My Record of His Faithfulness

The Powerful Word of God

2012-01-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

I really enjoyed last night's fellowship, where the few of us were able to pray and cover each other and nourish each other with the Word. Glen wanted to hear if we had any New Year Resolutions, and I shared my principle in which I would try and be faithful to in the year.

Last year I tried to fit prayer into my day. This year, I mean to fit my day into prayer. There are blessings when we pray fervently, when we go before our Father and seek to know and spend time in Him.

The Word has to become important to us, for we are those who stand on the Word of God. We hold on to it as our Truth, our food and our guide. We submit and subject ourselves to the living powerful Word. The Book of Hebrews speaks on how potent the Sword of the Spirit is.

Hebrews 4

¹² For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.¹³ Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Today's study,

Clothe Yourselves With the Lord Jesus Christ instead of (rather than) thinking of how to gratify desires of the sinful nature. - Romans 13:14

We are to go away from observing the desires of the flesh and giving heed to what we feel we would do better with and please our hearts. These things are often harmful things.

We are to put on His humility, His love for God and for men, His attitudes, His devotion to prayer, His obedience to the Father, and His virtues of compassion, patience, gentleness.

Philippians 2

¹ If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴ Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

⁵ Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

We who have been united with Christ, we who have been comforted by His deep love for us, we who have fellowship, if we have any tenderness and compassion, then we should be like-minded as Christ.

We are to always be concerned with Christ; He is the author and perfecter of our salvation.

We must have the same love for God and for men, we need to examine our own motivations.

How much of self is in there, where we work for "myself" and no one else matters? In humility we must not consider ourselves better than others. We should also look out for the interests of others, building up and feeding others.

We should be more and more humble, more and more obedient, at the cost of injustice, at the cost of painful death, humiliation, torture in the example of our Saviour. The Son of God left His place of glory and let unclean men execute Him. He lived in complete obedience to the Father all His earthly life. His priority on earth, His food was to do the will of the Father.

This is the Christ we must be like; we are meant and enabled now, to be like.

We must be conscious that the putting on of Christ and being like-minded as Him is continuous and life-long. We may not put off Christ at any point in time. It is to become a stronger and better fit.

I am an observer of Christianity in Singapore today and also elsewhere in the world. Can I match the work being done in these lands and in these ways to be for the Kingdom of Heaven?

I am concerned that mainstream Christianity may not be the narrow way at all, that it could really be the easy, comfortable broad way to destruction that we may cruise along.

What are Churches like to today:

- The reverence for God is low.

- Holiness is low, sin is tolerated and not dealt with.

- There is a lot of flashy spiritual experience and demonstration, but no lasting fruit and no resultant holiness.

- There is less of the Word and less knowledge in the congregation.

- There is no strong and deep concern for the poor and the homeless.

- The love for money is preserved and is fed.

- There is no impact on the world, no power, no fruit.

God seeks to purify His people for Him.

Titus 2

¹¹ For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. ¹² It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

God's purpose for us is very clear in verse 14. It is a simple way to check ourselves and our concerns and directions. We are supposed to be a different people, shining stars who may show others that there is a way to be saved, and there is a Name by which they may be saved. We should do good to others, not just ourselves!

My point is not a condemnation or to usurp the Spirit's work in conviction. Rather I want to question and identify this mismatch with the power of the Word and the Gospel and how transformative it is.

The Gospel is not an upgrade to make you a better human being. It is to completely overhaul one person, because he is completely faulty, he needs more than new parts. He needs a new heart, a new mind and a new spirit. If a person is properly changed by God's Spirit, he is a new creature, and he will be more and more godly and less and less of the old himself.

My knowledge and my understanding is for the glory of Christ, not myself. When I start to think I am better, I begin to displace other men in my mind with my own increasing self importance. I am delighted I may share, but I realize I may have more material to be proud in these instances.

2011 in Review

2012-01-03T00:48:00.004+08:00

And so we are in the new year, whether we are willing or not. And it is my fashion to take stock of the year past so I may give thanks and be amazed at the ways I have been blessed and I have grown.

This year turned out so much better than I expected; it seems to have been a rich year of the Lord's favour upon me. It was a time of growing in Christian manhood, on a diet of the Word.

I became a Regular Officer, jumped by parachute from a plane, went to Europe (Italy), became a student again, met a very special and important girl, and got baptized.

Phase 1: Assuming command as OC, IPPT Gold, Airborne Course, SAF Paracounselor Course, seeing justice meted out on an underperforming and irresponsible superior.

I was in my element as an Officer and leader, leading and teaching and moving men.
It was a surprise to receive the opportunity to attend the coveted BAC and also good to have attended the Paracounselor course.

The last one was to see the last of an individual who was a terrible administrator, officer, leader and soldier all in one flesh. That I had a small part to play in effecting justice. Ah, it was sweet to pave the way for the true facts to come out. I am still struggling to overcome my severe dislike for him.

Phase 2: Coming out of command into a Staff role, preparing for (and going to) Italy with Hakim and growing in faith and obedience.

Phase 3: Coming to University and meeting with good friends, Christian brothers and my girlfriend.

God is faithful, and when I begun to seek His way to live, He assisted me. He provided me with good environment to study the Word and pray in private, brothers and sisters to encourage me and move to Him jointly in worship; He also added to me wisdom and understanding.

I was barely conscious that I was worked on early in the year. It was when I held to the Word again as my first food that I grew stronger and surer in faith. I matured more, though not completely. I grew more sensible of my thirst and I looked for the Living Water. Time spent in Him and with Him brought change and growth.

I am so glad that with her, the timing was good and natural, and we were safe-kept in body and in purity for one another. How heartbreaking would it have been if any exclusive affection for each other had been given first to someone else before.

It was very good that I did not court her for her physical beauty, but that I had first noticed her faith and her loveliness in nature. That there were fruits of good character that I saw above outward qualities. So our relationship may begin on less fickle things like our faith which is to be life-long and sure, instead of tastes and personality.

Now we look to love each other beyond the flesh. We guard and protect each other in thought, speech and action. We show affection, we think for the other. We are mindful that our love for Christ must be higher and first. If we both submit to God, we would not believe we are always correct and faultless. We would not fan jealousy, but instead when the other is worried, we reassure each other with more love and affection. This is sweet and safe.

Lessons Remembered and Sealed in Memory:

God puts His Christians in fire to refine them - Daniel 3
Shadrach, Meshach and Abdenego were thrown in the furnace, and they uncommonly trusted God beyond their lives. They were not consumed, but their faith and their God was proven to be true.

Am I ready to be put into the furnace? When He judges I am, He will. He has the good outcome in mind. While the furnace is exceedingly hot, He may keep me from being burnt up.

Christians have no power. Our faith has no power. The Word seems to be ineffective. I see more clearly that we have no power because we let the Word lie, and we do not fast or pray. We do not know God well because we do not spend much time in His Presence. If this is so, can we bear to spend forever with Him? He occupies all of heaven!

I may spend a lot of time thinking of and thinking about Him, but if I do not pray and go to Him, I will not know Him. He is the Person whom I am to love.

I am to be a faithful man, that's all. Not intelligent, not rich, not physically strong. I am to be faithful to my God and to my wife when I do have one.

The Holy Spirit is holy. His work is to make holy. If whatever takes place has no resultant holiness or a reverence for Christ, can we be sure it is the Holy Spirit of God?

We are to grow more obedient, more submissive, and not rebellious. With our parents and with God.

Proverbs 19: 21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.
We must not contest God's plans with our own, but instead take on His plan.

Things I have done poorly, and I need to improve-

1. I have loved my friends and my family poorly. I did not do well with my family. I lived apart from them, and did not mind them much.

2. I am not a hard worker. A man must work, and work hard.

3. I am not a spiritual man, I am one who lives in the body. I wish to roam free outside God's law and Word, but still be credited as righteous and seen as impressive.

Romans 12: 10 - Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves.
With this last sentence, I see that I have consistently sought to do the reverse.

*

I have accumulated many good days, good meals, good friends and good times. God is exceedingly kind and He continues to be. I have prayed and I am hopeful that 2012 will continue to be a year of His good favour with me.

Yet if I become poor or sick or hungry, may I turn and say that He is not kind or good? In 2012, how to walk if not crawl, is to have the Word as our constant companion.

Week 52

2011-12-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

I am proud of my humility. I want to shout to everyone that I am humble and that there must be some credit given to me, because I am able to concede I am so.

My pride has swelled and returned to getting in the way. I did put it to death, but now I have resurrected the old nature and given it a small steady diet to live on. My pride magnifies me and steals glory from God's grace. That all the good things received were hard-fought and taken by my own person instead of given out of lovingkindness from Him.

Sometimes when we give thanks for a meal, especially one we make ourselves, we may think: why are we thanking Him when we have made it? But we need to go back and think, Who managed the conditions for the crops to grow? Who permitted the farmer's industry to reap produce? Who caused the seeds and the creatures to grow?

Everything on this good earth reflect God's sovereignty and His providence. If we do not acknowledge Him or give thanks, we are ungrateful.

I am borrowing words from Leonard Ravenhill: Isn't it amazing that God gives breath to a man who is going to blaspheme (curse) Him all day?

We are ungrateful most times. When we thank Him, it seems that those times are aberrations- exceptions.

*

I have not written because I have not had concrete reflections, or the time to represent them here. I have given a lot of time, mind and heart to my new relationship, which I do not regret in the least, but I have displaced my First Love with my new sweetheart in many ways and times. My relationship with my Father cannot be overtaken by any other, though it is easier/ convenient to relate someone who is corporeal and very near.

At work and all through life, a challenge is this: to be honourable men even when nobody sees.
With minimal supervision, we must still strive to be blameless and upright.

This world has so much stimulus! It recommends, and inflames us with lustful desires, envy, and unclean appetites. The world environment, culture is hostile. It does not permit holiness. TV, advertisements arouse our lust and whet our appetites for violence and other dark things.

What is my defense against sin, trials, temptations? Only the powerful Word of God.

In self-reflection, I am surprised at how I can hate a man in a matter of minutes! It is so easy and so natural to hate and to harm. Not even with weapons, but with harsh words. We need to put our hearts right and ask for Him to shed His love abroad in our hearts by His Holy Spirit.

May we relate to the world with clean hands, and to God with pure hearts.

*

I am not persistent in prayer. I presume that having addressed it once or twice, it has been taken up for action by Him and that I can ease off. It is recommended to pray without ceasing and I have not been able to keep at this.

I am pessimistic about people and the quality of their profession of faith, and the activities of Church communities. But I am so hopeful that those who belong to Christ and are assured in Christ will be secure in His love and grace. That their endeavours are sanctioned and helped by Him, and not vain human efforts to move people.

I hold on to this,

Titus 2

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.¹² It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, ¹³ while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, ¹⁴ who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

-What His grace offers and how it transforms us, and what we are all waiting expectantly for.

Next post will be a close, to record, what I have learnt, how I have been blessed, and who have helped me in all ways of my living this year in 2011.

Ravenhill said this: Are you wiser in God (now) than you were last year this time? Peter says we are to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Where may I say that, yes I have!

The awkward merger between Soldier and Student

2011-12-05T21:58:00.001+08:00

I returned to the use of my old Nokia phone today, because the new red one that cost me $65 was a useless blend of plastic and unknown substances that could not make audible phone calls.

It was good, because it was a reminder of where I was in August and it preserved the numbers of important friends from before NTU and during Army. I also made several short reflections in the saved messages, while I had not grown sensitive to the power of the Blackberry:

- I am looking for someone to share a life with, raise children and worship God together.

- Why do we read the Old Testament? Because the LORD our God is the same yesterday, today(and forever). How He deals with men is always out of His righteous justice, love, mercy and kindness.

-Flew over Greece, Lebanon, the mountains, Naples and other landforms, over oceans and all.
(while en-route to Rome, Italy)

And today, I met a new person who was neither a commando nor a commander, but a private soldier and he was so arrogant and severely deficient in the department of respect; for even the seasoned Warrant Officers and the Officers. I suspect S3 picked on him because of his irreverential posture.

My thoughts were these: is there a need to compete egos with proud people? What is the basis of his constructed ego? Is it competence, popularity or public affirmation?

Pride or the lack of humility is mostly ignorance. One does not know his proper place relative to his seniors, his betters, and his elders and while having a false view of himself, behaves as if the rest are beneath him.

We are a generation who lack respect for those who are our elders, our peers and those who are placed socially lower than us.

My baptism was not spectacular nor especially special. It was a necessary obedience. But it was significant, and according to my mother, it was "irreversible" and that I could not offer incense to my grandparents later in time. I believe she had more to say and mourn about, but they will come later, when she can find the words to say.

Like Jimmy says, sometimes non-believers have a better sense of how significant something like this is. I was not expecting a party or a swarm of well-wishers. But I was glad to have my OCS buddy Ahbi, my spiritual brother Jeremy Loh and my elder brothers in faith, Tze Liang and Daniel Lim come to the service.

I'm really glad Jeremy took a good HD video, that I could re-visit in later years to see the amazing growth in Christ since Dec 2011 and give thanks appropriately. Tze Liang and Daniel were good Christian brothers when I was in the BB that showed me the amount of patience, kindness and gentleness a man can have, learning in the pattern of Christ.

My aunt and cousins and my sisters came as well. It was a good time to be with family, and we had many laughs after at the Soup Spoon, especially now that we were more grown up and understood humour better. We talked about forming committees in the family for feasts, and taking over the decision making for birthdays and mothers' day. I think these days will come soon. Leticia and co. helped me pick out cards that I would use to write to friends.

I really appreciate the good gifts that add to my Christian library and how my cell mates came to the later service out of their usual schedule. I am glad we may fellowship and grow together. It was a good day and I realized that it was the proper timing and proper place to be baptized. To wait no more, but be baptized!

In so many ways, I do not expect God to help me. And this way, I forget He cares, and undermines His deep love for me. There is a need to remember He loves us and that we are now worthy because He has loved us. The Lord is my first love and I must return to Him, and remain with Him.

Lastly, I was also dreaming of the disconnected future and succumbed to imagining events that were not due for a long time. Today, I could almost hear the Lord say, "these things I am preparing for you. You must not think about them before time".

I need to learn to obey and ask for His help in so many ways. Although many times I am so unwilling to pray, I know enough that so many (all) things are subject to Him and I must recognize and plead for His grace. I also know that prayer has the power to bring about change.
So we must pray.

2011-12-03T16:46:00.001+08:00

Stole some time to write before I would get ready to leave the house and go for part 2 of the wedding at Four Seasons Hotel's Ballroom.

This is the most happening week in a long time - reporting back to the army, a wedding and my baptism make up one weekend. I do not have time to see the people I love, and for long also because I have been claimed by so many engagements.

I still have to adapt to this foreign pace of things and spend time with the parents, with my brothers in the faith and with Agnes. It does not help that my phone is going to become a dummy phone with no internet capabilities. On that the day in Singtel when I settled for a Blackberry Bold with camera, I suspected I'd feel the backlash on some day. That day is here.

I came across the tagline multiple times, "live fast, die young".
It sounds cool, detached and uninterested. However it is a terrible carelessness and captures the irresponsible living of people who use this as their maxim.

Often, they live to please their own persons and they leave out God. Our lives are not lived for ourselves and our individual pleasures. We live with others, and we live lives before God. We are accountable for how we have lived, why we have lived and if we have known Him and walked in His ways.

Daily, I need to reconfigure my entire person - Who to hope in and what to hope for? Only good things or to continue in Him?

"Am I doing well" - I find it hard to answer this question. There are so many parts of me that are inconsistent and to correctly represent where I am in all these parts is difficult. I am teetering on the edge of sickness, I am hardly mentally sharp and I am not as in shape as I would like.
I am vulnerable to weakness, temptation of all forms and mild depression. But in my living, I have His grace with gives me the ability to go on, because His grace enables me to stand and stand against all these parts that bog me down.

I will do better, because He is still at work to make me like Him. Although it takes time to get to completion or anywhere near.

On the Cusp of Soldierhood Again

2011-12-01T21:08:00.001+08:00

I am on the other side of time, looking back on the past November and it is clearer that God is good and closely present in all parts of my life.

I am returning back to service, and comparing with when I was leaving, I'm returning to the army so much better off! I did not imagine that I would return with someone special in my heart and that I would do so much better in His grace.

Ikea Wednesday was a simple and sweet outing, and it was unexpected that I actually ended up doing the bulk of the buying. Things that were good and cheap could not be let off! Wednesday was a good food day, and I managed to eat a great deal. There were so much good food that had to be savoured, and at her place, we were blessed with a steamboat dinner. It was time well spent, and with a very excellent group of people, and of course, a single delightful person.

Meeting her parents was not easy, but very important. We are not in a secret relationship, and we need to be accountable to those that love us. It was necessary for me to meet with her father and share with him my faith and my life. It is good to be in a proper, official relationship where her parents are involved and they approve. I am not to enter into a close relationship with someone's daughter without letting him know. But now, we have their parents praying for us, and looking out for us. This is a good and safe way to go.

I think He brought us together certainly not only for our individual joy and pleasures. We are to grow in love and faith, and edify others. We are members of the body of Christ, and we are not the only members.

