My only constant in recent days is being faithful in updating my life story at this venue.
I tided over the brief weekend by trying to assauge the wanderer in my blood, with infrequent excursions to the wide outdoors.

Saturday I couldn't stand being at home and labelled it my slack day.
Went out for a run to Changi Village with my kid sister bicycling beside. It's actually quite a long run, by normal standards. Can only remember running that route 4 times in my life.
The first was when I was Sec 3 or 4 I think. Ran to about less than half, turned and then walked back.

Number 2 was when I was AQ Team Captain and I made everyone run from the edge of Chang Village back to the hill up Anglican High School, about 10 kilometres plus. Bloody hell long. I think most of them still remember when we did that. We lay down on the concourse for an hour before we could move?

The third time was last year when I ran by myself from house to the market. Took what? 28 mins I think. That was very slow.

Yesterday I ran topless again under the sun. It felt pretty good to do that, and I was going at a nice pace. I let the stupid things that were bugging me hiss out of my system and finished the route. Was trying to impart to my sister the virtue of 'completing what you set out to do'.
Reached and then went to the beach look at the scenery, and was quite cheered up.

It was a brilliant day, sun, clouds and sea. We went on the board walk trail leading from the Ferry Terminal to the edge of the Chalets. It was a very long walk/ jog, but the beauty of the sea, sky and sun negated the soreness in my limbs.

Only regrets were that I didn't have my camera phone with me, and that I was with my sister.
Da-amn.

Came back from gym just now with Kah Kee and Zicong.
We had our dinner at the Interchange food place as usual and talked about women.

Zicong and I were plenty amused by KK's silly questions on how to woo a girl, what to say to her, how and what to talk to her on the phone and he made us assess his credentials. ZC said that KK's chances were low with this girl that he was harping on. KK also said some really crazy funny stuffs about CR and also about girls in general. He said that he might need a lecture or tutorial in wooing women. That got us laughing a lot.

We confessed our similarities in being rather obsessed with netball girls and dancers. These are the most desirables, Oh heavens.

We wondered about the dynamics of a love relationship and examined couples around us, trying to figure out the leap to emotional and physical closeness from being distant and different people. Can't explain it. The connectivity isn't that tangible. But we agreed that the best relationships are based on friendships.

Came home to an empty house; everybody was out to help my uncle get ready for his new baby, the promising Daren Choong.
I think I will train him to become a warrior.

Found this rather amusing sign just only.



General Paper tomorrow. I think I'm treating this whole affair too lightly.

Are you aching for a mention of you in my blog like I do in yours?

The J2s were treated to the 'A' level results release today.
We sat through the whole thing and I was trying to let the entire affair have its effect on me.
Of course I want to be one of those buggers that got to get their result slips from THE Ms. Esther Lai, but I'm fearful of the hard work that I have to put in to get there.

If there's any thing my two previous national exams have showed me, it would be that I'm lazy and reluctant to put in much effort. Even with things I'm passionate for like the BBAQ or Karate or my Gym trainings, I don't like to go too hard. I've been convincing myself that I'll get by by spontaneous inspiration, undercover brillance, and opportune time.
Need to shake off this lousy presumption.

No sacrifice, no victory.

There can be no balances in what I'm doing right now. I can't seek to manage all the things that are going on in my life. I have to minimise some windows and dive into just one first. I don't believe in balance and juggling. You will definitely have to slight some bits in favour of the thing you really want.

I've started to be absolute.
8 full days to March Block Test (MBT).
Can I con myself by dismissing it with a 'it doesn't matter'?
If I'm not already seeing As by March, what makes me think I'll see As one year later?

Crystal tormented me last night by calling me at 12 and having me talk to her until 1 am. It's a special service that's only given to really dear friends. If you're rude to me, Crystal, I will pawn you. I think my sense of humour has mutated. Anyway. We talked about a wide range of stuffs that got her really excited. She disagrees that going through relationships are necessary in a passage towards maturity. She' s crazy-everybody watch out. Otherwise, she's okay.

