Love and Forgive

I had not yet expected the increase in loading with this new year and new season, and I recognize more and more that without God's help, I cannot do any, if not all, of the things well.

I need to do well in faith, in school and in body, not neglecting any of my family, friends and my girlfriend. I have done poorly in these, one way or the other.

How may I take up a hobby and suspend my care for these people and affairs? I should not have time to engage in small activities that are small and will be of no consequence when lined up against these.
My best energies cannot be used to please myself alone.

My eyes ordinarily see only myself. If I live only by what I see and what I care to see, I will neglect and harm others, as I live my day out.

I must not give in to anger easily, but instead love in tenderness, gentleness and kindness.

Love covers all offenses; it does not blame or hold wrongs against one another. It does not invoke jealousy or guilt.

We may not love perfectly, but we may learn more and more from our God, who is Love.

1 John 4

 ⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son^[b] into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for^[c] our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

 ¹³ We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

   God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷ In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Our hearts must turn to God. Our hearts should be hearts that seek the LORD, even in joy, or in sorrow and anguish. We must bring our feelings and emotions before the Lord, those feelings that we can or cannot help feeling. We are not to think of our problems apart/ away from God. We are to pray in all things. Prayer is our first and best response.


We are in human company and we bruise, offend one another daily. We need to forgive and love those who harm us, and even more so if they are our friends.

We are not to bear grudges or store in our minds and hearts the offenses of others. We do not count their wrongs against them but love them past these. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

It is necessary to forgive, for in Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus said:

   ¹⁴ For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

And He said this, after having taught us how to pray. We are instructed to pray and ask God to "forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors".

Jesus says this absolutely, and in the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18, Jesus said that unless we forgive our brother who has sinned against us from the heart, there will be no canceling of debts.

We must forgive others, just as how God forgives us - He has done it first. We are to love uncommonly, with uncommon strength and uncommon motivation, all received from our God, who is Love.

We are to pray for God to fill us with His love for Him and for others, that we may have the strength and love to forgive others who have done us wrong.

I may not do this by myself, for I do not have much love. But God will pour His love into my heart by His Holy Spirit, already given me.

Christ lives in us; we must also live in Christ.
May His love be made complete in each of us.

The Powerful Word of God

I really enjoyed last night's fellowship, where the few of us were able to pray and cover each other and nourish each other with the Word. Glen wanted to hear if we had any New Year Resolutions, and I shared my principle in which I would try and be faithful to in the year. 

Last year I tried to fit prayer into my day. This year, I mean to fit my day into prayer. There are blessings when we pray fervently, when we go before our Father and seek to know and spend time in Him. 

The Word has to become important to us, for we are those who stand on the Word of God. We hold on to it as our Truth, our food and our guide. We submit and subject ourselves to the living powerful Word. The Book of Hebrews speaks on how potent the Sword of the Spirit is.  

Hebrews 4

¹² For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.¹³ Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Today's study,

Clothe Yourselves With the Lord Jesus Christ instead of (rather than) thinking of how to gratify desires of the sinful nature. - Romans 13:14

We are to go away from observing the desires of the flesh and giving heed to what we feel we would do better with and please our hearts. These things are often harmful things.

We are to put on His humility, His love for God and for men, His attitudes, His devotion to prayer, His obedience to the Father, and His virtues of compassion, patience, gentleness. 

Philippians 2

¹ If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴ Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

 ⁵ Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

We who have been united with Christ, we who have been comforted by His deep love for us, we who have fellowship, if we have any tenderness and compassion, then we should be like-minded as Christ.

We are to always be concerned with Christ; He is the author and perfecter of our salvation. 

We must have the same love for God and for men, we need to examine our own motivations. 

How much of self is in there, where we work for "myself" and no one else matters? In humility we must not consider ourselves better than others. We should also look out for the interests of others, building up and feeding others. 

We should be more and more humble, more and more obedient, at the cost of injustice, at the cost of painful death, humiliation, torture in the example of our Saviour. The Son of God left His place of glory and let unclean men execute Him. He lived in complete obedience to the Father all His earthly life.  His priority on earth, His food was to do the will of the Father. 

This is the Christ we must be like; we are meant and enabled now, to be like. 

We must be conscious that the putting on of Christ and being like-minded as Him is continuous and life-long. We may not put off Christ at any point in time. It is to become a stronger and better fit. 

