Week 52

I am proud of my humility. I want to shout to everyone that I am humble and that there must be some credit given to me, because I am able to concede I am so.

My pride has swelled and returned to getting in the way. I did put it to death, but now I have resurrected the old nature and given it a small steady diet to live on. My pride magnifies me and steals glory from God's grace. That all the good things received were hard-fought and taken by my own person instead of given out of lovingkindness from Him.

Sometimes when we give thanks for a meal, especially one we make ourselves, we may think: why are we thanking Him when we have made it? But we need to go back and think, Who managed the conditions for the crops to grow? Who permitted the farmer's industry to reap produce? Who caused the seeds and the creatures to grow?

Everything on this good earth reflect God's sovereignty and His providence. If we do not acknowledge Him or give thanks, we are ungrateful.

I am borrowing words from Leonard Ravenhill:  Isn't it amazing that God gives breath to a man who is going to blaspheme (curse) Him all day?

We are ungrateful most times. When we thank Him, it seems that those times are aberrations- exceptions.

*

I have not written because I have not had concrete reflections, or the time to represent them here. I have given a lot of time, mind and heart to my new relationship, which I do not regret in the least, but I have displaced my First Love with my new sweetheart in many ways and times. My relationship with my Father cannot be overtaken by any other, though it is easier/ convenient to relate someone who is corporeal and very near.

At work and all through life, a challenge is this: to be honourable men even when nobody sees.
With minimal supervision, we must still strive to be blameless and upright.


This world has so much stimulus! It recommends, and inflames us with lustful desires, envy, and unclean appetites. The world environment, culture is hostile. It does not permit holiness. TV, advertisements arouse our lust and whet our appetites for violence and other dark things.

What is my defense against sin, trials, temptations? Only the powerful Word of God.

In self-reflection, I am surprised at how I can hate a man in a matter of minutes! It is so easy and so natural to hate and to harm. Not even with weapons, but with harsh words. We need to put our hearts right and ask for Him to shed His love abroad in our hearts by His Holy Spirit. 

May we relate to the world with clean hands, and to God with pure hearts. 

*

I am not persistent in prayer. I presume that having addressed it once or twice, it has been taken up for action by Him and that I can ease off. It is recommended to pray without ceasing and I have not been able to keep at this.

I am pessimistic about people and the quality of their profession of faith, and the activities of Church communities. But I am so hopeful that those who belong to Christ and are assured in Christ will be secure in His love and grace. That their endeavours are sanctioned and helped by Him, and not vain human efforts to move people.

I hold on to this,

Titus 2

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.¹² It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

-What His grace offers and how it transforms us, and what we are all waiting expectantly for.


Next post will be a close, to record, what I have learnt, how I have been blessed, and who have helped me in all ways of my living this year in 2011.

Ravenhill said this: Are you wiser in God (now) than you were last year this time? Peter says we are to grow in the grace and  knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Where may I say that, yes I have!

The awkward merger between Soldier and Student

I returned to the use of my old Nokia phone today, because the new red one that cost me $65 was a useless blend of plastic and unknown substances that could not make audible phone calls.

It was good, because it was a reminder of where I was in August and it preserved the numbers of important friends from before NTU and during Army. I also made several short reflections in the saved messages, while I had not grown sensitive to the power of the Blackberry:

- I am looking for someone to share a life with, raise children and worship God together. 

- Why do we read the Old Testament? Because the LORD our God is the same yesterday, today(and forever). How He deals with men is always out of His righteous justice, love, mercy and kindness. 

-Flew over Greece, Lebanon, the mountains, Naples and other landforms, over oceans and all.
(while en-route to Rome, Italy)

And today, I met a new person who was neither a commando nor a commander, but a private soldier and he was so arrogant and severely deficient in the department of respect; for even the seasoned Warrant Officers and the Officers. I suspect S3 picked on him because of his irreverential posture.

My thoughts were these: is there a need to compete egos with proud people? What is the basis of his constructed ego? Is it competence, popularity or public affirmation? 

Pride or the lack of humility is mostly ignorance. One does not know his proper place relative to his seniors, his betters, and his elders and while having a false view of himself, behaves as if the rest are beneath him.

We are a generation who lack respect for those who are our elders, our peers and those who are placed socially lower than us.

My baptism was not spectacular nor especially special. It was a necessary obedience. But it was significant, and according to my mother, it was "irreversible" and that I could not offer incense to my grandparents later in time. I believe she had more to say and mourn about, but they will come later, when she can find the words to say.

Like Jimmy says, sometimes non-believers have a better sense of how significant something like this is. I was not expecting a party or a swarm of well-wishers. But I was glad to have my OCS buddy Ahbi, my spiritual brother Jeremy Loh and my elder brothers in faith, Tze Liang and Daniel Lim come to the service.

I'm really glad Jeremy took a good HD video, that I could re-visit in later years to see the amazing growth in Christ since Dec 2011 and give thanks appropriately. Tze Liang and Daniel were good Christian brothers when I was in the BB that showed me the amount of patience, kindness and gentleness a man can have, learning in the pattern of Christ.

My aunt and cousins and my sisters came as well. It was a good time to be with family, and we had many laughs after at the Soup Spoon, especially now that we were more grown up and understood humour better. We talked about forming committees in the family for feasts, and taking over the decision making for birthdays and mothers' day. I think these days will come soon. Leticia and co. helped me pick out cards that I would use to write to friends.

I really appreciate the good gifts that add to my Christian library and how my cell mates came to the later service out of their usual schedule. I am glad we may fellowship and grow together. It was a good day and I realized that it was the proper timing and proper place to be baptized. To wait no more, but be baptized!

In so many ways, I do not expect God to help me. And this way, I forget He cares, and undermines His deep love for me. There is a need to remember He loves us and that we are now worthy because He has loved us. The Lord is my first love and I must return to Him, and remain with Him.

Lastly, I was also dreaming of the disconnected future and succumbed to imagining events that were not due for a long time. Today, I could almost hear the Lord say, "these things I am preparing for you. You must not think about them before time".

I need to learn to obey and ask for His help in so many ways. Although many times I am so unwilling to pray, I know enough that so many (all) things are subject to Him and I must recognize and plead for His grace. I also know that prayer has the power to bring about change.
So we must pray.

Stole some time to write before I would get ready to leave the house and go for part 2 of the wedding at Four Seasons Hotel's Ballroom.

This is the most happening week in a long time - reporting back to the army, a wedding and my baptism make up one weekend. I do not have time to see the people I love, and for long also because I have been claimed by so many engagements.

