I have been on the road running most of this week, and if you go home by 81, 53, 39, 109 you'd see me like a crazy person going at it for the remaining length of Pasir Ris Dr 1.
I would like to apologize to the people who've seen me and waved and are met with no response.
I can't recognize people properly from outside the bus, and especially when I've left my spectacles at home.

It is the thought of people whom I know being on the bus and watching me that causes me to put more into my otherwise dull run. I am propelled by my/the male ego, which will not permit me to lapse and show my weakness while you are looking on. Also considering the slowness of the buses (I will not lend this occasion to say that I am swift-footed), your eyes will probably not lose me even as I run.

Even though I may not see you, it really helps if you would wave or cause me to be aware of your presence. Because the bus' inside looks dark from my perspective, holding up a fluorescent object like bright yellow or orange would work.

Preferably orange. I have a strange affinity with orange.

What made me cough up ten minutes everyday to run? If you are a reader of my blog, you'd recall that last week, a new guy at the dojo tried to impart me know-how about working out in the gym and dismissed me as just another skinny guy. I was miffed and have been consciously trying to improve my physique to see the look of 'gentle surprise' on his face when he sees I am not just a skinny guy.

I have made extra effort with the weights and have been running all of this week except for Tuesday which was a rainy-and-most-conducive-for-sleeping day.
Have been eating loads and today while getting my regular chow at the Malay stall today, a guy behind saw the aunty change my food onto a bigger plate, because it was almost overflowing and said something like, "Wa you eat so much. No wonder you so big!"

I relish this sort of praise.
Now that you know, I would appreciate some miniscule effort on your part when you bother to compliment me in making your dishonesty less perceivable or apparent.
Many thanks.

The truth is often disappointing and far from our expectations. We very much prefer falsities that pass off meagerly as believable but remain fundamentally cognizant of the unhappy reality.

It seems that writing for me here will be a weekly affair, seeing that to accomodate other aspects of my life that I want to hold on to.

This week has been plenty of laughs. Humour is disarming and refreshing.
Unfortunately, only a select few have been endowed with this gift.
Earlier in the week, while walking across the General Office I threatened Andrew very loudly with a "I will slap your balls", and our esteemed Ms. Lai walked by. I had more to say about what would happen to Andrew's 'ahems'. It was very crazy. We laughed a long way into G.P. afterward.

*

I had forgotten the glory of ice-cream after such a long time. I needed something sweet while trying to do work on Monday and was offered vanilla ripple by my mother. An unfamiliar cold sweetness swept over my warm tongue. Delayed gratification. The longer between doses, the more unfamiliar and novel the feel.

Now that I'm talking about something sweet, I will carry over this into another of my new perspectives.

Admiring a woman without being with her is probably a more higher level skill that is intolerable for most mortals. On second thoughts, it is very widely practised. I think that this is a rather commendable, because your admiration will never be known and even less likely be returned. Another view is that it is simply cowardice and you will be rewarded with nothing.
It's probably time to make it relevant to me.

It's a cheer for me to see a particular person's face almost every morning. It distracts me and gives me something to think about and shakes me out of my morning sombriety. Her form is so outstanding that I can spot her from 200 metres away. Just tested this today. Have noticed her since Pre-U Seminar and she was the same and very likeable.
But I think it unlikely that anything more than admiration on my part would happen.
The above is a myriad of wishful-thinking and also expression.
This is not low self-esteem speaking, this is the voice of truthfulness as said earlier.

Ah, cruel.

I do put thought into entertaining people who grace my blog with their scrutiny and their time and I hope I have woven wisdom into its HTML.

I bid thee farewell with this:
'Knavery's plain face is never seen, till used'-Iago in Othello.

Went back to running today. I am gratified that I was able to haul my body out of bed and onto the street to embrace the discomfort of pounding pavement. I honestly do not know what made me get up to put on a new shirt and run. Lying down was pretty comfortable but I sat up and shook off my grogginess to go and blaze the street.
I'm pretty pleased with myself.

Taking the path of most resistance will be the blueprint for greatness.
On Friday, it took also a similar unexplained motivation for me to suit-up and go over to the training ground and make myself tired. My lowered fitness I think, is perceivable.
I now subscribe to the belief -"Your body is your enemy".
It's limitations and weaknesses hinder us in achieving greater feats.

Hoarding fat is what our body does perpetually. We age continually and our metabolism declines with the years, making it harder to lose fat. Our lifestyle barely permits us to sleep sufficiently, much less work out. If we have fat, we'll have more fat and more easily.
It seems that we're losing the battle against the bulge on all fronts.
But there isn't any harm in trying.
There is a not too sophisticated solution. It's a mixture of building muscle with weight training, running, eating right, and patience and time.
Good luck.

