Derek and I have different opinions on this:

It is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all.
-The Leap Years (film)

He doesn't agree with it. But I can definitely understand his perspective. He knows me very well though, this sensitive guy, and predicted that I would 100 % stick with the sentence. Romantics like me would even savour every taste of the sweetness, no matter how short.

Realists would be drawn to the word, "short".

Romantics notice it too, but we prefer to be deluded.
There is an underlying sadness though, despite all the surface good cheer and laughter.

I just might grow into a sad realist that does not believe in love. I very much want reassurance and your love, but I'm gonna stay real and consider that possibility very remote.

US Presidential Election

Whatever is happening on the other side of this planet is far-away but not distant. Which candidate (the most polite name for those control freaks) ascends onto the throne and becomes the most important man (was gonna acommodate Hillary, but realised that there wasn't a need for amendment-'man' is just fine.) on this Earth will rock our world. The US economy and Wall Street affects our own economy; the trends over in America will definitely impact Asia and Singapore, having close ties with the Yankees will feel this.

I read a commentary by our Minister Mentor lately and considered his appraisal of the candidates. He is inclined towards Hillary, and his views can't be brushed away just because he is an old man. He's still a feisty old man that is still very sophisticated no matter how much dislike/ disdain/ ill-will we might have for him.


Barack Obama

Would you, a fat American voter, choose this man to be your President for the next 4 years and potentially 8 years, if by some good chance he is not assassinated in between?


Hillary Clinton

Or would you pick this woman. You definitely remember her husband, William (Bill). If you're a woman, you'd feel even more strongly for her if you are reminded of Bill's private session with Monica.

I only bothered listing the Democrats, because I think that Americans are tired of a lumbering coarse Republican after a near 8 years. I do not mean to align John McCain with George, but it is only natural that they are cast in the same light given their Political Party. Also, the Republicans have also lost their footing in Congress. I think we can expect that the Democrats will do better this time round. But I am not a professional and my words aren't that weighty.

I really like Obama because of his charisma and his flair, and I do not hate African-Americans at all. In fact, I admire them a lot. We should stop having our stereotypes of the blacks and learn to recognise that not all blacks are rappers or muggers. Back to Obama. Obama is a leader that presents himself neatly to the American and wins their adoration easily. He inspires and he has a decent team and a even more decent slogan of 'Change'.

I do not like Hillary one bit, because I am prejudiced, not because she is an old woman, but because of the impression she gives me. She seems like the sort who thinks that what she thinks and knows is absolutely right and everybody else are stupid people who can be manipulated.
But that is just my bias. Hillary however has an excellent team and a husband who was the President for 2 terms. She is very experienced and seems to have a more solid plan for the next 4 years if she were to become President.

However, none of them are right for America. Obama has not given his clear plan for the situation in Iraq, and alleges that he will withdraw the troops swiftly. MM Lee raised this and I fully agree. The situation in Iraq is both fragile and complex. The abrupt removal of coalition forces from the place will result either in another civil war, where the region would be lost or a breeding ground for terrorism, if it hasn't already become one.

But Americans are sick of the situation currently not just for Iraq but also at home and they eagerly grasp at promises of 'Change'. Would the change that Obama or Hillary are talking about positive improvement, or just a different figure in charge?

I still like Obama and will make faces at Hillary's campaign photos, but sometimes the person in-charge will have to be someone who isn't very pleasant or popular.

I don't know myself why a Singaporean is so concerned, but the above is just a portion of my thoughts.

Current theme song(s):
"Shan Hu Hai", Jay Chou
"If I Let You Go", Westlife
"Let Me Love You", Mario
"Stop and Stare", One Republic

I like this picture below. It's not all of Triton 1, but it has the magnificent me and some real special people inside, and my trademark orange water bottle. I quite miss the great crazy fun during the first 3 days of school and wish that the same bunch of us were at O2 also.
It's just a pity.



I want to take hold of you and fly. Say yes?

Words in white are not meant to be read, but I guess a bit of me wants them seen.