I still have to adapt to this foreign pace of things and spend time with the parents, with my brothers in the faith and with Agnes. It does not help that my phone is going to become a dummy phone with no internet capabilities. On that the day in Singtel when I settled for a Blackberry Bold with camera, I suspected I'd feel the backlash on some day. That day is here.

I came across the tagline multiple times, "live fast, die young".
It sounds cool, detached and uninterested. However it is a terrible carelessness and captures the irresponsible living of people who use this as their maxim.

Often, they live to please their own persons and they leave out God. Our lives are not lived for ourselves and our individual pleasures. We live with others, and we live lives before God. We are accountable for how we have lived, why we have lived and if we have known Him and walked in His ways.

Daily, I need to reconfigure my entire person - Who to hope in and what to hope for? Only good things or to continue in Him?

"Am I doing well" - I find it hard to answer this question. There are so many parts of me that are inconsistent and to correctly represent where I am in all these parts is difficult. I am teetering on the edge of sickness, I am hardly mentally sharp and I am not as in shape as I would like.
I am vulnerable to weakness, temptation of all forms and mild depression. But in my living, I have His grace with gives me the ability to go on, because His grace enables me to stand and stand against all these parts that bog me down.

I will do better, because He is still at work to make me like Him. Although it takes time to get to completion or anywhere near.

On the Cusp of Soldierhood Again

I am on the other side of time, looking back on the past November and it is clearer that God is good and closely present in all parts of my life.

I am returning back to service, and comparing with when I was leaving, I'm returning to the army so much better off! I did not imagine that I would return with someone special in my heart and that I would do so much better in His grace.

Ikea Wednesday was a simple and sweet outing, and it was unexpected that I actually ended up doing the bulk of the buying. Things that were good and cheap could not be let off! Wednesday was a good food day, and I managed to eat a great deal. There were so much good food that had to be savoured, and at her place, we were blessed with a steamboat dinner. It was time well spent, and with a very excellent group of people, and of course, a single delightful person.

Meeting her parents was not easy, but very important. We are not in a secret relationship, and we need to be accountable to those that love us. It was necessary for me to meet with her father and share with him my faith and my life. It is good to be in a proper, official relationship where her parents are involved and they approve. I am not to enter into a close relationship with someone's daughter without letting him know. But now, we have their parents praying for us, and looking out for us. This is a good and safe way to go.

I think He brought us together certainly not only for our individual joy and pleasures. We are to grow in love and faith, and edify others. We are members of the body of Christ, and we are not the only members.

We are to come together and honour God, and we should seek that God will continue to confirm that this is His will that we join together not casually, but with stronger and stronger commitment to each other. There is a need to be careful, because we see that it can be exceedingly good if we obey Him.

There is timely goodness in store for both of us.


After the exams, a man needs to take a good look at himself. We must be capable of reflection and self-examination. Paying attention and writing notes helped seal the lessons into memory, and revisiting them helped build more onto the roots for recall.

I must not squander free periods, recess week and the weekends. There are a few good work habits that must be cultivated. Books not read, lessons placed aside and hasty revision instead of gradual increment of knowledge were the methods I resorted do this time. They likely will not reap good rewards. Thankfully the small measure of consistent class-attending helped. I will still be able to keep the head above the water.

I understood that Pride coerces me to act hastily, in a showy kind of way. At my last paper, I finished quickly and was able to astound others by leaving the exam venue with a swagger. Modern contemporaries call it 'like a boss'. While I was pleased that I did well, it was illuminating to understand more of my own proud person, and how it is so deeply a part of me - I must do well, and I must have others see. 


We need to grow in our relationship with our Father. I am not just a child asking my Father for gifts on His lap; I am to grow into a son and a man who obeys His Father and pleases Him.

In praying: If I had not spoken to Him regularly, it will be awkward for me to address Him, to find the words to say to Him.

There is a lack of effective Christian men in the church. What does God do when this happens?
He raises men up. Hopefully, we are counted among those He is calling and preparing for His use.

In all, this year and semester has been truly and thoroughly blessed, in ways I did not expect. I do not see what is ahead, but if I follow Him, I have security. Even if life lived is hard and unpleasant.

I belong to Christ, I am to be more and more His. God's grace given to us has us live and respond differently, passionately and reverentially to Him. We must not resist Him in any way.

Two Hearts Meeting.

Who can discern what is the Lord preparing for each of us.
But it is goodness not according to our human proportions, for we have shallow vision and petty preferences that do not fit in with His good design.

Looking back at the journals of the past months to recapture the lessons learnt in spiritual and academic ways, I saw that in September 5 I wrote this:

Somebody who is spiritually alive - I am looking for her. 

I had come to terms with suspending my searching and looking and began to be content with waiting for Lord's preparation of two of His beloved to meet in His correct time. I also found that there was a need for me to prepare to be the Christian young man and the husband that I would eventually be.

There is no time to loaf around to wait for things to happen before preparation is done. Once we are sensible of our desires, we must begin to cooperate with Him in preparing us. Maturity does not happen instantly. It must be cultivated.

The sense of how we were prepared through our years of life to meet is overwhelming. If I had not grown concerned on the severity of what it means and takes to be the head of a household who serves the Lord, I would have been slack and not begun to deepen my faith.

The Lord has tempered me and mellowed me; He has taken an active involvement in my growth.
I am truly glad that it was the Word of God that brought us to a knowledge of the other.
And that now we are learning to cherish and love each other. It is so comforting that we mean to love each other past the outward, and instead in the entirety of who the other is.
To say to the other, whatever you are, I will love, this is the commitment that it should be.

And it will not be that we give our hearts to one another, but that we join them, and have our Father weave them together. We then give our hearts that are in the same frequency over to Him. We seek Him with our whole hearts and we may find Him. He is our hearts' desire and our soul's rest.

Psalm 42

¹¹ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

In the spirit of giving thanks, I now see how He has worked to change my perception, my nature and my very person. It has always been Christ perfecting me. How He healed, taught and established me in faith. What makes me good, valuable or likable is not my fitness, my intelligence, but how much of Christ is in me, and how much I am in Him.

There are times I grow weary and impatient in loving people. The act of kindness is still administered but the heart is changed. Sometimes, I revert back to the harsh and cynical person who distrusts sinful people, and cling on to their weaknesses to despise them.
I do not want to be nice to all peoples.

But I am called to love people and I am called to trust in my God.

Sometimes I lose my passion for the Word. I do not want to go near it, and experience the truths that are contained in it. But I have learnt how we feel about His Word is a good indication of our spiritual condition.