I encountered a novice lifter this week's end, who has only been training for 12 weeks, and he was trying to impart 'wisdom' to me. I've been lifting weights for about a year, and here comes along this guy who thinks that his know-how is more vast than mine.
I don't know why I'm so worked up by this. The more I recall, the madder I get.
This fellow needs a whole year to get to where I am now, and he's teaching a shoemaker how to tie the laces. I know his type. One of those big people who get caught up in the trend of working out, gets really into it for a while, is still fat after half a year and gives up.
If that doesn't happen, it would really surprise me.

I see people who come for training and leave after a while because they can't take more, and people in the gym who look the same even after a year.
Tenacity is a quality that mortals don't have, and a power that can be lost also.

I need to expunge the bitterness inside my chest and move off to other things.


This is Miley Ray Cyrus' new single, which is quite a catchy song that I fancy.


I realise that there are a lot of critics, sharp tongues and naysayers around who have unexplained dislike for people, things. In short, there are a lot of people-hating arseholes.
It seems that my currrent theme is people-hating. It isn't though. People are nasty and foul, but I don't have white hot furious hatred for such scum. I unfortunately, belong to the same category too.

I however cherish the foolish hope that one day, we might all be nicer, more sensible, and vessels of love. I have already said it was foolish.

Nothing goes according to plan. Man proposes, God disposes.
My tenure in this plane of reality only acts out the said principle above.

On People, I am moved to continue to expound on the fallen-ness of man and to feature here my disillusion with Lao Tzu's supposition that human nature is compassionate.

But otherwise, there is wisdom in the Tao Te Ching. I feel compelled to provide a sample:

He who knows other men is discerning; he who knows himself isintelligent. He who overcomes others is strong; he who overcomeshimself is mighty. He who is satisfied with his lot is rich; he whogoes on acting with energy has a (firm) will.He who does not fail in the requirements of his position, continueslong; he who dies and yet does not perish, has longevity.

People don't change. A leopard never changes its spots. It can only cover them up. And if people do not change, we ourselves have to change to accomodate them.

People can be like fruit.
Niceness is surface; dig deep and everything goes bad.
Some of this is an excerpt from what Crystal and I talked about exactly a week ago.

On Love & Marriage, which is an eventuality for most of us social creatures, and was also a light dish in today's COMPASS lesson is notable for thought. Love might not amount to Marriage because Marriage requires much more than Love. It requires patience, tolerance, forbearance and a resignedness to stay married. The last one amuses me.
But it seems to exert significant force.

On friends, I got this poem from Andrew.

A good friend is like an old tree.
Under your dapple shade I find sanctuary.
Shielding me from sun and rain,
I find it easier to hold up my chin.
Cast my gaze to the heavens.
Wish for something better.

The light comes through your canopy and it illuminates my thoughts.
It brings a flush of red to my cheeks and I feel warmth from the blush.
Good friends, they keep you rooted.
Bark to bark, I fall asleep.
Reassured that my friend is my protector and my protector my friend.
I awake to your steady breathing; the wind through your leaves.

Notable Events This Week:

Plenty of Unsightly, Unsatisfactory, Utterly REvolting grades.


I have expended my maximum for tonight. I will bring about an abrupt cesation right n-

To-day I feel once more the acute soreness and discomfort that I both abhor and yet revel in.My body groans, but it also celebrate in the surges of benefits that a good pump will bring. This is probably what Arnold (Schwarzenegger) talked about-the goodfeel that is better than 'being with a woman'. Well, in his words.

I have however long discovered that my preferences (of music and song, of company, of basically all things) are cyclic. This probably is an unworthy revelation that will yield me no prize.

I've however gone back to swimming instead of running, because my system has grown fearful of the hard pounding and the heavy hurting. It seems that I cannot replicate my feats in the early half of this year anymore and the runner in me has receded. This was the same last year.
I blame climate change.

So, it's swimming.


Had a good swim on Wednesday, which was a pretty good way to spend an unofficial marking day, post-MYE. (The front crawl is a very grievous form.)
Because of our swim outing in the morning, Hakim and I were late for the Class HANCOCK movie. It was okay, and nothing much more than that. Except that Charlize Theron (pronounced 'thrown') was really hot.

Coffee at Orchard succeeded that and the whole troupe walked to Plaza Singapura for dinner, while coincidentally passing through my humble abode, the Istana. My golf buggy was already waiting to take me in, and my bodyguard was telling me to get in, but I decided I prefer the company of my friends, and ditched the promise of steak with my good steward Nathan.
(I must mention that Nathan has done a good job guarding the treasury. I am reasonably satisfied with him.)

