Keeping a blog documents growth and allows me to see how foolish, childish I was or what I was doing and thinking at any phase in my past.
I find it really fascinating when the posts in made in pique can trigger a pretty accurate recall of the situation then, and how I felt. These are things that I forgot to remember, things that made up the good years before I was soldiering.
Difficult as it is to write, I will still do so, because it will capture the feeling and thoughts I have at this point in time and reflect it to my future self who will view everything as an aid to remember.
Today I woke early, with a forcible removal from a really lovely dream. I was putting my lips to kiss a special lady during an elevator ride, and only the texture of her lip reminded me within the dream that it was not thoroughly as real as I'd like.
This leads me to examine the probability of this incidence. I believe it is low at this point.
Why I am reluctant to enter casually into a relationship even though I'm pining for a romance is because it isn't something to be taken lightly.
The relationship, no matter where it leads will irreversibly change both persons. It will mess with the heads of both persons especially if it ends badly.
Having strong feelings or affections for a girl is not good enough reason to get together. A relationship that is good and healthy and godly must be centred on Christ, have a good foundation, promising beneficial growth for both persons.
I refuse to waste time in short-term flings that have no potential to last the entire distance, that affects my heart and mind and that of the hypothetical hers. Some people say that having such poor imitations of a fulfilling relationship is experience.
I hardly think so.
Hence I am cautious because I have learnt that I cannot trust myself.
Will I treat a girl properly, rightfully? Will I be able to love her in increasing; will I in anger and self-centredness not bruise her with speech and disposition?
*
It is a struggle to break into the rhythm of exercise, but once I've gotten started, I want to accelerate and do more faster.
This week, I have masterfully managed to nap and then lift the weights in my precious Saturday while having not met any friends or cleaned my belongings.
SNATCH-GRIP DEADLIFT;
BENCH PRESS;
GOBLET SQUAT;
T-BAR ROW
These and a good, big meal plus coffee will improve the sixth day of the week.
*
I cannot see what is ahead of me because I am so short-sighted and am unable to see beyond myself. I do not know what the world will be like, I do not know the growth that i will go through in another 5 years, but I pray that Christ is in it; that my friends and family will remain close, or become even closer then.
I would very much like to close my eyes and imagine that things are sweet, but this is not how I will choose to get by.
Having just watched Smallville Season 10, I would like the outpour of affection from one heart to the other, but again, the probability is low. I re-watch the drama to satiate my inbuilt program that craves romantic fulfillment.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
What was used for sin and shame can be used for goodness and the glorifying of the One true God.
It has been difficult to be Christian, or to conduct myself like one in a military setting, but I can hardly blame my circumstances for my neglect of prayer and Word, but instead accept that the faults have purely been my own.
I have forgotten to love, and to value what I set out to, and also allowed the good parts of my person to die out of neglect and poor feeding.
It took Mr. Ong's mentoring and reminding about the seasonal changes and growth that I would go through, as well as some encouraging from assorted persons.
Is there still any trace of Christ left in me? Us disciples must carry the marks of our Master.
As co-heirs with Christ, we share in His sufferings that we may share in His great joy and glory at the end of all of it.
It is a painful reluctant climb back to obedience.
Worldliness is just never enough.
May God's patience and mercy never wear out with a recalcitrant like me but instead give my entire life a thorough overhaul, teaching me to love and respect people and to worship Him in spirit and in truth.
Another batch of people have passed out under me, and this time my extent of influence is huger. This time I wonder, what is the effect I have on these young men.
Will there be praise won for my Father in heaven because of any good work, or would there be a failure to recognize Christ in any bit of me.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Stomach for God's Word
Training Soldiers;
The past week, I saw the first batch of young people that I was responsible for complete the very first phase of their military training and it sobered me by both remembering 1) how fast time passes away, and 2) how influential commanders are.
I have a stake in every of these young men that have passed through me and I can mostly hope that I've been as positive as possible.
It is only now that I learn the degree of my role, I was not prepared sufficiently to be responsible for people. It also reinforced my knowledge that every individual is precious and worth a great deal to me to my Heavenly Father.
To my special 42:
I am sure that you are quality products and my command group has done a great job with you.
My wish for you is that you will have a positive National Service like I am having.
A good day with a good friend;
Managed to catch Toy Story 3 with Megan. It was a good movie, because I used to play with toys like that when I was smaller.
It dealt with growth-growing older and out-growing things of old.
1 Corinthians 13:11 - "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
I probably have taken the verse out of its context where Paul was talking about unfailing love.
The story connected with me, because I am like Andy in so many aspects and I had always wished my toys would come alive and play with me, and love me, and obey me when I ask them to behave in a certain way.
I want all of them to be free and independent, but willing to defer to my directions when I set them up in the imaginary setting I thought up.
