What I would like:

Basic Airborne Course

A Foam Roller

Painless Hip/ Glute, full mobility

A New Boss
Big Transformation

What was used for sin and shame can be used for goodness and the glorifying of the One true God.

It has been difficult to be Christian, or to conduct myself like one in a military setting, but I can hardly blame my circumstances for my neglect of prayer and Word, but instead accept that the faults have purely been my own.

I have forgotten to love, and to value what I set out to, and also allowed the good parts of my person to die out of neglect and poor feeding.

It took Mr. Ong's mentoring and reminding about the seasonal changes and growth that I would go through, as well as some encouraging from assorted persons.

Is there still any trace of Christ left in me? Us disciples must carry the marks of our Master.

As co-heirs with Christ, we share in His sufferings that we may share in His great joy and glory at the end of all of it.

It is a painful reluctant climb back to obedience.

Worldliness is just never enough.

May God's patience and mercy never wear out with a recalcitrant like me but instead give my entire life a thorough overhaul, teaching me to love and respect people and to worship Him in spirit and in truth.

Another batch of people have passed out under me, and this time my extent of influence is huger. This time I wonder, what is the effect I have on these young men.

Will there be praise won for my Father in heaven because of any good work, or would there be a failure to recognize Christ in any bit of me.

Stomach for God's Word

Training Soldiers;

The past week, I saw the first batch of young people that I was responsible for complete the very first phase of their military training and it sobered me by both remembering 1) how fast time passes away, and 2) how influential commanders are.

I have a stake in every of these young men that have passed through me and I can mostly hope that I've been as positive as possible.

It is only now that I learn the degree of my role, I was not prepared sufficiently to be responsible for people. It also reinforced my knowledge that every individual is precious and worth a great deal to me to my Heavenly Father.

To my special 42:
I am sure that you are quality products and my command group has done a great job with you.
My wish for you is that you will have a positive National Service like I am having.

A good day with a good friend;

Managed to catch Toy Story 3 with Megan. It was a good movie, because I used to play with toys like that when I was smaller.

It dealt with growth-growing older and out-growing things of old.
1 Corinthians 13:11 - "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

I probably have taken the verse out of its context where Paul was talking about unfailing love.

The story connected with me, because I am like Andy in so many aspects and I had always wished my toys would come alive and play with me, and love me, and obey me when I ask them to behave in a certain way.

I want all of them to be free and independent, but willing to defer to my directions when I set them up in the imaginary setting I thought up.

I found that God instead has been so gracious to give us our autonomy and also the freedom to go over to His side. To Him, we are so much more than toys or playthings, and He has so much good and love for us because He made us and watched us grow and has the big picture.

He has such a big stake in us and He took us so seriously, willing to do extraordinary things to woo us.

Well, I am also pleased that I have managed to convert Megan, or rather have her come over to the idea that not all cartoons are stupid. The film had some value, I thought.

It was a good day overall.

Have been worked on by God;

Roland and Joyce's wedding re-wrought in me the correct idea of a Christian union and also made me re-examine our marriage to Christ.

We are the body of Christ, and He is our Head. We cannot live disconnected away from Him or His leadership.

I feel more willing to call Christ my King, because I've always been comfortable in serving a reliable leader and I am willing to learn to submit. It will however, take a whole life to do so.

Christ diverted God's wrath from falling on us and instead took it all upon Himself.

Have come off a session of reflection and reading the Word, and have been reminded and convicted of so many things.

My sin was that I have always tried to peel God away from me and limit His effects and workings on my person.

I forgot to consider the thoughts of the One whom I call my King when I ate, and when I spoke.
I need even more deeply, an understanding of my sin, which will give me an understanding of God's Grace and Love, and a deep fondness and appreciation for His Son.

I must glorify God and put Him at His rightful Highest place; not only praise Him on occasion with song, but remember and honour Him constantly. Cue: Jesus must take the Highest Honour...

I must control the substances entering my mind space. I watched Desperate Housewives and Drop Dead Diva yesterday and thought nothing of them, even when I wrestled with myself whether or not to give in to some form of entertainment.

But today I realized that there were a lot of wrongness reflected in the show that was put across to us. It featured adultery, a loose view on divorce, a flexible measure of justice, fornication, irresponsible parenting, dishonesty.

While the shows tried to dish off some good (caution against the acceptability of cheating), it slipped in all the other vices and desensitized us to their abhorrence.

C.S. Lewis was right when he said entertainment was a lousy plug for the our leaking joy.

My loud cry would be for God not to let us alone, but be about and in us.
Another stray thought: Not just not commit, but also not abet sin.

Because I profess faith in Christ, I must value what He values greatly: people.

Faith expressing itself through Love

I have been looking to the wrong sort of things to fuel me in my daily labours.
I have been drawing relief, entertainment from the wrong material, and I am sure that this has marred my capacity to love.

I am aware that my care and concern for others is severely reduced when I shift the focus to pleasing myself.

My inclination to love is almost gone because by my own effort, without the Spirit, it is not sufficient.

(Whilst recording my growing understanding of God's wise things, I do hope that this material may be beneficial for others who might read what I write. )

GOAL: To Be a Christian Young Man. [End Objective.]

Specifics:
Bearing influence and characteristics of Christ Jesus and to be changed continually by Him.

How:
To love and obey Christ's teachings and commandments, living them out in daily life.

This was the object of the Boys' Brigade which I'm sure the Founder had hoped that all of us would continue bearing, even after we are no longer Boys.
I'm a little surprised that it only came to me now, when I've been so long apart from the BB.