Yesterday was not the best training I'd had and I was rather slow and tired throughout every bit of it. But I got my Black Belt finally. Have been a Sho-Dan for quite a long while, but I'm just missing the belt. Not anymore. It arrived last night where Sensei (Shihan) Patrick put it around me. It felt really good, and Dinie and I swaggered home where the rest of the brown belts and colour belts were amused and annoyed at our posturing.

Took quite a bit to get my kid sister to take the pics. But the quality wasn't as fantastic as my w580i. Stupid!

I severely hate the background.

Now, I want to take pictures with just 2 people.

Don't you dare run off out of my life without leaving some prints behind.

Current Theme Song:

'Way Back into Love', Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore - "Music and Lyrics"

Current Mood:

Undecipherable. I don't know myself. But not majorly upset anymore.

Parting shot:

I'd like to apologise to Shu Li and Nadirah for not going to training yesterday when I slept past the time. Would have called you guys if I had your numbers in my phone. I'm real sorry.

I'll make it up to you.

smile! silly woman.

Birthdays mean less and less the older you grow / get.
But its friends who make it special. I'm very grateful for the thoughts you've given me and also the hands I shook and the hugs that we shared.
I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF HUGS.
Hugs comfort and hugs heals. Ever seen the free hugs video? I really like it. The man who started it was mostly ignored on the street until a nice old lady let him hug her. Then everyone came forward for it. I've embedded it below; watch it if you don't know what it's about.



I'll take you for who you are : )
("All the Same", Sick Puppies)
I'm really glad I've friends who are my supports, my confidantes, my partners and fellow criminals. They've made my 18th year on this planet really great. But the Tau Pok was really unnecessary. Felt like crap at the bottom. Thought I would die or my lungs would collapse. Thank God for my magnificent chest that cushioned the weight of all the buggers on top.
Thank you, friends.

Thank you! Shez and Jeremy for spending thought and cash on my present, I fully understand how hard it is to find one for someone. We had that kinda trouble on V-day together too. Haha.
I like the Famous Amos and the MYUK pencil case. But can't bear to eat or use them. But hey, Jeremy, you also haven't used the condoms that I gave you last year too. So shaddup la. Haha.

Thank you Derek and Hakim for being my buddies and entertaining, and bringing me cheer for the past year and also during this up-and-down bit of my life. I can always share stuff with them, but not too much, or you will morph into mega-bastards that will never stop annoying me like you've been doing since last week. It's fun. But yep. Not too much though.
Thank you Megan, Boon Kai and Naq, for remembering at 12 midnight.

And lastly, and most exclusively, thank YOU for being around in my life this time. If anyone has an exclusive right to my hug, it'll be you! I treasure the brief moments that we share even if its in a boring place like the silly library; you're the one that makes it very much brighter. And that's really true. I'm gonna put my dreaming of crazy possibilities aside and aim to make you smile and laugh! It might be a mad rollercoaster ride we're in now on, but at least donald is around.

My Plans (let's not be overly ambitious ya) :
Friday: Fix my Phone, Meet Mr. Oi, go for Karate, Do Work.
Saturday: Wash my uniform, do work and GYM!
Sunday: Work, Karate Demonstration at Kolam Ayer!

No. of Tasks: 13 on the last count.

Remedy: More time, less pressure, and a smile.



want to hear your voice and see your smile.

Your Birthdate: February 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature. Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas. People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life. You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone. Your strength: Your thirst for adventure Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures Your power color: Hot pink Your power symbol: Figure eight Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

It's amazing how your moods can yoyo between extremes in one short day.
Nawal can definitely testify to the wonderful and amazingly great but short exuberant ecstacy I was in the first bit of the day. It's even more amazing how happy a girl can make you, even if it's for a short while.

But then, you come back to earth and you find that things aren't as pretty as the illusions your thirsty imagination paint.

I never feel upset because of a single thing. It's always compound. I'll be losing my valuable training partner when he returns to Australia, this time for good. Michael has been a precious mentor/ companion/ friend and critic for a few years now, and we got closer when I returned to Karate training after a long absence and he did too, at the same time.