I am an observer of Christianity in Singapore today and also elsewhere in the world. Can I match the work being done in these lands and in these ways to be for the Kingdom of Heaven? 

I am concerned that mainstream Christianity may not be the narrow way at all, that it could really be the easy, comfortable broad way to destruction that we may cruise along. 

What are Churches like to today:

- The reverence for God is low.

- Holiness is low, sin is tolerated and not dealt with. 

- There is a lot of flashy spiritual experience and demonstration, but no lasting fruit and no resultant holiness. 

- There is less of the Word and less knowledge in the congregation.

- There is no strong and deep concern for the poor and the homeless. 

- The love for money is preserved and is fed. 

- There is no impact on the world, no power, no fruit. 

God seeks to purify His people for Him. 

Titus 2

 ¹¹ For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. ¹² It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

God's purpose for us is very clear in verse 14. It is a simple way to check ourselves and our concerns and directions. We are supposed to be a different people, shining stars who may show others that there is a way to be saved, and there is a Name by which they may be saved. We should do good to others, not just ourselves!

My point is not a condemnation or to usurp the Spirit's work in conviction. Rather I want to question and identify this mismatch with the power of the Word and the Gospel and how transformative it is. 

The Gospel is not an upgrade to make you a better human being. It is to completely overhaul one person, because he is completely faulty, he needs more than new parts. He needs a new heart, a new mind and a new spirit. If a person is properly changed by God's Spirit, he is a new creature, and he will be more and more godly and less and less of the old himself.

My knowledge and my understanding is for the glory of Christ, not myself. When I start to think I am better, I begin to displace other men in my mind with my own increasing self importance. I am delighted I may share, but I realize I may have more material to be proud in these instances. 

2011 in Review

And so we are in the new year, whether we are willing or not. And it is my fashion to take stock of the year past so I may give thanks and be amazed at the ways I have been blessed and I have grown.

This year turned out so much better than I expected; it seems to have been a rich year of the Lord's favour upon me. It was a time of growing in Christian manhood, on a diet of the Word.

I became a Regular Officer, jumped by parachute from a plane, went to Europe (Italy), became a student again, met a very special and important girl, and got baptized.

Phase 1: Assuming command as OC, IPPT Gold, Airborne Course, SAF Paracounselor Course, seeing justice meted out on an underperforming and irresponsible superior.

I was in my element as an Officer and leader, leading and teaching and moving men.
It was a surprise to receive the opportunity to attend the coveted BAC and also good to have attended the Paracounselor course.

The last one was to see the last of an individual who was a terrible administrator, officer, leader and soldier all in one flesh. That I had a small part to play in effecting justice. Ah, it was sweet to pave the way for the true facts to come out. I am still struggling to overcome my severe dislike for him.



Phase 2: Coming out of command into a Staff role, preparing for (and going to) Italy with Hakim and growing in faith and obedience.



Phase 3: Coming to University and meeting with good friends, Christian brothers and my girlfriend.

God is faithful, and when I begun to seek His way to live, He assisted me. He provided me with good environment to study the Word and pray in private, brothers and sisters to encourage me and move to Him jointly in worship; He also added to me wisdom and understanding.

I was barely conscious that I was worked on early in the year. It was when I held to the Word again as my first food that I grew stronger and surer in faith. I matured more, though not completely. I grew more sensible of my thirst and I looked for the Living Water. Time spent in Him and with Him brought change and growth.

I am so glad that with her, the timing was good and natural, and we were safe-kept in body and in purity for one another. How heartbreaking would it have been if any exclusive affection for each other had been given first to someone else before.

It was very good that I did not court her for her physical beauty, but that I had first noticed her faith and her loveliness in nature. That there were fruits of good character that I saw above outward qualities. So our relationship may begin on less fickle things like our faith which is to be life-long and sure, instead of tastes and personality.

Now we look to love each other beyond the flesh. We guard and protect each other in thought, speech and action. We show affection, we think for the other. We are mindful that our love for Christ must be higher and first. If we both submit to God, we would not believe we are always correct and faultless. We would not fan jealousy, but instead when the other is worried, we reassure each other with more love and affection. This is sweet and safe.


