The J2s were treated to the 'A' level results release today.
We sat through the whole thing and I was trying to let the entire affair have its effect on me.
Of course I want to be one of those buggers that got to get their result slips from THE Ms. Esther Lai, but I'm fearful of the hard work that I have to put in to get there.

If there's any thing my two previous national exams have showed me, it would be that I'm lazy and reluctant to put in much effort. Even with things I'm passionate for like the BBAQ or Karate or my Gym trainings, I don't like to go too hard. I've been convincing myself that I'll get by by spontaneous inspiration, undercover brillance, and opportune time.
Need to shake off this lousy presumption.

No sacrifice, no victory.

There can be no balances in what I'm doing right now. I can't seek to manage all the things that are going on in my life. I have to minimise some windows and dive into just one first. I don't believe in balance and juggling. You will definitely have to slight some bits in favour of the thing you really want.

I've started to be absolute.
8 full days to March Block Test (MBT).
Can I con myself by dismissing it with a 'it doesn't matter'?
If I'm not already seeing As by March, what makes me think I'll see As one year later?

Crystal tormented me last night by calling me at 12 and having me talk to her until 1 am. It's a special service that's only given to really dear friends. If you're rude to me, Crystal, I will pawn you. I think my sense of humour has mutated. Anyway. We talked about a wide range of stuffs that got her really excited. She disagrees that going through relationships are necessary in a passage towards maturity. She' s crazy-everybody watch out. Otherwise, she's okay.

But I really thank God for friends like her and Derek and Andrew who can really make you feel loved. I appreciate your scribbling on my Isolation, Cloning and Sequencing DNA notes that day. The songs you wrote down were useful for tempering my mood.

Derek has been my conscience and we're a bit like a married couple now. He shakes his head at me in disapproval all the time. A bit irritating, but he makes sense. He's capable of spontaneous lameness which is extremely disarming. I can tell when something is bugging and on his mind, and I think I can guess what is it mostly. I think he can smell it when I'm abnormal too. He's been putting up with me a lot the whole week.

I see myself in Andrew now, the way he gets really excited over an SMS and also the way he is really bothered when his love interest takes a long time to reply, or doesn't at all. So funny, the way he asked me how to SMS a girl. Warned him not to have inflated expectations. Don't want him to be crushed. He's a sweet guy and he cheers me up with his silliness many times. He's the first person I want to see in the morning when I get off the bus, definitely.

This is the end of the week and it never ceases to intrigue me how things can change in such a short span of time. A week ago this time, I was wildly happy. I'm on the lower range one week later. The things that have happened are really distasteful, but I'm getting better. It would be worse if I let everything remain the same.

I still like green a lot. Does it matter that much anymore?

What I need:
1) Not to mind
2) Discipline and a hard heart.
3) To pull myself out of normal time and into limbo where I can study for MBT as much as I want.

Theme Songs:
"All or Nothing", Westlife
"If I let you go", Westlife
"Just want you to know", Backstreet Boys
"I Still", Backstreet Boys
"Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely", Backstreet Boys

Personal revelations:
I need to transfer the tenacity I sometimes have in the Gym to my work and I need supplements in the form of caffeine, bananas, Omega-3 fatty acid, Vitamins A-Z...

I make hasty decisions that might come back to haunt me

Scrubs said this to me last night:

The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

When you make tough decisions, good things can happen.

Andrew thinks my taste in music is gay. But it's only because these songs concur with me right now what. I'm waiting for the promise of good things.

The next leap year is four years away.