We were white belts all over again and got back to our old brown quickly, before going for our Black at the same time, where we helped each other get past our own hurdles and also made each other better; and we got fitter together. He was there when I was breaking my 8 tiles and I was there for him when he took his full course Black Belt grading, and I counted the 20 men fights for him while he got disorientated from all the beatings.

We taught classes together and I rode in his pimp-mobile while we were at outdoor training; I fought him and we insulted each other.

I'll miss him. It's weird to go to training and see that the spot next to you will not be taken by the same person who's being doing that for so long.
God Bless you mate.

But, I'll live.
Fuck I hate farewells.

Thank you, friends, for asking about my mood. Don't make a big fuss out of it. Everyone is entitled to mope and be gloomy sometimes, and I appreciate those who're concerned.

I sobered up earlier today when I talked with Jeremy and Derek. I was right several posts down that things are still the same even if we choose not to see it. I'm not happy if something is gnawing at me and is poised to blow it all away. I'm not that sort of person. What am I? I'm a cynical, selfish, stupid, greedy, unfeeling and bastardly creature. Definitely not magnanimous. I'm weak-willed, to make it all worse.
It was wrong from the start.
Do I let it snowball or do I conclude it before it gets to me even more.
I want things to either be over or better. Can't stand this mode for long.

Fuck, things suck.
But I'll live.

Fighting a bit with my TKD mates today made me feel better, but I was worried that I'd hurt them given my mood. I recover from physical pain very quickly though. Just gotta sit down and let it take over and then ease it out of my system. But it won't always be like that.

Going to dive back into work soon. SPA was easy. I'm surprised by my intellect to both be writing about stupid enzymes and also to think about my problems.
Kill me now.

Revelations:
The mood you wake up with will not be the mood you carry throughout the day.

Current Mood: Sad, Angry, Frustrated, thoughtful and insanely jealous.
Current Theme Song:

"I'm Not Okay" , My Chemical Romance.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)

I feel the lyrics are relevant.

Parting shot:
Screw you all. It's not any of your fault, but the world is ugly. So screw you all.
: )

The Bible's definition of love ( so don't say what you have is love) :

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I'm stealing some time to fill up the lapse between February 15 and today.

Yesterday was a real good day.

I'm really contented just recalling yesterday.

I learned a long time ago during several infuriating moments that plans are never absolute and bound to change. I think I learned that lesson, but sometimes it slips. But the Lord makes your paths straight and leads you onto the direction that's best in His Sight. I've had my plans rocked thrice since yesterday. That's why we need revision.

At least the dust has settled and I think I've enough time for SPA revision. And I finished my math assignment, which is a small victory for me. Derek would understand. So would Hakim. And maybe Megan and the kind souls who let me use their assignments as templates too. Ah bother. I still have Volume and Differential Equations to look at.

Today is my grandad's birthday. He's 70, but looks like 50 plus 60. Youthful bugger. I'm hoping I have received his genes, seeing that he might have given them to my mother, and I get the good and bad alleles from my mother. But in this messed up world, longevity might not be something worthy of envy after all.

I think I like the way I've been spending my weekend.

And I really like green now.

305 after CNY celebrations. Not everybody though.

This way is fine. But if its too hard, I'm expendable.

I blog when I have reason and I have time.
In this case, I have reason, but not time.
To me, my blog is merely expression and a history record that is easy to upkeep.
If I confund and offend, then apologies.

Okay! Let's move on.

I want to talk about Chinese New Year. It was my 18th year, though only the last 4 years I truly do remember. Blogging about it burns it into my 'past'. But there's quite a bit I have to say about the 3 days of visiting and meeting people you're related to ( even if the links aren't clear) annually. Or bi-annually. On the long rides along expressways and even while I'm shaking this or that person's hand, I'll have new musings I wanna blurt out.
I'm supposed to be at training now, but I'll drag abit.
Family is really important. When the most of your life has blown away, these are the people that you will be left with.

