I must not be too proud to admit that God's Word has had an effect on me. I have presumed often that I am doing well, and am standing firm and am in good relation to my God at all times. I have not examined the areas of my life, and minimized why, how and what I lived (for) according to my own good pleasure.

But it is so blessed that God is faithful and He continually leads, and chastens, restores and comforts. Discipline is not easy to swallow, but God's purpose and wisdom are higher and more lasting than our own time-bound perceptions.

My parents have provided for me all my life, and I was made to realize that I have very little expressed gratitude towards them. I have barely reassured them that I their son, think of them. And while I have presumed that I have made amends for the ways I was an inadequate and difficult boy prior to saving faith, I had never spoken to them and addressed these things. It will be difficult to pull out these old memories of sorrows I have inflicted on them, but absolutely necessary.

I think of the times I was rough, rude and put on hateful attitudes towards them, and I realize that these are outstanding issues I must apologize and put to rest. When we are a little older and know some current information, we begin to despise our parents, or dismiss them.

As the eldest son, I should by example in honouring them, caring for them and obeying them. I have not been consistent in this area, and my sisters are sharp to seize these failures and convict me. While not perfect, I must increase my desire and efforts to love and care for them while I am still under their cover.

I see my grandmother's deep love for my grandfather even though he dominated her in marriage and was hard on her and on his children. She had tender love and concern for him, even while he was not always easy to get along with, much less love. This strength of love, even in a non-Christian marriage is admirable especially because of the circumstances of the union.

I am not willing that these precious parents pass from this life without hearing about the grace of Christ. I do not know how many years they will have with me, but I know that my love for them has not matched their love me, even if I have known the love of Christ. And my small efforts to are feeble.

There is no one else but me to bear witness for Christ, and I must get ready to tell them in the way they may understand well of this 'foreign God' who first died for men, before any of them knew Him.

There are dear family members and friends that I am to love and care for, but I have neither been attentive or sensitive, but shuttled them to my peripheral view. I am to bringing each person, valuing them as my God values them, before Him and appeal to His great love and mercy to work powerfully in them, to lead them to salvation.

My confidence in God's love for me is challenged daily. There is a need to return to Romans 5, to remember how God commendeth His love for us, when Christ laid down His life for all men, while we were still sinners, comfortably godless and cruel. God is a perfect Father who loves perfectly. When we doubt His love for us, we will be robbed of our joy and trust in Him. Our powerful God who is intimately concerned with our well-being and the details of our life gives us great comfort and the strength to live this challenging life in this hostile times.

I must thank God for His deep and sure love for me, even that which I cannot fully grasp, but continually doubt.

I presume too much, that I will be somebody important or prominent. I am a redeemed person who is much less intelligent and qualified than many others. My pride prises me from the dependence and obedience I am to have on Christ. Whether He uses me as a vessel for noble or common use, I must still be prepared in prayer to wait on His deployment of me. I am not more worthy than anyone to know Christ.

It is now more than ever that I realize I have a huge burden; that I may have many spiritual dependents who have never heard of the love of Christ, and of His great triumph over sin that may be applied to us all. I cannot lie and enter into rest prematurely while there is work to be done.

My life has to be lived in reverence of Christ. If I live with a false high esteem of myself, I will seek only to please myself, and place others on a lower plane. But there are people that matter hugely to me that I am omitting now. There must be something done about this.

We are to esteem Christ, living life in conformity to His Person. To be like Christ: firm and gentle, strong and meek, confident and humble, compassionate and prayerful, zealous for His Father's work.
It is a high standard, but we may have His Spirit inside of us to help us to live the life of Christ, that the flesh is not willing to, and cannot live out.

Music and Lyrics

Music

On the car back to the east, a younger brother asked me today about Christian music and what I thought about a particular band. I surprised myself with what I said to him, that these were thoughts I never completely gave words and air to:

The songs we sing must contain scriptural truth. We are told in the clear words of Scripture in Colossians 3:16 -


Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

We are first told that the Word of Christ must dwell in us richly. We Christians are Word-based people who are to meditate on the Word of the Lord daily and nightly, abiding in them.

Songs have the tendency to linger in our minds and be replayed over and over. They stick easily to us, and we may sing tunes and words without much thought or much restraint. Should the song that flows out of our heads be a worldly one with carnal concerns and desires or one that contains the Word?

Songs today are soulish; they bring about moods, emotions and induce-encourage feelings. They have sway over us, and get us to harmonize with tunes in body and movement. We take in the ideals and the philosophies of these songs without much thought over what they say. They advertise irresponsible fun and overt sexuality.