Hakim and I rode on our wagon, bus number 5 home from Orchard and I was a bit wary of the ride, until I managed to meet a pretty girl who took the same night carriage as me. It was an added bonus that went away near the prison.
I got off at Loyang Point and ran the rest of the way home, in jeans.

On Thursday, I plotted my exploratory run to the same place in the evening, which was in essence, just a run. At night, I had a really deep talk with Crystal about our similar views about the rot of human nature and its fallibilities. I heard her out, and she also heard from me, which was a cheer.
Ah I love Crystal. So shiny.

Friday at school was mild, and the most notable, was Mr. Patrick's words that pricked me abit, and also the WANTED movie outing which was attended by the following: Crystal, Song Leng, Jeremy, Jay, Derek.

We regret that Hakim, due to his NCC POP was left behind. We are sorry. I have little love for NCC though, and I am miffed that the combined lure of the 5 of us and also a spectacular movie which featured Angelina Jolie's butt, curling bullets and impossible action lost to NCC. But we looked to the cue from Jem, and also our inner voices and considered the greater good. Hence, we went ahead without Hakim.
But I don't think he was very sad that Friday.

To-day at the gymnasium, I trained my Back.


Whenever we push something hard, people say, "put your back into it!"
Because our magnificent back features greatly in pushing, heaving, support and also sprinting.
I also trained my legs, which should be the most important bit of any exercise regimen, but isn't.
Think about this, you've seen many men with big bodies but small legs; have you met anybody who has impressive legs but a poorly developed body?

I think that my Sunday is not too disappointing, and that tomorrow is a God-send.
I will endeavour to make it count, and I do hope that there is sun. Because the next week, the big wheels will step up into high gear and there will be no permission to stop.

The new week guarantees:

1. A dismal harvest after the Mid-Year Examinations.

2. Long, lousy afternoons that will stifle you and your rightful joy

3. Unpleasant treatment from educators and big people.

4. Less sleep and worser moods

I particularly loathe the last one. A reduced sleeping time would be extremely evil.
But in the holy struggle for grades, would it give way? Win some, lose some. I dislike this school of thought. I will alter it somehow. I want to be able to sleep, laugh and also get decent grades.

To quote the assassin:
This is me taking control of my life. What the fuck have you done lately?

Pardon my coarseness. I think it is an effect of the movie.

Adieu.

Am feeling the satisfactory aches that succeed a glorious weights session; most of my cells are groaning and I'm sure that the sparks of soreness in my muscle fibres will become random arrays of fireworks that burgeon when I move about tomorrow. Really pleased!

Hakim's companionship was really timely and precious-we amused ourselves pretty well, lest for the royal arsehole that will make his regular appearance, it seems, every Tuesday.
This bloke genially occupies the Smith Machine, a barbell, a pair of dumbbells and the only decline bench available in the public gymnasium. I doubt that you'd get to do that even at PLANET FITNESS, but our antagonist here pays $2.50 and gets to own a corner of the gym as long as he wants.

I am slowly deciding against being friendly or generous to anyone, not just in the gym but elsewhere also, because doing the above is strenuous and often unreciprocated. We say that Justice has 'long arms'. But I think that instead of accounting that to its reach, it probably means that Justice takes a damned long time to get there.
I'm not a big fan of waiting for things to right themselves.
And neither am I open to the idea of waiting an overt time for the weights that I 'rented' with my $1.50 for the day.

I revere those big men, who come into the weights section and wait patiently for the inexperienced skinny person finishes clumsily with his grossly lighter weights.

(I feel my eloquence coming back to me.)

My Tuesday has come full circle after a good pump and also meeting my pretty girl neighbour who has really pretty eyes. I think that seeing her everyday would be really ideal!

*

I did list some things on a paper about what I wanted to put up today, but their relevance has dimmed, after I let the list ferment.

But since I'm coming into my spirit as a vengeful whiner, I will also diss obese people in my space here. No, I do not detest the large people that are a big part of our world. Everybody has a loveable fat buddy that isn't grossly fat, but cuddly.
Okay, I find that I'm being overly considerate here.
I must define the species I am talking about.
I have a lousy opinion of people who are obese and very much want to shed fat and look good, but are reluctant to work hard and become healthier. They take the paths of low resistance and shun the trusty route to fitness because it is inexorably linked to huge loads of sweat.
No sacrifice, no victory.

Do not misunderstand me, I was a fat boy, and getting into good shape took a lot of hard work and tenacity. Working out and eating right requires some effort and if you do not adopt it as a lifestyle, I suspect that you'll soon go back to being a mutated potato watching late-night TV.

I however seriously admire all the runners and joggers that are on the road, whether they be muscularly adorned, or chubby because running is uncomfortable and there isn't anybody coercing them to run either. I respect them, because they subject themselves knowingly to hardship even though the option not-to is given to them also.
We can learn from them.