We are to come together and honour God, and we should seek that God will continue to confirm that this is His will that we join together not casually, but with stronger and stronger commitment to each other. There is a need to be careful, because we see that it can be exceedingly good if we obey Him.

There is timely goodness in store for both of us.

After the exams, a man needs to take a good look at himself. We must be capable of reflection and self-examination. Paying attention and writing notes helped seal the lessons into memory, and revisiting them helped build more onto the roots for recall.

I must not squander free periods, recess week and the weekends. There are a few good work habits that must be cultivated. Books not read, lessons placed aside and hasty revision instead of gradual increment of knowledge were the methods I resorted do this time. They likely will not reap good rewards. Thankfully the small measure of consistent class-attending helped. I will still be able to keep the head above the water.

I understood that Pride coerces me to act hastily, in a showy kind of way. At my last paper, I finished quickly and was able to astound others by leaving the exam venue with a swagger. Modern contemporaries call it 'like a boss'. While I was pleased that I did well, it was illuminating to understand more of my own proud person, and how it is so deeply a part of me - I must do well, and I must have others see.

We need to grow in our relationship with our Father. I am not just a child asking my Father for gifts on His lap; I am to grow into a son and a man who obeys His Father and pleases Him.

In praying: If I had not spoken to Him regularly, it will be awkward for me to address Him, to find the words to say to Him.

There is a lack of effective Christian men in the church. What does God do when this happens?
He raises men up. Hopefully, we are counted among those He is calling and preparing for His use.

In all, this year and semester has been truly and thoroughly blessed, in ways I did not expect. I do not see what is ahead, but if I follow Him, I have security. Even if life lived is hard and unpleasant.

I belong to Christ, I am to be more and more His. God's grace given to us has us live and respond differently, passionately and reverentially to Him. We must not resist Him in any way.

2011-11-18T01:05:00.001+08:00

Two Hearts Meeting.

2011-11-17T11:49:00.001+08:00

Who can discern what is the Lord preparing for each of us.
But it is goodness not according to our human proportions, for we have shallow vision and petty preferences that do not fit in with His good design.

Looking back at the journals of the past months to recapture the lessons learnt in spiritual and academic ways, I saw that in September 5 I wrote this:

Somebody who is spiritually alive - I am looking for her.

I had come to terms with suspending my searching and looking and began to be content with waiting for Lord's preparation of two of His beloved to meet in His correct time. I also found that there was a need for me to prepare to be the Christian young man and the husband that I would eventually be.

There is no time to loaf around to wait for things to happen before preparation is done. Once we are sensible of our desires, we must begin to cooperate with Him in preparing us. Maturity does not happen instantly. It must be cultivated.

The sense of how we were prepared through our years of life to meet is overwhelming. If I had not grown concerned on the severity of what it means and takes to be the head of a household who serves the Lord, I would have been slack and not begun to deepen my faith.

The Lord has tempered me and mellowed me; He has taken an active involvement in my growth.
I am truly glad that it was the Word of God that brought us to a knowledge of the other.
And that now we are learning to cherish and love each other. It is so comforting that we mean to love each other past the outward, and instead in the entirety of who the other is.
To say to the other, whatever you are, I will love, this is the commitment that it should be.

And it will not be that we give our hearts to one another, but that we join them, and have our Father weave them together. We then give our hearts that are in the same frequency over to Him. We seek Him with our whole hearts and we may find Him. He is our hearts' desire and our soul's rest.

Psalm 42

2011-11-14T21:45:00.001+08:00

¹¹ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
   Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise him,
   my Savior and my God.

2011-11-14T00:00:00.001+08:00

In the spirit of giving thanks, I now see how He has worked to change my perception, my nature and my very person. It has always been Christ perfecting me. How He healed, taught and established me in faith. What makes me good, valuable or likable is not my fitness, my intelligence, but how much of Christ is in me, and how much I am in Him.

There are times I grow weary and impatient in loving people. The act of kindness is still administered but the heart is changed. Sometimes, I revert back to the harsh and cynical person who distrusts sinful people, and cling on to their weaknesses to despise them.
I do not want to be nice to all peoples.

But I am called to love people and I am called to trust in my God.

Sometimes I lose my passion for the Word. I do not want to go near it, and experience the truths that are contained in it. But I have learnt how we feel about His Word is a good indication of our spiritual condition.

His Spirit will pour out love into our hearts, so we may do this unnatural behaviour of loving those who ordinarily would have never mattered to us. He will add strength to us.

Romans 5
¹ Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

This period of lowness makes me uncomfortable, but also glad, to remember that I am still very far off from being the man He means me to be, so I may not be too proud.

Remembering a Friend

Today, I was moved to remember Roland. In the morning I remembered that I had not seen him for a long time since his house blessing and baby shower and thought I should pray and get in touch with him. I stored the thought and went about my business.

At church today, in the queue to receive prayer, I was staring at the worship team and suddenly was struck that the brand of the amplifier for the instruments was "ROLAND". I froze in queue for a while and the lady usher had to tap me. It became very clear that I was to remember this brother in prayer and in person.

After a swift run in the late evening, I had several thoughts after I concluded the loop. It is very good to have the mind trying to keep up with the body, and the air was pretty good at this time.
I am much less in good physical condition than in early July.
But I still am not too bugged by this, because previously I did good mostly at nothing but exercise.

To be fit and godless or fat and faithful?
To have strong flesh and weak spirit or strong spirit and weak flesh?

Which is the better choice is very clear, although this is not a premise for laziness.

*

Sometimes, I realize we believe what we want to believe and so deceive ourselves.
We need to learn to tell what is truth and invest everything in it.

It is exceedingly good to exclusively belong to somebody.

The Season of Blessing.

2011-11-11T12:41:00.001+08:00

This is a season of blessing, but as His people, we must not be unwise but instead move into a preparation for the things to come. We are not uninformed of the days ahead, where there will be dark and difficult times.

What lessons the Lord uses to shape our person, we must learn. We are meant to be complete in Christ.

So God's blessing on me is not complete - I may not break away from Him.

*

Yesterday's fellowship was a good instance of how God gathers His people together. We had started out with 3 men who only looked to encourage and strengthen each other in our faith. The later additions were a pleasant surprise that greatly encouraged us. We did not anticipate having sisters in our group and were only looking to build the men up in faith.

Wei Qiang had heard of our gathering and was eager to join with fellow believers.

Phoebe grew aware of our gathering when I went late from our fellowship to a committee meeting and she later asked to join us. She brought 2 friends along afterward.

Terence was led to our group by the singing that we had only began to incorporate into our meeting on his way back from dinner yesterday. He shared that he realized he was led to a group of worshippers by God seeing that he was not walking so closely with Him. It was the first time everyone turned up, and although it was 8 people, bringing people together is not something a single person can do.

There are no coincidences because God is sovereign and God is powerful. While men act out of self-interest, He acts out of His love and His righteousness. So we were gathered to share, learn and pray.

When it came to sharing, I realized that my study of the Word this week was not in depth, because I was invested in the essays that occupied so much of my reading and writing.

I had only read Exodus 34, and I was wary that sharing on the character of God in the Old Testament could affect the understanding of God for believers younger in the faith.

But what I managed to share, I believe was not scripted or prepared, but prompted.

Why I shared from the Old Testament, because God is unchanging and he is the same. He was, He is, and He is to come. (NIV Bible, Revelations 4:8)

This was a point where Moses was leading the nation of Israel and in close relationship with God. And he had asked God to show him His glory.

Exodus 33

¹⁹ And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. ²⁰But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”

Exodus 34
⁵ Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. ⁶ And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.”

Moses' response was in verse 8.

Exodus 34

⁸ Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped.

He is the same God, yet unlike Moses we do not know to go to Him in meekness and humility - we miss out this reverence for God, and seeing His high standards of holiness and purity that we cannot meet. He is compassionate, desiring and delighting to give grace and show mercy, slow to anger, and abounding in love and faithfulness, loving and forgiving.

The use of the word 'yet', also means that at the same time, there is no compromise between His kindness shown to all men, as well as His righteousness. Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? (NIV Bible, Genesis 18:25)

God will not leave the wicked unpunished, because He is a righteous Judge. While He loves and shows kindness, He will deal with wickedness and with wicked people. We were previously in this category.

His love motivated Him to work salvation with His right arm and Christ Jesus provided the full payment for us who now profess and live in faith and hope in Him. Therefore we must be careful to understand God's holiness and how much and how often we go the other way in sin.

So we must repent and confess so that we may be washed clean by Christ. He who conceals their sin does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. (NIV Bible, Proverbs 28:13)
Any small stain will not do, we must deal with our sin, bringing them before God.

My sharing point (thesis) was that, we often have an improper view of God, and thus we have an inaccurate view of our own standing in relation to Him. This affects our reverence and awe for Him, and causes us to feel comfortable that we are soon measuring up to His standards. We do not fear Him as we should. We must desire more, to be clean and like Him.

We need to know Him so we may love Him and live worthily to please Him.
Where we have a proper view of God and a view of ourselves, we may know how much we need Him.

*

There is a need for me to understand what gifts do I have, so that I may function optimally where He has designed me to. It seems that whatever small gifts they may be, they are to do with learning and sharing His Word. However, I cannot be effective without having spent time in His presence.

We are a collection of different people who have been called by Him.
There are differences that only God can reconcile - He mediates between men. But Christ has mediated between us and the Father.

Can any man be fully right? And yet we do not follow men; we follow Christ.

May all believers love and protect one another. Will the sheep be in disunity? They are not, because they follow the same Shepherd, along the same way.

I am not the picture of spiritual health, but His Spirit is at work in me to clean and teach me.
I write, in addition to flaunt my depth in Scripture, also to note the events in this time that are important to me and also to edify others who may read.

I am deeply entrenched in His Grace. This is a good place to be.

Works Cited

Holy Bible, New International Version. East Brunswick NJ:International Bible Society, 1984. Print.

Anne Bradstreet

2011-11-10T01:40:00.003+08:00

By Night when Others Soundly Slept

By night when others soundly slept
And hath at once both ease and Rest,
My waking eyes were open kept
And so to lie I found it best.

I sought him whom my Soul did Love,
With tears I sought him earnestly.
He bow'd his ear down from Above.
In vain I did not seek or cry.

My hungry Soul he fill'd with Good;
He in his Bottle put my tears,
My smarting wounds washt in his blood,
And banisht thence my Doubts and fears.

What to my Saviour shall I give
Who freely hath done this for me?
I'll serve him here whilst I shall live
And Love him to Eternity.

2011-11-09T13:02:00.000+08:00

How may one begin to speak of the goodness and the blessings the Lord has for him? I did not expect my God to bring a girl as precious as this along at this point in time. I had not thought of myself as ready or mature, but it seems that I have been prepared for her through this time.

We must remember to be careful and to honour Him, even as we spend time together, for He is the One who weaves lives together best. We must also be careful to not take our eyes off the Lord and only look to each other, for it would grieve Him. We must all eagerly desire God's goodness for us, and trust in His deep, everlasting love for us, and concern for us.

Now I go into the time of learning to treasure, cherish and protect a sister and a daughter of our Father.

*

Over the Public Holiday, I teamed up with Zicong at the gym, and it was very good to have reunited to exercise, and see how each other has grown in the Lord over the past 3 years.

He asked me a question over lunch, on whether I was for evangelism and if I found it difficult to bring people to church.

I told him I didn't like what was being done by those who do evangelism this way, because in doing this they were selling church culture and not the Gospel.

And the church of today is far below the Biblical standard, almost powerless, and heavily impacted by the world's culture. We need to examine the state of the Christian church today, and compare it with the New Testament. Where is the power of the church to impact the community? Where is the power of the Spirit?

We must not be in a hurry to catch people. The Spirit of God is the one who prepares human hearts for the Word of God to be seeded and grown. If we move ahead of time and without wrestling in prayer, and without His Spirit, we will hinder the person.

I think our method should first be to live out the Gospel, preach the Gospel and pray. We need to disciple others.

How much of the Gospel of Christ have we really heard, and how much of the Person of Christ and the character of God do we know.

Bringing people into buildings to sit under the pulpit is of little use, if they are not hearing the gospel and seeing the power of God move in human lives.

What do we use to draw people in? Music, dancing, excitement or the Gospel?
If we give everything other than the Gospel, we are misrepresenting our Christ, for this is the only thing that is of importance. Men come to hear and know the way to be saved.

The disciples of Christ are characterized by our love for one another. It is a different and higher kind of love, that not all of us may have the strength to show. The church community needs to love all its members and practice this broad love on others who are beginning to hunger for truth. There is a need for pliable men who are submissive to God, whose lives become evidences of God's work.

People who come with improper expectations are turned away, but those who come with the genuine thirst that our God and Saviour came to satisfy will also be disappointed and go away thirsty, with no solution to their soul's panting.

We must be careful for we are dealing with human souls that He loves very much. We are accountable to Him for how we build up His people or damage the faith of others and stunt their growth.

For those brothers and sisters who are excited at the goodness of God, instead go into the Word and root yourself in truth and pray for understanding of His message of salvation, that Christ worked to bring to the world, and was promised to Abraham so long ago.

Loving Those Who Resist

2011-11-05T11:50:00.000+08:00

My week is always a comparison between God's faithfulness and how I reciprocate His love for me with my faithful obedience. How much of my heart I give over to Him, and how much do I compartmentalize and reserve for myself?

Happiness or Joy?

I do not know any person who is happy all the time. There are moments of depression that I will fall into, but the good thing is that I will not be in it for too long. I am not allowed it seems, to be sorrowful for long before my great Comforter will soon restore to me the comfort that was promised me.

Who may comfort my troubled spirit?

God will comfort me; this is His Character. My Father loves me and He is also the God of all Comfort. He made me, and He knows what beverage I need for my thirst.

It is also wise to note that I have observed that Happiness is a feeling, whereas Joy is a state.

And we know how short-lived feelings are.

Grace

Building relationships takes a lot of grace. Do I have so much?

Yet I am charged to love and to be gracious, because I have known His Grace and His love. We are in the business of imitating, becoming more like Christ Jesus, so we give grace to others and love them.

Who truly understands grace? Only the greatest sinner who has received full pardon. Paul the Apostle considered himself in this category.

Who validates me? Not men, but my God and Saviour Jesus Christ.

1 Timothy 1:15-16

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁵ Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶ But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

One who is aghast at the horror of his vile sins will then understand the full measure of the pardon and appreciate the grace and hope held out for him. If I may be forgiven for these great sins, I may be confident that the One who forgave me loves me beyond my state, and my present condition.

Luke 7:46-48

New International Version (NIV)

⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
⁴⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

I think that the casual and unappreciative way Christians speak about grace shows a great lack of knowing what it is.

Grace is neither abetment nor endorsement. Grace frees and Grace empowers one for Holy living. If we truly know Grace and see the heart behind it, we will want to remain in this love and goodness and never depart into unacceptable ways again. Grace results in the ability to forgive.

I think we are vengeful creatures who long to visit others who have harmed us with malice also. But in Christ, we are a new creation, and have His Spirit to help us.

Resolution,
I am to imitate Christ, to forgive and to love those who have not loved Him and have not loved me also. And so I will-I must, and He will pour out the strength and the love to cultivate this foreign nature that was never mine or a part of me in the first place. This love has always been from Him.

Journaling

I do not talk about my feelings. I have only talked about my thoughts.
While I cannot remember who said this, I think it is very true-"If I should die before I wake, throw my journal in the lake."

I still want to be honest in my journal, at least for a while more, and gaining access to my writings is gaining understanding of how my mind works, how my heart feels, the contents of my soul and how my spirit is. Sharing this with another is deeply intimate, and it must be done with wisdom.

Prayer

I actually heard the most encouraging thing last evening from my non-believing buddy.
He said he knew if I were angry, I would pray one, adding a "I know him very well".
I wonder if he sees that prayer is not just self-talk, but transformative.
It is also a reminder of how dependent I am, and I must be, on prayer.

Two threads of thought came to me last night before I fell asleep:

"Of one thing I may be confident of and in, even if all else falls apart, that He has loved me with an everlasting love, and His everlasting love moves Him to care for me in every way. Who may know how dearly beloved we are to Him."

And because I know the above, I could say:

"There is nothing left to say other than 'Amen' and to go sleep."

I am not a holy man, who is so close to God that I now have an elevated standing. Rather, I am one who is conscious of Him and His standards and of how I fall short all the time. But I also am conscious of His love and His goodness and the hope held out for me. Therefore, I may live with confidence that He will be with me.

It had been said, in the last part of Isaiah 49:23, that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed. Our hope is based on the Character of our God who is unchanging, whose love for us endures forever.

Abiding in Him

2011-10-31T21:55:00.000+08:00

Prayer takes time, yes. But time spent praying is never in vain, for He hears and He desires us all to go near to Him. However, we ourselves must choose it.

How We Know Our Thirst?

We need to go to Christ daily for our drink of living water, for although we may be filled with His Spirit, like D. L. Moody had said, we leak.

How do we know we are in need of this? I learnt that how we feel about His Word is a good indicator of the temperature of our hearts, be it hot or cold.

Do we desire with eagerness to discover and rediscover the blessings and truths in His Word or we are
content to go on without engaging it daily?

*

There was a need to realign myself even more fully with Him, for I tend to go the other way. So many way I fight His sovereignty and dispute with Him on what is best for me. He works in love; I deal with sinful appetites.