I'm not discounting the value of friends. Some friends go beyond family. And I love my friends. And I can't stand it if we move apart. And keeping in touch, though necessary, is a chore. It's tough to remain linked to everybody.
Met Juan Jie just now. It's amazing how we live maybe 10 big foot steps and an elevator ride apart and we see each other on average 4 or 5 times a year. And most of it is by coincidence.
I really treasure the time with him ever since we were nubile recruits taking bus 12 home 5 years ago. He's the only person I can think of who's handphone number is burned into my memory.

BB didn't do a proper farewell for us. The lot of us went in separate directions unofficially. And I don't like how things turn out when we left. It's hard to just break away from brothers you open your eyes in the dark and can call them out by name just by looking at their shadow or their walk. From damn far away, I can see JJ coming. I still can, if not how would I have saw him just now.

But this just strengthens the revelation I got on CNY. But that doesn't disqualify our friends.
That's something I was thinking off, but am now induced to say. If any of my brothers see this, I'll risk being a fag and say this. Lester said this morning to me that he thought that us BB weren't bonded or united.
I did think about it and this is my late response. We are. We just went in separate ways from there. Weird.

I'm thinking of so many things I want to say. I was saying the above because I was led to by Lester and also tomorrow's CNY reunion. Haven't made up my mind about it.

Was troubled since last night. This isn't something I want to say very much about. I'm just listing it to validate its presence in my mind and hopefully pour some of the turmoil out of my system. It was a wrong move to acknowledge the stirrings inside me and carry on with it. This is foreign and disturbing. And it makes me much less than a man. I'm thinking about it along with whatever I'm doing all the time. Half in-half out sucks. I shouldn't be saying this to ruin the settlement I raised up last night, but honestly, I'm betting nothing will change, and there'll be another thursday night soon.
If I'm going to do something, I'll either be a jerk, or a bastard. (I know somewhere out there people will say I already am. Thank you for that.)
I don't want to be. Stasis seems the best. But stasis sucks too.

I'm at least back on track with my workout. Next up on my patch-ups, tutorials. I feel especially guilty to Mr. Neo. Haven't been a good boy, at least to him.
Lastly, thank you Derek, for watching Jumper with me. And sorry Hakim, you weren't there.
My blog currently feels like a long, drawn out suicide note.

Current Revelations: Never reject your morning instincts. More often than not, they're very accurate.
We should aim to regret things we've done and not things we've never done. (open to dispute).
Alcohol reduces the strongest man to the most piteous thing. I think God meant not for us to drink it.

Current Theme Song: Ryan Cabera's 'True'.

Parting Shot:
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
-Albert Einstein

A caterpillar is not an insect : )



Number of sightings: 4 today.

Pasir Ris Park on a Sunday. Real pretty!

Is it ritual to blog about my week? I have things to say, but like many other things we do, you need to get into the mood for them. This post wasn't going to happen until PRETTY talked to me. And I will give her something to mull over for the rest of the night / morning.

So, thank you, Mei Yi, for starting me off. : )

I said that if you began with zero expectations, your lowered paradigms will make you happier by virtue of you being easily contented. Not true. Expectations aren't absolute. But I will stop harping on expectations. It's silly.

With a great workout on Sunday and a constant correspondence with a lovely lady preceding the weekend, I though it would be great. Me and Derek ended up upsetting our close friend early in the week. Didn't intend to, but we still made things a bit sour for a lousy 3 days. It wasn't just us that made him unhappy, but it was strange and it also reminded us that relationships are intricate/ delicate. It got us to value each other a bit more. And to be more tolerant of each other.

I interrupt with a personal message for my darling Derek ( I shall call him Batman) :
Dear friend, you've been greater than great and it's simply fun having you around. I don't mind your eccentricities these few days, they're are spontaneous and amusing. Thank you for taking all my stupid insults and bastardy ways and weird gestures and going to the toilet so often and making you chop my seat in class. You do a lot for me. And I want to be great to you too.

