I'm too tired to blog sensibly.
My eyelids are heavy from bad sleep and repetitive reading.
I gave up reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes because I wasn't absorbing. Do not be deceived by the subject. It's by Sir Arthur Conan Dyle and it should be somewhere up there with Jane Austen. I am not a boring lowlife fart.
Reading improves the quality of your mind. I read a lot.

Thursday was just over and I'm a bit amazed; filled my 24 hours with broadly sleeping; eating and then a solo gym session and some reading. Where did all my time go?
I fear tomorrow.
Everybody promises it will be good (Good Friday), but I grossly disagree. Unless the men in class have something planned, I will most definitely degrade from extreme boredom.
There isn't any Karate training; it's not a gym day, I don't have Cable TV and if it rains, I cannot run. My knee has started to hurt again.
Cheery.

I met Wei Wei just now at Tampines MRT and she waved to me, and here I must gravely apologize again and publicly for not immediately waving back. Smart girl, she. Not just because she's a VJC, but also because she recognized that I was very fit. Haha. I gave her my word that I would go for the 2K class gatherings in future and be very less rude. I don't forget people. I only forget names, so don't worry.

I woke up at 11 plus today, and had a small breakfast of tuna and tomatoes and cucumber slices in a magical concoction-a sandwich, before trying to do some reading.
I sparked my mother off and she could not stop talking to me at a higher volume where she insists is not shouting, and then continually expounds on her perspective of why I'm not that successful thus far and that she foresaw my ill fortune with the cursed examinations; the one that has just passed and the ones that are to follow. She maintained that she would not want to see my CT and yaddayaddayadda.
And I fell asleep and woke up at 2 pm. Excellent.

That brief lapse of shut-eye was really what I needed.
I haven't been getting much restive sleep these days, fitful nights and disturbing dreams that are either part of REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep or really believable dreams where the feeling of swimming in salty green seawater lingers when I open my eyes.
I have the silly notion that I will pass away in my sleep and that I cannot afford to because 18 is a young age and I haven't really done anything that I wanted to and that really sucks.
Why I feel so is because when I shut down for sleep, I somewhat feel that I'm fading away and even though I'm conscious, I do not even have the strength to move my littlest finger or to alter my sleeping position. My mind is screaming at my body but nothing happens. Total immobilisation.
Frightful.

If I were to really leave this world, I would want to tell everybody I've caused hurt to that I'm sorry and I want to tell those people that are close to me that I love them and this is not capricious, but instead sincere love. And I would want people to find God and God to find them.
I would like to invoke a metaphor that a preacher mentioned.
Everybody likes to think they know God and know Jesus. It kinda like, do you know George Bush? Everybody says yes. But, does George Bush know you? If he does, he'd invite you into his white house, won't he?
It's worth our thought.

We caught Rule Number 1 yesterday, we being Jeremy, Hakim, Dickson and me. We wanted to watch Step Up 2, but me and Hakim arrived late and we couldn't watch it, and the original crowd with Crystal and Naq also disbanded. The four men settled for horrific Rule Number 1 late at night. The cinema was not filled and we took a whole row to ourselves where I refused to sit at the side in case somebody I can't see touched me.

It fully lived up to its label as horror movie, and Dickson who thought it was only a thriller was wanting to watch it. I was apprehensive, but complied.
It was a very good movie, with excellent plot and story-telling and heart-jolting bits. Female ghouls with wet long flowing hair and lots of blood and unnatural portions.

Dickson lost his cojones (Spanish for Balls) yesterday at the cinema. He realised it was a ghost show and shielded his eyes for most of the movie, and kept wanting me to tell him what was happening. Haha. That was funny. But I was a bit spooked too. But I was most disturbed by the conclusion. Song Leng is a proponent of happy blissful endings, not dark ones.

After the movie, Jeremy recited Rule Number 2: Don't ever let them touch you. And Hakim gripped my bicep immediately. Because it was dark and also Hakim's dark complexion, I couldn't see where the hand came from and I shook it off, jumped a metre away and shouted "F-you" all in one instant. It was hilarious in hindsight, but damn frigging not funny when you're on the receiving end.

It was a fun night and too bad Crystal and Naq didn't stay for the movie. But I'm sure there'll be another movie outing damn soon.

Having finished recounting the movie yesterday, I'll fill in some of my musings:

Time moves slowly when you've dropped out of the common pace.
I realised this when I was doing my Chemistry paper. Or sitting through mostly.