We may trust Him, for His character is unchanging. He is good, His love endures forever, He is holy, and He is true to His Word. Our hope and trust belongs with Him.

In rare blessed moments of sobriety, I feel even more strongly that we are only children and we do not know what is good for us.

But I am sure God prospers His people who are faithful and obedient in more ways than they know it.
We must be sure to be those who are faithful and obedient.

Where We Stand?

Only in Christ do we have firm footing. All else is shifting sand and loose ground.

To remain in Christ, in His love, we must love and obey Him. The Kingdom has no place for idle sluggards who recline and do nothing to magnify Christ in their daily living.

The King and God over all the heavens and earth will not be content with being quartered in a portion of the heart or mind.

Change Is For Sure

The Gospel of Christ, the Spirit has transforming power. It has a tendency of changing lives wherever it touches. Those changed by the Spirit become less worldly, less enamored with the appeal of the things of the earth and now have more capacity for the things of God.

They have more appetite for His Word, for prayer and for godliness.

We know if Christ is to come in and dwell in the temple that is our body, He will most surely rearrange the temple and drive out all the things that do not belong. Luke 19: 45-46, Matthew 21:12-13.

That is the pattern of how He works. He works to clean us and to perfect us, because we are now dearly His.

If you say you have known His Spirit, but you remain the same, and have not been transformed, your position is dangerous. The Spirit is a Spirit of Power; He will not be idle and He will not rest for His work is to glorify God in your person and in your life. This change must, and this change will take place!

Will God not come to the rescue of those who recognize they are in danger and in need of Him?

Cry out to Him in prayer. Immerse yourself in the Scriptures and seek Him in prayer. Ask of Him and ask in the Name of Christ. God has graced us with a way through to Him, in Christ Jesus.

John 14:6

⁶Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

It is not that I have taken hold of the full truth, but I have been graced with knowledge that was not always mine. I am definitely proud that I may know these things, but if we look at Him who is the author and perfecter of our faith, we may lose such an inaccurately high view of ourselves.

I do not see beyond the months of December and January, but my God does.

Evening Conversations

2011-10-30T20:47:00.000+08:00

SL: Eh.You think that us Asians have difficulty expressing emotions?

EL: No.

SL: I mean like telling our parents we love them and the like. Can you do it?

EL: No. Maybe it's got to do with how they beat the hell out of us last time.

Widespread laughter and high-fives.

2011-10-30T18:44:00.001+08:00

Maybe my being conscious of readership causes me to write differently.

I have been told that I am extremely Chinese, and it is only after I think about it that I realize that I am an awkward splice of the Occidental and the Oriental. But this is something that is precious and not about to change. My grandfather though is very pleased my sisters and I are bilingual this way.

*

Today, I attended the final session of the Baptism Course at my church, and my friends at cell Terence and Hui Leng were surprised to realize that 5 weeks had passed just like this. If I were to lean back and cruise some more, I would be well into November and into a right state of panic.

I cannot be so proud as to say that I had learnt everything I heard through the course. They brought us, over the course of 5 weeks, from the Character of God, to the Person of Christ, to the Work of Christ, and on the necessity of Missions, and the Last Things at the End.

What I knew before was refined and sharpened, and I now also may be able to guide young believers and new believers into the fundamentals of faith.

It took some humility that was not there to begin with to sit under the powerpoint slides and be treated as if my I had no idea what my faith was about. I reminded myself to submit and not to stumble newer believers who were new to the Word.

I also had to resist flashing my heavily annotated Bible which Agnes Lee had said it looked like it was "dipped in highlighter". It would have so easy to let others see that hey, this young man sitting over here knows the Scriptures very well. This would be spiritual intimidation, which I am guilty of often, likely even at this very moment.

But going through the structured and formal lessons also showed me how good the Lord was to me, having built my understanding and knowledge of His Word without the benefit of formal instruction like others who had a home church.

It also showed me that there were plenty of gaps in my Theology that I had not tended to. What is my position on the sequence of events leading to the end of the Church Age, the "Rapture" and the Millennial Reign of Christ? I have not studied this and I also cannot say it will not matter to me. It details my hope of what is to come. But the Spirit will give understanding when we study the Scriptures.

We may not understand the Word of God without His Spirit. His Spirit is a Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, of counsel and of might, and of the knowledge and fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11: 2.

*

Sometimes I find myself thinking that I have already matured and sin minimally now. If I believe this, I believe a lie. I walk and live among people who do not know and have not known the Light of the World. I think and talk as one who loves darkness.

I am often charmed by the world and what she offers-vain things that have no reverence for a holy God. What desires and habits do they encourage? Vanity, Pride, Promiscuity, Lust and varying standards of immorality.

Do these ventures and things and activities honour God, or celebrate the individual who seems to stand 'strong' on his own apart from God?

We are guilty of minimizing Christ and exalting our self-interests above His purposes. We only chime in with the plans that serve/please us best.

There is 1 John 1:8 to remember, that "if we claim to be without sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us". God is holy and He is coming for a holy people who have kept themselves in purity. It is presumptuous of me to think that I have reached His standards.
Thankfully, He has promised to cleanse us.

*

Sermon today was on Caleb's 45 year long wait for God to fulfill the promise of given to him the land that was pledged to him by Moses in Numbers. He received his allotment in Joshua 14.

He was commended as a man who followed after God wholeheartedly, even while he waited a long time.

Compared to him, we have no capacity or tolerance for waiting.

"Waiting is one of God's most powerful tools of grace. It's important to realize in your ministry that God doesn't just give us grace for the wait. The wait itself is a gift of grace. You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait. Waiting is about what you will become as you wait.

In calling us to wait, God is even rescuing those of us in ministry from our bondage to our own plan, our own wisdom, our own power, our own control. In calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater allegiance to his kingdom of glory and grace. Waiting is more than being patient as situations and other people change. Waiting is about understanding that you and I desperately need to change, and that waiting is a powerful tool of personal change. God is using the grace of waiting to change us at the causal core of our personhood: the heart. Now, in ministry, that's a good thing!"

- Paul Tripp.

Waiting has a transforming effect on our hearts.

I need to gather my whole heart to seek the Lord and thereby I may find Him.
My whole human life ahead of me must be lived for His glory and not my own.

"One life will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last"- I think it was Leonard Ravenhill who said this.

I had been reading A.W. Tozer, who happens to be Ravenhill's good friend.
This is an excerpt from a book by him:

"I once read of a great sculptor whose sculptures were prized by everyone. Someone once asked him the secret of his masterpieces. He said something to the effect, "I just chip away at everything that doesn't belong there." The sculptor looked at the lump of granite or whatever and saw something in it nobody else saw. The genius of his masterpiece was to eliminate everything that did not belong there and allow the vision of that image to appear." Pg 71, A Disruptive Faith

This image we are to reveal is that of Christ.

Last Saturday of October

2011-10-29T22:55:00.002+08:00

Saturday breakfasts are pretty rich in reflection. Receiving understanding of the Word-this is one of the ways I am blessed.

There are only two ways to live really, either by sight or by faith. Most times, we fall back on our sight and our senses and give up the confidence we are supposed to have in our God.

What if I distrust God's plans and seek to claim an inheritance for myself before time?
The Prodigal Son went to his father and asked him for his inheritance before the appointed timing.
It is a rejection of God's planned blessing for us.

We are often willful and always want to turn from Him and go our own way, mostly straightaway into sin.

The Lord has so much good in store for us. I wonder how He felt when I went off on a tangent, towards sin and relationships apart from Him. How grieved He must have been, when I had rejected the blessings He was preparing for me.

I have also been too concerned with my individual future and less with His macro purposes that all our lives are a part of. The need for holiness and preparation of the Church is more urgent.
What part may I/ we play in this?

*

Another thing I wonder, now with more curiosity; how do you weave two persons into one, and two lives into one?

Why also did God not make the woman in the same way as He made man, but took Adam's rib to make a helper for him? Was God not able to form a woman from dust and breathe life into her nostrils also?
Genesis 2:7

I was telling my sister this over dinner: I think it was for us to love our wives as they were as dear as a part of our own body.

If I cannot love my long lost rib as a part of myself, I cannot move on to love others less dear to me in the fulfillment of His command to love my neighbour as myself.

Whenever I see young parents and young children, I wonder when will it be my turn. In evaluating my readiness, I am still not ready no matter how I think of myself, but I will be in time.

In helping my young friends identify a good and suitable partner to raise a family with, I give you this: if she cannot wake up when she should on a normal day basis, you better think twice. If so, you will likely be the one feeding your baby in the middle of the night all the time. While I write for a male audience, but the reverse is also very true.

Motherly traits are a rarity nowadays, because almost nobody is teaching our young women those things in this generation. Raising children is much more important than physical beauty and vanity. But similarly, few men are interested in the former now.

*

In the gym today, one guy came up to me and asked me how I trained my legs (thighs). I was surprised because I was in the middle of my pull-ups and I thought he was asking me where did I get my Vibram Five Finger Shoes. Then I realized he was seeking some tips on how to strengthen his lower body.

I told him to do squats, and he then asked me what could I recommend him to strengthen his ankles.
My previous know-how in the weights room were mostly gone. I was unable to be of much help to him.

All I could tell him was that he could hang around to see because I'd be doing them in a bit.

And I did. Though not as heavy as the picture above.

Squats are important and beneficial for the whole body, because it activates most of the body's biggest muscles. Squatting heavy raises heart rate and the exertion has a huge physiological effect on metabolism and also stimulates the secretion of growth hormone. That's all I can remember.

Now I just think this way: they must be done.

Tan Kah Kee will be gone to Australia for 3 weeks. I wonder who will I be accountable to for my weekly excursions to the weights area. To myself? That would make a decent joke.

*

On Friday, I had tried to capture the combined lessons learnt in the months since I came to university into the newest volume of my journal, but I realized that I could not even finish with August. There was too much in a month to even read, much less capture.

I came to university with the Lord, and reading August reminded me of how He has loved me and guarded me. I need to reflect on where I am in time, and in relation to my God and how I have been within His will and His protection. Or how I have removed myself outside of it.

He has given me brothers to fellowship with, whom we may relate with in honesty, sincerity and in truth. I have found people with whom I could be humble and broken with.

He has taught me to rest in His will and become more certain of His character.
In growing more sensitive to His Spirit, I've been taught the importance and relevance of holiness, of keeping oneself in purity, of being submissive to His will and of His goodness and faithfulness. We know it is worthwhile to retain knowledge of the Lord Romans 1:28,

It is better to have a constant diet of the Word and having spent time in prayer before moving out into the world. So many things we partake of and participate in grieve God's Spirit. What are the things we see and read and find funny, and what do we watch and think about?

Everything marked for righteousness and usefulness is under attack. The enemy aims to paralyze every spiritual man on this earth. He seeks to break off those who enjoy the connection with God's Spirit. If we like what the eyes see and do not discipline where we look, we will likely be led to sin.

Ephesians 5

¹⁵ Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, ¹⁶ making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. ¹⁷ Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. ¹⁸ Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, ¹⁹ speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, ²⁰ always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We must be careful not to slip back into being the natural man who lives by the flesh.
We are to be watchful and prayerful and not fall asleep during our watch.

*

There is a need to strengthen my friends who are believers in school for if they are weaker in faith and their foundation in Christ is not strong, they will be swept away by the world.
The world loves to see Christians fall.
Our cultures have diminished and omitted Christ; they aim to make us godless, Christ-less and faithless.
This has always been the trend.

Lastly, can we believe a mere man's testimony about himself?

I had judged others with standards I myself have pretended to have met.
Sometimes I offend God by making requests and then I do not trust Him to deliver.

I have not learnt to rest in the confidence of my Lord's plans. I am fretful, not faithful.
But thankfully, I may know when the love of the Lord grows cold in my heart and go back to ask Him to pour His love by His Spirit into me.

2011-10-26T17:56:00.003+08:00

His Plan for Me

When I stand at the Judgment Seat of Christ
And He shows me His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been,
Had He had His way; and I see

How I blocked Him here, and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Saviour's eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?

He would have me rich, and I stand here poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace.

Then my desolate heart will well nigh break
With tears that I cannot shed;
I shall cover my face with my empty hands;
I shall bow my uncrowned head.

Lord of the years that are left to me,
I give them to Thy hand;
Take me and break me, mold me to
The pattern Thou hast planned.

Martha Snell Nicholson

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

Waiting for December

2011-10-26T11:27:00.001+08:00

December promises to be a good month.
There is another wedding to be part of, and I will also be baptized.
Finally, the tailor-made No. 1 and the sword in the closet may be used again.

I will soon get to be back in the uniforms, with the old/new sense of purpose and no considerations for academic problems. This is at least for the entire month.

But first, we have to get over the entire November first.

My future is secured in the Lord.

But sometimes when I begin reading a book, I flip to the end to reassure myself that I'm headed towards a happy ending. In this book that matters, we do. There is another wedding to look forward too, and we will this time be part of the Bride, who will be blissful, blessed and filled with overwhelming joy.

It is this eternal joy that He is patiently waiting for and moving towards, and I must learn patience and love for this eternal joy that will never end.

Glen and I were talking, and we agreed it indeed is very human to want the good things now.
But we must instead want the eternal joy He is preparing for us.

Documentation on this blog aids in memory recall, in case I lose all my journals in a fiery accident or when I move house and the box with all these books are lost in transit.

Our Confidence in the Lord

2011-10-24T13:26:00.002+08:00

I have decided to exercise my free will and miss my elective lesson to work on some assignments, and before I go on to them, I have goodness to share, out of my daily living. I also boldly presume there are those who read and really care what I write.

But God can use handkerchiefs touched by His agents to heal, so why may He not use vain English words to draw people to His Word and later the full measure of His love and mercy?

I have greater and greater confidence in the character and nature of my God. He is faithful, He loves me, and I am on His mind. All that I go through is to lead up to my perfection of faith, which is my God's priority for me.

Psalm 8

⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?

⁵ You have made them a little lower than the angels
and crowned them with glory and honor.

We pray because we are sure God hears and we are sure He acts out of love for us. When Christ came to engage men, He was gentle and tender even with the hearts of sinners, teaching and showing them the way to life. If God did not love us, and men were not always on His mind, His own arm would not have worked salvation for Him. Isaiah 59:16

The sinfulness of men would not diminish the holiness and very great glory of the Lord, but out of His very great love for men, He sent the Redeemer to Zion and to those in Jacob who repent of their sins. There is breadth in His redemption plan, and all men may partake in this salvation. Isaiah 59: 20

How I relate to Him, is also important. I have been freed to respond to His love with my love. 1 John 4:19

How do I love Him?

I don't feel the rush of love like one feels in a romance. I cannot see or quantify it, but I see the evidences of my love for Him, just as I see the stronger evidences of His love and care for me.

I know I need Him; I need Him so much that He must walk with me all of my days. I cannot leave Him even for a while. I am compelled to obey Him and I want to always hear from Him. I am conscious of my gratitude for His saving grace on me.

But in my humanness and old nature, I am inconsistent and prone to leaving the very refuge that I should be safe and content under.

Daily, my heart seeks to break out from God's discipline. If I give in just once, I will be undone. But if I keep sight of His goodness, and rest my heart in Him, I will be safe.

If we forget He loves us and He loves us so richly and deeply, we will grow to distrust His blessings for us.

I may not store up for myself goodness and pleasure outside of His will and subsequently, His protection.

Trust in God fully, for He is constant and His measure of deep love for us will never be diminished. He has loved us with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
We cannot comprehend everlasting, but He knows what He is saying exactly, for He is the One who will last forever.

Do not place hope on a mere man for he is liable to change, to sin and to become wayward. He is not consistently faithful. The enemy seeks to turn my eyes, and later my thoughts, and later my heart away from the Lord. He will use all petty means to achieve this, as well as artful schemes. He will not quit until I trip.

But I know my God; He will not let me go easily for He paid a high price for me. In fact, He will not let me go too far before He will come out and seek me. While we are slowly moving back to obedience, He will run to meet us like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son.

2 things give me great encouragement:

-Where does the strength to obey come from?
-Where did my desire to walk right with Him and break out of the momentum of sin come from?

Surely the flesh will not curtail the amount of pleasure it hungers for. Can the flesh make itself respectable and sustain false holiness? Yes, but not for long.

Increase Your Confidence in the Lord!

Who is this strong and mighty God we serve and follow?
Will the Lord fail to protect and provide for those who are His?

I am to be greatly and greatly purified; God is greatly and greatly to be praised.
Where I trust in my God and King, who is a very powerful God and King, I may have joy and peace.
He is a God who makes straight our paths.

To believers and unbelievers alike,

This is a very Song Leng-centred post.

However, God's love for me is not exclusive, it is already given to you. His fixation and His concern for you is not affected by your condition. He was willing to love you at such great cost to Himself. The blessings of His love can be known and lived out.

If you live apart at a distance from Him and refuse to come into His love, you are missing out. While you remain away from Him, He is still loving you at this very moment, for He is your Father, and even if a mother forgets the child she bore, He will never forget you. Isaiah 49: 15

May all come to know the love of Christ, before they deny Him entry into our lives.

Waiting for Deployment.

2011-10-22T11:51:00.003+08:00

The Lord reserves good things for people, I am sure of it. Where there are curses for disobedience there are blessings for obedience.