Lessons Remembered and Sealed in Memory:

God puts His Christians in fire to refine them - Daniel 3
Shadrach, Meshach and Abdenego were thrown in the furnace, and they uncommonly trusted God beyond their lives. They were not consumed, but their faith and their God was proven to be true.

Am I ready to be put into the furnace? When He judges I am, He will. He has the good outcome in mind. While the furnace is exceedingly hot, He may keep me from being burnt up.

Christians have no power. Our faith has no power. The Word seems to be ineffective. I see more clearly that we have no power because we let the Word lie, and we do not fast or pray. We do not know God well because we do not spend much time in His Presence. If this is so, can we bear to spend forever with Him? He occupies all of heaven!

I may spend a lot of time thinking of and thinking about Him, but if I do not pray and go to Him, I will not know Him. He is the Person whom I am to love.

I am to be a faithful man, that's all. Not intelligent, not rich, not physically strong. I am to be faithful to my God and to my wife when I do have one.

The Holy Spirit is holy. His work is to make holy. If whatever takes place has no resultant holiness or a reverence for Christ, can we be sure it is the Holy Spirit of God?

We are to grow more obedient, more submissive, and not rebellious. With our parents and with God.


Proverbs 19: 21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. 
We must not contest God's plans with our own, but instead take on His plan.


Things I have done poorly, and I need to improve-

1. I have loved my friends and my family poorly. I did not do well with my family. I lived apart from them, and did not mind them much.

2. I am not a hard worker. A man must work, and work hard.

3. I am not a spiritual man, I am one who lives in the body. I wish to roam free outside God's law and Word, but still be credited as righteous and seen as impressive.

Romans 12: 10 - Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves. 
With this last sentence, I see that I have consistently sought to do the reverse.

*

I have accumulated many good days, good meals, good friends and good times. God is exceedingly kind and He continues to be. I have prayed and I am hopeful that 2012 will continue to be a year of His good favour with me.

Yet if I become poor or sick or hungry, may I turn and say that He is not kind or good? In 2012, how to walk if not crawl, is to have the Word as our constant companion.

Week 52

I am proud of my humility. I want to shout to everyone that I am humble and that there must be some credit given to me, because I am able to concede I am so.

My pride has swelled and returned to getting in the way. I did put it to death, but now I have resurrected the old nature and given it a small steady diet to live on. My pride magnifies me and steals glory from God's grace. That all the good things received were hard-fought and taken by my own person instead of given out of lovingkindness from Him.

Sometimes when we give thanks for a meal, especially one we make ourselves, we may think: why are we thanking Him when we have made it? But we need to go back and think, Who managed the conditions for the crops to grow? Who permitted the farmer's industry to reap produce? Who caused the seeds and the creatures to grow?

Everything on this good earth reflect God's sovereignty and His providence. If we do not acknowledge Him or give thanks, we are ungrateful.

I am borrowing words from Leonard Ravenhill:  Isn't it amazing that God gives breath to a man who is going to blaspheme (curse) Him all day?

We are ungrateful most times. When we thank Him, it seems that those times are aberrations- exceptions.

*

I have not written because I have not had concrete reflections, or the time to represent them here. I have given a lot of time, mind and heart to my new relationship, which I do not regret in the least, but I have displaced my First Love with my new sweetheart in many ways and times. My relationship with my Father cannot be overtaken by any other, though it is easier/ convenient to relate someone who is corporeal and very near.

At work and all through life, a challenge is this: to be honourable men even when nobody sees.
With minimal supervision, we must still strive to be blameless and upright.


This world has so much stimulus! It recommends, and inflames us with lustful desires, envy, and unclean appetites. The world environment, culture is hostile. It does not permit holiness. TV, advertisements arouse our lust and whet our appetites for violence and other dark things.

What is my defense against sin, trials, temptations? Only the powerful Word of God.

In self-reflection, I am surprised at how I can hate a man in a matter of minutes! It is so easy and so natural to hate and to harm. Not even with weapons, but with harsh words. We need to put our hearts right and ask for Him to shed His love abroad in our hearts by His Holy Spirit. 

May we relate to the world with clean hands, and to God with pure hearts. 

*

I am not persistent in prayer. I presume that having addressed it once or twice, it has been taken up for action by Him and that I can ease off. It is recommended to pray without ceasing and I have not been able to keep at this.

