I must not be too proud to admit that God's Word has had an effect on me. I have presumed often that I am doing well, and am standing firm and am in good relation to my God at all times. I have not examined the areas of my life, and minimized why, how and what I lived (for) according to my own good pleasure.

But it is so blessed that God is faithful and He continually leads, and chastens, restores and comforts. Discipline is not easy to swallow, but God's purpose and wisdom are higher and more lasting than our own time-bound perceptions.

My parents have provided for me all my life, and I was made to realize that I have very little expressed gratitude towards them. I have barely reassured them that I their son, think of them. And while I have presumed that I have made amends for the ways I was an inadequate and difficult boy prior to saving faith, I had never spoken to them and addressed these things. It will be difficult to pull out these old memories of sorrows I have inflicted on them, but absolutely necessary.

I think of the times I was rough, rude and put on hateful attitudes towards them, and I realize that these are outstanding issues I must apologize and put to rest. When we are a little older and know some current information, we begin to despise our parents, or dismiss them.

As the eldest son, I should by example in honouring them, caring for them and obeying them. I have not been consistent in this area, and my sisters are sharp to seize these failures and convict me. While not perfect, I must increase my desire and efforts to love and care for them while I am still under their cover.

I see my grandmother's deep love for my grandfather even though he dominated her in marriage and was hard on her and on his children. She had tender love and concern for him, even while he was not always easy to get along with, much less love. This strength of love, even in a non-Christian marriage is admirable especially because of the circumstances of the union.

I am not willing that these precious parents pass from this life without hearing about the grace of Christ. I do not know how many years they will have with me, but I know that my love for them has not matched their love me, even if I have known the love of Christ. And my small efforts to are feeble.

There is no one else but me to bear witness for Christ, and I must get ready to tell them in the way they may understand well of this 'foreign God' who first died for men, before any of them knew Him.

There are dear family members and friends that I am to love and care for, but I have neither been attentive or sensitive, but shuttled them to my peripheral view. I am to bringing each person, valuing them as my God values them, before Him and appeal to His great love and mercy to work powerfully in them, to lead them to salvation.

My confidence in God's love for me is challenged daily. There is a need to return to Romans 5, to remember how God commendeth His love for us, when Christ laid down His life for all men, while we were still sinners, comfortably godless and cruel. God is a perfect Father who loves perfectly. When we doubt His love for us, we will be robbed of our joy and trust in Him. Our powerful God who is intimately concerned with our well-being and the details of our life gives us great comfort and the strength to live this challenging life in this hostile times.

I must thank God for His deep and sure love for me, even that which I cannot fully grasp, but continually doubt.

I presume too much, that I will be somebody important or prominent. I am a redeemed person who is much less intelligent and qualified than many others. My pride prises me from the dependence and obedience I am to have on Christ. Whether He uses me as a vessel for noble or common use, I must still be prepared in prayer to wait on His deployment of me. I am not more worthy than anyone to know Christ.

It is now more than ever that I realize I have a huge burden; that I may have many spiritual dependents who have never heard of the love of Christ, and of His great triumph over sin that may be applied to us all. I cannot lie and enter into rest prematurely while there is work to be done.

My life has to be lived in reverence of Christ. If I live with a false high esteem of myself, I will seek only to please myself, and place others on a lower plane. But there are people that matter hugely to me that I am omitting now. There must be something done about this.

We are to esteem Christ, living life in conformity to His Person. To be like Christ: firm and gentle, strong and meek, confident and humble, compassionate and prayerful, zealous for His Father's work.
It is a high standard, but we may have His Spirit inside of us to help us to live the life of Christ, that the flesh is not willing to, and cannot live out.