His Spirit will pour out love into our hearts, so we may do this unnatural behaviour of loving those who ordinarily would have never mattered to us. He will add strength to us.


Romans 5
 ¹ Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.



This period of lowness makes me uncomfortable, but also glad, to remember that I am still very far off from being the man He means me to be, so I may not be too proud.



Remembering a Friend

Today, I was moved to remember Roland. In the morning I remembered that I had not seen him for a long time since his house blessing and baby shower and thought I should pray and get in touch with him. I stored the thought and went about my business.

At church today, in the queue to receive prayer, I was staring at the worship team and suddenly was struck that the brand of the amplifier for the instruments was "ROLAND". I froze in queue for a while and the lady usher had to tap me. It became very clear that I was to remember this brother in prayer and in person.

After a swift run in the late evening, I had several thoughts after I concluded the loop. It is very good to have the mind trying to keep up with the body, and the air was pretty good at this time.
I am much less in good physical condition than in early July.
But I still am not too bugged by this, because previously I did good mostly at nothing but exercise.

To be fit and godless or fat and faithful?
To have strong flesh and weak spirit or strong spirit and weak flesh?

Which is the better choice is very clear, although this is not a premise for laziness.

*

Sometimes, I realize we believe what we want to believe and so deceive ourselves.
We need to learn to tell what is truth and invest everything in it.

It is exceedingly good to exclusively belong to somebody.

The Season of Blessing.

This is a season of blessing, but as His people, we must not be unwise but instead move into a preparation for the things to come. We are not uninformed of the days ahead, where there will be dark and difficult times.

What lessons the Lord uses to shape our person, we must learn. We are meant to be complete in Christ.

So God's blessing on me is not complete - I may not break away from Him.

*

Yesterday's fellowship was a good instance of how God gathers His people together. We had started out with 3 men who only looked to encourage and strengthen each other in our faith. The later additions were a pleasant surprise that greatly encouraged us. We did not anticipate having sisters in our group and were only looking to build the men up in faith.

Wei Qiang had heard of our gathering and was eager to join with fellow believers.

Phoebe grew aware of our gathering when I went late from our fellowship to a committee meeting and she later asked to join us. She brought 2 friends along afterward.

Terence was led to our group by the singing that we had only began to incorporate into our meeting on his way back from dinner yesterday. He shared that he realized he was led to a group of worshippers by God seeing that he was not walking so closely with Him. It was the first time everyone turned up, and although it was 8 people, bringing people together is not something a single person can do.

There are no coincidences because God is sovereign and God is powerful. While men act out of self-interest, He acts out of His love and His righteousness. So we were gathered to share, learn and pray.

When it came to sharing, I realized that my study of the Word this week was not in depth, because I was invested in the essays that occupied so much of my reading and writing.

I had only read Exodus 34, and I was wary that sharing on the character of God in the Old Testament could affect the understanding of God for believers younger in the faith.

But what I managed to share, I believe was not scripted or prepared, but prompted.

Why I shared from the Old Testament, because God is unchanging and he is the same. He was, He is, and He is to come. (NIV Bible, Revelations 4:8)

This was a point where Moses was leading the nation of Israel and in close relationship with God. And he had asked God to show him His glory.


Exodus 33

¹⁹ And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. ²⁰But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”


Exodus 34
 ⁵ Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. ⁶ And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.”

Moses' response was in verse 8.


Exodus 34

  ⁸ Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped.

He is the same God, yet unlike Moses we do not know to go to Him in meekness and humility - we miss out this reverence for God, and seeing His high standards of holiness and purity that we cannot meet. He is compassionate, desiring and delighting to give grace and show mercy, slow to anger, and abounding in love and faithfulness, loving and forgiving.

The use of the word 'yet', also means that at the same time, there is no compromise between His kindness shown to all men, as well as His righteousness. Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? (NIV Bible, Genesis 18:25)

God will not leave the wicked unpunished, because He is a righteous Judge. While He loves and shows kindness, He will deal with wickedness and with wicked people. We were previously in this category.

His love motivated Him to work salvation with His right arm and Christ Jesus provided the full payment for us who now profess and live in faith and hope in Him. Therefore we must be careful to understand God's holiness and how much and how often we go the other way in sin.

So we must repent and confess so that we may be washed clean by Christ. He who conceals their sin does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. (NIV Bible, Proverbs 28:13)
Any small stain will not do, we must deal with our sin, bringing them before God.

My sharing point (thesis) was that, we often have an improper view of God, and thus we have an inaccurate view of our own standing in relation to Him. This affects our reverence and awe for Him, and causes us to feel comfortable that we are soon measuring up to His standards. We do not fear Him as we should. We must desire more, to be clean and like Him.

We need to know Him so we may love Him and live worthily to please Him.
Where we have a proper view of God and a view of ourselves, we may know how much we need Him.

*

There is a need for me to understand what gifts do I have, so that I may function optimally where He has designed me to. It seems that whatever small gifts they may be, they are to do with learning and sharing His Word. However, I cannot be effective without having spent time in His presence.

We are a collection of different people who have been called by Him.
There are differences that only God can reconcile - He mediates between men. But Christ has mediated between us and the Father.

Can any man be fully right? And yet we do not follow men; we follow Christ.

May all believers love and protect one another. Will the sheep be in disunity? They are not, because they follow the same Shepherd, along the same way.


I am not the picture of spiritual health, but His Spirit is at work in me to clean and teach me.
I write, in addition to flaunt my depth in Scripture, also to note the events in this time that are important to me and also to edify others who may read. 


I am deeply entrenched in His Grace. This is a good place to be. 

Works Cited

Holy Bible, New International Version. East Brunswick NJ: International Bible Society, 1984. Print.

Anne Bradstreet

By Night when Others Soundly Slept

By night when others soundly slept And hath at once both ease and Rest, My waking eyes were open kept And so to lie I found it best. I sought him whom my Soul did Love, With tears I sought him earnestly. He bow'd his ear down from Above. In vain I did not seek or cry. My hungry Soul he fill'd with Good; He in his Bottle put my tears, My smarting wounds washt in his blood, And banisht thence my Doubts and fears. What to my Saviour shall I give Who freely hath done this for me? I'll serve him here whilst I shall live And Love him to Eternity.

How may one begin to speak of the goodness and the blessings the Lord has for him? I did not expect my God to bring a girl as precious as this along at this point in time. I had not thought of myself as ready or mature, but it seems that I have been prepared for her through this time.

We must remember to be careful and to honour Him, even as we spend time together, for He is the One who weaves lives together best. We must also be careful to not take our eyes off the Lord and only look to each other, for it would grieve Him. We must all eagerly desire God's goodness for us, and trust in His deep, everlasting love for us, and concern for us.