Therefore we must partner with Him, keeping ourselves in holiness and purity, our bodies, hearts, minds, and Spirit reserved for Him.

Over breakfast, these things came to mind, while I considered how God was working in and on my life these days. Whatever happens to me is meant to build me up in faith. We are to be the living stones in God's house in time to come.

So these were the things that I thought of:

1. What may challenge/ oppose me (my faith) in this 4+4 years?
How may I meet them?

2. What may break or hurt my heart in this period? Death, family tragedy or crisis-
How then will I relate to Him if these happen?

3. How may I be lured away from Him to other relationships, interests or desires?

These 4+4 years will build me in faith for His purposes. Then I can be fully His, being fully deployable by Him, not owing anything to any human authority.

I am convinced that I belong to Him, so this will have bearing on the way I will live. While I know He will seek me out if I falter, it is better to obey now then to be restored years later, and to realize that I failed to obey.

I cannot stain my feet by wandering out in the ways of the unbelieving world and stalling the cleansing that Christ has said He will do for us. Unless He washes us, we will have no part with Him. John 13:8.

It will be necessary to ask ourselves these questions, so we may be prepared to stand stronger and closer in Christ. We are of the generation who may be giants in faith.

I wait as He trains me in manliness, in righteousness, in holiness, so that I may be equipped for the mission that He has assigned to me. And I will not go out alone to do His work. He will be with me.

This is a private reflection that hopefully will strengthen the faith of my brothers and sisters who also call Him Lord and God.

For the Young Man at School

2011-10-18T17:36:00.004+08:00

As usual, I write to edify those who are in the faith, but a huge amount of boasting in my goodness, which is not inherent, takes place. If I censor them, then I am not genuine.

It is very different to have come from the army into university, where I am not only having to deal with young men, but now also young women. It is more complicated and they need more love, tenderness and sensitivity.

With my soldiers, I could be rough, I could be gruff and I could prick their egos and consciences. I could challenge them, and I could make them feel a degree of shame. The objective was to build them up, deflate their ego, increase their self-worth and encourage them to be properly manly.

I remember how they got themselves into situations they were not equipped to deal with. Those were situations I were not equipped to deal with also.

I remember when one of them came up and asked for permission to leave camp, because his pregnant girlfriend was having an abortion. I remember those with family problems and those with drug problems. I remember those who got in trouble with the law.

But I also remember how some of them became more than what they started out as, having learnt obedience, submission and respect for authority. I am always thrilled when they call out to me. It feels good to know that I have done some good with them.

Dealing with young men is a good gift I thought I have; which is why I had put myself on course for more service in the force, to see what other good may I do with the young men of the next few generations.

*

But now, in school, I need to be cautious in a wholly different way. What is the safety distance? What are the steps to take? What can be done, and what may not be done with a girl?

As a non-believer or as one still under the perfecting work of the Spirit, I sought to obtain the approval and adoration of others, and of those of the opposite gender. I behaved in a showy way, and tried to appeal to the flesh, with my nice outward personality. I still do.

There needs to be much more depth to us than what we seem.

Now that I have more female friends, it was time to revisit an old sermon by Paul Washer.

I have shared this with some, but I wonder if they would come to see the richness of this teaching, which Paul Washer gave to Christian young men.

Do we know how to treat a girl with the love of Christ, or bruise her with our insensitivities and our weakness?

We are relating with human beings who love and who hurt, who laugh and who cry.

We young men do not know how to treasure the precious daughter of the Lord, and now I am brought to a realization that I need to accelerate my preparation, in such a setting.

With God's Spirit, I realize a lot of things these days.

I had always thought I was adequate and all set for the next phase, but these months, I have been humbled.

Who and what kind of a person I am looking for to jointly raise and teach children, and to train them in the ways of our Lord? Am I the dependable man who may protect and provide for his family?

And while I withdraw into Him so that I may be taught by His Spirit, there is a worry that I will miss my opportunity. But Paul Washer commented that, "If God is sovereign, you will not miss your opportunity."

Anything I give over to the Lord, I have not lost. If I submit my desires and my person to His hands, I will be moulded by Him.

My mind and eyes cannot yet see the goodness of the Lord's plan. So I wait on Him. What do I know, compared with my God?

In short,

This is a cautionary tale for all that while I remain in the flesh, and have not been perfected, I am weak, fallible. My track record shows a tendency towards sin. Especially if sensuality is involved.

But I have hope of perfection, of love and of grace. Where I continue to walk with Him, I will shed the old self and become the new Man of whom Christ Jesus was the first.

2011-10-18T01:10:00.002+08:00

I write to show off, and my writing reveals a part of my thought life and gives allowances for nosy critics to rummage through. So they get to lament at how clever I am, or trample on my points.
I must get this declaration out of the way.

Paradise Lost

There was tension in my heart during today's lecture with "Paradise Lost" where the professor approached in from a non-believer's perspective. While he demonstrated good knowledge of the faith, and even had read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, he had missed out on the richness of the Gospel because he had come at it from Christ-less point of view.

Were I afraid that there would be anything that would undo my faith? My faith is not so shallow that it can be prised from me by smart-speak of human knowledge.

The mistake made was to bring down God's standards level with our own, and give room for Satan's reasoning. Even in fiction, the character of the Biblical adversary is treacherous and he is the father of lies. In him there is no goodness and he is not trust-worthy in anyway.

But I am to speak as the Spirit leads me, so I would only speak forth if prompted.
My feel was that everyone was missing out on the love and grace of Christ.
When it was said that all were evil and ungodly, several classmates laughed.

We as human beings still remain convinced that we are inherently good, despite history showing that we are a self-destructive people capable of great cruelties and atrocities.

Satan performs the ageless character assassination of God, and we have learnt to do the same.
Satan's beauty and attractiveness however is only a problem for men, who trust in the visual, the seen.

Battle for Custody

It was said that we were caught in the middle in the conflict between God and Satan. We are 'innocent' in this celestial battle for custody.

It could not be farther from the truth. We have aligned ourselves with Satan, and resisted God and His laws and decrees. We do not want His governance, His justice or His sovereignty. Instead, we want to become equal and reason with Him. We believe that we may be able to stand in His presence, justified by our goodness.

However, our darkness will be brought into the bright Light, and all the secret things of our hearts will be laid bare before Him, who is the standard of Righteousness and Goodness. To Him, we must give full account of our activities. Even Satan has to give an account of all his deeds before God. Job 1:6

Our deeds, thoughts and words will be examined for their motivation, content and effect.
Do we not seek to harm others to promote self, do we not disobey?
Do we not enjoy lawlessness with no one to rein us in?
Do we not hate discipline and good honest hard work?
Do we not ill-treat our fellow men?

We are following in the steps of the enemy who has set himself in opposition to God. He is God's enemy and those who have not been saved are still in his camp.

Q: Can God spare us?
A: Not if He is Just. There is a heavy cost for sin.

But they would begin to reason that God loves us, so he would tend to have mercy and forgive us.

But wait.

Are you saying God's love is unjust? That is not the case.

But we are told, why and how God worked to redeem us.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Where May We Have Footing

A "Christian" with no root in the Word and no Spirit woud be flushed away by the theodicies and the human arguments.

I was worried that one who was weak in faith may be shaken by the irreverent questions of men.
If we believe in the supremacy of men rather than the supremacy of God, we will never come around to the truth.

Pray for the ground, which is the heart of the unbelievers. That the heart (soil) will be primed by God's Spirit to be ready to take the seed of God's Word and have it grow into a strong, huge tree of faith that is close by the water.

Psalms 1

¹ Blessed is the one
   who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
   or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
   which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
   whatever they do prospers.

Are We Close-minded?

Dong Lin said that we may have been closed off to other viewpoints, while we stand in our Christianity.
I told him that openness is not a good thing. In the circumstances where moral deterioration is expressed with and using greater freedoms, this openness would be just an openness to sin.
Do not mistake my openness for an openness for immorality. I am open to people.

God's people must keep themselves clean and preserve, reserve themselves, in body, heart, mind, soul and in Spirit for the Bridegroom who is on His way to meet with His Bride.
This Bridegroom is trustworthy, dependable and will fulfill what He has said.
We base our confidence on His love, His character, His spoken Words and promises and His Work completed on the tree.

Pray and Trust
There are so many forces and factors that oppose our faith. We may not fully be able to withstand attacks by men and by the powers of darkness. Like Terence shared, the older you get, the more sense that there is very little you may do by yourself. What we can mostly do is pray.
God has put a hedge around us and our property.

Who may try to damage God's possessions without His permission?

There is a dire need to set aside time each day to spend seeking and finding God, in prayer, finding rest and comfort and renewal in His Word and Spirit. If we do this, we will move in the power of His Spirit.
True Story.

I am overcome by pride most times. Does knowing God longer translates to knowing God better?
Am I always the one whom God has revealed all His secret things to?
It is very clear that this is not the case.

May God work in all our hearts, and prepare us to dwell with and in Him, now and later, forever and ever. Amen.

2011-10-08T21:05:00.001+08:00

May I be enticed to to love anew the vain pleasures of the old life that is in the muddy pit, and re-stain my feet and body that my Lord and Saviour has cleansed with His blood?

The sensible answer is no. But once I lose sight of Him who I am to love and serve, I may be carried away (tied up even) by the desires and impulses I have not guarded myself against. I give in to petty sins that lead me away and away from His discipline, His Spirit and His protection.

How long and how far may I run from His Presence and live apart from Him?
I realize that it is not too long, for I have been branded by Him and I am His possession entirely. He would not abandon me to myself and let me remain where I am.
He will seek me out and chasten me and restore me.

And hope glimmers again in my dark heart, the one that I have darkened myself by withdrawing from the Light of the World. He is the One I am to remain in and with forever.

Though I may be weary and discouraged, the LORD is my LORD, and I will praise His Name and sing of His faithfulness.

He has loved me with an everlasting love.

To whom shall we go, Lord? We believe that You have the words of eternal life.

The Richness of His Word.

2011-09-27T20:28:00.002+08:00

This recess week has begun by a serious study of His Word, because there have been quite many indications leading me to closely study the book of Hebrews in the New Testament.

It is a recognition of a collation of references towards the book, over the weekend that has compelled me to do so.

I have understood that rich understanding and more knowledge will be found if I submit and commence this study.

*

In Hebrews 1, the writer has established the place Jesus Christ, God's Son, above all the angels and all of creation. He is the Object of our worship and praise. He has proper ownership and possession of all things, of everything. He has inherited authority over all things. He is higher than angels, and exalted higher than Satan.

What struck me, was that there was so much coherence and connectivity in all parts of Scripture, that the Psalms, Isaiah, Colossians, the Epistles and the 4 Gospels are in agreement, of the Sonship of Jesus Christ, and His supremacy over all things.

King David understood that the Messiah was to come from his line and be given an unending kingdom. And he recognized that the Messiah was not just a mere man, but he called Him Lord.

In the beginning of Hebrews 2, it is emphasized that where the message carried by angels to God's people are so important that any violation or disobedience will be met with just punishment, it is also emphasized that Jesus is higher and greater than the angels. Therefore His message of Salvation must be taken even more seriously and is to be believed.

In verse 3, it is written: "How shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation?"

Christ Jesus has been approved by and established into His rightful Kingship by His Father and our Father. At Jesus' Baptism and at His Transfiguration, God has declared that Jesus is His Son with His loud voice from Heaven. God is pleased with His Son, and we are to listen to Him.

*

I must not be puffed up by the knowledge and understanding He has given me, but instead, I must grow in love and faithfulness in relation to my Lord and my God.

He is preparing me for His purposes, and may I cooperate with Him as He teaches and changes me.

I write to share the insight given to me, so that we may understand the secret things of God that He has delighted to reveal to us.

-

Sometimes I am concerned over God's selection of my partner for me. I wonder if I would like who she is, or how she is like, and I am worried I may not like who He has chosen. Then, the Spirit reminds me that I have sinned.

How may I distrust God, who out of His wisdom beyond wisdom as made it so that my wife will be one who is prepared by Him.

Are God's gifts and goodness not acceptable by my standards?
Can my standards be higher than God's? Must God meet my human expectations?

I am to look past appearances and love and not doubt the good things He has in store for me, and for her.

Whenever I meet a girl, I cannot help but wonder if they could be the one. Then I remember that I am no longer to be looking for a wife, but instead I am to wait on God for Him to make known and reveal the woman of His choosing to me.

I am then to treat every single girl with the love and tenderness Christ did.

-

There is a tendency for me to boast, even while I share, to make myself seem a better man than I am.
This is a disclaimer that I am not at all good, even though I am one who loves to be adored and admired.

-

May we live in expectation of His coming, and so live differently, with our eyes rested on Him.
May we not rebel but fulfill all the purposes He has for us in this life.
May we love others in accordance with the love He has taught us,
May we submit to Christ for we are His possessions,
May we value the things above than the things below.

To My Wife.

2011-09-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

To the one whom I will love and care for and raise a family with,

I am now, at a time in my life where the Spirit of God has taken hold of me and taught me many things.
He has made me aware of my weakness in the flesh and of the hope held out for me through the work of His Son.

He has cleansed me and given me grace and mercy, which I may stand on.

I have begun to discern that there is richness and security in Him and in His Word, and that those things are not of what we as human beings regard as precious.

I am to become a fully Christian man, who will lead my household in faith and obedience, and teach our children the love and faithfulness of our great God and King.

I am to learn the following and care tenderly for you, lifting our family up to our God.

Ephesians 5

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her ²⁶ to make her holy, cleansing^[b] her by the washing with water through the word, ²⁷ and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ²⁸ In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— ³⁰ for we are members of his body. ³¹ “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”^[c] ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. ³³ However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

May I be made ready for my bride, to love and to cherish you. I am to preserve all of myself, so I may be reserved for you.

God will teach me; He will not let me remain the way I am now. I wait eagerly for Him to lead me to you and eventually, us to Him.

Amen.

Why I write this, aside from showing off, I need some way to express my longing to communicate with the person whom I will join my life and spirit with. Perhaps she will read this and this will be the means that we are brought to each other; perhaps I may show her this when we begin to know one another.
I almost cannot wait for the timely goodness of the Lord to be given to me.

I must move in step with God's rhythm and not run ahead of Him, without His Spirit.

Christian Marriage

2011-09-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

My sister and I differ on many issues and recently we have reached another point where we disagree.
She believes that "there is nothing wrong with homosexuality" and she is all for gay marriage.
She has said that her Christian friends are "okay with it".

This has caused me to think, reflect and consult Scripture.

I woke up today to study Mark 10, where Jesus was teaching on divorce and godly marriage.
I have always heard the argument that He never specifically taught on the issue of homosexuality and he never condemned it as a serious sin.

In our present time, so many people and believers are conditioned into accepting that homosexuality is an expression of identity and self and that it is permissible and there is "nothing wrong with it".

They reject the Pauline epistle to the Romans, where homosexuality is clearly taught to be a sinful state.

Romans 1-

²⁴ Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵ They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
²⁶ Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. ²⁷ In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

We must look to Christ Jesus, who has the highest authority and understanding. We look not to the law receiver, but instead to the Law Giver, where He has defined the structure of a coupling designed by God.

Mark 10-

⁵ “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. ⁶ “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’^[a] ⁷ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,^[b] ⁸ and the two will become one flesh.’^[c]So they are no longer two, but one flesh. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Jesus has left no room for alternate configurations or permutations. We may not innovate or reinvent ourselves any other pairings.

He has established the institution of marriage and godly union and has spoken strictly against any deviation from this structure.

Now then, may we not adhere to God's definition of immorality and sin, but instead "decide" for ourselves?

-

This episode has also led me to see again that our young Christians have almost no depth in Scripture, and in the ways of the Lord. This is extremely worrying, because they have displaced the authority of the revealed Word of God and believed in their own human reasoning and the standards of the world.

There needs to be a return to faithfulness and to become rooted in the Word of God.

We as His people must take on His standards and live out our faith the way He has shown us.

May we seek His face with all our hearts, mind and soul, using all of our strength.
May His Spirit claim us for Him and prepare us for His purposes.

Glory to Christ our Lord.

I do not wish to advertise my blog like I did previously in JC. Who may read this, may they prosper in the only thing that matters, following our God and Saviour.

Whole-heartedness

2011-09-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

This week, I am learning to be more disciplined in work and play, and to give my whole heart to seeking the Lord.

Jeremy (Loh) shared on Jeremiah 29:13 - "You will seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart."

It struck me again that I have compartmentalized my heart, only giving half-hearted devotion and half-hearted effort in seeking Him.

Glen reminded us too, that we are to be students of God's Word. We are Christian first before all else.

I am so grateful and humbled by our fellowship that God has made it possible for us to find each other and then come together to worship and learn of Him through His Word.

I am confident that as we go, God will teach us.

We must build each other up in faith and knowledge and love one another. In our every behaviour, we must be sensitive to other believers. We protect each other in our holy faith so that we grow together in Christ.

The Three Wise Men, only wise because we recognize our need for the Lord.

I am a show-off. So many times I startle myself by the little things that I do to advertise my goodness. I am conscious that I shame others to promote myself. My attitudes and my actions move to intellectually, spiritually and verbally intimidate others. I exalt myself and make myself out to be better than I am. I am not to harm the consciences of those who are weaker in faith.

