Summing Up and Crossing Over

It is always about the people, the people.

Why I blog - I blog to remember. The things I wrote about from 2007-2009, I remember with accuracy, and in order to try and seize hold of the good things and moments we cannot remain in, I must have a record.

I have closed one chapter of my life, which I did not want to, having spent more than a year on Pulau Tekong, first as a new recruit, and later an Officer, and eventually a Company Commander.

Now I have crossed over into the next phase as an Army Student.

Why I signed on - I like the Army. I feel that what we do is purposeful, fierce and fun. Although administration is dull and I'm not that enthused about it, I have had so good an NS experience and I want more of it, with more new and excellent people.

Leaving Tekong was saddening for me, where I had to say goodbye to a string of people whom I would never know and work in the same intimate manner where we got angry, busy and rejoiced together. I always feel the tears when this happens.

The b/m is an effort to capture the sweetness of the relationships and the closeness of the bonds wrought under the compression of time, stress and unfriendly work demands.

It is also a collection of some of the best people I know.

I spoke with Daniel (Lim) last night, while waiting for the laundry, and it was very heartening for me, where an elder Christian brother spoke to me about this, out of his concern. He thought that it was necessary to speak to me, seeing that my combination of an Army Career and an English Major was uncommon. It is rather rare and non-economical.

But I confided in him, which I had only to few others that I could count with my fingers, that I was more keen on becoming a Bible scholar. As for now, while I am young and fit, I want to become a commander and work with all sorts of men.

For now, I remain a Soldier.

Having gone through orientation, interacting with people and receiving unique treatment, has led me to reflect and look closely at what is the content of my heart and soul. Wild fun, with no end is not my beverage. I feel that having served as the way I did, I'm too grown up for the irresponsible humour that many students subscribe to.

While I was 21, I had taken the role of someone close to 30. It has accelerated my aging and the preoccupations of my mind. I have been caretaker, counselor and parent. How may I put aside the wisdom and sense I learnt.

May a member of the body of Christ behave in a non-decent manner? Can he/she participate in activities that allure the flesh and the desire?

Therefore, it was good that I met Glen from Orion here in BLK 7 in the Hall. Christian brothers stand together. May the LORD's hand be ever on us, as we live in obedience and reverence of Him, even in an environment that buffets us in every way. We are cornered, but not overcome.

I share this post to show my appreciation and open my mind to the people I love and have served with. You are so precious to me, I will bring a piece of all of you with me, from now on wherever I go. I deeply appreciate your support, your effort and your following me, where I have led you. You are the best.

This is what we must declare anew

Joshua 24: 14-15

¹⁴ “Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. ¹⁵ But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

Realizations:

It is the broken, weak and poor who have an understanding of our uncleanness and unworthiness and can recognize the depth and breath of God's Love and Grace in His acceptance of us.

What I fix my eyes upon is what I will be filled with. If I allow entrance unclean things to enter into my view, my body and mind will be full of darkness.

Luke 11:34-36

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy,^[a] your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy,^[b] your body also is full of darkness. ³⁵ See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. ³⁶ Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

It is not okay to be ''away from God for a short while''.

Such a compartmentalization of God's Spirit will leave space for something else to enter.

We are at the 6-month mark of the year. God is gracious, faithful, good and strongly present.
It is instead how much my heart is receptive to His Spirit.

I have been favoured by Him and people to have completed the following:

1. I have jumped from a plane in the Basic Airborne Course.

2. I was entrusted with the command of a company as Officer Commanding for a short time in M Company, and had a pleasant time working with, and growing the command team and the new soldiers.

3. I have overcome pain to achieve my IPPT GOLD award for this year;


4. I have a new and better boss; and the old derelict one has been removed far away,

5. I finally made several purchases that made it easy for me to upkeep my physical exercise.

This is but a small extent of the goodness I have been graced with. I believe there will be more good out of this year, sweet and bitter experiences to grow my character and faith.
Glory be to Christ, God's Son.

It took a few ingredients to coax me out of the comfortable setting in my home and onto the road to hit the pavement. Running used to be so natural and easy, but now that I've gained quite a few, it feels hard to move my body through space.

I'd be bold and state that I'm at 79 kilograms and if I do nothing, it will increase, because I love to eat and I naively believe the scant lifting I'm doing will offset the stuff I introduce into my system.

This was about the same weight before I enlisted, but I now feel different. My body works differently too.

I can do more pull-ups, but I run much slower and shorter.

Hence, I put on an OCS singlet, used the earphones that I bought to complement the running habit I'm supposed to cultivate, put on the New Balance shoes that I again bought to sustain the habit and ran.

It helped that I was running to a familiar place (MJC), and I was hoping to gain entry into the track so I could get a drink and also reminisce. I was disappointed.

The OCS shirt made me conscious that I could not look bad, and the presence of strangers multiplied that sense.

Even though it was not as feel good as I would liked, it was a good and beneficial run and I am hungry.

2010 in Review

If I were to theme this year, it would be the year I became an Officer and my adventures as an one.

I've learnt so many things, tangible and intangible-management, leadership styles, soft skills and parenting most of all.

I've realized that the groups of people that the education system of our competitive community neglect are the ones we must pay attention to; these are the people we must inspire and correct. They will form the most of our work force and they are the numbers that make the most difference.

I also realize that we can never assume that we've assimilated any lessons/knowledge.
We must reinforce whatever we've acquired, or they will fall away from our persons.
Our retention is poor, and the fresh new external stimuli overpowers aged memories.

Whatever you do not upkeep, you lose.
Your faith, your fitness, your sanity. Personal Experience.

Your superiors never want to hear about your limitations. They want a problem-less tour and an everlasting can-do attitude. So, I will just tell them to stop pretending like they actually care about my constraints.

Self-help is the new way forward. Not mutual support, not reinforcement from another sector.

(to be continued)

This weekend, I have had more time. Not that I utilize it wisely, to either get more rest or to realign myself for the following one, but it allows more time outside of the working environment and better food in both taste, nutrition and variety.

I saw a girl that I was crazy about some years back and it almost did not register that I knew who she was. I recall that I had approached her badly and it's something that on rare occasions that my mind can afford to wander that I remember.

Seeing this instigated me to reflect; (and with a little prompting from Hakim) how am I different now. The reflection is not complete, but I'm raring to show, or re-present the new Man that I hope I am getting to be, to people from my past.

I feel that everybody functions on a squeeze-balls reflex. We only move and work only when our balls are squeezed. There is no longer any initiative or self-motivating.

It's only a line/hierarchy/chain of balls squeezing.

I feel more acutely that the 200 over young men I am housing and having my command team train will re-enter the community as the sum of the experiences that we create.

I must think about ours, and especially my impact and influence over them.

Are we making better men, or spoiling them?

I like soldiering and I am for the idea of a defence force. Not just for the obvious reasons of deterrence, but also the fact that the experience, or according to some-ordeal makes us grow up fast. For the most of those who are willing to take the hard parts, National Service is a man-maker.

There is a perceivable difference in men who have served and trained. They are more hardened, less frivolous, and better under pain or pressure.

I think that what it takes to be a man, is taking up responsibility and endurance.

We are made better and are proven stronger after suffering hardship.

Why we serve: our defence force is one of the main reasons our country has such stability.

I suspect our neighbours may not take us seriously without the presence of our army.

I have thought and talked about this with my friend, and I am not surprised, but also slightly wistful that our own people do not have the amount of support for National Service that would add more purpose, commitment and strength to our soldiers.

There is less dedication if we do not understand and accept/acknowledge, let alone believe in what we do daily.

Our workload and environment may suck, but it is necessary.