So. Let's get Married. ( I will let you choose which side of the bed you sleep)
Say yes?

Yep. I hope mentioning our hiccup with our honey wouldn't make things bad. It was really uncomfortable in that time. But it taught me something. The first episode of Season 2 said that sometimes, the best thing is to do nothing and things will right themselves. And it came true on Thursday. It was a good turning point that brightened my sacred day.

It also showed that guys have lousy sensitivity. None of the other guys sensed anything even though we totally didn't talk. Not astute enough.
We need to be receptive and emotive creatures, an AFI if it isn't. (area for improvement).

There was something that made me a bit thoughtful. It started with the janitor who cleans the guys' toilet on our floor. He's an old man and looks rather thin and like he's been living a hard life. Walked into the toilet with him scrubbing the urinal. The toilet had just been cleaned and I was a bit reluctant and apologetic to make it dirty again. I felt a mixture of being disturbed, and righteously angry on his behalf.

This occupied my mind for quite a while.
We need to show people like him and others who do such menial jobs some appreciation, if not a lot. Scrubs just now did mention how important was a janitor.

It's like a learning point, added on my stint as a part-timer at UWCSEA in the holidays where I worked like an extra helper who does everything. From carrying heavy stuffs, to setting up stages and drum sets, and also clearing messes and changing dust-bins and 'playing' in the garbage centre...

Nobody enjoys doing those demeaning work. And we all really savour the tiny morsels of appreciation that those people we're getting our hands dirty for. The caucasians we meet are always friendly and caring and they greet us kindly.
Something small like that would really 'make our day'. Like what Derek say, and I wrote down, we can aim to make a difference to somebody.
We should stop being embarrased and ashamed of and for them. Hm.

Next. I'm not a believer in horoscopes or those predict-your-fortunes thingie, but it definitely is a booster to hear that you're gonna do fantastic on what date what date; you're gonna end up with a windfall. March is my power month, according to my birthday write-up. Does that mean I'll say through the Block Test? I must be siao. No pain, no glory. No sacrifice, no victory (transformers).

Karate on Friday was great. Being a Black Belt has some privileges. I don't have to pay fees anymore. But there are some other parts to it. Standing in the Black Belt row in the front and facing the entire dojo, I have to do everything right and can't skive occasionally even when my limbs want to stop. The drill bit and the kicks were real strenuous. But my spot at the front can be seen by everyone. So I have to push.

(Outdoor Training Pic)

Sensei already highlighted that Friday was kumite night and I thought that the numbers of people who showed up was a bit disappointing, but they turned up eventually.

I refereed for Jason while he fought his 10 men in preparation for the upcoming grading. He was an explosive fighter all the same and I admire the way he rushes into bigger and stronger opponents with his fierce face. He was quite hard on his opponents. I think he wanted a hard fight. Was kinda protecting the juniors from him. But so is Christopher. The people Michael sent over from Christopher's side were mostly limping. His low kicks are real strong. They even shook Sensei.

I fought Jason first when it was time for the Black Belts to. I went slow, and took some of his punches. Quite forceful, but okay. Then I stepped up a bit and went harder and gave him a few kicks, some of them hit his head or face. Not sure. Next was Christopher. I know him and exactly how to defend myself against his low kicks. He was a bit drained, but still haven't lost it. Caught him with my left round house kick across his face. Sorry.

Last was Hariz. He is big and he can use it to hurt. I messed with him a bit and gave him a slamming kick down on his head, the last bit. But not too hard.

It was a good night.

Today, or rather, yesterday was CIP. Collected a huge load from one block alone. Don't wanna talk about it. But it was still quite nice, with Derek with me.

I'm CIAD. Calling it a Day.

Good bye Everyone.

Parting shot:

Crystal drew me picture in my notebook about all the things I would have thought, done, said and would do in a long big drawer. I think our memories are some like that, and very much precious too. We need to treasure our previous works and make sure they aren't in vain. And get a good laugh some times.