A few years and even just months could bring about a stupendous shift in paradigm.

Sometime last year, I was angered and slightly vengeful about the trend of Christianity and how we try to give it modern characteristics so that it may be suitable and palatable for the world now.

I've grown tamer since then, and now no longer enter into argument or conflict but would prefer to wait for God's redeeming, overcoming love to work.

Our job is to deliver the gospel, plant the seed of truth and then become witnesses to how God powerfully grows us all into His firstfruits.

We must take heed from His Spirit, and follow God's pace, rhythm.
Keep in Step with the Spirit.

With the examples of so many before us, I am clearly aware of how imperfect we are, but how powerfully God uses us when we are obedient.

The Adventures of Song Kim and Ha Leng

Once literacy comes, there is no ebbing of the flow. My wit and writing are bursting- even the stale topics can seem colourful with my regained ability.

I will reiterate that looking at pretty girls incite me to run. They make me want to feel the same rush of being fast and taking on a purpose with no stop.

I will need to see more, and then move more, because I am in a fat mode as of now.

Today, after service, caught up with Mei Yi at Starbucks, where an Iced Caramel Macchiato did the trick, serving to rouse me and act as a necessary coolant. We chatted rather pleasantly and it's good to have seen an old face which is fresh compared to the tempo of my daily living.

After that, I linked up with my beloved Hakim and we moved on foot to Changi General Hospital to visit the urinals. They were in excellent working condition.

Got to Parkway and browsed through the military history section; I've been intrigued by this genre of late. This coincides with how I'm toying with the idea to have a short military career currently.

Had an intake of ill-meaning calories with a Zinger Meal and a subsequent Carl's Junior dinner. I rationalize this with the fact that I would be kept in along with my recruits for 2 weeks and more.

"To trust in my God, who will make my paths clear and straight"

I Belong to the Boys' Brigade in Singapore

It feels both good and also a bit saddening while lending the archiving power of Facebook to look through the current photos of my juniors.

Looking at Bennett and 14th's pictures of events that took place after I left, events that mattered to me while I was in their shoes (Passing Out Parades, Adventure Quest, Teaching and Training Recruits, Founder' Badge Presentation...), I feel like I've missed out a great deal.

I cannot bear to reminisce, because it somewhat pains me, because it is a closed chapter of our shared history, and now that we are all over the place, we cannot put it back together because we are apart.

How do I feel- Looking at people I've taught and imprinted on cheers and sobers me.

It sobers me because I realize that in a leading, teaching role, you can influence the younger generation to a sizeable extent. I can also claim a little credit for their growth.

My best moments in BB was coaching Kah Kee and seeing the BB Relay Team win Silver and seeing their pleased faces and rejoicing at having accomplished something unprecedented, that we could not do in our time. I was so proud of these people that shared my passion and my drive. Granted, they were infected by my lapse in mental stability.

Now, another lovely moment, is seeing the Secondary One recruits receiving the Founder's Badge, which was a big thing for me then. A lot has happened between now and then, and I'm saddened to have missed all of it.

I was sorely mistaken to ever think that the BB was irrelevant or was not sufficient and effective in reach. BB values youth and begins to work with and work in young men. It still has a place in a community where the Boys and Girls still will do well with some proper guidance.

Not just Christian values and virtues, but the mixture of purposeful fun and the teaching of leadership, responsibility and so many other intangibles.

*

On this thread of being reminiscent and nostalgic;

Rocky is a really good classic. I love it that the underdog gets to win, because us common folk are by default, unfavoured underdogs. It celebrates doggedness, grit and epitomizes the SAF core value, Fighting Spirit.

We probably should air the clip of Rocky Balboa's training montages in the Values lesson to make the point more sensible.

Fighting spirit is an important attribute that most of us lack and have poor concept of prior to the military. Possibly competitive athletes and testosterone-charged males may contain some small trace amounts of the quality.

But I really like the series and the philosophy, that life always tries to knock you down, and in the end, its about how much you can get hit and still keep moving forward.

I would think that ladies will never get why something as dull, dusty and abstract as metal, heavy bag and the boxing ring can attract male attention for such a long period.

APRIL 01

These weeks, I've been graced with some time to think and reflect and to have my listless mind drift in as many directions.

I've thought of several things which came to me, whilst my journal and pen were on my lap.

Most are not new, but just strands of thought that I'm throwing my belief behind.

First, I firmly believe men need ruling, although some might attempt to refine this with another word called "governance". Otherwise, we would slacken and become unruly, disorganized and non-motile.

We often want people to leave us alone, but really, we do want companionship but we simply want free rein in living our lives, with no one to judge and rebuke our behaviour.

We are all compulsive sinners - hopeless addicts until we have been graced with mercy and redeemed with Jesus' saving power. We need external help, an infusion of strength to overcome our inherent love for wickedness.

If we are stuck chest-deep or chin-deep in quicksand, no amount of flailing will work. We need some strong hand to pull us out of the predicament we have gotten into.

Psalms 40:2

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Everything we neglect will eventually leave our system. Knowledge, health, fitness, prayer.

We don't want others to succeed at where we fail. Verily I often experience this jealousy and bitterness when I have been outperformed.

Right now, at the phase of my life where choosing an occupation is becoming more pressed, I think that I want to work in a field that invests in people. After all, that is what God did, where Christ found it worth laying down His life in the hope of redeeming humans.

To upkeep my literacy, I will journal fervently and then translate it into pixels here.

Who do I write to impress, I now wonder.