God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. If I have a full view of myself and of the true condition of my heart and person that is without Christ, I would not think so highly of myself.

This chastens me, that I am on the receiving end of grace and mercy.

I must occupy the lesser position and let others come forth to serve, share and teach. I must fight my nature to centre on myself and instead honour Christ.

I am very excited to meet Christians in school, and I eagerly look to share and discuss our faith. I realize in some cases, there is a sort of dance during our interactions where we try to understand or measure the depth of each other's faith. We try to find out how Christian each other is.

I am glad to meet like-minded young people who are serious about our faith. There are not too many around.

Ordinarily when we meet new people, we typeset each other by outward adornments and physical appearance that is layered with care. But we must be careful to look past the flesh (body) and see the spiritual climate of the heart. Is there any mark of Christ?

This is especially when we are looking at the opposite sex. I believe any woman who loves the Lord is beautiful. But it is not easy to focus on this quality if we only stop at the outward layer. His/ Her relationship with the Lord is the most important.

If we cannot have a proper relationship with our God, all our other relationships will suffer.

It is saddening to also see where there are young, and not so young Christians with little knowledge of the Word, of God's Spirit. They have not felt the importance and difference in spending time in His Presence. Spiritual maturity is found wanting.

We must live out our faith. Our belief in Christ Jesus is not one that is passive, but active and growing.

How deeply rooted is our faith? Or is it just allegiance that may change, just like our political position?

How Christian are we?

I wonder about the future, and I wonder about my place and position then. What would I be doing and what would be the state of my relationship with my God.

I wonder about who would be my wife, and how is the family we have and keep together. I am careful about the girls I meet daily, and to guard myself against losing to physical attraction. It is mostly lust at first sight. How may I love and later grow intimate with person that I have little knowledge of?

I remind myself that I and my future wife will need to raise up children in a Christian household. I may not turn from this important requirement and look to other attributes of appearance or personality.

In this, I hope and pray that I will raise a household that loves and serves the Lord. How many generations after, I do not know, but I pray all of them will.

My children will inherit the best riches of all - my faith in the Lord. The Lord is our best and richest inheritance. Not money or property.

May God's Word and Truth take root in our heart, mind and Spirit. Amen.

Whose Hands Are Those That Made Us

2011-09-15T18:41:00.001+08:00

I saw this off a friend's wall post, and I could not help but comment and also think.

‎"Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution and for life, they weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way for them to get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget God. The stars died so that you could be here today." - Lawrence M. Krauss

This prompted me to find words to represent the hand of God in Creation.

I do not believe we are the product of chance or explosions. Whatever explanation for the beginning of life must also fully account for the details of origin and the meaning to and for, life.

We are too complex and too intelligent and conscious beings to simply burn out like a fuse at the end of our lives. We are a bigger presence than the bodies we have now. We are creative beings that are also emotive and sensitive.

I do not believe that something as fickle and elusive as chance may be able to create landform, water bodies, and make human beings. Are we then the product of chance. And, by any chance, is chance still at work in this world, where more things are coming into being by the providence of chance?
Can we also say we have mastered chance, by the way we have taken control of our lives?

This thread of thought has no firm ground to explain why we are what we are and how we are.

I believe that our very existence and this physical world is too ordered and beautiful to be the work of something other than God.

However we refuse to submit to the idea that there would be someone higher and wiser and more important than our race, who made us. We also refuse to submit to that Someone.

This rebellion is in our nature. Whichever leadership, government does not please or suit us, we overturn and unfollow them. We do not honour or obey any institution that cannot or will not serve and please us.

We are human-centred - we are the highest and smartest beings and we are the most important.

Romans 1 pegs this down, where we refuse to submit, much less honour or obey God.
Can a subject not pay due homage to his King? Will his King suffer this indifference for too long without teaching him to submit, or else remove him from His court?

We as created beings in the image of God, have the gift of creativity and craftsmanship, that we may too fashion things that are beautiful, because that was what He first did with us.

He is the Alpha and the Omega. He was before all things, and He made all things.
He was before us in the beginning, and I believe He will also be there at the end.

Most people dare not be sure, but are non-committal to any divinity, and balk at the idea of submitting to any god. How long more, may we avoid this question?

I am a latecomer to Christ, and I have learnt, but am revising this truth that God is first, He is highest.
How many more will see this also.

Love and Hospitality as our Trademark

2011-09-13T16:55:00.000+08:00

I think that these years in my life are not just a progression into adulthood but also growing into a Christian man.

Therefore I will write about the segments where I grow, tumble and trip and recover, for it will be helpful for me when I reminisce.

Everyday is a struggle to be faithful and to honour Christ.
By my action, speech and treatment of others, I represent Christ.

In one of my texts to Dong Lin, I wrote that Love is a Christian Trademark. Then when Raj came over to my room, I remembered that Hospitality was one of these trademarks we are to exhibit also. I did what I could to welcome him, in my living space.

I am in a season of sickness, because I have not cared well for myself. Does this season have any bearing on how I relate to God? In all occasions and under all conditions, we are to rejoice, give thanks and praise Him. He lives and I have life in Him.

Do I expect and trust God to heal me? I know He can, but do I believe He will heal me?
Can I ask God to fix my body while I harm it by abuse daily?
Yet this is the process of renewal which out of His grace and discretion, He will give. We sin daily and He shows mercy and gives forgiveness where we repent and submit ourselves to His Word.

My sickness reminds me that my flesh is weak. It also chastens me, that my spirit must be strong. In all circumstances and situations, I must pray. I depend on Him and whether He heals me or not, I will wait on Him.

I must exercise my spiritual freedom and new life to obey and not to return to the selfish, unloving and mean-spirited patterns of the old life.

Election

At present, I believe, on the basis of Romans 9 and Isaiah 59 and so many other Scriptures, that it is God's sovereign choice and God Himself who works salvation.

I believe that it is God's mercy and not what we may do on our own that will save us. But it is written that Jesus draws all men to Himself (John 12:32).

John 6:65- He went on to say, "That is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."

John 6:37, 38, 39 - "All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me but raise them up at the last day."

John 10:27,28,29,30 - "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."

Luke 13:24 - He said to them, "Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Once the owner of the house gets up and closes the door, you will stand outside knocking and pleading, 'Sir, open the door for us.'"

1. God draws, enables men to go near to Christ.
2. Christ safe-keeps all who are given over to Him. No one may snatch them from Him; He will lose none of them.
3. Make every effort to enter through the narrow door.

To reconcile all the above, we may not fully understand what is the reach of His reaping. But we may be confident that His love for us is true - genuine and faithful.

Our hearts must not be hard, and our attitude must be reverential. We must submit to God's authority and go to Him meekly. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34; James 4:6).

For our first and foremost sin was that we "neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him" (Romans 1:21). Honour God and His sovereign authority over us.

Pray with precision. We must ask for mercy and ask God to enable us to go to Him and to bring us to a knowledge of Him and His Word.

Go near to Christ Jesus. Let nothing prevent you from doing so.

Insights this week.

2011-09-06T00:25:00.004+08:00

I will use this place for the purposes of putting out whatever insights I have received from the Lord. May the Spirit of God give whoever reads, the mind of Christ that they may understand, receive greater mercy,love and become greatly blessed.

I am a Christian young man and as a man, temptations stalk me, whether I am equipped to stand my ground in Christ or not. Any day, if I had not gone into prayer to be strengthened in God's presence or have read His potent and powerful Word, I would have been undone. If the Spirit did not chasten me, I would not have been able. Praise be to the Lord who covers His people.

I reflected and wrote the following in my journal as a documentation of my confession unto the Lord that,

The lust of the flesh is insipid and virulent. It derails me from the path of holiness, poisons my eyes, mind, heart, and spirit. It leads me to disrespect a woman' body and only to look to vent my desire on another flesh, with no care for the person's emotions, well-being or tender heart. It dishonours Christ, that I sin against Him out of my self-love, which has no kindness, gentleness or compassion, but seeks to harm myself and another person dear and beloved in the Lord's sight.

I had lust in my heart.

In contemplating sin, or going as far as to plan sin, there is no difference. In my mind and heart, I am ready and bent to do evil, having put off any love or kindness for anyone. Now I just lack the occasion.

All day, I am tempted to lie and deal with others indecently, dishonestly.
I look to be adored, praised and honoured by men (and women). This leads me to make a false projection of outward appearance of spiritual health and wealth.

This stains any good thing I try to do, because my compulsions now have no good motive, but instead for trickery and to gather glory for myself.

I have prejudice for others; I despise peoples and I do not let them matter to me. I reserve very little pity for people both near and far away.

I envy others that are ahead of me in the LORD.

I have no strength or ability to make myself conform to any goodness by sheer will.
Thank the Lord Jesus that the Spirit is stronger than flesh, and I do not use flesh to overcome flesh.

After my confession, I feel the flow of the Spirit again.
We as believers are not meant to be crippled by sin, but to move out in the power of the Spirit.

I need to learn to not look at a woman based on form and appearance, or outward things such as "poise", "confidence" or the like, but on qualities of gentleness, compassion, love, patience. These are the fruits of the spirit.

When I look for the woman I am to love and begin a family with, I do not rely on feelings because they are fickle, or emotions for they do not last. My love for her will be, and a constant. If it changes, it will only grow.

I am to learn how to treat her gently and care for her. I am to grow in my knowledge of her, and to be fully committed to loving and pleasing and protecting her. My love for her must be responsible and not just emotive.

We who are His will be taught by His Spirit and we will not, and we cannot remain the same after we have known Him.

May how am I blessed in the Lord, be the same for whoever reads my writing. Amen.

2011-09-01T13:24:00.002+08:00

Coming out of prayer rested and refreshed, I have received many things from the Lord and there has to be a way I put it out to the rest of the world.

Not to forget:

I have a Father in Heaven,

The Spirit lives in me,

Christ died for me.

Therefore, I live in conformity to His Word, by His Spirit, always careful to love and obey.

Having been set free, we now use our spiritual freedom to pursue righteousness and the kingdom of God.

Eternal Security

I have been trying to come to terms with the security that I truly know Christ and I am abiding by the very Spirit He has sent to us.

Yet if I were not born again, would I be conscious or concerned about any of these?

The enemy attacks my surety in Christ and seeks to destabilize my faith and my confidence that I am in Christ.

We, soldiers of Christ must be strong and rich in Scripture, knowing and quoting the words of truth, not letting them depart from us.

In discerning which Spirit I am following after, am I bearing fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control?

Galatians 5: 22-23

Summing Up and Crossing Over

2011-08-06T09:37:00.009+08:00

It is always about the people, the people.

Why I blog - I blog to remember. The things I wrote about from 2007-2009, I remember with accuracy, and in order to try and seize hold of the good things and moments we cannot remain in, I must have a record.

I have closed one chapter of my life, which I did not want to, having spent more than a year on Pulau Tekong, first as a new recruit, and later an Officer, and eventually a Company Commander.

Now I have crossed over into the next phase as an Army Student.

Why I signed on - I like the Army. I feel that what we do is purposeful, fierce and fun. Although administration is dull and I'm not that enthused about it, I have had so good an NS experience and I want more of it, with more new and excellent people.

Leaving Tekong was saddening for me, where I had to say goodbye to a string of people whom I would never know and work in the same intimate manner where we got angry, busy and rejoiced together. I always feel the tears when this happens.

The b/m is an effort to capture the sweetness of the relationships and the closeness of the bonds wrought under the compression of time, stress and unfriendly work demands.

It is also a collection of some of the best people I know.

I spoke with Daniel (Lim) last night, while waiting for the laundry, and it was very heartening for me, where an elder Christian brother spoke to me about this, out of his concern. He thought that it was necessary to speak to me, seeing that my combination of an Army Career and an English Major was uncommon. It is rather rare and non-economical.

But I confided in him, which I had only to few others that I could count with my fingers, that I was more keen on becoming a Bible scholar. As for now, while I am young and fit, I want to become a commander and work with all sorts of men.

For now, I remain a Soldier.

Having gone through orientation, interacting with people and receiving unique treatment, has led me to reflect and look closely at what is the content of my heart and soul. Wild fun, with no end is not my beverage. I feel that having served as the way I did, I'm too grown up for the irresponsible humour that many students subscribe to.

While I was 21, I had taken the role of someone close to 30. It has accelerated my aging and the preoccupations of my mind. I have been caretaker, counselor and parent. How may I put aside the wisdom and sense I learnt.

May a member of the body of Christ behave in a non-decent manner? Can he/she participate in activities that allure the flesh and the desire?

Therefore, it was good that I met Glen from Orion here in BLK 7 in the Hall. Christian brothers stand together. May the LORD's hand be ever on us, as we live in obedience and reverence of Him, even in an environment that buffets us in every way. We are cornered, but not overcome.

I share this post to show my appreciation and open my mind to the people I love and have served with. You are so precious to me, I will bring a piece of all of you with me, from now on wherever I go. I deeply appreciate your support, your effort and your following me, where I have led you. You are the best.

2011-06-12T17:14:00.002+08:00

This is what we must declare anew

Joshua 24: 14-15

¹⁴ “Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. ¹⁵ But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

2011-06-04T23:17:00.003+08:00

Realizations:

It is the broken, weak and poor who have an understanding of our uncleanness and unworthiness and can recognize the depth and breath of God's Love and Grace in His acceptance of us.

What I fix my eyes upon is what I will be filled with. If I allow entrance unclean things to enter into my view, my body and mind will be full of darkness.

Luke 11:34-36

Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy,^[a] your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy,^[b] your body also is full of darkness. ³⁵ See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. ³⁶ Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

It is not okay to be ''away from God for a short while''.

Such a compartmentalization of God's Spirit will leave space for something else to enter.

2011-06-01T17:40:00.002+08:00

We are at the 6-month mark of the year. God is gracious, faithful, good and strongly present.
It is instead how much my heart is receptive to His Spirit.

I have been favoured by Him and people to have completed the following:

1. I have jumped from a plane in the Basic Airborne Course.

2. I was entrusted with the command of a company as Officer Commanding for a short time in M Company, and had a pleasant time working with, and growing the command team and the new soldiers.

3. I have overcome pain to achieve my IPPT GOLD award for this year;

4. I have a new and better boss; and the old derelict one has been removed far away,

5. I finally made several purchases that made it easy for me to upkeep my physical exercise.

This is but a small extent of the goodness I have been graced with. I believe there will be more good out of this year, sweet and bitter experiences to grow my character and faith.
Glory be to Christ, God's Son.

2011-05-17T17:21:00.002+08:00

It took a few ingredients to coax me out of the comfortable setting in my home and onto the road to hit the pavement. Running used to be so natural and easy, but now that I've gained quite a few, it feels hard to move my body through space.

I'd be bold and state that I'm at 79 kilograms and if I do nothing, it will increase, because I love to eat and I naively believe the scant lifting I'm doing will offset the stuff I introduce into my system.

This was about the same weight before I enlisted, but I now feel different. My body works differently too.

I can do more pull-ups, but I run much slower and shorter.

Hence, I put on an OCS singlet, used the earphones that I bought to complement the running habit I'm supposed to cultivate, put on the New Balance shoes that I again bought to sustain the habit and ran.

It helped that I was running to a familiar place (MJC), and I was hoping to gain entry into the track so I could get a drink and also reminisce. I was disappointed.

The OCS shirt made me conscious that I could not look bad, and the presence of strangers multiplied that sense.

Even though it was not as feel good as I would liked, it was a good and beneficial run and I am hungry.

2010 in Review

2011-01-04T22:57:00.002+08:00

If I were to theme this year, it would be the year I became an Officer and my adventures as an one.

I've learnt so many things, tangible and intangible-management, leadership styles, soft skills and parenting most of all.

I've realized that the groups of people that the education system of our competitive community neglect are the ones we must pay attention to; these are the people we must inspire and correct. They will form the most of our work force and they are the numbers that make the most difference.

I also realize that we can never assume that we've assimilated any lessons/knowledge.
We must reinforce whatever we've acquired, or they will fall away from our persons.
Our retention is poor, and the fresh new external stimuli overpowers aged memories.

Whatever you do not upkeep, you lose.
Your faith, your fitness, your sanity. Personal Experience.

Your superiors never want to hear about your limitations. They want a problem-less tour and an everlasting can-do attitude. So, I will just tell them to stop pretending like they actually care about my constraints.

Self-help is the new way forward. Not mutual support, not reinforcement from another sector.

(to be continued)

2010-11-05T22:02:00.003+08:00

This weekend, I have had more time. Not that I utilize it wisely, to either get more rest or to realign myself for the following one, but it allows more time outside of the working environment and better food in both taste, nutrition and variety.

I saw a girl that I was crazy about some years back and it almost did not register that I knew who she was. I recall that I had approached her badly and it's something that on rare occasions that my mind can afford to wander that I remember.

Seeing this instigated me to reflect; (and with a little prompting from Hakim) how am I different now. The reflection is not complete, but I'm raring to show, or re-present the new Man that I hope I am getting to be, to people from my past.

I feel that everybody functions on a squeeze-balls reflex. We only move and work only when our balls are squeezed. There is no longer any initiative or self-motivating.

It's only a line/hierarchy/chain of balls squeezing.