But I really thank God for friends like her and Derek and Andrew who can really make you feel loved. I appreciate your scribbling on my Isolation, Cloning and Sequencing DNA notes that day. The songs you wrote down were useful for tempering my mood.

Derek has been my conscience and we're a bit like a married couple now. He shakes his head at me in disapproval all the time. A bit irritating, but he makes sense. He's capable of spontaneous lameness which is extremely disarming. I can tell when something is bugging and on his mind, and I think I can guess what is it mostly. I think he can smell it when I'm abnormal too. He's been putting up with me a lot the whole week.

I see myself in Andrew now, the way he gets really excited over an SMS and also the way he is really bothered when his love interest takes a long time to reply, or doesn't at all. So funny, the way he asked me how to SMS a girl. Warned him not to have inflated expectations. Don't want him to be crushed. He's a sweet guy and he cheers me up with his silliness many times. He's the first person I want to see in the morning when I get off the bus, definitely.

This is the end of the week and it never ceases to intrigue me how things can change in such a short span of time. A week ago this time, I was wildly happy. I'm on the lower range one week later. The things that have happened are really distasteful, but I'm getting better. It would be worse if I let everything remain the same.

I still like green a lot. Does it matter that much anymore?

What I need:
1) Not to mind
2) Discipline and a hard heart.
3) To pull myself out of normal time and into limbo where I can study for MBT as much as I want.

Theme Songs:
"All or Nothing", Westlife
"If I let you go", Westlife
"Just want you to know", Backstreet Boys
"I Still", Backstreet Boys
"Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely", Backstreet Boys

Personal revelations:
I need to transfer the tenacity I sometimes have in the Gym to my work and I need supplements in the form of caffeine, bananas, Omega-3 fatty acid, Vitamins A-Z...

I make hasty decisions that might come back to haunt me

Scrubs said this to me last night:

The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

When you make tough decisions, good things can happen.

Andrew thinks my taste in music is gay. But it's only because these songs concur with me right now what. I'm waiting for the promise of good things.

The next leap year is four years away.

Got this from (Ng) Hui Min.
Humanity is classified into types by the time periods in which they are birthed. Intriguing. But no harm, and the things that I read about me aren't that off the mark either. I'm rather impressed.

PISCES MAN

He is very emotional and always allow himself to be very emotional. He can have a good night sleep and be in a good mood, and in less than few hours at work he can be very moody. He does not understand things or try to understand things easily. If you notice him carefully, you will notice what kind of moods he is in. He is a thinker and able to do well at work and always succeed. His normal gestures mean he always look at other people faults, but he will not talk about it.

He has the ability to know your thought and able to tell you what you are thinking about. He can mostly memorize all his anger, his loves. They are his important secrets and he will keep them to himself and will never let you know. He is not a very ambition man and careless about his position in society. Wealth does not drawn his attention, because he is not greedy man and as well he thinks money is not something that will last. He could be very careless about his future.

He does not like to fight against all odds, but instead following the stream and make life easier. Sometimes because he likes to take an easy path, which cause him very unsteady future. He is kind and slightly lazy, but it is his cute character. He hates rules and regulations. He will never look down on people.

He is a polite guy and can be very aggressive when he is mad. He loves to think that he lives in a beautiful world and surround by nice people, so if he finds his world is cruel and not what he expects, he will live in his world instead. His other charm is that he is a funny guy, and it is his real weapon. He can tease you and yet make it looks like one of his joke. Even when he is sad, he still has that funny face, so you could hardly tell if he is mad or depress. He likes to hide his feeling and help other people especially those who need friend or lonely. He will be everything that you want and everything you do not want. He has a chance to make it as much as a chance to fail. He can determine to make it work and can do it well, except he tends to lost his energy with other important things, that's how he miss many of his good opportunity.

He can be happy and content by himself. What he think is important is not 'Love' , but firm status and stability. He has plenty of love for you. He is a good speaker, as much as he is a good listener. When he is with you, he wants to be happy. He understand his partner's emotional. He likes to take a long rest and sometimes being alone. If he needs to be alone, try not to disturb him.