Time, you cannot hold it; it slips through your fingers like sand.
I wrote this in an essay when I was in Sec 4. Original.

You do not realise the value of things until you lose them.
I lost my stress squeeze ball and a short (long) list of things precious and dear to me and I was moved to reiterate this strand of wisdom.

Scrubs said this to me yesterday. A good hug takes 7 seconds.

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and I once again am disillusioned by all of it.
I want to say more, but I think I'll pass this time.
I need a late night dose of Scrubs to temper out the badfeel. I had not expected to still feel like this after a week. But it's a one time recurrence, I hope and I want to snap out of it and get my living back on the fast track.

I have not been listening to any music expect Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours". I'm hoping to give that piece away in song, but I'm sealing up that bit of me that is a crazy irrational and insanely optimistic dreamer.

finis

I'm not too worried by Biology. It's sealed, packaged and will await judgement tomorrow. I might scrape a full pass (45 marks), though nothing's certain. I don't know where my calm comes from.

Some of us went to KFC after the paper ( Hakim, Derek, Crystal, Dick, Jem, Jay and Wei Lin, and also the sexiest man alive) to talk trash and amuse ourselves and each other, and as well as to eat. I really appreciate KFC's mirrors. They very accurately reflect my beauty and probably that adds to my exuberant mood right now. Crystal as usual was slightly irked by my posturing, but I bet she's really impressed and was making a lot of effort to hide it.

Took 81 home and met a rather awkward sight. I was previously unsure and mightily curious about what would happen and how would I react in that scene, but my conduct was measured. I suspect I have incredible restrain no matter what.
I felt a weird tightness in my chest, but it passed after a bit.

Took to the outdoors for a run after I got home. I really like running. It forces me to face the demons in my head that hiss poisonous suggestions at me. They tell me to stop and to listen to the pain in my knee and calf and the sharp pain in my side and my hammering heart. Everytime I pass a traffic light, the demons give me meaningful whispers to cross it and shorten the run.

I'm a recreational runner who runs to feel good, shake off a lousy mood and to torch off calories.
Thought about the intimidating 42k, but am deterred by the damaging bit of the run. It causes some heart damage after all the distance and is too much.
I'll probably stay like this unless I gain new motivation to run more seriously.
But seriously, running is primal, tiring but definitely beneficial.

I met Yun Zhi and her grand-aunt when I first started out, gave her a little wave to remind her that I love her. Haha. Met another girl, but didn't get a good look. Damn. Shouldn't have rushed forward that hastily. I kept my pace by skipping across drain covers with even strides and also the rising heat in my upper body and neck.

That feeling was sweet. The sleeveless I was wearing was rather flattering, considering that I grew a habit of donning it when I ran 3 years ago. Can feel and see the improvement in my physique. That catapults my mood to a new high. Raced a bus at the end of the run, and won only by a small bit.

The feeling of bending over, hands on knees with the gentle wind coming onto you is wonderful.
Bottomline: Run.

Anyway, I was also doing some thinking and wondered about the endearing qualities that I find in a girl. Can't put a finger down on it really, but I'm taken by girls who are girls underneath. My mother says it could be flavour and disposition, but I think those won't have any staying power on me. There's something more, and I'm gonna identify it.

These music pieces have invoked me to burst into song:

"I'm Yours"-Jason Mraz
"When You Look Me in the Eyes"-Jonas Brothers
"Feels Like Tonight"-Chris Daughtry
"Love Hurts"-Incubus
"Low"- Flo Rida

I have good taste.



Parting Shot:

Epigram-
A short sentence that expresses an idea in a clever or amusing way.

Ran to Changi Village again just now-needed the hard pounding on pavement to trim my physique and also to get out of the house and away from my cluttered desk.

The sun, finally back after so many dark days (ECLIPSE!) wasn't very friendly. It stung my skin and sapped my strength. Hence, was slower today.

It's the second last day before the close of the March Holidays.

I don't think we can strictly call it holiday, because it's just 1 measly week and we still get summons back to that place we normally would be at 5 days a week, many weeks a year.

Did very much less than what I had set out to do, but all of this is within my expectations because I know that I'm a laidback creature.

What I've done:

Maclaurin's Series,
Implicit Differentiation,

Amines,

Pages 1-6 of Isolation, Cloning and Sequencing DNA.

Brilliant. I derive solace from the fact that I know the bits that I've spent time on really well. That's it.

