Back to previously? Not exactly.
Like a plaster that's been ripped off and left on the ground. The feeling of loss is raw, but it's fine. I borrowed this metaphor from Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony. The book looks and seems like kid reading material, but it takes a more sophisticated mind to appreciate the wit and humour.

Making a decision is easy, but sticking to it is the hard part, especially when it isn't what you really want.
I'm going to do my best at being firm.

Got Scrubs back yesterday. Finally able to watch and laugh at it.
Missed the wisdom that a comedy surprisingly can provide. Got to watch the seventeenth and eighteenth episodes of Season 3.
Takeaways from those 2 Episodes:

In the end, you want someone who's always there for you.

The perfect woman will always lead you to the right direction.

Sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend.
Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.

I may be stupid, listening to a non-serious sitcom/ drama for directions on leading my life, but it's amazing how these words hits home. It's amazing how a girl can make you feel. It's amazing how the world can change in an instant.
I bet there's more things that astound us.

No sacrifice, no victory.
God is at Work.
Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.

I want you to be my perfect woman. But I don't regret this trip that we took together and I'm kinda glad that I didn't slip up and ask to be back with you. I still love you; that makes it hard, but I'm working on it. Stay happy.