Now I go into the time of learning to treasure, cherish and protect a sister and a daughter of our Father.

*

Over the Public Holiday, I teamed up with Zicong at the gym, and it was very good to have reunited to exercise, and see how each other has grown in the Lord over the past 3 years.

He asked me a question over lunch, on whether I was for evangelism and if I found it difficult to bring people to church.

I told him I didn't like what was being done by those who do evangelism this way, because in doing this they were selling church culture and not the Gospel.

And the church of today is far below the Biblical standard, almost powerless, and heavily impacted by the world's culture. We need to examine the state of the Christian church today, and compare it with the New Testament. Where is the power of the church to impact the community? Where is the power of the Spirit?

We must not be in a hurry to catch people. The Spirit of God is the one who prepares human hearts for the Word of God to be seeded and grown. If we move ahead of time and without wrestling in prayer, and without His Spirit, we will hinder the person.

I think our method should first be to live out the Gospel, preach the Gospel and pray. We need to disciple others.

How much of the Gospel of Christ have we really heard, and how much of the Person of Christ and the character of God do we know.

Bringing people into buildings to sit under the pulpit is of little use, if they are not hearing the gospel and seeing the power of God move in human lives.

What do we use to draw people in? Music, dancing, excitement or the Gospel?
If we give everything other than the Gospel, we are misrepresenting our Christ, for this is the only thing that is of importance. Men come to hear and know the way to be saved.


The disciples of Christ are characterized by our love for one another. It is a different and higher kind of love, that not all of us may have the strength to show. The church community needs to love all its members and practice this broad love on others who are beginning to hunger for truth. There is a need for pliable men who are submissive to God, whose lives become evidences of God's work.


People who come with improper expectations are turned away, but those who come with the genuine thirst that our God and Saviour came to satisfy will also be disappointed and go away thirsty, with no solution to their soul's panting.

We must be careful for we are dealing with human souls that He loves very much. We are accountable to Him for how we build up His people or damage the faith of others and stunt their growth.

For those brothers and sisters who are excited at the goodness of God, instead go into the Word and root yourself in truth and pray for understanding of His message of salvation, that Christ worked to bring to the world, and was promised to Abraham so long ago.

Loving Those Who Resist

My week is always a comparison between God's faithfulness and how I reciprocate His love for me with my faithful obedience. How much of my heart I give over to Him, and how much do I compartmentalize and reserve for myself?

Happiness or Joy?

I do not know any person who is happy all the time. There are moments of depression that I will fall into, but the good thing is that I will not be in it for too long. I am not allowed it seems, to be sorrowful for long before my great Comforter will soon restore to me the comfort that was promised me.


Who may comfort my troubled spirit?

God will comfort me; this is His Character. My Father loves me and He is also the God of all Comfort. He made me, and He knows what beverage I need for my thirst.

It is also wise to note that I have observed that Happiness is a feeling, whereas Joy is a state. 

And we know how short-lived feelings are. 

Grace

Building relationships takes a lot of grace. Do I have so much?

Yet I am charged to love and to be gracious, because I have known His Grace and His love. We are in the business of imitating, becoming more like Christ Jesus, so we give grace to others and love them.

Who truly understands grace? Only the greatest sinner who has received full pardon. Paul the Apostle considered himself in this category.

Who validates me? Not men, but my God and Saviour Jesus Christ.

1 Timothy 1:15-16

New International Version (NIV)

 ¹⁵ Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶ But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

One who is aghast at the horror of his vile sins will then understand the full measure of the pardon and appreciate the grace and hope held out for him. If I may be forgiven for these great sins, I may be confident that the One who forgave me loves me beyond my state, and my present condition.

Luke 7:46-48

New International Version (NIV)

⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
 ⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

I think that the casual and unappreciative way Christians speak about grace shows a great lack of knowing what it is.

Grace is neither abetment nor endorsement. Grace frees and Grace empowers one for Holy living. If we truly know Grace and see the heart behind it, we will want to remain in this love and goodness and never depart into unacceptable ways again. Grace results in the ability to forgive.


I think we are vengeful creatures who long to visit others who have harmed us with malice also. But in Christ, we are a new creation, and have His Spirit to help us.

Resolution,
I am to imitate Christ, to forgive and to love those who have not loved Him and have not loved me also.  And so I will-I must, and He will pour out the strength and the love to cultivate this foreign nature that was never mine or a part of me in the first place. This love has always been from Him. 

Journaling

I do not talk about my feelings. I have only talked about my thoughts.
While I cannot remember who said this, I think it is very true-"If I should die before I wake, throw my journal in the lake."

I still want to be honest in my journal, at least for a while more, and gaining access to my writings is gaining understanding of how my mind works, how my heart feels, the contents of my soul and how my spirit is. Sharing this with another is deeply intimate, and it must be done with wisdom.

Prayer


I actually heard the most encouraging thing last evening from my non-believing buddy.
He said he knew if I were angry, I would pray one, adding a "I know him very well".
I wonder if he sees that prayer is not just self-talk, but transformative.
It is also a reminder of how dependent I am, and I must be, on prayer.



Two threads of thought came to me last night before I fell asleep:


"Of one thing I may be confident of and in, even if all else falls apart, that He has loved me with an everlasting love, and His everlasting love moves Him to care for me in every way. Who may know how dearly beloved we are to Him."


And because I know the above, I could say:


"There is nothing left to say other than 'Amen' and to go sleep."






I am not a holy man, who is so close to God that I now have an elevated standing. Rather, I am one who is conscious of Him and His standards and of how I fall short all the time. But I also am conscious of His love and His goodness and the hope held out for me. Therefore, I may live with confidence that He will be with me. 


It had been said, in the last part of Isaiah 49:23, that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed. Our hope is based on the Character of our God who is unchanging, whose love for us endures forever. 

Abiding in Him

Prayer takes time, yes. But time spent praying is never in vain, for He hears and He desires us all to go near to Him. However, we ourselves must choose it.

How We Know Our Thirst?


We need to go to Christ daily for our drink of living water, for although we may be filled with His Spirit, like D. L. Moody had said, we leak.

How do we know we are in need of this? I learnt that how we feel about His Word is a good indicator of the temperature of our hearts, be it hot or cold.

Do we desire with eagerness to discover and rediscover the blessings and truths in His Word or we are
content to go on without engaging it daily?

*

There was a need to realign myself even more fully with Him, for I tend to go the other way. So many way I fight His sovereignty and dispute with Him on what is best for me. He works in love; I deal with sinful appetites.