And about skinny people. It isn't that a skinny person is definitely healthier. He could also have the fatal heart attack that we think only massive people get. A skinny person is just naturally primed to become the decomposing/ decomposed skeleton that everybody will turn into, in due time.

That's what I like to think.

I also have a remark to make about friends. I risk sounding like a Primary School girl who has discovered BLOGGER and have felt for the first time, the social cruelties of our bleak, unforgiving world. The things people say can be heartless.

Friends are not stepping stones to popularity;
Friends aren't penguins to just huddle around and draw warmth from;
Friends and naysayers are definitely stark polar opposites.
Males have it harder. We must learn to be immune to cruel, unkind words.
The things people say can be heartless!

Parting words:

I want to make another statement, this time about something very precious: sleep. From the words of Austrian neurologist and psychologist Viktor Frankl-

Sleep is like a dove which has landed near one's hand and stays there as long as one does not pay any attention to it: if one attempts to grasp it, it quickly flies away.

2008 is a year of super-heroes: Iron man, Jumper, Hulk, Batman, Hancock, Song Leng. We will be sufficiently entertained.

I have concluded my tirade, and will leave in Shakespearean fashion.

EXEUNT.

Holidays are a farce.
We luxure in the false impression that time is aplenty.
Before we know it, all of it has gone by and our brief tenure of laxness is over.

A four-week away from school has allowed me to sleep later than usual, watch slightly more television, and ease into a less intense pace of living. However, I had to negotiate my laziness and innate inborne reflex to treat time lightly to turn to the things we must do.
It was difficult, and I fell short.

However, the easiness of living allowed my mind to wander and think more extensively about some things, and to formalize some perspectives and to expand my know-how about how the human body works.

1. What we do next can change the future.
I settled on can, because it indicates potential and it's something that we can take up, but most of us don't. I believe future is set in stone and that whatever we do will contribute to that future that, so our contributions do factor/matter and it's best to make good donations.

2.Our choices take us on. Where is a good question.
Our destiny hasn't been revealed to us.

3. Bully thyself.
The human body is extremely adaptive and whether is it in training or facing life's crazy forces, we adapt and get stronger with greater resistance. So go hard and bully thyself. You'll feel on top of the world briefly. And you'll probably want that feeling again. So bully thyself, again.

4. Hold on to what you can and don't let go (easily).
Tenacity and veracity and also not giving up.
But while rebuking yourself and trying to give some motivating talk to yourself, don't say, "Don't give up" to yourself.
Your brain is a search engine and will immediately turn up all the results associated with what you just thought of, and because of this you will seriously consider giving up.
You could deceive yourself with a loud "Hold on!".

This is what a famous man famously said:

We must use time as a tool, not a couch.
-John F. Kennedy

Adieu.

I concede that I'm wretched, and I've squandered away the days of my last June Holidays as a pupil, and there won't be another term break like this any longer. I estimate that this time next year, I will have a shaved head and be stripping down rifles over and over again at some undisclosed location on our island.

Often, the realty of things settle slow, and at this end of the term-break, my mood is sombre and my chest is a holding ground for the multiple feelings of unworthiness, regret, sorrow and all the horrid things that can potentially cripple a big man.

My unparalleled optimism is staving a probable total breakdown, and since I am not a girl, I'm denied any form of breakdown. All I am entitled to, is to suck it up bit by bit and carry on with the exams and make sure the outcome hurts enough to stir me into restlessness and purposeful action.

Perhaps using the word, 'girl' is erroneous. Females are a more hardy species and can take much more.

But I am also assured by the thought that what we do next changes the future.
We have to power to mould the specifics of our future, and to tune the smaller bits of our lives into something desirable and ideal. The future is indefinite and our destiny has not yet been unveiled, and so, whatever we do now contributes to shaping the future.

In the gym, I've abandoned using the Smith Machine for my squats, and have started doing raw squats with the manly Olympic Bar and can heave 80 kgs. Makes me feel bigger and manlier.
Went alone today, except that I had Crystal to sms in between hard work, and it amused me a bit. Music and Crystal isn't bad.

And I didn't really need a companion with what I was doing either. My new workout plan values bigger movements like the heavy squat and deadlift, which is efficient in inflicting stress on your body and giving you more muscles and stripping fat. I'm rather pleased in this department, despite my failures in academia.

I resist the idea that growing muscle will make you a big dumb-bell. There is wisdom and knowledge in weight training also, and dumb fecks will not grow a good bulk if they just lift without a plan.

I will fix my problem with the books immediately.
Too long have I donned the guise of an unintelligent, blundering git.

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