2010 in Review

If I were to theme this year, it would be the year I became an Officer and my adventures as an one.

I've learnt so many things, tangible and intangible-management, leadership styles, soft skills and parenting most of all.

I've realized that the groups of people that the education system of our competitive community neglect are the ones we must pay attention to; these are the people we must inspire and correct. They will form the most of our work force and they are the numbers that make the most difference.

I also realize that we can never assume that we've assimilated any lessons/knowledge.
We must reinforce whatever we've acquired, or they will fall away from our persons.
Our retention is poor, and the fresh new external stimuli overpowers aged memories.

Whatever you do not upkeep, you lose.
Your faith, your fitness, your sanity. Personal Experience.

Your superiors never want to hear about your limitations. They want a problem-less tour and an everlasting can-do attitude. So, I will just tell them to stop pretending like they actually care about my constraints.

Self-help is the new way forward. Not mutual support, not reinforcement from another sector.

(to be continued)

This weekend, I have had more time. Not that I utilize it wisely, to either get more rest or to realign myself for the following one, but it allows more time outside of the working environment and better food in both taste, nutrition and variety.

I saw a girl that I was crazy about some years back and it almost did not register that I knew who she was. I recall that I had approached her badly and it's something that on rare occasions that my mind can afford to wander that I remember.

Seeing this instigated me to reflect; (and with a little prompting from Hakim) how am I different now. The reflection is not complete, but I'm raring to show, or re-present the new Man that I hope I am getting to be, to people from my past.

I feel that everybody functions on a squeeze-balls reflex. We only move and work only when our balls are squeezed. There is no longer any initiative or self-motivating.

It's only a line/hierarchy/chain of balls squeezing.

I feel more acutely that the 200 over young men I am housing and having my command team train will re-enter the community as the sum of the experiences that we create.

I must think about ours, and especially my impact and influence over them.

Are we making better men, or spoiling them?

I like soldiering and I am for the idea of a defence force. Not just for the obvious reasons of deterrence, but also the fact that the experience, or according to some-ordeal makes us grow up fast. For the most of those who are willing to take the hard parts, National Service is a man-maker.

There is a perceivable difference in men who have served and trained. They are more hardened, less frivolous, and better under pain or pressure.

I think that what it takes to be a man, is taking up responsibility and endurance.

We are made better and are proven stronger after suffering hardship.

Why we serve: our defence force is one of the main reasons our country has such stability.

I suspect our neighbours may not take us seriously without the presence of our army.

I have thought and talked about this with my friend, and I am not surprised, but also slightly wistful that our own people do not have the amount of support for National Service that would add more purpose, commitment and strength to our soldiers.

There is less dedication if we do not understand and accept/acknowledge, let alone believe in what we do daily.

Our workload and environment may suck, but it is necessary.

I don't like to communicate with the use of curse-words.

There should be a better way than this to get across to thick-heads that I am furious, I want immediate action and that there's promise of violence if I don't get what I want.

I feel that I must practise a clear level temperament even if I'm getting mad, because I think better, consider more about the effect/impact of my potential outburst.

I am told to be and slow to anger.

Further Reflections:
James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry.

We should be receptive to what others say and give weight to their opinion. It's a good way to show that we value people and take their ideas seriously.

We have to weigh our words cautiously and make sure that it does not harm or mar the growth of a person. We are to edify our friends and not tear them down.

In giving in to rage, I become volatile, impulsive and make moves that hurt relationships and judgements that are too unforgiving.




A young officer must make up for his lack of experience with knowledge.

He must be fit and able to keep at his job ahead of his command team and soldiers even while they slow from weariness.

He must have the compulsion to keep at his task with high energy and to reflect on himself.
Has he let his people down, and has he let himself down?

When in command and with responsibility, can I assume what I do is sufficient or must I question and re-measure myself?

Look into yourself:

I am in a reflecting mood, especially since I have asked the people I lead to reflect on themselves.

I've been thinking and going off track all this while.
I do not think I am sufficient to enough for a mature, serious relationship.
I must learn responsibility first and be accountable for my decisions and behaviour.
I must learn to love others at great cost to myself.

