Seizing some time to express myself in this place.
I pride myself in being eloquent and full of wit, and thus, have had difficulty in beginning to write because I find it hard to match the standard I once had.

But I have been jumpstarted by the blog of a particular someone I've visited on occasion, and this made me want to review the past year.

The first portion of the year was the most relaxed time of my life, that I failed to identify and utilize. So many days where I could grow and in big leaps, built a sturdy foundation in the Word and also in fitness.

The next part was when I became a soldier.
It was an absolute change, from being a refined academic to a raw recruit and then an officer cadet. I've learnt and endured much and will continue to do so.
I find it remarkable that in a span of 6 months, I've visited 2 countries and fought in a manner that the many people I share my life with cannot begin to imagine.

I find it hard to translate the actuality and value of what we do, to my friends and have them understand, and appreciate the effort that is required from us on our missions.

I've met new friends who have probably been so knitted to myself that it might have been that we've covalently bonded.

We've had so much thrills, upsets and common experience that I've come to depend on them for cheer and maintenance of sanity.

God's grace and blessings were not always noticed by my short-sightedness, and God's presence, driven away by my folly, mistakes and laziness was never far away.

Despite my numerous inadequacies, I cling to His promise that He will never leave or forsake us, but make us perfect in His love.

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.—Charles Dickens

HAPPY CHRISTMAS;

My blog is in dire need of colour and life. The above greeting stands as an attempt to expunge the monotony.

I traditionally celebrate Christmas by watching a continuous strings of cartoons that build the festive mood because there is no snow, no tree, no turkey.

My program starts in the morning and it will persist till the night, and morph from animation to live-action TV.

Shows like The Polar Express and definitely, Love Actually create a tropical, local Christmas that is a prized holiday.

Now that I am a soldier and an almost-adult, Christmas is no longer a subset of a larger and longer holiday because I'm no longer schooling.

This makes me really miss JC and the time I spent then, as a student who's mistakes were mild and less costly and had the huge autonomy to do what, when I liked.

Looking back at being a student and comparing that with now being a soldier, I feel evermore that the leap is massive, and I've been put on accelerated growth in this whole year.

I think that most of the female and large parts of the male people in our land have very little idea about what we do and how we train and fight, and if I ever get to a position with leverage and heavy influence, I would propose that (female) students get to see us do a regular mission.

Videos and photos cannot capture the heat and rigour with what we do, and even I myself could never have imagined doing the things that I've been at, a year ago.

The future is unseen, but only to our less powerful eyes and not un-sketched or out of the hands of our God, who is faithful and good.

I came up with some realizations.

First, Santa Claus is a big racist who neglects Asians.

Since he is full of magic, the weak excuse about there being no chimneys in our flats and condominiums is non-believable.

If he were committed, he might use the general rubbish chute that connects every single apartment.

Two would be that I am wholly unprepared for any sort of romance.

Three is that I am actually pretty good with children. My mutant ability to induce laughter strikes a chord with those below 1.5m in height, and I am thinking this accidental weapon is also potent when turned on even ladies above this range.

Many of the people I know in Anglican High are expressing faith in Christ.

This is a pleasant surprise and I wonder if He is working on something while drawing all of us deep into Him, because we are the next generation of believers who will impact the world, acting in the full might and power of His Holy Spirit.

To pray for softening of hearts which grow receptive to the message of love, and to be perfect in Christ. Softening is hardly the same as weakening, which I think is an association we make inadvertently.

GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO

It's pretty startling to note how quickly time slips when you stop noticing.
I've staved off writing here for more than 10 weeks, which on hindsight, now seemed much shorter than they were while I was living through them.

The agony and the injury were fresh then, but now that they've gone faint, they've also gotten distant. This is the kind of time where we document what we've lived through as the primary precautiounary measure against forgetfulness.

In being pious in journaling, there's a lot of value in marking out the progress and as well as the peaks and troughs in the period. So I use my sketchbook and document (active).

Today was uneventful, lest for a scenic 9 kilometre run in the morning that I was reluctant to put any effort into at first. Later, my muscles and mind grew warm to the idea of such a run, and with good companions, good rhythm and stride, it went really well.

I re-learned that taxis are valued for their speed, and the recompense for such speed is cost.
However, when the expressway is jammed, there is little speed but the cost still rises exponentially, as well as my anxiety and rapid eye movement (REM) from all places to the taxi meter.

I'm trying to hold on to the dreamy, happy feeling incurred early this week that I know won't endure and I'm plugging the leak with romantic films and poor copies of romance.

Finally stole the chance to watch 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' and I think that it has been underrated, because I like the element of the male lead improving and changing and earning a good romance.

Would like to go in a parallel direction, though I think that the world outside of a theatre screen is less predictable and formulaic.

Otherwise, I'm faring badly in diet, sleep and prayer. Going to remmedy all of them now.

I am in need of a Civilian Conversion Course, now that after almost 3 weeks in SAFTI MI, and all I know now is the inside of an army camp.

I very much need a break from the tempo and culture of military life and to turn back into the lazy civilian.

I am told that my book-out, which is a regular dose of happy pill that must be taken (much like an antibiotic) is pushed back to Sunday the 12th.