He is a sensitive, quiet , shy and easily hurt. He wants to feel worthy. He can be mad and noisy, but once he calm down, he will be that happy person again. He is not a jealous or possessive guy, and if he feels jealous he will hide it. He has many friends of both sex, and he cares about his friends. He likes to have lots of friends, so you can not get jealous or else you will loose him. He likes beautiful things, so if a pretty woman walks by he will look , so do not get mad at him knowing this fact.

When he is lonely or feeling sad, be close to comfort him. He does not like to take advice, so if you want him to listen or to follow your advice, you have to act as a good sample for him first. He likes a cheery and a smart woman. If you treat him like he is your special person, then he will be that special person for you. He will trust you if he is in love, but try not to over doing it and spoil him too much. You have to know your self-worth all the time too.

If you want this, be nice to me. Maybe I will go to the trouble to forward this to you. Chain mails normally end at my side, but I'll be lovely for you if you ask.

I just got this from Scrubs:

I guess in the end things seldom work out exactly the way you expect.
Sometimes fate is on your side.
Other times well, you kinda seal your own fate.
By the way you gotta trust that whatever is supposed to happen will happen.
Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.

A person doesn't have to be perfect to be exactly what you need.

Back to previously? Not exactly.
Like a plaster that's been ripped off and left on the ground. The feeling of loss is raw, but it's fine. I borrowed this metaphor from Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony. The book looks and seems like kid reading material, but it takes a more sophisticated mind to appreciate the wit and humour.

Making a decision is easy, but sticking to it is the hard part, especially when it isn't what you really want.
I'm going to do my best at being firm.

Got Scrubs back yesterday. Finally able to watch and laugh at it.
Missed the wisdom that a comedy surprisingly can provide. Got to watch the seventeenth and eighteenth episodes of Season 3.
Takeaways from those 2 Episodes:

In the end, you want someone who's always there for you.

The perfect woman will always lead you to the right direction.

Sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend.
Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness.

I may be stupid, listening to a non-serious sitcom/ drama for directions on leading my life, but it's amazing how these words hits home. It's amazing how a girl can make you feel. It's amazing how the world can change in an instant.
I bet there's more things that astound us.

No sacrifice, no victory.
God is at Work.
Walking away and giving up are not the same thing.

I want you to be my perfect woman. But I don't regret this trip that we took together and I'm kinda glad that I didn't slip up and ask to be back with you. I still love you; that makes it hard, but I'm working on it. Stay happy.

I'm keeping my site open so that my anger and disgust at people is known and can be felt.

There is never an assurance that a sweet weekend preceding the new week will have things be brighter. I'm back to square one and have taken up my previous slogan about having expectations. Begin with no expectations and the plunge from all your inflated wishes will not be that painful. Of course this applies romantically.

For everything else:
Shoot for the stars. Even if you fall short, you'll land on the moon.

My Sony Ericsson phone is still under servicing. I'm getting very impatient now. If it still gives me problems when I finally get it back, I'm gonna trade it in for a new and hopefully better phone. 2 weeks is a hell-long time and I've almost forgotten the feel of holding it. Can't stand waiting. Screw you all stupid fools. It's just a small piece of hardware.

I need to laugh or cry properly. I'm still not able to get to watch Scrubs; and being the staunch man that I naturally am, the second one is a bit hard.
Shouting and behaving rowdily at the soccer match at college just now quite alleviated some of the badfeel.

I'm learning not to mind.

Saw this on Elliot's blog. Makes lots of sense.
Guys don't like rejection, but they hate being led on more.

Derek gave me this song;
"All or Nothing", Westlife Cover

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought it's time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
But something somewhere's gotta give
As sharing in this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you I don't care if that's not fair

Cuz I want it all Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it, know it

Don't make me promises baby you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you now I want the best of you it's time to show and tell

Cuz I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

Cuz you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No more inside for me in your life

Cuz I want it all
Or Nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
It's now or never
Is it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

I don't think I have any more words to give you all. I don't think I've been saying anything anyway before this statement.

Keep it real.