I am pessimistic about people and the quality of their profession of faith, and the activities of Church communities. But I am so hopeful that those who belong to Christ and are assured in Christ will be secure in His love and grace. That their endeavours are sanctioned and helped by Him, and not vain human efforts to move people.

I hold on to this,

Titus 2

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.¹² It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

-What His grace offers and how it transforms us, and what we are all waiting expectantly for.


Next post will be a close, to record, what I have learnt, how I have been blessed, and who have helped me in all ways of my living this year in 2011.

Ravenhill said this: Are you wiser in God (now) than you were last year this time? Peter says we are to grow in the grace and  knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Where may I say that, yes I have!

The awkward merger between Soldier and Student

I returned to the use of my old Nokia phone today, because the new red one that cost me $65 was a useless blend of plastic and unknown substances that could not make audible phone calls.

It was good, because it was a reminder of where I was in August and it preserved the numbers of important friends from before NTU and during Army. I also made several short reflections in the saved messages, while I had not grown sensitive to the power of the Blackberry:

- I am looking for someone to share a life with, raise children and worship God together. 

- Why do we read the Old Testament? Because the LORD our God is the same yesterday, today(and forever). How He deals with men is always out of His righteous justice, love, mercy and kindness. 

-Flew over Greece, Lebanon, the mountains, Naples and other landforms, over oceans and all.
(while en-route to Rome, Italy)

And today, I met a new person who was neither a commando nor a commander, but a private soldier and he was so arrogant and severely deficient in the department of respect; for even the seasoned Warrant Officers and the Officers. I suspect S3 picked on him because of his irreverential posture.

My thoughts were these: is there a need to compete egos with proud people? What is the basis of his constructed ego? Is it competence, popularity or public affirmation? 

Pride or the lack of humility is mostly ignorance. One does not know his proper place relative to his seniors, his betters, and his elders and while having a false view of himself, behaves as if the rest are beneath him.

We are a generation who lack respect for those who are our elders, our peers and those who are placed socially lower than us.

My baptism was not spectacular nor especially special. It was a necessary obedience. But it was significant, and according to my mother, it was "irreversible" and that I could not offer incense to my grandparents later in time. I believe she had more to say and mourn about, but they will come later, when she can find the words to say.

Like Jimmy says, sometimes non-believers have a better sense of how significant something like this is. I was not expecting a party or a swarm of well-wishers. But I was glad to have my OCS buddy Ahbi, my spiritual brother Jeremy Loh and my elder brothers in faith, Tze Liang and Daniel Lim come to the service.

I'm really glad Jeremy took a good HD video, that I could re-visit in later years to see the amazing growth in Christ since Dec 2011 and give thanks appropriately. Tze Liang and Daniel were good Christian brothers when I was in the BB that showed me the amount of patience, kindness and gentleness a man can have, learning in the pattern of Christ.

My aunt and cousins and my sisters came as well. It was a good time to be with family, and we had many laughs after at the Soup Spoon, especially now that we were more grown up and understood humour better. We talked about forming committees in the family for feasts, and taking over the decision making for birthdays and mothers' day. I think these days will come soon. Leticia and co. helped me pick out cards that I would use to write to friends.

I really appreciate the good gifts that add to my Christian library and how my cell mates came to the later service out of their usual schedule. I am glad we may fellowship and grow together. It was a good day and I realized that it was the proper timing and proper place to be baptized. To wait no more, but be baptized!

In so many ways, I do not expect God to help me. And this way, I forget He cares, and undermines His deep love for me. There is a need to remember He loves us and that we are now worthy because He has loved us. The Lord is my first love and I must return to Him, and remain with Him.

Lastly, I was also dreaming of the disconnected future and succumbed to imagining events that were not due for a long time. Today, I could almost hear the Lord say, "these things I am preparing for you. You must not think about them before time".

I need to learn to obey and ask for His help in so many ways. Although many times I am so unwilling to pray, I know enough that so many (all) things are subject to Him and I must recognize and plead for His grace. I also know that prayer has the power to bring about change.
So we must pray.

Stole some time to write before I would get ready to leave the house and go for part 2 of the wedding at Four Seasons Hotel's Ballroom.

This is the most happening week in a long time - reporting back to the army, a wedding and my baptism make up one weekend. I do not have time to see the people I love, and for long also because I have been claimed by so many engagements.