I feel more acutely that the 200 over young men I am housing and having my command team train will re-enter the community as the sum of the experiences that we create.

I must think about ours, and especially my impact and influence over them.

Are we making better men, or spoiling them?

I like soldiering and I am for the idea of a defence force. Not just for the obvious reasons of deterrence, but also the fact that the experience, or according to some-ordeal makes us grow up fast. For the most of those who are willing to take the hard parts, National Service is a man-maker.

There is a perceivable difference in men who have served and trained. They are more hardened, less frivolous, and better under pain or pressure.

I think that what it takes to be a man, is taking up responsibility and endurance.

We are made better and are proven stronger after suffering hardship.

Why we serve: our defence force is one of the main reasons our country has such stability.

I suspect our neighbours may not take us seriously without the presence of our army.

I have thought and talked about this with my friend, and I am not surprised, but also slightly wistful that our own people do not have the amount of support for National Service that would add more purpose, commitment and strength to our soldiers.

There is less dedication if we do not understand and accept/acknowledge, let alone believe in what we do daily.

Our workload and environment may suck, but it is necessary.

2010-10-22T12:21:00.008+08:00

I don't like to communicate with the use of curse-words.

There should be a better way than this to get across to thick-heads that I am furious, I want immediate action and that there's promise of violence if I don't get what I want.

I feel that I must practise a clear level temperament even if I'm getting mad, because I think better, consider more about the effect/impact of my potential outburst.

I am told to be and slow to anger.

Further Reflections:
James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry.

We should be receptive to what others say and give weight to their opinion. It's a good way to show that we value people and take their ideas seriously.

We have to weigh our words cautiously and make sure that it does not harm or mar the growth of a person. We are to edify our friends and not tear them down.

In giving in to rage, I become volatile, impulsive and make moves that hurt relationships and judgements that are too unforgiving.

A young officer must make up for his lack of experience with knowledge.

He must be fit and able to keep at his job ahead of his command team and soldiers even while they slow from weariness.

He must have the compulsion to keep at his task with high energy and to reflect on himself.
Has he let his people down, and has he let himself down?

When in command and with responsibility, can I assume what I do is sufficient or must I question and re-measure myself?

Look into yourself:

I am in a reflecting mood, especially since I have asked the people I lead to reflect on themselves.

I've been thinking and going off track all this while.
I do not think I am sufficient to enough for a mature, serious relationship.
I must learn responsibility first and be accountable for my decisions and behaviour.
I must learn to love others at great cost to myself.

Jesus taught in John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

A relationship is more than investment of emotion, time and money for good returns.
I believe it is the joining of two persons, soul and more together.

If I am hasty and I do not think and take this seriously, I will not do justice to a perfectly nice girl.

With wasting time on temporary flings, I have neither the nerves or the youth to do them again.

2010-10-17T21:12:00.004+08:00

Keeping a blog documents growth and allows me to see how foolish, childish I was or what I was doing and thinking at any phase in my past.

I find it really fascinating when the posts in made in pique can trigger a pretty accurate recall of the situation then, and how I felt. These are things that I forgot to remember, things that made up the good years before I was soldiering.

Difficult as it is to write, I will still do so, because it will capture the feeling and thoughts I have at this point in time and reflect it to my future self who will view everything as an aid to remember.

Today I woke early, with a forcible removal from a really lovely dream. I was putting my lips to kiss a special lady during an elevator ride, and only the texture of her lip reminded me within the dream that it was not thoroughly as real as I'd like.

This leads me to examine the probability of this incidence. I believe it is low at this point.

Why I am reluctant to enter casually into a relationship even though I'm pining for a romance is because it isn't something to be taken lightly.

The relationship, no matter where it leads will irreversibly change both persons. It will mess with the heads of both persons especially if it ends badly.

Having strong feelings or affections for a girl is not good enough reason to get together. A relationship that is good and healthy and godly must be centred on Christ, have a good foundation, promising beneficial growth for both persons.

I refuse to waste time in short-term flings that have no potential to last the entire distance, that affects my heart and mind and that of the hypothetical hers. Some people say that having such poor imitations of a fulfilling relationship is experience.
I hardly think so.

Hence I am cautious because I have learnt that I cannot trust myself.
Will I treat a girl properly, rightfully? Will I be able to love her in increasing; will I in anger and self-centredness not bruise her with speech and disposition?

*

It is a struggle to break into the rhythm of exercise, but once I've gotten started, I want to accelerate and do more faster.

This week, I have masterfully managed to nap and then lift the weights in my precious Saturday while having not met any friends or cleaned my belongings.

SNATCH-GRIP DEADLIFT;
BENCH PRESS;
GOBLET SQUAT;
T-BAR ROW

These and a good, big meal plus coffee will improve the sixth day of the week.

*

I cannot see what is ahead of me because I am so short-sighted and am unable to see beyond myself. I do not know what the world will be like, I do not know the growth that i will go through in another 5 years, but I pray that Christ is in it; that my friends and family will remain close, or become even closer then.

I would very much like to close my eyes and imagine that things are sweet, but this is not how I will choose to get by.

Having just watched Smallville Season 10, I would like the outpour of affection from one heart to the other, but again, the probability is low. I re-watch the drama to satiate my inbuilt program that craves romantic fulfillment.

2010-09-14T23:19:00.002+08:00

2010-09-10T11:25:00.002+08:00

What I would like:

Basic Airborne Course

A Foam Roller

Painless Hip/ Glute, full mobility

A New Boss
Big Transformation

2010-08-29T20:49:00.002+08:00

What was used for sin and shame can be used for goodness and the glorifying of the One true God.

It has been difficult to be Christian, or to conduct myself like one in a military setting, but I can hardly blame my circumstances for my neglect of prayer and Word, but instead accept that the faults have purely been my own.

I have forgotten to love, and to value what I set out to, and also allowed the good parts of my person to die out of neglect and poor feeding.

It took Mr. Ong's mentoring and reminding about the seasonal changes and growth that I would go through, as well as some encouraging from assorted persons.

Is there still any trace of Christ left in me? Us disciples must carry the marks of our Master.

As co-heirs with Christ, we share in His sufferings that we may share in His great joy and glory at the end of all of it.

It is a painful reluctant climb back to obedience.

Worldliness is just never enough.

May God's patience and mercy never wear out with a recalcitrant like me but instead give my entire life a thorough overhaul, teaching me to love and respect people and to worship Him in spirit and in truth.

Another batch of people have passed out under me, and this time my extent of influence is huger. This time I wonder, what is the effect I have on these young men.

Will there be praise won for my Father in heaven because of any good work, or would there be a failure to recognize Christ in any bit of me.

Stomach for God's Word

2010-07-09T08:45:00.009+08:00

Training Soldiers;

The past week, I saw the first batch of young people that I was responsible for complete the very first phase of their military training and it sobered me by both remembering 1) how fast time passes away, and 2) how influential commanders are.

I have a stake in every of these young men that have passed through me and I can mostly hope that I've been as positive as possible.

It is only now that I learn the degree of my role, I was not prepared sufficiently to be responsible for people. It also reinforced my knowledge that every individual is precious and worth a great deal to me to my Heavenly Father.

To my special 42:
I am sure that you are quality products and my command group has done a great job with you.
My wish for you is that you will have a positive National Service like I am having.

A good day with a good friend;

Managed to catch Toy Story 3 with Megan. It was a good movie, because I used to play with toys like that when I was smaller.

It dealt with growth-growing older and out-growing things of old.
1 Corinthians 13:11 - "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

I probably have taken the verse out of its context where Paul was talking about unfailing love.

The story connected with me, because I am like Andy in so many aspects and I had always wished my toys would come alive and play with me, and love me, and obey me when I ask them to behave in a certain way.

I want all of them to be free and independent, but willing to defer to my directions when I set them up in the imaginary setting I thought up.

I found that God instead has been so gracious to give us our autonomy and also the freedom to go over to His side. To Him, we are so much more than toys or playthings, and He has so much good and love for us because He made us and watched us grow and has the big picture.

He has such a big stake in us and He took us so seriously, willing to do extraordinary things to woo us.

Well, I am also pleased that I have managed to convert Megan, or rather have her come over to the idea that not all cartoons are stupid. The film had some value, I thought.

It was a good day overall.

Have been worked on by God;

Roland and Joyce's wedding re-wrought in me the correct idea of a Christian union and also made me re-examine our marriage to Christ.

We are the body of Christ, and He is our Head. We cannot live disconnected away from Him or His leadership.

I feel more willing to call Christ my King, because I've always been comfortable in serving a reliable leader and I am willing to learn to submit. It will however, take a whole life to do so.

Christ diverted God's wrath from falling on us and instead took it all upon Himself.

Have come off a session of reflection and reading the Word, and have been reminded and convicted of so many things.

My sin was that I have always tried to peel God away from me and limit His effects and workings on my person.

I forgot to consider the thoughts of the One whom I call my King when I ate, and when I spoke.
I need even more deeply, an understanding of my sin, which will give me an understanding of God's Grace and Love, and a deep fondness and appreciation for His Son.

I must glorify God and put Him at His rightful Highest place; not only praise Him on occasion with song, but remember and honour Him constantly. Cue: Jesus must take the Highest Honour...

I must control the substances entering my mind space. I watched Desperate Housewives and Drop Dead Diva yesterday and thought nothing of them, even when I wrestled with myself whether or not to give in to some form of entertainment.

But today I realized that there were a lot of wrongness reflected in the show that was put across to us. It featured adultery, a loose view on divorce, a flexible measure of justice, fornication, irresponsible parenting, dishonesty.

While the shows tried to dish off some good (caution against the acceptability of cheating), it slipped in all the other vices and desensitized us to their abhorrence.

C.S. Lewis was right when he said entertainment was a lousy plug for the our leaking joy.

My loud cry would be for God not to let us alone, but be about and in us.
Another stray thought: Not just not commit, but also not abet sin.

Because I profess faith in Christ, I must value what He values greatly: people.

Faith expressing itself through Love

2010-05-07T09:06:00.006+08:00

I have been looking to the wrong sort of things to fuel me in my daily labours.
I have been drawing relief, entertainment from the wrong material, and I am sure that this has marred my capacity to love.

I am aware that my care and concern for others is severely reduced when I shift the focus to pleasing myself.

My inclination to love is almost gone because by my own effort, without the Spirit, it is not sufficient.

(Whilst recording my growing understanding of God's wise things, I do hope that this material may be beneficial for others who might read what I write. )

GOAL: To Be a Christian Young Man. [End Objective.]

Specifics:
Bearing influence and characteristics of Christ Jesus and to be changed continually by Him.

How:
To love and obey Christ's teachings and commandments, living them out in daily life.

This was the object of the Boys' Brigade which I'm sure the Founder had hoped that all of us would continue bearing, even after we are no longer Boys.
I'm a little surprised that it only came to me now, when I've been so long apart from the BB.

A few years and even just months could bring about a stupendous shift in paradigm.

Sometime last year, I was angered and slightly vengeful about the trend of Christianity and how we try to give it modern characteristics so that it may be suitable and palatable for the world now.

I've grown tamer since then, and now no longer enter into argument or conflict but would prefer to wait for God's redeeming, overcoming love to work.

Our job is to deliver the gospel, plant the seed of truth and then become witnesses to how God powerfully grows us all into His firstfruits.

We must take heed from His Spirit, and follow God's pace, rhythm.
Keep in Step with the Spirit.

With the examples of so many before us, I am clearly aware of how imperfect we are, but how powerfully God uses us when we are obedient.

The Adventures of Song Kim and Ha Leng

2010-04-25T20:31:00.003+08:00

Once literacy comes, there is no ebbing of the flow. My wit and writing are bursting- even the stale topics can seem colourful with my regained ability.

I will reiterate that looking at pretty girls incite me to run. They make me want to feel the same rush of being fast and taking on a purpose with no stop.

I will need to see more, and then move more, because I am in a fat mode as of now.

Today, after service, caught up with Mei Yi at Starbucks, where an Iced Caramel Macchiato did the trick, serving to rouse me and act as a necessary coolant. We chatted rather pleasantly and it's good to have seen an old face which is fresh compared to the tempo of my daily living.

After that, I linked up with my beloved Hakim and we moved on foot to Changi General Hospital to visit the urinals. They were in excellent working condition.

Got to Parkway and browsed through the military history section; I've been intrigued by this genre of late. This coincides with how I'm toying with the idea to have a short military career currently.

Had an intake of ill-meaning calories with a Zinger Meal and a subsequent Carl's Junior dinner. I rationalize this with the fact that I would be kept in along with my recruits for 2 weeks and more.

"To trust in my God, who will make my paths clear and straight"

I Belong to the Boys' Brigade in Singapore

2010-04-24T23:16:00.005+08:00

It feels both good and also a bit saddening while lending the archiving power of Facebook to look through the current photos of my juniors.

Looking at Bennett and 14th's pictures of events that took place after I left, events that mattered to me while I was in their shoes (Passing Out Parades, Adventure Quest, Teaching and Training Recruits, Founder' Badge Presentation...), I feel like I've missed out a great deal.

I cannot bear to reminisce, because it somewhat pains me, because it is a closed chapter of our shared history, and now that we are all over the place, we cannot put it back together because we are apart.

How do I feel- Looking at people I've taught and imprinted on cheers and sobers me.

It sobers me because I realize that in a leading, teaching role, you can influence the younger generation to a sizeable extent. I can also claim a little credit for their growth.

My best moments in BB was coaching Kah Kee and seeing the BB Relay Team win Silver and seeing their pleased faces and rejoicing at having accomplished something unprecedented, that we could not do in our time. I was so proud of these people that shared my passion and my drive. Granted, they were infected by my lapse in mental stability.

Now, another lovely moment, is seeing the Secondary One recruits receiving the Founder's Badge, which was a big thing for me then. A lot has happened between now and then, and I'm saddened to have missed all of it.

I was sorely mistaken to ever think that the BB was irrelevant or was not sufficient and effective in reach. BB values youth and begins to work with and work in young men. It still has a place in a community where the Boys and Girls still will do well with some proper guidance.

Not just Christian values and virtues, but the mixture of purposeful fun and the teaching of leadership, responsibility and so many other intangibles.

On this thread of being reminiscent and nostalgic;

Rocky is a really good classic. I love it that the underdog gets to win, because us common folk are by default, unfavoured underdogs. It celebrates doggedness, grit and epitomizes the SAF core value, Fighting Spirit.

We probably should air the clip of Rocky Balboa's training montages in the Values lesson to make the point more sensible.

Fighting spirit is an important attribute that most of us lack and have poor concept of prior to the military. Possibly competitive athletes and testosterone-charged males may contain some small trace amounts of the quality.

But I really like the series and the philosophy, that life always tries to knock you down, and in the end, its about how much you can get hit and still keep moving forward.

I would think that ladies will never get why something as dull, dusty and abstract as metal, heavy bag and the boxing ring can attract male attention for such a long period.

APRIL 01

2010-04-17T17:36:00.003+08:00

These weeks, I've been graced with some time to think and reflect and to have my listless mind drift in as many directions.

I've thought of several things which came to me, whilst my journal and pen were on my lap.

Most are not new, but just strands of thought that I'm throwing my belief behind.

First, I firmly believe men need ruling, although some might attempt to refine this with another word called "governance". Otherwise, we would slacken and become unruly, disorganized and non-motile.

We often want people to leave us alone, but really, we do want companionship but we simply want free rein in living our lives, with no one to judge and rebuke our behaviour.

We are all compulsive sinners - hopeless addicts until we have been graced with mercy and redeemed with Jesus' saving power. We need external help, an infusion of strength to overcome our inherent love for wickedness.

If we are stuck chest-deep or chin-deep in quicksand, no amount of flailing will work. We need some strong hand to pull us out of the predicament we have gotten into.

Psalms 40:2

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Everything we neglect will eventually leave our system. Knowledge, health, fitness, prayer.

We don't want others to succeed at where we fail. Verily I often experience this jealousy and bitterness when I have been outperformed.

Right now, at the phase of my life where choosing an occupation is becoming more pressed, I think that I want to work in a field that invests in people. After all, that is what God did, where Christ found it worth laying down His life in the hope of redeeming humans.

To upkeep my literacy, I will journal fervently and then translate it into pixels here.

Who do I write to impress, I now wonder.

2010-03-25T21:26:00.003+08:00

9 months have culminated in this single day. I really like this shot because it captures our strength and excitement and the colour makes it pretty classic.

My days in OCS were eventful and I savour all of it, even if some of the episodes that took place infuriated me. I've been frustrated, and I've frustrated others, and most times I mostly felt pent-up anxiety, rage etc.

But towards the end, my head grew clearer and I both appreciated the value of what we were training for and enjoyed it at the same time.

I'm not sure where else in our community, can young men of our temperament be kept together and made to behave as a highly cohesive, intelligent unit.

I've gone through a reversal in opinion and belief, about the army and about National Service.

Who says we waste our years in the military?

National Service is important and it's what conditions childish males into strong young men who now have a seriousness and mission-oriented attitude.

At this point, I will taper off, because what I want to say doesn't come at all-

2010-03-16T06:28:00.004+08:00

It's pretty awesome to look back and realize that 9 months have been put away where even when there were no posts, a lot of things did happen between the rare entries I made here.