I found that God instead has been so gracious to give us our autonomy and also the freedom to go over to His side. To Him, we are so much more than toys or playthings, and He has so much good and love for us because He made us and watched us grow and has the big picture.
He has such a big stake in us and He took us so seriously, willing to do extraordinary things to woo us.
Well, I am also pleased that I have managed to convert Megan, or rather have her come over to the idea that not all cartoons are stupid. The film had some value, I thought.
It was a good day overall.
Have been worked on by God;
Roland and Joyce's wedding re-wrought in me the correct idea of a Christian union and also made me re-examine our marriage to Christ.
We are the body of Christ, and He is our Head. We cannot live disconnected away from Him or His leadership.
I feel more willing to call Christ my King, because I've always been comfortable in serving a reliable leader and I am willing to learn to submit. It will however, take a whole life to do so.
Christ diverted God's wrath from falling on us and instead took it all upon Himself.
Have come off a session of reflection and reading the Word, and have been reminded and convicted of so many things.
My sin was that I have always tried to peel God away from me and limit His effects and workings on my person.
I forgot to consider the thoughts of the One whom I call my King when I ate, and when I spoke.
I need even more deeply, an understanding of my sin, which will give me an understanding of God's Grace and Love, and a deep fondness and appreciation for His Son.
I must glorify God and put Him at His rightful Highest place; not only praise Him on occasion with song, but remember and honour Him constantly. Cue: Jesus must take the Highest Honour...
I must control the substances entering my mind space. I watched Desperate Housewives and Drop Dead Diva yesterday and thought nothing of them, even when I wrestled with myself whether or not to give in to some form of entertainment.
But today I realized that there were a lot of wrongness reflected in the show that was put across to us. It featured adultery, a loose view on divorce, a flexible measure of justice, fornication, irresponsible parenting, dishonesty.
While the shows tried to dish off some good (caution against the acceptability of cheating), it slipped in all the other vices and desensitized us to their abhorrence.
C.S. Lewis was right when he said entertainment was a lousy plug for the our leaking joy.
My loud cry would be for God not to let us alone, but be about and in us.
Another stray thought: Not just not commit, but also not abet sin.
Because I profess faith in Christ, I must value what He values greatly: people.
The past week, I saw the first batch of young people that I was responsible for complete the very first phase of their military training and it sobered me by both remembering 1) how fast time passes away, and 2) how influential commanders are.
I have a stake in every of these young men that have passed through me and I can mostly hope that I've been as positive as possible.
It is only now that I learn the degree of my role, I was not prepared sufficiently to be responsible for people. It also reinforced my knowledge that every individual is precious and worth a great deal to me to my Heavenly Father.
To my special 42:
I am sure that you are quality products and my command group has done a great job with you.
My wish for you is that you will have a positive National Service like I am having.
A good day with a good friend;
Managed to catch Toy Story 3 with Megan. It was a good movie, because I used to play with toys like that when I was smaller.
It dealt with growth-growing older and out-growing things of old.
1 Corinthians 13:11 - "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
I probably have taken the verse out of its context where Paul was talking about unfailing love.
The story connected with me, because I am like Andy in so many aspects and I had always wished my toys would come alive and play with me, and love me, and obey me when I ask them to behave in a certain way.
I want all of them to be free and independent, but willing to defer to my directions when I set them up in the imaginary setting I thought up.
I found that God instead has been so gracious to give us our autonomy and also the freedom to go over to His side. To Him, we are so much more than toys or playthings, and He has so much good and love for us because He made us and watched us grow and has the big picture.
He has such a big stake in us and He took us so seriously, willing to do extraordinary things to woo us.
Well, I am also pleased that I have managed to convert Megan, or rather have her come over to the idea that not all cartoons are stupid. The film had some value, I thought.
It was a good day overall.
Have been worked on by God;
Roland and Joyce's wedding re-wrought in me the correct idea of a Christian union and also made me re-examine our marriage to Christ.
We are the body of Christ, and He is our Head. We cannot live disconnected away from Him or His leadership.
I feel more willing to call Christ my King, because I've always been comfortable in serving a reliable leader and I am willing to learn to submit. It will however, take a whole life to do so.
Christ diverted God's wrath from falling on us and instead took it all upon Himself.
Have come off a session of reflection and reading the Word, and have been reminded and convicted of so many things.
My sin was that I have always tried to peel God away from me and limit His effects and workings on my person.
I forgot to consider the thoughts of the One whom I call my King when I ate, and when I spoke.
I need even more deeply, an understanding of my sin, which will give me an understanding of God's Grace and Love, and a deep fondness and appreciation for His Son.
I must glorify God and put Him at His rightful Highest place; not only praise Him on occasion with song, but remember and honour Him constantly. Cue: Jesus must take the Highest Honour...
I must control the substances entering my mind space. I watched Desperate Housewives and Drop Dead Diva yesterday and thought nothing of them, even when I wrestled with myself whether or not to give in to some form of entertainment.