Jesus taught in John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

A relationship is more than investment of emotion, time and money for good returns.
I believe it is the joining of two persons, soul and more together.

If I am hasty and I do not think and take this seriously, I will not do justice to a perfectly nice girl.

With wasting time on temporary flings, I have neither the nerves or the youth to do them again.

Keeping a blog documents growth and allows me to see how foolish, childish I was or what I was doing and thinking at any phase in my past.

I find it really fascinating when the posts in made in pique can trigger a pretty accurate recall of the situation then, and how I felt. These are things that I forgot to remember, things that made up the good years before I was soldiering.

Difficult as it is to write, I will still do so, because it will capture the feeling and thoughts I have at this point in time and reflect it to my future self who will view everything as an aid to remember.

Today I woke early, with a forcible removal from a really lovely dream. I was putting my lips to kiss a special lady during an elevator ride, and only the texture of her lip reminded me within the dream that it was not thoroughly as real as I'd like.

This leads me to examine the probability of this incidence. I believe it is low at this point.

Why I am reluctant to enter casually into a relationship even though I'm pining for a romance is because it isn't something to be taken lightly.

The relationship, no matter where it leads will irreversibly change both persons. It will mess with the heads of both persons especially if it ends badly.

Having strong feelings or affections for a girl is not good enough reason to get together. A relationship that is good and healthy and godly must be centred on Christ, have a good foundation, promising beneficial growth for both persons.

I refuse to waste time in short-term flings that have no potential to last the entire distance, that affects my heart and mind and that of the hypothetical hers. Some people say that having such poor imitations of a fulfilling relationship is experience.
I hardly think so.

Hence I am cautious because I have learnt that I cannot trust myself.
Will I treat a girl properly, rightfully? Will I be able to love her in increasing; will I in anger and self-centredness not bruise her with speech and disposition?

*

It is a struggle to break into the rhythm of exercise, but once I've gotten started, I want to accelerate and do more faster.

This week, I have masterfully managed to nap and then lift the weights in my precious Saturday while having not met any friends or cleaned my belongings.

SNATCH-GRIP DEADLIFT;
BENCH PRESS;
GOBLET SQUAT;
T-BAR ROW

These and a good, big meal plus coffee will improve the sixth day of the week.

*

I cannot see what is ahead of me because I am so short-sighted and am unable to see beyond myself. I do not know what the world will be like, I do not know the growth that i will go through in another 5 years, but I pray that Christ is in it; that my friends and family will remain close, or become even closer then.

I would very much like to close my eyes and imagine that things are sweet, but this is not how I will choose to get by.

Having just watched Smallville Season 10, I would like the outpour of affection from one heart to the other, but again, the probability is low. I re-watch the drama to satiate my inbuilt program that craves romantic fulfillment.

What I would like:

Basic Airborne Course

A Foam Roller

Painless Hip/ Glute, full mobility

A New Boss
Big Transformation

What was used for sin and shame can be used for goodness and the glorifying of the One true God.

It has been difficult to be Christian, or to conduct myself like one in a military setting, but I can hardly blame my circumstances for my neglect of prayer and Word, but instead accept that the faults have purely been my own.

I have forgotten to love, and to value what I set out to, and also allowed the good parts of my person to die out of neglect and poor feeding.

It took Mr. Ong's mentoring and reminding about the seasonal changes and growth that I would go through, as well as some encouraging from assorted persons.

Is there still any trace of Christ left in me? Us disciples must carry the marks of our Master.

As co-heirs with Christ, we share in His sufferings that we may share in His great joy and glory at the end of all of it.

It is a painful reluctant climb back to obedience.

Worldliness is just never enough.

May God's patience and mercy never wear out with a recalcitrant like me but instead give my entire life a thorough overhaul, teaching me to love and respect people and to worship Him in spirit and in truth.

Another batch of people have passed out under me, and this time my extent of influence is huger. This time I wonder, what is the effect I have on these young men.

Will there be praise won for my Father in heaven because of any good work, or would there be a failure to recognize Christ in any bit of me.