This comes as a mighty blow to my person, but I am slightly cheered by the promise of being let out again. It will be a week-end/start of sequels.

Where I have squeezed out some minutes to write, I will not waste those minutes.

First, a decent quote:

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The next thing to do is act on this wisdom.

*

Next, what I have learnt.
It took me some time to learn this, that Christians were never meant to stand alone, or remain cut off from each other, and that we were not to be angry at, or be in conflict.

To be united in Christ is something that was plain, but yet I could miss. It took Solomon and Ryan in BMTC to educate me about this; that although we had different knowledge, progress and growth, we all looked to Christ and put our hope and trust in Him.

Romans 15:5-7

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15: 13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

My learnings from the above were that our highest goal is to praise, worship and glorify God and to give supremacy to His Son, Jesus Christ whom He delighted in giving headship and authority over all of us to.

That we must pray actively and constantly for things, even the things we presume will be given to us naturally, like our daily bread.

Always give thanks, and always remember that God is with us.
God being with us has many implications, and that our conduct and attitude and speech have all got to do with how we are with God.

My second learning was that Scripture is rich and that even with the same words, we must bear in mind that the Word of God is living and very applicable.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

In short I need to watch myself and rein in my conduct and be ready for when I am almost at my breaking point and the real selfish, unlovely me surfaces.

On romance, I would like one, but it should be lasting and sincere and committed.
Strangely, not as keen on one now, but missing the support and concern from one.

I feel less inclined to love, and though I still must, I realize that while people are being difficult it is primarily me that refuses to be kind or understanding, and it is my temper that is put to the test.

It is always our response and subsequent action in a hard situation that matters to God, and the response and action indicates our level of strength.

I had a poor showing in the situations I was in today and before I saw it for what it really was (my small test), and it is something I need to work on.
I forgot the basic truths I learnt and leapt into my mistakes.

It exposed my weaknesses and showed me how easily I could be swayed, and that a neglect in spending time in prayer to realign myself opened me up very quickly.

I have to get up and moving and accept correction, and keep striving to keep in step, not giving up in my striving for it is very much this that God is looking at.

I get mad easily, at silliness and at slowness. Today while getting away from SFT, my companion was so bent on getting a taxi, he wanted to walk with the supremely heavy load until he reached a junction.

Because I spent my younger years with my cousins cycling or simply walking along the stretching leading up to and beyond the Ferry Terminal, I knew that it was too far to walk and I pressed them to take Bus no. 9 with me and took some delight at highlighting my intelligence and stressing on his stupidity.

I was again hyper-aware afterward that what I felt at being right was a break from the behaviour that my faith is supposed to bring about in me.

I find surprisingly that it's easier now for me to go on doing things that I don't feel like doing, like washing an item that requires a lot of work and time while I am weary.

My mind protests at the offensive chore, but my hands and the rest of my body are already on it.
This is a useful skill, and maybe I've really built up some steel within me.

Dare I say that Army has made me disciplined and self-reliant?
I am loathe to give so much credit to them, for after all, they have endangered my health and sanity and cost me 13 pounds of mass, 4 of which I barely managed to gain back.

They starve and stress me and deprive me, and I am injured by this treatment.
But then again, this is the military and if they apply tenderness and do not expose their soldiers to discomfort, then we wouldn't be a fighting force, would we?

They probably just recalled the dormant discipline acquired in my uniformed group that I laid aside the moment I assumed a leadership role in upper secondary.

This self-reliance is mostly probably a nicer name for when I do not trust other people to do things for me and prefer to do it myself.

Because of my stint in Basic Military Training and with my particular/ peculiar company, I'm fully prepared for command school and further "ill-treatment". I have been priming myself for difficult times ahead, and will be sustained by my faith, my family and friends, the hope of a real romance, and continuous griping.
I don't like it very much, but I would carry on.

I discover I have almost adapted to being pummelled in excess with rough treatment, but I absolutely cannot stand poor planning in the aspect of programme and also the failure to lead by example.

If you are unable, or unwilling to conform to the similar requests you dole out to your men, you are not an adequate commander. Your men serve alongside you, and you need to show them that you can do what you ask of them.
Your willingness will induce their willingness to comply.
On hindsight, cooperation is more appropriate a term than compliance.

I noticed that the chain of command is also a food-chain, where the higher-ups snap at their subordinates more often than we thought.

I think that there comes a time where the truth is not believed, but thought to be a lie. Things like, "I do not have a girlfriend" or "I have never kissed a girl", or something along those lines. Try it; when you get to a certain point, you are thought to be executing a good joke.

I like to capture beauty in this space, and Allison Stokke is a good-looker, and although I am stunned when I see her, I will do well to remember that the heart being beautiful is a better prize than the surface appearance. The real indication of good health is a kind, loving and gracious heart.

She is an American pole vaulter from Orange County, California, both athletic and beautiful.





There were some people who were pretty rude toward me, I noticed. They need to have more respect for beautiful people.

God looks out for me regardless, and He gave me an extra sausage and egg at breakfast on Friday when Xiao Wei gave his hard-boiled oval brown chicken egg to me. It was important for my body to absorb good quality protein, seeing that good old nutrition is hard to come by in camp, no matter what the food people claim.