But today I realized that there were a lot of wrongness reflected in the show that was put across to us. It featured adultery, a loose view on divorce, a flexible measure of justice, fornication, irresponsible parenting, dishonesty.
While the shows tried to dish off some good (caution against the acceptability of cheating), it slipped in all the other vices and desensitized us to their abhorrence.
C.S. Lewis was right when he said entertainment was a lousy plug for the our leaking joy.
My loud cry would be for God not to let us alone, but be about and in us.
Another stray thought: Not just not commit, but also not abet sin.
Because I profess faith in Christ, I must value what He values greatly: people.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Faith expressing itself through Love
I have been looking to the wrong sort of things to fuel me in my daily labours.
I have been drawing relief, entertainment from the wrong material, and I am sure that this has marred my capacity to love.
I am aware that my care and concern for others is severely reduced when I shift the focus to pleasing myself.
My inclination to love is almost gone because by my own effort, without the Spirit, it is not sufficient.
(Whilst recording my growing understanding of God's wise things, I do hope that this material may be beneficial for others who might read what I write. )
GOAL: To Be a Christian Young Man. [End Objective.]
Specifics:
Bearing influence and characteristics of Christ Jesus and to be changed continually by Him.
How:
To love and obey Christ's teachings and commandments, living them out in daily life.
This was the object of the Boys' Brigade which I'm sure the Founder had hoped that all of us would continue bearing, even after we are no longer Boys.
I'm a little surprised that it only came to me now, when I've been so long apart from the BB.
A few years and even just months could bring about a stupendous shift in paradigm.
Sometime last year, I was angered and slightly vengeful about the trend of Christianity and how we try to give it modern characteristics so that it may be suitable and palatable for the world now.
I've grown tamer since then, and now no longer enter into argument or conflict but would prefer to wait for God's redeeming, overcoming love to work.
Our job is to deliver the gospel, plant the seed of truth and then become witnesses to how God powerfully grows us all into His firstfruits.
We must take heed from His Spirit, and follow God's pace, rhythm.
Keep in Step with the Spirit.
With the examples of so many before us, I am clearly aware of how imperfect we are, but how powerfully God uses us when we are obedient.
I have been drawing relief, entertainment from the wrong material, and I am sure that this has marred my capacity to love.
I am aware that my care and concern for others is severely reduced when I shift the focus to pleasing myself.
My inclination to love is almost gone because by my own effort, without the Spirit, it is not sufficient.
(Whilst recording my growing understanding of God's wise things, I do hope that this material may be beneficial for others who might read what I write. )
GOAL: To Be a Christian Young Man. [End Objective.]
Specifics:
Bearing influence and characteristics of Christ Jesus and to be changed continually by Him.
How:
To love and obey Christ's teachings and commandments, living them out in daily life.
This was the object of the Boys' Brigade which I'm sure the Founder had hoped that all of us would continue bearing, even after we are no longer Boys.
I'm a little surprised that it only came to me now, when I've been so long apart from the BB.
A few years and even just months could bring about a stupendous shift in paradigm.
Sometime last year, I was angered and slightly vengeful about the trend of Christianity and how we try to give it modern characteristics so that it may be suitable and palatable for the world now.
I've grown tamer since then, and now no longer enter into argument or conflict but would prefer to wait for God's redeeming, overcoming love to work.
Our job is to deliver the gospel, plant the seed of truth and then become witnesses to how God powerfully grows us all into His firstfruits.
We must take heed from His Spirit, and follow God's pace, rhythm.
Keep in Step with the Spirit.
With the examples of so many before us, I am clearly aware of how imperfect we are, but how powerfully God uses us when we are obedient.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The Adventures of Song Kim and Ha Leng
Once literacy comes, there is no ebbing of the flow. My wit and writing are bursting- even the stale topics can seem colourful with my regained ability.
I will reiterate that looking at pretty girls incite me to run. They make me want to feel the same rush of being fast and taking on a purpose with no stop.
I will need to see more, and then move more, because I am in a fat mode as of now.
Today, after service, caught up with Mei Yi at Starbucks, where an Iced Caramel Macchiato did the trick, serving to rouse me and act as a necessary coolant. We chatted rather pleasantly and it's good to have seen an old face which is fresh compared to the tempo of my daily living.
After that, I linked up with my beloved Hakim and we moved on foot to Changi General Hospital to visit the urinals. They were in excellent working condition.
Got to Parkway and browsed through the military history section; I've been intrigued by this genre of late. This coincides with how I'm toying with the idea to have a short military career currently.
Had an intake of ill-meaning calories with a Zinger Meal and a subsequent Carl's Junior dinner. I rationalize this with the fact that I would be kept in along with my recruits for 2 weeks and more.
"To trust in my God, who will make my paths clear and straight"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)