My attempts to produce my thoughts coherently and currently here have been frail and now that I've progressed so much and will move on, now I'm thinking that maybe I should have wrote a little more down.

The next phase will be pretty different and I'm toying with an extreme idea to shake up my life and make it less rosy. All I need now is more grit and doggedness, strong companions and the permission of the OC. Gotta prove to myself that I can go the distance.

There must be no allowance for regret in our short time on earth.

I have had so many great friends in this time, and I'm thankful for each one of them.

But it's noted that everyone of us has some strange quirk that pisses each other off.

Even so, we are a strong team that's been through a pretty decent amount of hammering and good fun.

I have stored up a big amount of love for these people. It's a bit sore to think that we'll be dispersed all over the land come Monday.

What God needs from me, is the consent to fully displace my self and my focus on my own person and fill it with His renewing Spirit.

2010-02-15T11:21:00.003+08:00

Maybe it's because I missed out on the reunion dinner, or some component of the formula that makes up my new year is missing-this feels less festive and even less familial.

I cannot help comparing with the previous year, and find that I prefer the way I hit the gym on the EVE, instead of the long march this time. Last year, I was also highly amused by my first uncle, who is away to Malaysia this time round.

There was no alchohol this year, neither for me or my father which is a blessed big change.

I eat much less now, and I have less enthusiasm about so many things.
I'm more affected by the length of the journey and the afternoon sun, that is a common association with the Lunar New Year.

I have more in common with my cousin, who is now a recce officer, and we've talked more this time, probably than the other years combined.

I've been reading less and less of God's word, but now I find even more greatly important, I must be in touch with His living Word, which ministers to my spirit.

Faith cometh by hearing, and the gift of faith is spread by us believers telling others about Jesus. Good news must not be stowed away, but displayed and made known to all.
We are meant to disclose what is hidden.

2010-02-14T11:34:00.002+08:00

It's a Song Leng characteristic to revert to being ungrateful and hard-hearted after being the recipient of God's grace and blessing.
I'm starkly aware that this is my lousy reaction to His mercy and I've got to change.

I look to be renewed daily and be re-aligned in Christ.

This new year looks promising and I hope that I will grow in the correct direction and become the kind of person, believer and Officer that I am to be.

I Will Sing of My Redeemer.

Reviewing 2009

2010-02-01T11:12:00.004+08:00

I leaped from being a student to being a temporary bum and then to being a full-time soldier. Life, especially as a cadet is wholly different.

My usual life is now a subset of my time as an officer cadet, and the leisure activities I could spread over at least one week have to be compressed into 2 days.

I look to lift weights, to meet friends, to attend service-to loaf and play like an animal with no leash.

I want the power of making my own meals again and not have the same repetitive sets doled out to us week after week.

I've understood myself more greatly over the course of the year and my course. I do love and think highly of myself, but my blatant weaknesses and illnesses are not invisible, even to my own person.

I am vain, and part of my pursuit of fitness is not just for longevity and the feel-good from purposeful exertion, but for aesthetic reasons.Even then, there isn't much allowance any more for me to upkeep this.
What a shame.

I believe that I am the greatest/mightiest/smartest in whatever setting.
But in sober moments, I am aware that I'm moved to give in/up and tread the soft option when challenges become larger than my coping ability.

One thing that I was right about the present, re-viewing my review of the year 2008, I did miss all those things that I listed, and I have lived through my bare expectations of the military, which are even more acute and less pleasant then I thought.

I have felt absolute hopelessness in the year;
I have felt genuine strength from the joy of the LORD and it is one of the most beautiful and wonderful feelings ever;
My life was in considerable danger many times over;
My body felt like it would crumble;
I have felt genuine love for my friends;
I have traveled to a nasty dark place (The Bruneian Jungle) and a considerably better place (Taipei City);
I have manned up.

All in all there was, although not always perceivable growth and I am grateful to God's interference and sustenance.

2010-01-31T19:51:00.003+08:00

Seizing some time to express myself in this place.
I pride myself in being eloquent and full of wit, and thus, have had difficulty in beginning to write because I find it hard to match the standard I once had.

But I have been jumpstarted by the blog of a particular someone I've visited on occasion, and this made me want to review the past year.

The first portion of the year was the most relaxed time of my life, that I failed to identify and utilize. So many days where I could grow and in big leaps, built a sturdy foundation in the Word and also in fitness.

The next part was when I became a soldier.
It was an absolute change, from being a refined academic to a raw recruit and then an officer cadet. I've learnt and endured much and will continue to do so.
I find it remarkable that in a span of 6 months, I've visited 2 countries and fought in a manner that the many people I share my life with cannot begin to imagine.

I find it hard to translate the actuality and value of what we do, to my friends and have them understand, and appreciate the effort that is required from us on our missions.

I've met new friends who have probably been so knitted to myself that it might have been that we've covalently bonded.

We've had so much thrills, upsets and common experience that I've come to depend on them for cheer and maintenance of sanity.

God's grace and blessings were not always noticed by my short-sightedness, and God's presence, driven away by my folly, mistakes and laziness was never far away.

Despite my numerous inadequacies, I cling to His promise that He will never leave or forsake us, but make us perfect in His love.

2010-01-05T17:57:00.001+08:00

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

2009-12-26T19:45:00.001+08:00

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.—Charles Dickens

2009-12-25T23:34:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CHRISTMAS;

My blog is in dire need of colour and life. The above greeting stands as an attempt to expunge the monotony.

I traditionally celebrate Christmas by watching a continuous strings of cartoons that build the festive mood because there is no snow, no tree, no turkey.

My program starts in the morning and it will persist till the night, and morph from animation to live-action TV.

Shows like The Polar Express and definitely, Love Actually create a tropical, local Christmas that is a prized holiday.

Now that I am a soldier and an almost-adult, Christmas is no longer a subset of a larger and longer holiday because I'm no longer schooling.

This makes me really miss JC and the time I spent then, as a student who's mistakes were mild and less costly and had the huge autonomy to do what, when I liked.

Looking back at being a student and comparing that with now being a soldier, I feel evermore that the leap is massive, and I've been put on accelerated growth in this whole year.

I think that most of the female and large parts of the male people in our land have very little idea about what we do and how we train and fight, and if I ever get to a position with leverage and heavy influence, I would propose that (female) students get to see us do a regular mission.

Videos and photos cannot capture the heat and rigour with what we do, and even I myself could never have imagined doing the things that I've been at, a year ago.

The future is unseen, but only to our less powerful eyes and not un-sketched or out of the hands of our God, who is faithful and good.

I came up with some realizations.

First, Santa Claus is a big racist who neglects Asians.

Since he is full of magic, the weak excuse about there being no chimneys in our flats and condominiums is non-believable.

If he were committed, he might use the general rubbish chute that connects every single apartment.

Two would be that I am wholly unprepared for any sort of romance.

Three is that I am actually pretty good with children. My mutant ability to induce laughter strikes a chord with those below 1.5m in height, and I am thinking this accidental weapon is also potent when turned on even ladies above this range.

Many of the people I know in Anglican High are expressing faith in Christ.

This is a pleasant surprise and I wonder if He is working on something while drawing all of us deep into Him, because we are the next generation of believers who will impact the world, acting in the full might and power of His Holy Spirit.

To pray for softening of hearts which grow receptive to the message of love, and to be perfect in Christ. Softening is hardly the same as weakening, which I think is an association we make inadvertently.

GLORIA IN EXCELSIS DEO

2009-09-18T22:46:00.002+08:00

It's pretty startling to note how quickly time slips when you stop noticing.
I've staved off writing here for more than 10 weeks, which on hindsight, now seemed much shorter than they were while I was living through them.

The agony and the injury were fresh then, but now that they've gone faint, they've also gotten distant. This is the kind of time where we document what we've lived through as the primary precautiounary measure against forgetfulness.

In being pious in journaling, there's a lot of value in marking out the progress and as well as the peaks and troughs in the period. So I use my sketchbook and document (active).

Today was uneventful, lest for a scenic 9 kilometre run in the morning that I was reluctant to put any effort into at first. Later, my muscles and mind grew warm to the idea of such a run, and with good companions, good rhythm and stride, it went really well.

I re-learned that taxis are valued for their speed, and the recompense for such speed is cost.
However, when the expressway is jammed, there is little speed but the cost still rises exponentially, as well as my anxiety and rapid eye movement (REM) from all places to the taxi meter.

I'm trying to hold on to the dreamy, happy feeling incurred early this week that I know won't endure and I'm plugging the leak with romantic films and poor copies of romance.

Finally stole the chance to watch 'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' and I think that it has been underrated, because I like the element of the male lead improving and changing and earning a good romance.

Would like to go in a parallel direction, though I think that the world outside of a theatre screen is less predictable and formulaic.

Otherwise, I'm faring badly in diet, sleep and prayer. Going to remmedy all of them now.

2009-07-08T14:08:00.002+08:00

I am in need of a Civilian Conversion Course, now that after almost 3 weeks in SAFTI MI, and all I know now is the inside of an army camp.

I very much need a break from the tempo and culture of military life and to turn back into the lazy civilian.

I am told that my book-out, which is a regular dose of happy pill that must be taken (much like an antibiotic) is pushed back to Sunday the 12th.

This comes as a mighty blow to my person, but I am slightly cheered by the promise of being let out again. It will be a week-end/start of sequels.

Where I have squeezed out some minutes to write, I will not waste those minutes.

First, a decent quote:

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The next thing to do is act on this wisdom.

*

Next, what I have learnt.
It took me some time to learn this, that Christians were never meant to stand alone, or remain cut off from each other, and that we were not to be angry at, or be in conflict.

To be united in Christ is something that was plain, but yet I could miss. It took Solomon and Ryan in BMTC to educate me about this; that although we had different knowledge, progress and growth, we all looked to Christ and put our hope and trust in Him.

Romans 15:5-7

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15: 13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

My learnings from the above were that our highest goal is to praise, worship and glorify God and to give supremacy to His Son, Jesus Christ whom He delighted in giving headship and authority over all of us to.

That we must pray actively and constantly for things, even the things we presume will be given to us naturally, like our daily bread.

Always give thanks, and always remember that God is with us.
God being with us has many implications, and that our conduct and attitude and speech have all got to do with how we are with God.

My second learning was that Scripture is rich and that even with the same words, we must bear in mind that the Word of God is living and very applicable.

2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

In short I need to watch myself and rein in my conduct and be ready for when I am almost at my breaking point and the real selfish, unlovely me surfaces.

On romance, I would like one, but it should be lasting and sincere and committed.
Strangely, not as keen on one now, but missing the support and concern from one.

2009-06-06T17:05:00.007+08:00

I feel less inclined to love, and though I still must, I realize that while people are being difficult it is primarily me that refuses to be kind or understanding, and it is my temper that is put to the test.

It is always our response and subsequent action in a hard situation that matters to God, and the response and action indicates our level of strength.

I had a poor showing in the situations I was in today and before I saw it for what it really was (my small test), and it is something I need to work on.
I forgot the basic truths I learnt and leapt into my mistakes.

It exposed my weaknesses and showed me how easily I could be swayed, and that a neglect in spending time in prayer to realign myself opened me up very quickly.

I have to get up and moving and accept correction, and keep striving to keep in step, not giving up in my striving for it is very much this that God is looking at.

I get mad easily, at silliness and at slowness. Today while getting away from SFT, my companion was so bent on getting a taxi, he wanted to walk with the supremely heavy load until he reached a junction.

Because I spent my younger years with my cousins cycling or simply walking along the stretching leading up to and beyond the Ferry Terminal, I knew that it was too far to walk and I pressed them to take Bus no. 9 with me and took some delight at highlighting my intelligence and stressing on his stupidity.

I was again hyper-aware afterward that what I felt at being right was a break from the behaviour that my faith is supposed to bring about in me.

I find surprisingly that it's easier now for me to go on doing things that I don't feel like doing, like washing an item that requires a lot of work and time while I am weary.

My mind protests at the offensive chore, but my hands and the rest of my body are already on it.
This is a useful skill, and maybe I've really built up some steel within me.

Dare I say that Army has made me disciplined and self-reliant?
I am loathe to give so much credit to them, for after all, they have endangered my health and sanity and cost me 13 pounds of mass, 4 of which I barely managed to gain back.

They starve and stress me and deprive me, and I am injured by this treatment.
But then again, this is the military and if they apply tenderness and do not expose their soldiers to discomfort, then we wouldn't be a fighting force, would we?

They probably just recalled the dormant discipline acquired in my uniformed group that I laid aside the moment I assumed a leadership role in upper secondary.

This self-reliance is mostly probably a nicer name for when I do not trust other people to do things for me and prefer to do it myself.

Because of my stint in Basic Military Training and with my particular/ peculiar company, I'm fully prepared for command school and further "ill-treatment". I have been priming myself for difficult times ahead, and will be sustained by my faith, my family and friends, the hope of a real romance, and continuous griping.
I don't like it very much, but I would carry on.

I discover I have almost adapted to being pummelled in excess with rough treatment, but I absolutely cannot stand poor planning in the aspect of programme and also the failure to lead by example.

If you are unable, or unwilling to conform to the similar requests you dole out to your men, you are not an adequate commander. Your men serve alongside you, and you need to show them that you can do what you ask of them.
Your willingness will induce their willingness to comply.
On hindsight, cooperation is more appropriate a term than compliance.

I noticed that the chain of command is also a food-chain, where the higher-ups snap at their subordinates more often than we thought.

I think that there comes a time where the truth is not believed, but thought to be a lie. Things like, "I do not have a girlfriend" or "I have never kissed a girl", or something along those lines. Try it; when you get to a certain point, you are thought to be executing a good joke.

I like to capture beauty in this space, and Allison Stokke is a good-looker, and although I am stunned when I see her, I will do well to remember that the heart being beautiful is a better prize than the surface appearance. The real indication of good health is a kind, loving and gracious heart.

She is an American pole vaulter from Orange County, California, both athletic and beautiful.

There were some people who were pretty rude toward me, I noticed. They need to have more respect for beautiful people.

God looks out for me regardless, and He gave me an extra sausage and egg at breakfast on Friday when Xiao Wei gave his hard-boiled oval brown chicken egg to me. It was important for my body to absorb good quality protein, seeing that good old nutrition is hard to come by in camp, no matter what the food people claim.

2009-05-31T18:42:00.003+08:00

I am to write a short piece on the four defining moments in my Basic Military Training phase, and I thought I'd do it here, before extracting it and then giving it to my officer.

Four Defining Moments

My first comment would be that, it is hard to point out/pull out any single sharp moment where I can hold it to be precisely when I felt was most edifying for my person.

I find that the whole process is affecting, and myself at the end of it, is a positive product of what I've gone through.

It has been observed most people appreciate honesty, and so I will first list the instance at "stand two" during evening where I was proning in my shell scrape and feeling like a baby, as one. While trying to keep looking through the scope of my rifle, I felt really lousy then, because out-field, the low levels of comfort were a blow to the bum that I was.

This was the second day of field camp and I was the Platoon I/C. The mud and sand and the wetness, and the hunger and the stress and homesickness had gotten to me, and I realized that my mental strength was insufficient and I was not as tough as I supposed or liked to be.

The responsibility as Platoon I/C anchored me and I gathered the parts of me that were not so weak and pushed on, learning quickly that striving for comfort is foolish, but becoming indifferent to discomfort is key.

I imagine most people would claim that being handed their rifle is a defining moment, but I think for me, firing the rifle was a positive defining moment. I began by being afraid of the rifle, because I was hyper-aware that it could kill, and although this apprehension dimed when I grew familiar with the weapon, live firing called it out again.

It was firing the weapon that made me even more sensitive to the fact that I was a soldier, and that I was to shoot at my enemy and injure or destroy him. All the foolery before was insignificant when lined up next to this. What we were doing was real and serious, and all of it led up to this.

The other moment was being called to use the branches and leaves to adorn ourselves and then lying on the forest floor in field craft. Apart from being pleasantly surprised at the effectiveness of our pixelized uniform, it was a important skill to acquire to boost my survivability in future. It was also extremely fun.

I gleaned that in a team with a mutual end-objective, only joint progress is valid. The moments from which I learned this are numerous and many of them involved my palms supporting my body from the floor.

This was the case in fire drill or any settings where we failed to meet timings given.
Individual responsibilty in addition to contributing to the larger outfit was something precious that would spare us muscle soreness and result in the objective being achieved.

2009-05-29T18:42:00.010+08:00

Feelings are unrealiable, and if I base decisions and actions by how I feel at the moment, I am setting myself up for either regret, disaster or both.

The fuzzy feeling which I thought I had and I like, and we popularly call love is a misnomer. Yet many people rush into big things like marriage on basis of such feelings, and then wonder how come the amazing thing they had going on before fell apart.

I am more aware that I'm looking for that feeling all over again, looking to be satisfied with some kind of flare that will light up for a bit, but will short out later.

I'm hoping that there might be a female that will captivate, entrance me and occupy all of my thoughts and fill up my waking-sleeping moments.

And I realise quickly that this is wrong and should not be the case.
I should not be exalting a woman to the status of a goddess, and have her take hold of all my thoughts, occupying the highest position in my life no matter how desirable she is.

