I blog when I have reason and I have time.
In this case, I have reason, but not time.
To me, my blog is merely expression and a history record that is easy to upkeep.
If I confund and offend, then apologies.

Okay! Let's move on.

I want to talk about Chinese New Year. It was my 18th year, though only the last 4 years I truly do remember. Blogging about it burns it into my 'past'. But there's quite a bit I have to say about the 3 days of visiting and meeting people you're related to ( even if the links aren't clear) annually. Or bi-annually. On the long rides along expressways and even while I'm shaking this or that person's hand, I'll have new musings I wanna blurt out.
I'm supposed to be at training now, but I'll drag abit.
Family is really important. When the most of your life has blown away, these are the people that you will be left with.

I'm not discounting the value of friends. Some friends go beyond family. And I love my friends. And I can't stand it if we move apart. And keeping in touch, though necessary, is a chore. It's tough to remain linked to everybody.
Met Juan Jie just now. It's amazing how we live maybe 10 big foot steps and an elevator ride apart and we see each other on average 4 or 5 times a year. And most of it is by coincidence.
I really treasure the time with him ever since we were nubile recruits taking bus 12 home 5 years ago. He's the only person I can think of who's handphone number is burned into my memory.

BB didn't do a proper farewell for us. The lot of us went in separate directions unofficially. And I don't like how things turn out when we left. It's hard to just break away from brothers you open your eyes in the dark and can call them out by name just by looking at their shadow or their walk. From damn far away, I can see JJ coming. I still can, if not how would I have saw him just now.

But this just strengthens the revelation I got on CNY. But that doesn't disqualify our friends.
That's something I was thinking off, but am now induced to say. If any of my brothers see this, I'll risk being a fag and say this. Lester said this morning to me that he thought that us BB weren't bonded or united.
I did think about it and this is my late response. We are. We just went in separate ways from there. Weird.

I'm thinking of so many things I want to say. I was saying the above because I was led to by Lester and also tomorrow's CNY reunion. Haven't made up my mind about it.

Was troubled since last night. This isn't something I want to say very much about. I'm just listing it to validate its presence in my mind and hopefully pour some of the turmoil out of my system. It was a wrong move to acknowledge the stirrings inside me and carry on with it. This is foreign and disturbing. And it makes me much less than a man. I'm thinking about it along with whatever I'm doing all the time. Half in-half out sucks. I shouldn't be saying this to ruin the settlement I raised up last night, but honestly, I'm betting nothing will change, and there'll be another thursday night soon.
If I'm going to do something, I'll either be a jerk, or a bastard. (I know somewhere out there people will say I already am. Thank you for that.)
I don't want to be. Stasis seems the best. But stasis sucks too.

I'm at least back on track with my workout. Next up on my patch-ups, tutorials. I feel especially guilty to Mr. Neo. Haven't been a good boy, at least to him.
Lastly, thank you Derek, for watching Jumper with me. And sorry Hakim, you weren't there.
My blog currently feels like a long, drawn out suicide note.

Current Revelations: Never reject your morning instincts. More often than not, they're very accurate.
We should aim to regret things we've done and not things we've never done. (open to dispute).
Alcohol reduces the strongest man to the most piteous thing. I think God meant not for us to drink it.

Current Theme Song: Ryan Cabera's 'True'.

Parting Shot:
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
-Albert Einstein

A caterpillar is not an insect : )



Number of sightings: 4 today.