We have been given good examples of songs we may and should sing. Psalms, hymns and spiritual songs as expressions of praise and adoration. What makes a song spiritual? What are the sounds and the words of the song? I am not musical, but my literary mind will seize hold of the words and place them aside the Scriptures and see if they have any counterpart. For only the Word has lasting value and so much power to instruct His people. 

2 Timothy 3:16 - 17

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 
That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works. 

God's Word contain the words of wisdom. Modern Christian songs today are doctrinally shallow and contain much emotive expression.  It seems as though these songs are designed to train us to feel a certain way and to calibrate our hearts and emotions to feel a certain way.  So many lyrics are in the pattern of : "How I love you", "I offer my life to you", "Jesus I love you".  Do we need to be conditioned to praise God and love God?

I am wary that we could be singing lies, because we often do not mean or really feel these things, nor do we yearn very much to be as how we sing of ourselves. We do not really or fully love Him, for we are told in the Word that if we love Him we will obey His commands, yet we fail to do so daily. Nor do we offer our lives, or the large parts of our lives to Him. How much movement do we make to live in such an exemplary manner?

We are singing ourselves into ideal emotional states of devotion that we do not have rightly. We do not love God because the feelings of love is cultivated as per the pattern of worldly romance-I feel and thus I love. Our love of our God comes from Him. We grow in a knowledge of the One True God and in His Son, and we love Him in response to His great and deep and wide love of us. We learn of this love from His Word and not from songs that we sing and get ourselves into.

All singing is for worship, not mainly self-expression. So many songs today look to pour out our soul and give public air to how we feel. But we see in Revelation 4 and 5 and in other places that the loud voices of the saints are lifted in praise of our God: "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come." and "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory and blessing."

We are to admonish one another and sing with grace in our hearts to the Lord. Our songs must be able to teach and encourage one another in the faith and in godly behaviour, and exalt our God. We sing in relation to our God.

David's Psalms poured out his feelings, guilt, shame and also joy and gladness, all in relation to the Lord. None of it were vain expressions he did not feel-when he was besieged by enemies on all sides; when he sinned in adultery and murder and when he gave thanks to the Lord.

Psalm 111

 ¹Praise ye the LORD. I will praise the LORD with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.

 ²The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.

 ³His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth for ever.

 ⁴He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion.

 ⁵He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.

 ⁶He hath shewed his people the power of his works, that he may give them the heritage of the heathen.

 ⁷The works of his hands are verity and judgment; all his commandments are sure.

 ⁸They stand fast for ever and ever, and are done in truth and uprightness.

 ⁹He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant for ever: holy and reverend is his name.

 ¹⁰The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.

The songs the Church sings must be wholly different from the songs of the world. How may they sound alike? May what was bred outside of the sanctified Church gain entry to our clean and godly worship?

I can think of rock music as a good example. It grew outside the church and the genre was led by self-destructive rockers who exemplified the spirit of rebellion, having a lifestyle of drugs, alcohol and sex. The music is disquiet and encourages people to 'follow their hearts' and 'do what they really want'.

Can we 'clean' it up and Christianize the lyric and feature it in our worship of a Holy God? I do not agree with the introduction of Christian rock into the Church. Do we need to imbibe what is of the world into our worship to make us current and relevant? Our gospel is relevant and powerful, no matter what age and culture! We do not need to amass cultural capital to endear ourselves to the world that is not dying, but already dead.

Our Spirit is a different spirit. It is unlike the spirit of this world. Songs of the world upset the stillness of our hearts and stir unrest, whereas spiritual songs may bring about a climate of peace to our hearts.

We have 150 good examples of how we are to sing in praise of our God, and express our adoration for Him, and so many more other songs of old, and also in recent times that are rich in His Word and sound in Biblical doctrine.

Close

I am highly demanding of Christians and of leaders especially. While mindful that we fail daily and depend so hugely on His grace and mercy to even get through our day, I could be very severe on these fellow vessels of His love, Spirit and grace. 

I speak before I understand, I judge before I know completely. This is something I need to work on, that I withhold grace and refuse to bear with others who are younger believers in the faith.

I suppose when I use the upper key "Church" I refer to the universal body of Christ, and not any local body or community, even though the observation is made of the congregational groups of churches. 

An example of a spiritual song and hymn.

Blessed Assurance

Text: Fanny J. Crosby, 1820-1915 

Music: Phoebe P. Knapp, 1839-1908
Tune: ASSURANCE, Meter: 9 10.9 9 with Refrain

1. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! 
 O what a foretaste of glory divine! 
 Heir of salvation, purchase of God, 
 born of his Spirit, washed in his blood. 
Refrain:
 This is my story, this is my song, 
 praising my Savior all the day long; 
 this is my story, this is my song, 
 praising my Savior all the day long. 