We may trust Him, for His character is unchanging. He is good, His love endures forever, He is holy, and He is true to His Word. Our hope and trust belongs with Him.

In rare blessed moments of sobriety, I feel even more strongly that we are only children and we do not know what is good for us.

But I am sure God prospers His people who are faithful and obedient in more ways than they know it.
We must be sure to be those who are faithful and obedient.

Where We Stand?

Only in Christ do we have firm footing. All else is shifting sand and loose ground.

To remain in Christ, in His love, we must love and obey Him. The Kingdom has no place for idle sluggards who recline and do nothing to magnify Christ in their daily living.

The King and God over all the heavens and earth will not be content with being quartered in a portion of the heart or mind.

Change Is For Sure

The Gospel of Christ, the Spirit has transforming power. It has a tendency of changing lives wherever it touches. Those changed by the Spirit become less worldly, less enamored with the appeal of the things of the earth and now have more capacity for the things of God.

They have more appetite for His Word, for prayer and for godliness.

We know if Christ is to come in and dwell in the temple that is our body, He will most surely rearrange the temple and drive out all the things that do not belong. Luke 19: 45-46, Matthew 21:12-13.

That is the pattern of how He works. He works to clean us and to perfect us, because we are now dearly His.

If you say you have known His Spirit, but you remain the same, and have not been transformed, your position is dangerous. The Spirit is a Spirit of Power; He will not be idle and He will not rest for His work is to glorify God in your person and in your life. This change must, and this change will take place!

Will God not come to the rescue of those who recognize they are in danger and in need of Him?

Cry out to Him in prayer. Immerse yourself in the Scriptures and seek Him in prayer. Ask of Him and ask in the Name of Christ. God has graced us with a way through to Him, in Christ Jesus.

John 14:6

 ⁶Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

It is not that I have taken hold of the full truth, but I have been graced with knowledge that was not always mine. I am definitely proud that I may know these things, but if we look at Him who is the author and perfecter of our faith, we may lose such an inaccurately high view of ourselves.

I do not see beyond the months of December and January, but my God does.

Evening Conversations

SL: Eh.You think that us Asians have difficulty expressing emotions?

EL: No.

SL: I mean like telling our parents we love them and the like. Can you do it?

EL: No. Maybe it's got to do with how they beat the hell out of us last time.

Widespread laughter and high-fives.

Maybe my being conscious of readership causes me to write differently.

I have been told that I am extremely Chinese, and it is only after I think about it that I realize that I am an awkward splice of the Occidental and the Oriental. But this is something that is precious and not about to change. My grandfather though is very pleased my sisters and I are bilingual this way.

*

Today, I attended the final session of the Baptism Course at my church, and my friends at cell Terence and Hui Leng were surprised to realize that 5 weeks had passed just like this. If I were to lean back and cruise some more, I would be well into November and into a right state of panic.

I cannot be so proud as to say that I had learnt everything I heard through the course. They brought us, over the course of 5 weeks, from the Character of God, to the Person of Christ, to the Work of Christ, and on the necessity of Missions, and the Last Things at the End.

What I knew before was refined and sharpened, and I now also may be able to guide young believers and new believers into the fundamentals of faith.

It took some humility that was not there to begin with to sit under the powerpoint slides and be treated as if my I had no idea what my faith was about. I reminded myself to submit and not to stumble newer believers who were new to the Word.

I also had to resist flashing my heavily annotated Bible which Agnes Lee had said it looked like it was "dipped in highlighter". It would have so easy to let others see that hey, this young man sitting over here knows the Scriptures very well. This would be spiritual intimidation, which I am guilty of often, likely even at this very moment.

But going through the structured and formal lessons also showed me how good the Lord was to me, having built my understanding and knowledge of His Word without the benefit of formal instruction like others who had a home church.

It also showed me that there were plenty of gaps in my Theology that I had not tended to. What is my position on the sequence of events leading to the end of the Church Age, the "Rapture" and the Millennial Reign of Christ? I have not studied this and I also cannot say it will not matter to me. It details my hope of what is to come. But the Spirit will give understanding when we study the Scriptures.

We may not understand the Word of God without His Spirit. His Spirit is a Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, of counsel and of might, and of the knowledge and fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11: 2.

*

Sometimes I find myself thinking that I have already matured and sin minimally now. If I believe this, I believe a lie. I walk and live among people who do not know and have not known the Light of the World. I think and talk as one who loves darkness.

I am often charmed by the world and what she offers-vain things that have no reverence for a holy God. What desires and habits do they encourage? Vanity, Pride, Promiscuity, Lust and varying standards of immorality.

Do these ventures and things and activities honour God, or celebrate the individual who seems to stand 'strong' on his own apart from God?

We are guilty of minimizing Christ and exalting our self-interests above His purposes. We only chime in with the plans that serve/please us best.

There is 1 John 1:8 to remember, that "if we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us". God is holy and He is coming for a holy people who have kept themselves in purity. It is presumptuous of me to think that I have reached His standards.
Thankfully, He has promised to cleanse us.

*

Sermon today was on Caleb's 45 year long wait for God to fulfill the promise of given to him the land that was pledged to him by Moses in Numbers. He received his allotment in Joshua 14.

He was commended as a man who followed after God wholeheartedly, even while he waited a long time.

Compared to him, we have no capacity or tolerance for waiting.

"Waiting is one of God's most powerful tools of grace. It's important to realize in your ministry that God doesn't just give us grace for the wait. The wait itself is a gift of grace. You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait. Waiting is about what you will become as you wait.


In calling us to wait, God is even rescuing those of us in ministry from our bondage to our own plan, our own wisdom, our own power, our own control. In calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater allegiance to his kingdom of glory and grace. Waiting is more than being patient as situations and other people change. Waiting is about understanding that you and I desperately need to change, and that waiting is a powerful tool of personal change. God is using the grace of waiting to change us at the causal core of our personhood: the heart. Now, in ministry, that's a good thing!"

- Paul Tripp.

Waiting has a transforming effect on our hearts.

I need to gather my whole heart to seek the Lord and thereby I may find Him.
My whole human life ahead of me must be lived for His glory and not my own.

"One life will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last"- I think it was Leonard Ravenhill who said this.

I had been reading A.W. Tozer, who happens to be Ravenhill's good friend.
This is an excerpt from a book by him:

"I once read of a great sculptor whose sculptures were prized by everyone. Someone once asked him the secret of his masterpieces. He said something to the effect, "I just chip away at everything that doesn't belong there." The sculptor looked at the lump of granite or whatever and saw something in it nobody else saw. The genius of his masterpiece was to eliminate everything that did not belong there and allow the vision of that image to appear." Pg 71, A Disruptive Faith

This image we are to reveal is that of Christ.

