It's amazing how your moods can yoyo between extremes in one short day.
Nawal can definitely testify to the wonderful and amazingly great but short exuberant ecstacy I was in the first bit of the day. It's even more amazing how happy a girl can make you, even if it's for a short while.

But then, you come back to earth and you find that things aren't as pretty as the illusions your thirsty imagination paint.

I never feel upset because of a single thing. It's always compound. I'll be losing my valuable training partner when he returns to Australia, this time for good. Michael has been a precious mentor/ companion/ friend and critic for a few years now, and we got closer when I returned to Karate training after a long absence and he did too, at the same time.

We were white belts all over again and got back to our old brown quickly, before going for our Black at the same time, where we helped each other get past our own hurdles and also made each other better; and we got fitter together. He was there when I was breaking my 8 tiles and I was there for him when he took his full course Black Belt grading, and I counted the 20 men fights for him while he got disorientated from all the beatings.

We taught classes together and I rode in his pimp-mobile while we were at outdoor training; I fought him and we insulted each other.

I'll miss him. It's weird to go to training and see that the spot next to you will not be taken by the same person who's being doing that for so long.
God Bless you mate.

But, I'll live.
Fuck I hate farewells.

Thank you, friends, for asking about my mood. Don't make a big fuss out of it. Everyone is entitled to mope and be gloomy sometimes, and I appreciate those who're concerned.

I sobered up earlier today when I talked with Jeremy and Derek. I was right several posts down that things are still the same even if we choose not to see it. I'm not happy if something is gnawing at me and is poised to blow it all away. I'm not that sort of person. What am I? I'm a cynical, selfish, stupid, greedy, unfeeling and bastardly creature. Definitely not magnanimous. I'm weak-willed, to make it all worse.
It was wrong from the start.
Do I let it snowball or do I conclude it before it gets to me even more.
I want things to either be over or better. Can't stand this mode for long.

Fuck, things suck.
But I'll live.

Fighting a bit with my TKD mates today made me feel better, but I was worried that I'd hurt them given my mood. I recover from physical pain very quickly though. Just gotta sit down and let it take over and then ease it out of my system. But it won't always be like that.

Going to dive back into work soon. SPA was easy. I'm surprised by my intellect to both be writing about stupid enzymes and also to think about my problems.
Kill me now.

Revelations:
The mood you wake up with will not be the mood you carry throughout the day.

Current Mood: Sad, Angry, Frustrated, thoughtful and insanely jealous.
Current Theme Song:

"I'm Not Okay" , My Chemical Romance.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

I feel the lyrics are relevant.

Parting shot:
Screw you all. It's not any of your fault, but the world is ugly. So screw you all.
: )

The Bible's definition of love ( so don't say what you have is love) :

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.