2. Perfect submission, perfect delight, 
 visions of rapture now burst on my sight; 
 angels descending bring from above 
 echoes of mercy, whispers of love. 
 (Refrain) 

3. Perfect submission, all is at rest; 
 I in my Savior am happy and blest, 
 watching and waiting, looking above, 
 filled with his goodness, lost in his love. 
 (Refrain) 

Friday, 2 March

I cannot coast on and wrongly assume that I am on the right course at all times. If I grow distant from my firm ground, I will veer into dangerous territory.

I have been made alive by Christ; I must live in Christ. I cannot pretend I knoweth not my Saviour and then turn back to sin. I also cannot pretend I have no way of knowing God and discerning His will. I have His Word.

I am to be a wholely new creature, with new appetites and new desires. I cannot feed on the same vain things that do not honour God but encourage sensuality and faithlessness.

Jesus is the Bread of Life. For awhile we eat of the land, taking physical food. However we who are alive in the Spirit need to feed our Spirit. We live "not by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God". (Matthew 4:4) The Word of the Lord brings us life.  Outwardly we are decaying, but inwardly we are being renewed daily. (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Our renewal of this inward (spirit) life comes from partaking in Christ. We must drink His blood and eat His flesh. His body broken for us; His life poured out for us - so that we who were far off, separated by our sinfulness may be brought nigh by His blood. (1 Corinthians 11:24-25; Ephesians 2:13)

If I do not live my faith, how will I die for my faith?

Our faith is not one of convenience. When it is easy to obey and go His way, I do. Where it is difficult to, I may or may not have the strength and discipline to go the way in line with His will and righteousness.

I do not have a good heart attitude when I relate with people, in work and ordinary circumstances. I am grudging, unwilling, and only invest my heart minimally in them, whereas Christ poured Himself out for us.

We are to observe all things that Christ has commanded us; not some and not just a few. (Matthew 28:20)  Our motivation to do so should be that we love Him, we treasure His words, we believe and trust Him; His Divinity, His character, His promises. We are not compelled, but propelled by love to live the new life in the Spirit He has given to us.

I have moved into what Tozer says is the "noble language" of the King James Version. I am an admirer of him and other wise and godly men who defer to the King James. While I am young and my biological RAM can input new verses, and also for FBI, I will go this way. It also does not hurt when an exceedingly lovely and precious lady has gifted me a leather Bible.

Carried Along in Time

Instead of only living in time, sometimes it seems as though we are carried along the motion of time. We are hustled from week to week and month to month; bleeding hours and minutes. It is now March 1.

I have had so many points in the last two months to look back and compare my situation this year with the last.

Last birthday, I went to bed quiet; this birthday, I had someone lovely to tenderly care for me, good friends and a sugary cake. I barely registered the 22 candles.

Last recess week I was mostly in hall and had much different company and different routine. This time round, while falling behind on work, I was able to take care of the home environment and get rid of the clutter that had crept up on me as I lived past two decades.

Managed to go to Hakim's to give him a card. Although it was an extension of a long day, it was worth it to convey my love for an important friend on his birthday.

I enjoyed dinner with Agnes' parents, because it's a good opportunity to spend time with them and know them better. I am not looking to prise her away from them, but rather we should be closer and dearer as we go along.

Several things that trouble/ bother me:

• Biblical Christianity or the lack thereof.
• My responsibility at having received the gospel and not sharing the message of salvation with others. Will friends and dear ones say of me, when there is no grace left, "You had light and truth, why did you not share it with us?" 
• How to live:

1. Love the Lord, walk in light, under grace, by faith and in close relationship;

or

2. Love the world & sin, hate governance, shun the Word, abuse grace, live by personal feeling, and having no close relationship with the Lord.

Excerpt

"I know that you are very important to me and that at this point, I cannot imagine how it would be like not having you in my life. The details of your life, how you feel and what you think matter greatly to me. If you are sad or happy, I will be affected, because we are emotionally and I think in more ways than we know, much closer now. I very much want to continue building our relationship in Christ and take it longer than we see at present. It will not be easy; from another perspective it will even be hard. Sometimes I may be discouraged. But when I look at where we are hoping and praying to be at, I am reminded that our faith and love is being built and refined."

Our Lives are Purposed.

I opted to live today very differently and stay home. The purpose was to have some mental clarity, helped by distance from others, and to clock more sleep, and to spend time in prayer so I may be worked on by His Spirit, and to finish the invisible, but tangible list of to-dos.

