Recently.

I dislike pockets of lengthy boredom.
Yet I'm living in a continuous chain of them. Shame really.
Probably, this is another plateau in my life now. Or a valley.
Number 1, there isn't any thing or inespecial, anybody to look forward to seeing, greeting or talking to at this point of my life. It's really foreign, and uncomfortable, this way, not to be crazy, or even mildly excited over any girl. It's a wrenching kinda feeling that's not too friendly to your insides.
I've been referencing several faces with my heart, to see if I feel a tug in the chest (yes, beneath the muscle), but I don't. So for those wondering out there, nope. There isn't anything or anybody anymore.
I'm sorta numb now.
But am no longer as juvenile or adolescent as yester years. No longer looking for a great display piece to show off, or to expend sexual energy or anything as shallow; superficial as that.
Looking someone that is dear to me, close to my heart; and will stay with, by me for the rest of our lives. Looking for a lifelong companion to put our fingers together and have the sands of time seep through. Together.
I'm really missing that genuine happiness from just a gentle touch or a flitting, incoming message of love. It's hard to come by now, I guess.

Physically, I'm one day happy with myself, and another suddenly seeing the flaws and inperfections in my physique the next day. What I wanna is to be massive. Size, power, yet still speedy and bristling with vigour. yes, six pack abs back-check!
uh-huh, pectorals very solid, can whisper too-check!
yum, V-shaped torso-check!
rargh, rock-shaped shoulders-check!
So? I'm still not happy. Now that school's going to burst open again for me and eager to pummel with multitudes of impossibles, it's harder for me to keep up my work at the gymnasium. Yet, muscles aren't forever. I feel the occasional slip in total endurance; can no longer grit my teeth and push on a bit more longer as I used to. But then aerobically, amazing. The 200 front-kicks no longer bother me. They just make me no wanna talk. Cause the intensity is no longer jolting. It lulls me to sleep.
I've been doing too much cardiovascular training, and I'm going the lean way. Just realised.
Win some, lose some. That's the way all things are, isn't it.
All we need is positive change.

Academia was never an arena where I shone. I'm bright. Forgive the honest lack of modesty.
But then, I never excel in the examinations. Neither high up or low down. (but lately, have been subsiding into the lower portion of the range) Not exactly moved to work, but will start slowly. Hopefully will conquer several ThingsToDo by hiatus-end...
Will start with Literature tonight, and checkout how brain-cell friendly "introduction to organic chemistry" is.
Tomorrow's Class Chalet. I should be looking forward to it. But I'm just. Well. Normal.

Yesterday saw the conclusion of the Bi-annual 14th Company's Overnight Cycling expedition. Was really sleep -deprived and frustrated over it all. Maddened by the incompetence of certain(2) Boy leaders, irked by the inability of some to bike properly or at least decently; grievously hurt by the unkind bicycle seat that tormented my hamdams for more than 40 plus kilometres of road, and the empty promise of great thrill.
My role: A babysitter.
My charges: 2 Boy leaders who had lousy grasp of the situation and lousy discernment; fresh Privates that are not especially adept at biking.
My playground: Most of the East Coast, Marina Bay, Vivo, Orchard, Tanglin, Granges, Beach Rd, Geylang...
My adverseries: the road, unruly motorists that shouted 'go home'; the pain at my hamdams; my charges at almost every traffic light.
I was lucky I pulled through. KY was absymal at cycling, and even worse at leading. His timing, discernment was off, and endangered his fellows instead of looking out for them. WJ was meek and similarly bad in the same ways. There was little change even when I told them to their face I didn't like the things they were doing. Benjamin D and I clean forgotten they were actually Company Leaders. Ben D was absolutely right when he said they were "incompetent". We were cursing and swearing while we hung back as they struggled to cover distance. And everytime at a traffic light, they stopped immediately when they've crossed, leaving the CLTs no space to land on the other end. And an impatient car, with a less humane driver is raring to run over us.

I think that there is more to being a leader than being able to do accounts, please the record-hungry officers and be academically inclined. You'll at most only amount to a clerk. What I want is Corporals, according to the SAF's standards, Corporals who know what the Sergeants or the Lieutenants want, and can give and can make their men give. The two above don't. Obviously, they don't fit the bill. I really can't understand why we thought they were the "right dudes" for their exalted jobs.
If they happen to read what I wrote, please act and administer positive change. Likewise for all other leaders that I didn't acknowledge in a critical way.
Don't be disheartened if I was harsh or merciless.
I received the same kind of mention in Mr. Yeo's blog several years ago, and I started to work differently. It doesn't mean how you're like now is game set and over.
There is much more to a competent leader than being loudmouthed, and yelling for no reason.
I didn't like the way KY screamed for Shawn to take out the map.

I also don't like the way the Boys shut down their brains when they were tired. If they can stay up late to play strategic games like CS or whatever that is, they can surely maintain the little bits of humanness that is our intelligence. Please grow up fast and use your mind actively. The brain that does the thinking does the learning.

1 thing worth mention: Mr. Oi has the most amount of patience I've ever seen in a human being. The combined sympathy of Ben D and myself fell apart while we biked behind KY. And Mr. Oi was with him the whole way after we gave KY up at Vivo. I really respect Mr. Oi. When I said the 'way' it was really really long.

I was glad to see the end of it, and am reluctant to probably volunteer myself for another cycling expedition soon. I'm scarred. I could have died at least 5 times.