I still have to adapt to this foreign pace of things and spend time with the parents, with my brothers in the faith and with Agnes. It does not help that my phone is going to become a dummy phone with no internet capabilities. On that the day in Singtel when I settled for a Blackberry Bold with camera, I suspected I'd feel the backlash on some day. That day is here.

I came across the tagline multiple times, "live fast, die young".
It sounds cool, detached and uninterested. However it is a terrible carelessness and captures the irresponsible living of people who use this as their maxim.

Often, they live to please their own persons and they leave out God. Our lives are not lived for ourselves and our individual pleasures. We live with others, and we live lives before God. We are accountable for how we have lived, why we have lived and if we have known Him and walked in His ways.

Daily, I need to reconfigure my entire person - Who to hope in and what to hope for? Only good things or to continue in Him?

"Am I doing well" - I find it hard to answer this question. There are so many parts of me that are inconsistent and to correctly represent where I am in all these parts is difficult. I am teetering on the edge of sickness, I am hardly mentally sharp and I am not as in shape as I would like.
I am vulnerable to weakness, temptation of all forms and mild depression. But in my living, I have His grace with gives me the ability to go on, because His grace enables me to stand and stand against all these parts that bog me down.

I will do better, because He is still at work to make me like Him. Although it takes time to get to completion or anywhere near.

On the Cusp of Soldierhood Again

I am on the other side of time, looking back on the past November and it is clearer that God is good and closely present in all parts of my life.

I am returning back to service, and comparing with when I was leaving, I'm returning to the army so much better off! I did not imagine that I would return with someone special in my heart and that I would do so much better in His grace.

Ikea Wednesday was a simple and sweet outing, and it was unexpected that I actually ended up doing the bulk of the buying. Things that were good and cheap could not be let off! Wednesday was a good food day, and I managed to eat a great deal. There were so much good food that had to be savoured, and at her place, we were blessed with a steamboat dinner. It was time well spent, and with a very excellent group of people, and of course, a single delightful person.

Meeting her parents was not easy, but very important. We are not in a secret relationship, and we need to be accountable to those that love us. It was necessary for me to meet with her father and share with him my faith and my life. It is good to be in a proper, official relationship where her parents are involved and they approve. I am not to enter into a close relationship with someone's daughter without letting him know. But now, we have their parents praying for us, and looking out for us. This is a good and safe way to go.

I think He brought us together certainly not only for our individual joy and pleasures. We are to grow in love and faith, and edify others. We are members of the body of Christ, and we are not the only members.

We are to come together and honour God, and we should seek that God will continue to confirm that this is His will that we join together not casually, but with stronger and stronger commitment to each other. There is a need to be careful, because we see that it can be exceedingly good if we obey Him.

There is timely goodness in store for both of us.


After the exams, a man needs to take a good look at himself. We must be capable of reflection and self-examination. Paying attention and writing notes helped seal the lessons into memory, and revisiting them helped build more onto the roots for recall.

I must not squander free periods, recess week and the weekends. There are a few good work habits that must be cultivated. Books not read, lessons placed aside and hasty revision instead of gradual increment of knowledge were the methods I resorted do this time. They likely will not reap good rewards. Thankfully the small measure of consistent class-attending helped. I will still be able to keep the head above the water.

I understood that Pride coerces me to act hastily, in a showy kind of way. At my last paper, I finished quickly and was able to astound others by leaving the exam venue with a swagger. Modern contemporaries call it 'like a boss'. While I was pleased that I did well, it was illuminating to understand more of my own proud person, and how it is so deeply a part of me - I must do well, and I must have others see. 


We need to grow in our relationship with our Father. I am not just a child asking my Father for gifts on His lap; I am to grow into a son and a man who obeys His Father and pleases Him.

In praying: If I had not spoken to Him regularly, it will be awkward for me to address Him, to find the words to say to Him.

There is a lack of effective Christian men in the church. What does God do when this happens?
He raises men up. Hopefully, we are counted among those He is calling and preparing for His use.

In all, this year and semester has been truly and thoroughly blessed, in ways I did not expect. I do not see what is ahead, but if I follow Him, I have security. Even if life lived is hard and unpleasant.

I belong to Christ, I am to be more and more His. God's grace given to us has us live and respond differently, passionately and reverentially to Him. We must not resist Him in any way.