I made a phone call today to Lim Boon Kai, to rouse him from his sleep with a birthday greeting. I know it is very heartening to have someone remember your birthday. I recognize him as a dear friend, and a loved person in the many phases of my younger life, and very hopefully, my longer adult life. I remember how we were in school together and it is very good to have accumulated a close friend as him.

May every birthday be a landmark, showing much growth and maturity, and very much of God's great blessing in his life.

It took me a while to get into the Word, but there was a very great reward today after I had gone before it, and studied the clear words of Scripture. We are to learn from the Words of Christ Jesus.

I was reminded that the central theme of my life is my labour for Christ and His gospel. This is my life's purpose, to bring glory to His very great Name.

My attitude to this process of life was corrected.

While I am struggling with this life and the troubles that come along with it, I read -

John 14

 ¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ² In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. ³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”


The Word reminds me to rest my heart and trust fully in Christ Jesus; He is preparing us to dwell with Him forever. He is truthful and faithful, and He will come back to bring us to be with Him. I must not allow this hope to harmed in any way.

We walk on the same way as Christ did, in Him and through Him, also to go to the Father. We are to be reconciled to the Father, our Father.

Christ's Words bring us the full measure of His joy in us. And in preparing His disciples for His death, departure, and ascension, He prayed for them this way,

John 17

¹³ “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. ¹⁴ I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. ¹⁵ My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. ¹⁶ They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. ¹⁷ Sanctify^[b] them by the truth; your word is truth. ¹⁸ As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. ¹⁹ For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.


The disciples received over the Great Commission from the Lord. They were not to be taken or removed from the hostile climate of the world, and instead of being exempted from the human life, they were enabled to do the work for the gospel they had been left with, and were guarded as they were sent out.

Christ Himself said this -

John 12

   ²⁷ “Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. ²⁸ Father, glorify your name!”

I may not be exempted from life, and it is not right to ask that I be taken out of this time and world. My life is purposed.

In the same attitude of my Lord, while I am troubled and in difficult circumstances, my prayer must be higher and better, to ask God to glorify His Name above my present circumstances.

My labour is for God's glory. I am not to hope that my life can be passed over quickly, but to work for the gospel, that Christ Jesus and other better men have poured out their lives to advance. 


If you are a friend, pray for me, to be wise, loving and faithful to the Lord. That He will make known clearly His will for me in this time and in this life. Your brotherly kindness and love for me is very appreciated!

I will not always have something edifying to share, though I must be careful so my personal expression may not harm the faith of any persons. 

None of this life is easy, but some things are harder than others. I would like to be doing well in all areas or at least give off the projection that I am, but looking like you are doing well uses up too much effort-energy I do not have. 

A year ago today, I was in Hendon Camp, feeling extremely sorrowful because my friends were ORD-ing and I did not have the chance to say goodbye to them because I was in airborne training. I eventually went back to my office on a Sunday and saw their Post-It messages on my wall, bidding me goodbye. 

This means that I have been an Army Regular for over a year, and I look back to wonder if I had made the best/right choice, in staying on with the force. I certainly wondered then, when my friends left service for good. 

I see that I was able to do so many additional things in the later part of the year, beyond the 1 Year 10 Month expiry date, and took on assignments, activities that friends envied. Although my decision-making was not made with complete acknowledgement of the Lord, He has been gracious in my placement and my predicament.  

However, I'm growing surer that everything in this life must be based on Biblical principles. How we live and why we live must be in obedience and conformity to Christ. He has redeemed us from wickedness for Himself. Our lives are not our own independent ones, but lived most to the fullest through submission and trust in our God. 

 

The areas of doubt and vexation are new and heavy, but I need to continually acknowledge that my God has sovereignty over me, and that I must be in line with His Word, and that His will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, and especially in, on, through my person. 

While I am unsettled and in some distress, I know what to hold on to, and where my strength and my life comes from. My God is trustworthy, even while men may not be believed easily. 

I believe, the powerful Word of God is a powerful authority. We must be as faithful to it as possible. We do not allow so much room for modern culture or changed times to affect the principles and recommendations the apostles imparted and made to the early church. 

Must the Gospel be reinvented or re-represented to be relevant to our very much "advanced" society? I do not think we are advanced at all, in the spiritual sense. Rather our civilisation's improvements give room for more wickedness and godlessness. We may not say that now society and culture is different, so we take/use the Word differently.

If anything, we are more godless today and our human strengths has increased our pride. We stand on our own independence and intelligence now. God is not necessary. We are progressive, but we are more destructive. The Word however, is still accurate about the condition of men even today. 

I am still vexed, but I will need to continue exercising my trust and dependence on Him, and wait upon Him to direct my paths. He has been good and faithful to me. I am to put my confidence and hope in Him.