I'm gonna trade it in for a new and hopefully better phone. 2 weeks is a hell-long time and I've almost forgotten the feel of holding it. Can't stand waiting. Screw you all stupid fools. It's just a small piece of hardware.
I need to laugh or cry properly. I'm still not able to get to watch Scrubs; and being the staunch man that I naturally am, the second one is a bit hard.
Shouting and behaving rowdily at the soccer match at college just now quite alleviated some of the badfeel.
I'm learning not to mind.
Saw this on Elliot's blog. Makes lots of sense.
Guys don't like rejection, but they hate being led on more.
Derek gave me this song;
"All or Nothing", Westlife Cover
I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought it's time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
But something somewhere's gotta give
As sharing in this relationship gets older, older
You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair
Cuz I want it all Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it, know it
Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now I want the best of you it's time to show and tell
Cuz I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
Cuz you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No more inside for me in your life
Cuz I want it all
Or Nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
It's now or never
Is it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
I don't think I have any more words to give you all. I don't think I've been saying anything anyway before this statement.
Keep it real.
There is never an assurance that a sweet weekend preceding the new week will have things be brighter. I'm back to square one and have taken up my previous slogan about having expectations. Begin with no expectations and the plunge from all your inflated wishes will not be that painful. Of course this applies romantically.
For everything else:
Shoot for the stars. Even if you fall short, you'll land on the moon.
My Sony Ericsson phone is still under servicing. I'm getting very impatient now. If it still gives me problems when I finally get it back, I'm gonna trade it in for a new and hopefully better phone. 2 weeks is a hell-long time and I've almost forgotten the feel of holding it. Can't stand waiting. Screw you all stupid fools. It's just a small piece of hardware.
I need to laugh or cry properly. I'm still not able to get to watch Scrubs; and being the staunch man that I naturally am, the second one is a bit hard.
Shouting and behaving rowdily at the soccer match at college just now quite alleviated some of the badfeel.
I'm learning not to mind.
Saw this on Elliot's blog. Makes lots of sense.
Guys don't like rejection, but they hate being led on more.
Derek gave me this song;
"All or Nothing", Westlife Cover
I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought it's time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
But something somewhere's gotta give
As sharing in this relationship gets older, older
You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair
Cuz I want it all Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it, know it
Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now I want the best of you it's time to show and tell
Cuz I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
Cuz you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No more inside for me in your life
Cuz I want it all
Or Nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
It's now or never
Is it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
I don't think I have any more words to give you all. I don't think I've been saying anything anyway before this statement.
Keep it real.
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