Last Saturday of October

Saturday breakfasts are pretty rich in reflection. Receiving understanding of the Word-this is one of the ways I am blessed.

There are only two ways to live really, either by sight or by faith. Most times, we fall back on our sight and our senses and give up the confidence we are supposed to have in our God.

What if I distrust God's plans and seek to claim an inheritance for myself before time?
The Prodigal Son went to his father and asked him for his inheritance before the appointed timing.
It is a rejection of God's planned blessing for us.

We are often willful and always want to turn from Him and go our own way, mostly straightaway into sin.

The Lord has so much good in store for us. I wonder how He felt when I went off on a tangent, towards sin and relationships apart from Him. How grieved He must have been, when I had rejected the blessings He was preparing for me.

I have also been too concerned with my individual future and less with His macro purposes that all our lives are a part of. The need for holiness and preparation of the Church is more urgent.
What part may I/ we play in this?

*

Another thing I wonder, now with more curiosity; how do you weave two persons into one, and two lives into one? 

Why also did God not make the woman in the same way as He made man, but took Adam's rib to make a helper for him? Was God not able to form a woman from dust and breathe life into her nostrils also?
Genesis 2:7

I was telling my sister this over dinner: I think it was for us to love our wives as they were as dear as a part of our own body.

If I cannot love my long lost rib as a part of myself, I cannot move on to love others less dear to me in the fulfillment of His command to love my neighbour as myself.

Whenever I see young parents and young children, I wonder when will it be my turn. In evaluating my readiness, I am still not ready no matter how I think of myself, but I will be in time.

In helping my young friends identify a good and suitable partner to raise a family with, I give you this: if she cannot wake up when she should on a normal day basis, you better think twice. If so, you will likely be the one feeding your baby in the middle of the night all the time. While I write for a male audience, but the reverse is also very true.

Motherly traits are a rarity nowadays, because almost nobody is teaching our young women those things in this generation. Raising children is much more important than physical beauty and vanity. But similarly, few men are interested in the former now.

*

In the gym today, one guy came up to me and asked me how I trained my legs (thighs). I was surprised because I was in the middle of my pull-ups and I thought he was asking me where did I get my Vibram Five Finger Shoes. Then I realized he was seeking some tips on how to strengthen his lower body.

I told him to do squats, and he then asked me what could I recommend him to strengthen his ankles.
My previous know-how in the weights room were mostly gone. I was unable to be of much help to him.

All I could tell him was that he could hang around to see because I'd be doing them in a bit.

And I did. Though not as heavy as the picture above.

Squats are important and beneficial for the whole body, because it activates most of the body's biggest muscles. Squatting heavy raises heart rate and the exertion has a huge physiological effect on metabolism and also stimulates the secretion of growth hormone. That's all I can remember.

Now I just think this way: they must be done.

Tan Kah Kee will be gone to Australia for 3 weeks. I wonder who will I be accountable to for my weekly excursions to the weights area. To myself? That would make a decent joke.

*

On Friday, I had tried to capture the combined lessons learnt in the months since I came to university into the newest volume of my journal, but I realized that I could not even finish with August. There was too much in a month to even read, much less capture.

I came to university with the Lord, and reading August reminded me of how He has loved me and guarded me. I need to reflect on where I am in time, and in relation to my God and how I have been within His will and His protection. Or how I have removed myself outside of it.

He has given me brothers to fellowship with, whom we may relate with in honesty, sincerity and in truth. I have found people with whom I could be humble and broken with.

He has taught me to rest in His will and become more certain of His character.
In growing more sensitive to His Spirit, I've been taught the importance and relevance of holiness, of keeping oneself in purity, of being submissive to His will and of His goodness and faithfulness. We know it is worthwhile to retain knowledge of the Lord Romans 1:28,

It is better to have a constant diet of the Word and having spent time in prayer before moving out into the world. So many things we partake of and participate in grieve God's Spirit. What are the things we see and read and find funny, and what do we watch and think about?

Everything marked for righteousness and usefulness is under attack. The enemy aims to paralyze every spiritual man on this earth. He seeks to break off those who enjoy the connection with God's Spirit. If we like what the eyes see and do not discipline where we look, we will likely be led to sin.

Ephesians 5

 ¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. ¹⁸ Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We must be careful not to slip back into being the natural man who lives by the flesh.
We are to be watchful and prayerful and not fall asleep during our watch.

*

There is a need to strengthen my friends who are believers in school for if they are weaker in faith and their foundation in Christ is not strong, they will be swept away by the world.
The world loves to see Christians fall.
Our cultures have diminished and omitted Christ; they aim to make us godless, Christ-less and faithless.
This has always been the trend.


Lastly, can we believe a mere man's testimony about himself?

I had judged others with standards I myself have pretended to have met.
Sometimes I offend God by making requests and then I do not trust Him to deliver.

I have not learnt to rest in the confidence of my Lord's plans. I am fretful, not faithful.
But thankfully, I may know when the love of the Lord grows cold in my heart and go back to ask Him to pour His love by His Spirit into me.

His Plan for Me

When I stand at the Judgment Seat of Christ
And He shows me His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been,
Had He had His way; and I see

How I blocked Him here, and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Saviour's eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?

He would have me rich, and I stand here poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace.

Then my desolate heart will well nigh break
With tears that I cannot shed;
I shall cover my face with my empty hands;
I shall bow my uncrowned head.

Lord of the years that are left to me,
I give them to Thy hand;
Take me and break me, mold me to
The pattern Thou hast planned.

Martha Snell Nicholson

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

Waiting for December

December promises to be a good month.
There is another wedding to be part of, and I will also be baptized.
Finally, the tailor-made No. 1 and the sword in the closet may be used again.

I will soon get to be back in the uniforms, with the old/new sense of purpose and no considerations for academic problems. This is at least for the entire month.

But first, we have to get over the entire November first.

My future is secured in the Lord.

But sometimes when I begin reading a book, I flip to the end to reassure myself that I'm headed towards a happy ending. In this book that matters, we do. There is another wedding to look forward too, and we will this time be part of the Bride, who will be blissful, blessed and filled with overwhelming joy.

It is this eternal joy that He is patiently waiting for and moving towards, and I must learn patience and  love for this eternal joy that will never end.

Glen and I were talking, and we agreed it indeed is very human to want the good things now.
But we must instead want the eternal joy He is preparing for us.

