Keeping a blog documents growth and allows me to see how foolish, childish I was or what I was doing and thinking at any phase in my past.

I find it really fascinating when the posts in made in pique can trigger a pretty accurate recall of the situation then, and how I felt. These are things that I forgot to remember, things that made up the good years before I was soldiering.

Difficult as it is to write, I will still do so, because it will capture the feeling and thoughts I have at this point in time and reflect it to my future self who will view everything as an aid to remember.

Today I woke early, with a forcible removal from a really lovely dream. I was putting my lips to kiss a special lady during an elevator ride, and only the texture of her lip reminded me within the dream that it was not thoroughly as real as I'd like.

This leads me to examine the probability of this incidence. I believe it is low at this point.

Why I am reluctant to enter casually into a relationship even though I'm pining for a romance is because it isn't something to be taken lightly.

The relationship, no matter where it leads will irreversibly change both persons. It will mess with the heads of both persons especially if it ends badly.

Having strong feelings or affections for a girl is not good enough reason to get together. A relationship that is good and healthy and godly must be centred on Christ, have a good foundation, promising beneficial growth for both persons.

I refuse to waste time in short-term flings that have no potential to last the entire distance, that affects my heart and mind and that of the hypothetical hers. Some people say that having such poor imitations of a fulfilling relationship is experience.
I hardly think so.

Hence I am cautious because I have learnt that I cannot trust myself.
Will I treat a girl properly, rightfully? Will I be able to love her in increasing; will I in anger and self-centredness not bruise her with speech and disposition?

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It is a struggle to break into the rhythm of exercise, but once I've gotten started, I want to accelerate and do more faster.

This week, I have masterfully managed to nap and then lift the weights in my precious Saturday while having not met any friends or cleaned my belongings.

SNATCH-GRIP DEADLIFT;
BENCH PRESS;
GOBLET SQUAT;
T-BAR ROW

These and a good, big meal plus coffee will improve the sixth day of the week.

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I cannot see what is ahead of me because I am so short-sighted and am unable to see beyond myself. I do not know what the world will be like, I do not know the growth that i will go through in another 5 years, but I pray that Christ is in it; that my friends and family will remain close, or become even closer then.

I would very much like to close my eyes and imagine that things are sweet, but this is not how I will choose to get by.

Having just watched Smallville Season 10, I would like the outpour of affection from one heart to the other, but again, the probability is low. I re-watch the drama to satiate my inbuilt program that craves romantic fulfillment.