As usual, I write to edify those who are in the faith, but a huge amount of boasting in my goodness, which is not inherent, takes place. If I censor them, then I am not genuine.
It is very different to have come from the army into university, where I am not only having to deal with young men, but now also young women. It is more complicated and they need more love, tenderness and sensitivity.
With my soldiers, I could be rough, I could be gruff and I could prick their egos and consciences. I could challenge them, and I could make them feel a degree of shame. The objective was to build them up, deflate their ego, increase their self-worth and encourage them to be properly manly.
I remember how they got themselves into situations they were not equipped to deal with. Those were situations I were not equipped to deal with also.
I remember when one of them came up and asked for permission to leave camp, because his pregnant girlfriend was having an abortion. I remember those with family problems and those with drug problems. I remember those who got in trouble with the law.
But I also remember how some of them became more than what they started out as, having learnt obedience, submission and respect for authority. I am always thrilled when they call out to me. It feels good to know that I have done some good with them.
Dealing with young men is a good gift I thought I have; which is why I had put myself on course for more service in the force, to see what other good may I do with the young men of the next few generations.
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But now, in school, I need to be cautious in a wholly different way. What is the safety distance? What are the steps to take? What can be done, and what may not be done with a girl?
As a non-believer or as one still under the perfecting work of the Spirit, I sought to obtain the approval and adoration of others, and of those of the opposite gender. I behaved in a showy way, and tried to appeal to the flesh, with my nice outward personality. I still do.
There needs to be much more depth to us than what we seem.
Now that I have more female friends, it was time to revisit an old sermon by Paul Washer.
I have shared this with some, but I wonder if they would come to see the richness of this teaching, which Paul Washer gave to Christian young men.
Do we know how to treat a girl with the love of Christ, or bruise her with our insensitivities and our weakness?
We are relating with human beings who love and who hurt, who laugh and who cry.
We young men do not know how to treasure the precious daughter of the Lord, and now I am brought to a realization that I need to accelerate my preparation, in such a setting.
With God's Spirit, I realize a lot of things these days.
I had always thought I was adequate and all set for the next phase, but these months, I have been humbled.
Who and what kind of a person I am looking for to jointly raise and teach children, and to train them in the ways of our Lord? Am I the dependable man who may protect and provide for his family?
And while I withdraw into Him so that I may be taught by His Spirit, there is a worry that I will miss my opportunity. But Paul Washer commented that, "If God is sovereign, you will not miss your opportunity."
Anything I give over to the Lord, I have not lost. If I submit my desires and my person to His hands, I will be moulded by Him.
My mind and eyes cannot yet see the goodness of the Lord's plan. So I wait on Him. What do I know, compared with my God?
In short,
This is a cautionary tale for all that while I remain in the flesh, and have not been perfected, I am weak, fallible. My track record shows a tendency towards sin. Especially if sensuality is involved.
But I have hope of perfection, of love and of grace. Where I continue to walk with Him, I will shed the old self and become the new Man of whom Christ Jesus was the first.
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