Documentation on this blog aids in memory recall, in case I lose all my journals in a fiery accident or when I move house and the box with all these books are lost in transit.

Our Confidence in the Lord

I have decided to exercise my free will and miss my elective lesson to work on some assignments, and before I go on to them, I have goodness to share, out of my daily living. I also boldly presume there are those who read and really care what I write.

But God can use handkerchiefs touched by His agents to heal, so why may He not use vain English words to draw people to His Word and later the full measure of His love and mercy?

I have greater and greater confidence in the character and nature of my God. He is faithful, He loves me, and I am on His mind. All that I go through is to lead up to my perfection of faith, which is my God's priority for me.

Psalm 8

⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
   human beings that you care for them?

 ⁵ You have made them a little lower than the angels
   and crowned them with glory and honor.


We pray because we are sure God hears and we are sure He acts out of love for us. When Christ came to engage men, He was gentle and tender even with the hearts of sinners, teaching and showing them the way to life. If God did not love us, and men were not always on His mind, His own arm would not have worked salvation for Him.  Isaiah 59:16

The sinfulness of men would not diminish the holiness and very great glory of the Lord, but out of His very great love for men, He sent the Redeemer to Zion and to those in Jacob who repent of their sins. There is breadth in His redemption plan, and all men may partake in this salvation. Isaiah 59: 20

How I relate to Him, is also important. I have been freed to respond to His love with my love. 1 John 4:19

How do I love Him?

I don't feel the rush of love like one feels in a romance. I cannot see or quantify it, but I see the evidences of my love for Him, just as I see the stronger evidences of His love and care for me.

I know I need Him; I need Him so much that He must walk with me all of my days. I cannot leave Him even for a while. I am compelled to obey Him and I want to always hear from Him. I am conscious of my gratitude for His saving grace on me.

But in my humanness and old nature, I am inconsistent and prone to leaving the very refuge that I should be safe and content under.

Daily, my heart seeks to break out from God's discipline. If I give in just once, I will be undone. But if I keep sight of His goodness, and rest my heart in Him, I will be safe.

If we forget He loves us and He loves us so richly and deeply, we will grow to distrust His blessings for us.

I may not store up for myself goodness and pleasure outside of His will and subsequently, His protection.

Trust in God fully, for He is constant and His measure of deep love for us will never be diminished. He has loved us with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
We cannot comprehend everlasting, but He knows what He is saying exactly, for He is the One who will last forever.

Do not place hope on a mere man for he is liable to change, to sin and to become wayward. He is not consistently faithful. The enemy seeks to turn my eyes, and later my thoughts, and later my heart away from the Lord. He will use all petty means to achieve this, as well as artful schemes. He will not quit until I trip.

But I know my God; He will not let me go easily for He paid a high price for me. In fact, He will not let me go too far before He will come out and seek me. While we are slowly moving back to obedience, He will run to meet us like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son.

2 things give me great encouragement:

-Where does the strength to obey come from?
-Where did my desire to walk right with Him and break out of the momentum of sin come from?

Surely the flesh will not curtail the amount of pleasure it hungers for. Can the flesh make itself respectable and sustain false holiness? Yes, but not for long.

Increase Your Confidence in the Lord! 


Who is this strong and mighty God we serve and follow?
Will the Lord fail to protect and provide for those who are His?

I am to be greatly and greatly purified; God is greatly and greatly to be praised.
Where I trust in my God and King, who is a very powerful God and King, I may have joy and peace.
He is a God who makes straight our paths.


To believers and unbelievers alike,


This is a very Song Leng-centred post.


However, God's love for me is not exclusive, it is already given to you. His fixation and His concern for you is not affected by your condition. He was willing to love you at such great cost to Himself. The blessings of His love can be known and lived out. 


If you live apart at a distance from Him and refuse to come into His love, you are missing out. While you remain away from Him, He is still loving you at this very moment, for He is your Father, and even if a mother forgets the child she bore, He will never forget you. Isaiah 49: 15


May all come to know the love of Christ, before they deny Him entry into our lives.

Waiting for Deployment.

The Lord reserves good things for people, I am sure of it. Where there are curses for disobedience there are blessings for obedience.

Therefore we must partner with Him, keeping ourselves in holiness and purity, our bodies, hearts, minds, and Spirit reserved for Him. 

Over breakfast, these things came to mind, while I considered how God was working in and on my life these days. Whatever happens to me is meant to build me up in faith. We are to be the living stones in God's house in time to come.

So these were the things that I thought of:

1. What may challenge/ oppose me (my faith) in this 4+4 years? 
How may I meet them?

2. What may break or hurt my heart in this period? Death, family tragedy or crisis- 
How then will I relate to Him if these happen?

3. How may I be lured away from Him to other relationships, interests or desires? 

These 4+4 years will build me in faith for His purposes. Then I can be fully His, being fully deployable by Him, not owing anything to any human authority.

I am convinced that I belong to Him, so this will have bearing on the way I will live. While I know He will seek me out if I falter, it is better to obey now then to be restored years later, and to realize that I failed to obey.

I cannot stain my feet by wandering out in the ways of the unbelieving world and stalling the cleansing that Christ has said He will do for us. Unless He washes us, we will have no part with Him. John 13:8.

It will be necessary to ask ourselves these questions, so we may be prepared to stand stronger and closer in Christ. We are of the generation who may be giants in faith.

I wait as He trains me in manliness, in righteousness, in holiness, so that I may be equipped for the mission that He has assigned to me. And I will not go out alone to do His work. He will be with me.

This is a private reflection that hopefully will strengthen the faith of my brothers and sisters who also call Him Lord and God. 

For the Young Man at School

As usual, I write to edify those who are in the faith, but a huge amount of boasting in my goodness, which is not inherent, takes place. If I censor them, then I am not genuine. 


It is very different to have come from the army into university, where I am not only having to deal with young men, but now also young women. It is more complicated and they need more love, tenderness and sensitivity.

With my soldiers, I could be rough, I could be gruff and I could prick their egos and consciences. I could challenge them, and I could make them feel a degree of shame. The objective was to build them up, deflate their ego, increase their self-worth and encourage them to be properly manly.

I remember how they got themselves into situations they were not equipped to deal with. Those were situations I were not equipped to deal with also.

I remember when one of them came up and asked for permission to leave camp, because his pregnant girlfriend was having an abortion. I remember those with family problems and those with drug problems. I remember those who got in trouble with the law.

But I also remember how some of them became more than what they started out as, having learnt obedience, submission and respect for authority. I am always thrilled when they call out to me. It feels good to know that I have done some good with them.