*

Going back to class on Friday was quite fun, with everybody back together. It was more of a socializing session instead of Chemistry Make-up. Amused Derek with my emotional baggage. I think that he and my mother are the same. They give the same opinions and advice on almost everything.

He was WTF!, when I told him that I'd figured things out. His suggestion to the frustrating bit to my problem was the same as my mum's.

I'm advised by cynical people who like to shake their heads at me all the time.

*

Found these old pictures from a 2006 outdoor training. It was when I went back to training after a 6 month hiatus. The old pictures showed that I was really out of shape then.

I like this the best:

Running in the post-rain outdoors was quite poetic.
Stomping in big puddles, and pissing people off-but you're already gone when they've only started to flare up; hearing the frogs sing in their deep basal tones, smelling the distinct smell of moist air and plants. That was nice.

Finally cleared off E-learning, which is a joyful thing even though it's something that I wished I'd never had to do today or any day. But it's over.
I've whiled away 4 days so far, not doing much studying. By all rights and tangible reason, there's only 1 thing I should engage in doing next.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Join me.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm keeping my posts short, because dear Jinni Lu thinks that my posts are too wordy. I appreciate feedback. Maybe I should do it in point-form like the powerpoint slides.
I value feedback. Thank you, lady.

There are 2 last things I consider writing about:

1. How to identify a man's weak point and exploit it in a one-on-one physical fight.
2. A list of things I want to do before I get to the age of 30.

I think I should do this on a bi-weekly basis. Remedies that would fix my life and make me a happier person:

getting good grades without a lot of effort; best is without any (impossible)

realistically-smooth academic progress

getting back into God's good books

enter a fulfilling relationship with the most amazing girl ever.

Parting shot:

Everybody, watch Scrubs!

Spent the day catching up on the E-learning that I shelved and also mowing through Scrubs season 4. Sinful.
Got something that really clicked with me from the series.

Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

I'm going out for another fast run, and will let this line scroll over and over in my head while I do my thing fast and get out of the cold before 6.

Later.

I love you. Do you know?

My only constant in recent days is being faithful in updating my life story at this venue.
I tided over the brief weekend by trying to assauge the wanderer in my blood, with infrequent excursions to the wide outdoors.

Saturday I couldn't stand being at home and labelled it my slack day.
Went out for a run to Changi Village with my kid sister bicycling beside. It's actually quite a long run, by normal standards. Can only remember running that route 4 times in my life.
The first was when I was Sec 3 or 4 I think. Ran to about less than half, turned and then walked back.

Number 2 was when I was AQ Team Captain and I made everyone run from the edge of Chang Village back to the hill up Anglican High School, about 10 kilometres plus. Bloody hell long. I think most of them still remember when we did that. We lay down on the concourse for an hour before we could move?

The third time was last year when I ran by myself from house to the market. Took what? 28 mins I think. That was very slow.

Yesterday I ran topless again under the sun. It felt pretty good to do that, and I was going at a nice pace. I let the stupid things that were bugging me hiss out of my system and finished the route. Was trying to impart to my sister the virtue of 'completing what you set out to do'.
Reached and then went to the beach look at the scenery, and was quite cheered up.

It was a brilliant day, sun, clouds and sea. We went on the board walk trail leading from the Ferry Terminal to the edge of the Chalets. It was a very long walk/ jog, but the beauty of the sea, sky and sun negated the soreness in my limbs.

Only regrets were that I didn't have my camera phone with me, and that I was with my sister.
Da-amn.

Came back from gym just now with Kah Kee and Zicong.
We had our dinner at the Interchange food place as usual and talked about women.

Zicong and I were plenty amused by KK's silly questions on how to woo a girl, what to say to her, how and what to talk to her on the phone and he made us assess his credentials. ZC said that KK's chances were low with this girl that he was harping on. KK also said some really crazy funny stuffs about CR and also about girls in general. He said that he might need a lecture or tutorial in wooing women. That got us laughing a lot.

We confessed our similarities in being rather obsessed with netball girls and dancers. These are the most desirables, Oh heavens.

We wondered about the dynamics of a love relationship and examined couples around us, trying to figure out the leap to emotional and physical closeness from being distant and different people. Can't explain it. The connectivity isn't that tangible. But we agreed that the best relationships are based on friendships.

Came home to an empty house; everybody was out to help my uncle get ready for his new baby, the promising Daren Choong.
I think I will train him to become a warrior.

Found this rather amusing sign just only.



General Paper tomorrow. I think I'm treating this whole affair too lightly.

Are you aching for a mention of you in my blog like I do in yours?