I have been on the computer most of today and I feel like a hermit.
I've grown a headache and deserve to retire and I have been given reason to do so, because my dearest Chong Rui told me as I was making my own meal that a 20 km run was scheduled tomorrow and it would be nice to have me there. Even better, if I could run it with them.

Brilliant. My dearest Boy calls me up after neglecting me for a month and expects guidance and counsel on the impending Adventure Quest. A 20 km run is not a walk in the park and with full pack too. I need the run, but I don't need the pain. And I'll be technically the only adult there, responsible for 16 pubescent Boys. I've been 18 years old for a month today.
That is an amazing privilege, to hit the pavement and also to in some sense watch over my little ones.

I have a good mind to ditch them when we hit Pasir Ris along our route, but some bit in me instigates me to follow through and make sure things get done right tomorrow. That would mean clocking in time after parade until 5 or 6 with minimal appreciation, recognition and anything else nice.

I'm an angry person.
But my anger at Cherng Ru for not being around when this should have been the little bugger's job and Chong Rui for not being obeisant is tempered when I hear praise from the little ones about my lovely qualities to move men to do things that they can't do alone. The sweet caress on my ego feels excellent.

Apparently MJ thinks that I motivated the team to a crazy high back in 2006 just before the race and they thought we were surely going to win the entire thing even though we didn't.
I do honestly think I have a gift for riling people up, either is it to make my mother rise from a whisper to a ear-piercing shriek or to make people fully moved to give their all. But Rui was asking me how to lift the spirits of everyone on the team seeing that they weren't so confident.

My blog isn't broadly read, either because it's full of sophistry, or if they don't because they don't think their Cadet Lieutenant (I prefer my old rank, WO. Sounds nicer) would do something like this.
Anyway, I will give a lesson anyway.
In this respect, I do think I AM qualified to give you some of my wisdom.

A leader is fallible even if he doesn't show it. He has to be strong and unfazed by whatever setbacks that the team meets and he has to hide his shock and adverse reactions to the impending difficulties and immediately convert it into an optimistic smile.
It isn't easy.
When you convince your team that you're going to win, you're also trying to convince yourself.
And often believing in yourself is the hardest thing to do.

It was never easy when I took up the entire Adventure Quest project. It spans over 5 or 6 months of your time in a short year and almost all of your brain space.
There were plenty of hiccups and I have been conditioned to the extent that even if Chong Rui were to wake me up with his screaming at 4 am (he lives in Pasir Ris too), I wouldn't be very surprised and I'd dismiss him with a one-liner solution to his problems.

I fully understand the doubts and worries that my man is having because I lived through it in my day.
In 2006, our BBAQ team was my baby. Every single thought I had was given to it and I was possessed with a want to win. I made everyone share that by going a bit crazy and wild with my insane rants and a rehearsal session to cross the finish line in style at our regular space (3rd Floor CC). Going into a mood not unlike a spiritual medium and laughing and mocking at other teams weren't simply for fun or laughter.

It was to make everyone feel the same want to win; to recognize and feed on that thirst and make everybody also insanely crazy and confident.
I had doubts myself even when I was running with Joel on race day when we were falling behind, but still insisted that we were going to win no matter what even if it didn't look like so. And dear Joel, on his bad leg and holding my hand, made it to the end point also.

In 2007, Kah Kee took over and he had his own brand of doing things and the worst bit about him was that he had no idea how to care for his people. He was not a crazy optimist like me and when the Boys' team lost out, and even though the Relay team were dizzy with happiness, he could barely say much to make his people happier than they were and if they weren't.
He was very upset about the outcome because he felt they could have made it.
I felt the same the previous year.

But I had to say something to the slaves I had been driving for months and recognize their presence and value. I said something about every single person in the team and even though we fell short, everyone was happy and looking to next year. And in this case, I spoke for KK and put out the badfeel and stirred them to celebrate their victory and then I proceeded to ease the Boys' team that didn't do that well while KK was still reeling.

Every leader is different. I'm eloquent, hopelessly optimistic and with the right crowd, I can be insane. Kah Kee is straight and clever but very negative. Chong Rui is unsure of himself and still needs to lean on something i.e. me. Zicong likes to hit Chong Rui.

Anyway.
You don't have to be good at speaking to make your men get you.
You have to be sincere and tell them why you want that damned end result, and if everybody looks closely at that damned result and start moving to get there, you definitely will.

I hope those buggers that read this get something out of it. It's been tiring writing all of that to prove my point. I enjoy being in my position where I mentor young studs who actually have the substance to do some great things, and drive them like silly kids with my sarcasm and quirky instructions.

This post is dedicated to those who have served in the same time as me under the Boys' Brigade.
If you don't understand any of this, then you probably have never served in a Uniformed Group or under the witty, intelligent and unerring CLT Lau Song Leng.
Though I very much prefer Warrant Officer Lau Song Leng still.

To my Boys:
Please wise up and do EVERYTHING I say or I will make you grow pectorals as large as mine in a way shorter time, with a numerous number of push-ups upward of Avogadro's Constant (6.02 X 10^23).

I will need to ready my bones for an unnecessary long run and I will also need to pack for tomorrow's fun. I have an appointment with Ben and Rui at 17 bus stop at 0655 hours.

This is what I gleaned from Scrubs:
It's all your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones that make you up as a person.

I realised that, riding the waves of my wishful fantasy with my eyecandy-I want to be a super-hero for her. At least in my dreams and fantasies. We can talk about the rest if the Almighty wills this into fruition.

finis