Dealing with young men is a good gift I thought I have; which is why I had put myself on course for more service in the force, to see what other good may I do with the young men of the next few generations.

*

But now, in school, I need to be cautious in a wholly different way. What is the safety distance? What are the steps to take? What can be done, and what may not be done with a girl?

As a non-believer or as one still under the perfecting work of the Spirit, I sought to obtain the approval and adoration of others, and of those of the opposite gender. I behaved in a showy way, and tried to appeal to the flesh, with my nice outward personality. I still do.

There needs to be much more depth to us than what we seem.

Now that I have more female friends, it was time to revisit an old sermon by Paul Washer.

I have shared this with some, but I wonder if they would come to see the richness of this teaching, which Paul Washer gave to Christian young men.

Do we know how to treat a girl with the love of Christ, or bruise her with our insensitivities and our weakness?

We are relating with human beings who love and who hurt, who laugh and who cry.

We young men do not know how to treasure the precious daughter of the Lord, and now I am brought to a realization that I need to accelerate my preparation, in such a setting.

With God's Spirit, I realize a lot of things these days.

I had always thought I was adequate and all set for the next phase, but these months, I have been humbled.

Who and what kind of a person I am looking for to jointly raise and teach children, and to train them in the ways of our Lord? Am I the dependable man who may protect and provide for his family?

And while I withdraw into Him so that I may be taught by His Spirit, there is a worry that I will miss my opportunity. But Paul Washer commented that, "If God is sovereign, you will not miss your opportunity."

Anything I give over to the Lord, I have not lost. If I submit my desires and my person to His hands, I will be moulded by Him.

My mind and eyes cannot yet see the goodness of the Lord's plan. So I wait on Him. What do I know, compared with my God?

In short,

This is a cautionary tale for all that while I remain in the flesh, and have not been perfected, I am weak, fallible. My track record shows a tendency towards sin. Especially if sensuality is involved.

But I have hope of perfection, of love and of grace. Where I continue to walk with Him, I will shed the old self and become the new Man of whom Christ Jesus was the first.

I write to show off, and my writing reveals a part of my thought life and gives allowances for nosy critics to rummage through. So they get to lament at how clever I am, or trample on my points.
I must get this declaration out of the way.

Paradise Lost

There was tension in my heart during today's lecture with "Paradise Lost" where the professor approached in from a non-believer's perspective. While he demonstrated good knowledge of the faith, and even had read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, he had missed out on the richness of the Gospel because he had come at it from Christ-less point of view.

Were I afraid that there would be anything that would undo my faith? My faith is not so shallow that it can be prised from me by smart-speak of human knowledge.

The mistake made was to bring down God's standards level with our own, and give room for Satan's reasoning. Even in fiction, the character of the Biblical adversary is treacherous and he is the father of lies. In him there is no goodness and he is not trust-worthy in anyway.

But I am to speak as the Spirit leads me, so I would only speak forth if prompted.
My feel was that everyone was missing out on the love and grace of Christ.
When it was said that all were evil and ungodly, several classmates laughed.

We as human beings still remain convinced that we are inherently good, despite history showing that we are a self-destructive people capable of great cruelties and atrocities.

Satan performs the ageless character assassination of God, and we have learnt to do the same.
Satan's beauty and attractiveness however is only a problem for men, who trust in the visual, the seen.

Battle for Custody

It was said that we were caught in the middle in the conflict between God and Satan. We are 'innocent' in this celestial battle for custody.

It could not be farther from the truth. We have aligned ourselves with Satan, and resisted God and His laws and decrees. We do not want His governance, His justice or His sovereignty. Instead, we want to become equal and reason with Him. We believe that we may be able to stand in His presence, justified by our goodness.

However, our darkness will be brought into the bright Light, and all the secret things of our hearts will be laid bare before Him, who is the standard of Righteousness and Goodness. To Him, we must give full account of our activities. Even Satan has to give an account of all his deeds before God. Job 1:6

Our deeds, thoughts and words will be examined for their motivation, content and effect.
Do we not seek to harm others to promote self, do we not disobey?
Do we not enjoy lawlessness with no one to rein us in?
Do we not hate discipline and good honest hard work?
Do we not ill-treat our fellow men?

We are following in the steps of the enemy who has set himself in opposition to God. He is God's enemy and those who have not been saved are still in his camp.

Q: Can God spare us?
A: Not if He is Just. There is a heavy cost for sin.

But they would begin to reason that God loves us, so he would tend to have mercy and forgive us.

But wait.

Are you saying God's love is unjust? That is not the case.

But we are told, why and how God worked to redeem us.

John 3:16


For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 

Where May We Have Footing

A "Christian" with no root in the Word and no Spirit woud be flushed away by the theodicies and the human arguments.

I was worried that one who was weak in faith may be shaken by the irreverent questions of men.
If we believe in the supremacy of men rather than the supremacy of God, we will never come around to the truth.

Pray for the ground, which is the heart of the unbelievers. That the heart (soil) will be primed by God's Spirit to be ready to take the seed of God's Word and have it grow into a strong, huge tree of faith that is close by the water.

Psalms 1

 ¹ Blessed is the one
   who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
   or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
   which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
   whatever they do prospers.


Are We Close-minded?

Dong Lin said that we may have been closed off to other viewpoints, while we stand in our Christianity.
I told him that openness is not a good thing. In the circumstances where moral deterioration is expressed with and using greater freedoms, this openness would be just an openness to sin.
Do not mistake my openness for an openness for immorality. I am open to people.

God's people must keep themselves clean and preserve, reserve themselves, in body, heart, mind, soul and in Spirit for the Bridegroom who is on His way to meet with His Bride.
This Bridegroom is trustworthy, dependable and will fulfill what He has said.
We base our confidence on His love, His character, His spoken Words and promises and His Work completed on the tree.

Pray and Trust
There are so many forces and factors that oppose our faith. We may not fully be able to withstand attacks by men and by the powers of darkness. Like Terence shared, the older you get, the more sense that there is very little you may do by yourself. What we can mostly do is pray.
God has put a hedge around us and our property.

Who may try to damage God's possessions without His permission?

There is a dire need to set aside time each day to spend seeking and finding God, in prayer, finding rest and comfort and renewal in His Word and Spirit. If we do this, we will move in the power of His Spirit.
True Story.

I am overcome by pride most times. Does knowing God longer translates to knowing God better?
Am I always the one whom God has revealed all His secret things to?
It is very clear that this is not the case.


May God work in all our hearts, and prepare us to dwell with and in Him, now and later, forever and ever. Amen.