And our definition of desirable is a faulty human one. When the virtuous woman is placed next to the vixen, temptress our fiercely wild hearts inclines towards the second woman.

In the second woman, she has the flavour of animality and that the base, carnal man wants-I will begin to quote C.S. Lewis-she is the "type which he desires brutally, and desires to desire brutally, a type best used to draw him away from marriage altogether but which even within marriage, he would tend to treat as a slave, an idol, or an accomplice".

The woman is very precious, and all the pornography and the flaunting of sexuality in the media simply devalues her, as well as BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism) turns her into an object in which we expend all our lust.

This ugliness appeals to us as erotic and causes our hearts to leap, which in rare moments of sanity and clear vision should really be recognized for being gross and evil.

I have this kind of blindness as well.

I am sure that the evil one seriously hates women and thus devalues, demeans and disfigures her in this manner. His attacks on her aims at reducing her from her status as the crowning glory of her husband, to an ugly animal.

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

1 Corinthians 11:7
A man ought not to cover his head since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

Our definition of desirable and of beauty must be applied to character and nature and not the outward-the physical and the carnal.

C.S. Lewis really has a brilliant mind, and is gifted by God with a good grasp of Theology. I dare not hold him up to be supremely accurate, but his writings are learned and helpful.

He may not be fully accurate about Christian doctrine, and I would be mistaken also, but we who depend on God to reveal, teach and correct us are not given grace on account of how well we understand the difficult things, but on our attitude and obedience.

It is the weak, meek, helpless and defenseless and lost sheep that the Shepherd came back to herd and add to His flock; when He declares us worthy and acceptable, we are and while we are mistaken, divided or in conflict about matters of teaching we must be focused on Christ, on love and on being humble and submissive to correction.

I have not fully learned this yet.

If your feeling is selfish, or selfishness is mixed up in some of it, then it isn't love.

Love isn't a feeling, or a whim. It is something noble and great that is missing in us or mostly fractured. God uses our whole life to teach us to love.

In Marriage, we learn to love our partners and absorb their imperfections; in Parenting, we learn more about God's nurturing and sustenance and self-less, almost always sacrificial-giving that we pay back with low gratitude.

*

I'm riding/writing on fumes of indignation, because my mother suggested in a tone I loathe, that I lack discernment in my choice of friends.

In some areas, my mother knows what I am like, but as to what goes on inside my head, or how I think and make considerations she has little understanding.

I think it isn't fitting that my dear mother doesn't get how my mind works, and I feel that it is inappropriate that your mother has poor idea of how you think and what you think about.

It is even more dire that we as children, have close to no idea what our mothers' thoughts are occupied by.

But while we bridge this break, we must also try hard to understand how our mothers think and work, because while we are very concerned with mostly ourselves, their concern expands to include us.

I just realised my indignation has vanished. Writing for me now is a therapeutic process that leads to a satisfactory outcome, especially if I add reflecting into the mix.

Utah's rainbow bridge; I wanted to put a rainbow here, but thought that this was even more of a visual treat.

*

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis is a big book (although it's small) which once you've had the patience to read through slowly, will strengthen your understanding of the Christian faith and the gospel.

The Screwtape Letters is a satire which pokes fun at the devil and amuses but has depth and still educates, never mind it having dramatised the way minor devils try to intercept the progress of a young, shaky Christian male.

I know this even more acutely-my life must be spent in being aligned to Christ and it must be one of steady obedience.

We are called to walk on water, out of our familiar steadiness to reach toward Him, in doing what our minds perceive as impossible. And when we stumble, He takes hold of us and steadies us equipping us with what we need to triumph the common 'impossible'.

The storms and wind buffet us, but so long as we fix our eyes on Jesus, we will not fall.

God is operating inside of me, and even if it is painful, I am convinced it is for my good.

God is working in my family and I am thankful for His faithfulness, and for renewing and strengthening my family.

Forgive me if I've been uninteresting-these are the things I feel compelled to say, even though most of me think an apology to my readers is unnecessary.

2009-05-24T15:01:00.002+08:00

There are many times while I am training that I wish I could somehow capture, retain, bottle up the moment and/or the view that is laid before me.

The jokes and the laughs are wonderful, but their quality and familiarity fades as time goes on, and there is little allowance to hold on to them.

I have forgotten a great deal of things, and I pray that when I have a quiet moment, God will remind me of the things that matter.

*

When I lean back and try to ignore the sandflies, I look out for the crescent moon.

During field camp, I looked to the moon-"the lesser light" according to Scripture-as my lamp; because in the expansive darkness, which can be severely unsettling even for myself, my lighter and the flickering blue line of my torch is useless.

For me the moon brings comfort, and is a firm reminder of God being close, real, and with me.

Under the moon, I prayed together with Ryan and Solomon, and I am grateful for God's arrangement in having them with me, in giving me Christian support.

I also learnt that prayer is suitable for all times and we must not stall in consulting God.

I prayed that my week would be one which God would be actively involved in, and He answered out of His loving mercy, providing me with numerous blessings that would seem ordinary if I were not paying attention.

I need to appreciate the things God has arranged in my favour, that I do not know of.

Our need for our mothers is so strong. On a long trip, she will be the one we miss first; and hers is the voice that will still us when we are unsettled, her food will be the most satisfying, and her care will be most complete.

When I viewed Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan", it doesn't surprise me that the mortally wounded soldiers are baying for their mothers, because it is the comforting love from their mothers that they received right from they were nursed and up to even beyond adulthood that they desperately need.

I believe we'll never be weaned off this reliance on our mothers.

The handphone is a luxury item, that I found myself craving for even though I supposed I was fine without it. In increasing our comfort, we subscribe to peculiar habits.

I keep my sketchbook, which is my prayer journal, gym log and thoughts-book all in one close-by, and scribble on it whenever something comes to me.

I know my friend wears his shirt from home to sleep, and I think it's a way he can mimic the comfort from there.

I am very hasty this weekend and must slow down, but I cannot seem to.

2009-05-17T12:53:00.005+08:00

My sister provided the push for me to post, saying that staving off writing would blunt my wit, because the Army suspends your intellect.

I've learned experientially several things from the past 2 weeks, and the first of which was that:
Striving for comfort is foolish; becoming indifferent to discomfort is key.

The next that I posit would be that: only joint progress i.e. in a team is valid.

I was accurate in predicting that Field Camp would be horrid, but it exceeded even those expectations I had.
But I grew even though the conditions were unfriendly and though it was by far the worst week I had lived through, it was one that was very important to my person.

I discovered that my mental strength was found wanting, and that I was not as tough as I supposed I was.

*
But all in all, I discovered that God was faithful and stedfast, and so very near. He comforted and counselled me in my distress and He provided me with support from fellow Christians around me right there in the field and strengthened me.
He fed me when I was hungry and he gave me down time when I was ill.
He had me meet my friends from Karate on Friday, which I was hoping to but thought I missed.

I must learn to recognize and appreciate His numerous blessings.

I am still learning to slow down and listen to Him, and behave the way He leads me to, in being patient and gentle, and not brusque or brash which is the typical Song Leng-fashion.

I discovered that my need for Him is so great, that apart from Him, I can do nothing.
He is in us, He is with us, and in Him, only in Him we are strong. Are we with Him?

It was with this I held onto throughout the past week-
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12

I am pleased with this book-out because I procured a new cell-phone, and added to my small library of Christian literature C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters.

I cooked and savoured my dish of pork chops,
managed to go to the gym,
and then caught a movie with my beloved Derek.

I met friends whom I wanted to see but couldn't, and sat and talked with them, almost like I used to.
Can I say I have not lived under His blessing?

*
In reflecting, I must constantly ask myself who is Jesus to me? (1)
Have I grown in the past month, and have I learnt? (2)

Good and bad things happen to me; do they propel me towards God? (3)

Do I mock Christ by continuing in, and to sin, or because of His love for me, throw myself fully onto Him? (4)

*
On another note, I find that real love is not concerned with beauty.
Love does not mind, but instead it takes in and encompasses all offences and gives back affection, care and everything good.

I realize that parents are often distinguished by their children.
I'm pleasantly surprised because Christ wins glory for His Father.

The Christian life is one of vigilance and obedience.
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
(Mark 14:38)

While many times I do not feel like, when I am neither awake or energized, I must pursue God.

I must not give in to my selfish desires and sin, but instead stay guarded, conscious and sensitive to their destructiveness.

Lastly, in my pro-Christian writings, I do not aim to bruise, but instead seek to freely express my beliefs about Divinity. Pray, do not take offense at my words but consider their validity.

2009-05-01T21:40:00.006+08:00

I made a list of the things I was going to do on my first ever book-out, and I'm pretty pleased that I actually got to do some of them.

I wanted a massage badly throughout the whole of the confinement period while in-camp, because I hoped it will relieve the sorenesss I've accumulated over time and unknot the tense muscles from the routines they put us through, seeing that we have great workloads but less recovery time.

This is one bit I'm pretty disgruntled about; where we are given high workload and minimal allowance for rest. This coupled with the higher temperatures on the island, it's no wonder people with weaker constitution fall sick.

I still have not gotten my massage, but I have about half a day left, and if God permits I will be able to swing by the place, which I heard was in Tampines.

Sleep at my own discretion was something I missed also, seeing that it was a decree that said we had to wake up by 0530, except for one day where there was a turnout the night before. And it seems that they've already succeeded in hammering this into me, because I've been waking up around 0500 for the past two nights.

I've had no trouble getting to sleep though and now that so much sleep is a rare treat, I seize it properly.

The gymnasium was a place I missed, and I was fretting about the loss of strength, muscle and form after more than 20 days without lifting weights.

But God was gracious, and I pretty much completed all the movements I set out to.
(Image Credits, Google.)
The traditional Bench Press;

A new power movement that worked the Upper Posterior chain-the Dumbbell Snatch;

The almighty Squat;

And the Barbell Romanian Deadlift-to-Bent-over Row.

I remember saying I favour big, compound movements that engage multiple muscles and body parts and involve big weights. They boost my ego and assure me of measurable progress.

And then I rushed over to meet my movie buddy Nawal, to impress her with my bald head and also to blaze through two great movies which I'd been wanting to catch since the day before I enlisted.

Looking forward to our movie date was one of the main things that kept me sane, apart from my faith, and it was real good to see Nawal after 2 excruciating weeks. She's been a real good friend, and when I'm talking to her, she makes me want to tell her everything.
Perhaps she is a mutant with the power of persuasion?

Wolverine: Origins was a typical action movie for me, that although was really cool and all, but pretty much forgettable in terms of action, the fight sequences were good though and there were some nice jokes. But at least it answered Wolverine's memory loss satisfactory.

17 again was a chick flick, but deep down, I am a royal sucker for chick flicks like this, where the dose of romance severely infected me. Even Nawal who I think watched the movie only cause I wanted to was pleasantly surprised.

I like and enjoyed all of it (I will stop short of saying I loved it, to avoid putting my masculinity into question), and I grew fonder of Zac Efron, although I noted that his character still has some residual from High School Musical-the dancing, basketball and some lines.

I would say this flick isn't just for lovestruck adolescents who believe their little trysts are the real thing. It's also for middle-aged couples, who've been married long enough for them to forget why and how they met, grew to love each other and then get married in the first place.

I want to see it again, at least until I am desensitised to it.

*

I've been prompted to summon the inner cynic that I keep stowed away deep within me, and will proceed to offend certain people.

I have a great lack of empathy for vegetarians, mostly with those people who choose to become one 'for health reasons'. It is neither nutritionally nor medically sound and if we look at vegetarians, their physique and constitution is often poorer than the others.
It is ridiculous to assert that vegetable-only meals will clean out your system.

Not everyone is like Daniel, who could eat only greens and have a brighter complexion than everyone else.

Once again, my lack of patience and tolerance is glaring.

The other laughable reason is to uphold and secure animal rights.
Firstly, you are staging your protest on so small a scale that it has virtually no impact on the rest of the world. By one person not eating meat, this has no bearing on everyone else.
Less for you, more for me, we say. And the same number of animals are still being culled.

You are being an inactive, reserved activist, and that is really amusing.
You believe that your stand is a lost cause, and as long as you yourself do not partake of the bloodbath, your conscience is safe-kept and you are an elegant non-barbarian.

Next, I find the argument for animal rights to be absurd. What sort of rights should they get anyway? Should we have them herded into the booths on Election Day and let them decide who runs the country, since this 'right' is also awarded to some pig-headed biped?

Are ants and cockroaches equal to the elephant or the horse? Can it be that they have different value to us, while on one hand we hold that animal are just like us-equalityequalityequality, and then we call the pests experts when we have an infestation problem.

What gives you the right to decide which animals are of greater worth?
Could it be that we only give a damn about the animals that serve us well or are extremely useful, and slight those that are damaging, repulsive or can't be eaten, or are simply all these things.

Animal rights? You probably need to reexamine your superficial ideals.

*
It's disgusting that above I display how un-Christ-like and intolerant I am, and how I discredit the gospel with my poor showing, but I pray that God will give me patience because I have none; I pray He will give me love because I have little; and I ask that in my petition, He will remember me in my weakness and add strength and wisdom to me.

2009-04-08T11:49:00.007+08:00

Justice is like a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

The T.Rex has really short arms, as seen from the picture above, and what I'm hitting at is that Justice has the same limited reach. My cell phone got stolen last Saturday and I felt even more acutely how helpless we all are when the offense is unanticipated and unseen.

I'm also thinking that our law enforcement is now reduced to tackling domestic disputes and petty mischiefs, and they may have acquired a dangerous contentment.

I disbelief in the low crime rate.

I would think that there is just a low occurence of serious crimes like arson, murder and the like.

Thefts, burglary, fraud happen all the time, and this offsets the assumption that we are a safe and secure society.

It's just that the threats aren't big enough, and the petty crimes that are still offenses don't get much exposure.

Hence I wait for God's righteousness to come again.

Romans 12: 19-21

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

My favourite exercise in the weights room is the Wide-grip Deadlift.

It hits your upper back, your quadriceps and glutes, and is still largely a deadlift, that works your hips, erector spinae and core. It builds good posture and also the lower body.

It makes you feel like a big, strong man also.

I'm in favour of exercises that recruit more muscle and involve heavy weights, because there is greater potential for growth and increase in strength.

The stimulus is huge; the corresponding growth is huger.

My workouts now strive to always contain the Deadlift and Squat, and even out the Push/Pull movements.

1 Push exercise

1 Pull Exercise

Squat/Deadlift

I've ditched the vanity exercises like bicep curls and the juvenile mistakes I acquired when I started out, and I now feel a mixed pity and scorn for new juveniles who are now making the identical mistakes.

Of course I am no expert in this field and my strength in the measurable exercises are below par. But I still advocate the importance of know-how before we dive into training.

The NIKE maxim of 'Just Do It', is not a license to forgo your good sense and plunge into deep water, but a reminder for people who know what they're getting into and as a result have good reasons to have reservations.

But now I'm overhauling my position, and believe that time-effective and hard training although is great, but it will be severely undermined, if we have lousy recovery (sleep and rest) and shoddy nutrition (eating habits).

While I am still learning and studying Scripture, it came to me even more startlingly that I belong to Christ wholely, because He has redeemed me.

Christ's ownership of me is total, and there can be no personal ambition or interest that I withhold from Him. I must submit all my thinking, doing and saying to Him and only do what is acceptable and pleasing.

C.S Lewis says this,

The almost impossibly hard thing is to hand over your whole self to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead. For what we are trying to do is to remain what we call "ourselves"-our personal happiness centred on money or pleasure or ambition-and hoping, despite this, to behave honestly and chastely and humbly. And that is exactly what Christ warned us you cannot do. If I am a grass field-all the cutting will keep the grass less but won't produce wheat. If I want wheat...I must be plowed up and re-sown.

2009-03-31T20:26:00.014+08:00

I have been valuing my own happiness above everything else for most of my life, and it is little wonder that I was unhappy. In striving to be happy, we give first place to the selfish desires of our hearts, which displace other people and promote ourselves.

The world is a cruel, selfish place that encourages self-centredness and conditions you to be self-centred.
We are often told: Fight for your own happiness.
I am astounded I could miss the great degree of self-centredness in that.
Our own happiness, if possible to attain, would come at others' expense and misery.
Our own happiness means that we disregard the condition of others' hearts and exalt ourselves above them.

Instead of cutthroat competitions, where men come up against one another, it should be as: Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (NIV)

There is a sense of mutual growth/ improvement in the Proverb, but in our human version of competition somebody gets hurt and left behind, thoroughly losing.

When we look at all the main sins and offences, we see that they have heavy overtones of self-interest in them. In coveting and in greed, where our own insecurity and self-interest instigate us to steal and claim things that aren't ours in the beginning. This of course harms the rightful owner whom we discount when matched with our desires.

In lust, we desire things that do not belong or cannot belong to us. We prize our pleasures and satisfaction either in the emotional or physical and sexual sense above all, and we do not care if it injures the people we love and care about or demean women who are of immeasureable worth.

Satiety and Fulfillment do not mean the same thing.

This is why I believe that the world is broken.
Some believe that love and neighbourliness will heal the world. I believe that it takes much more than human action to salvage the brokenness; I believe only Christ provides Salvation.

It is also unthinkable when we can be happy when our satisfaction is built on the misery of other people who are as precious as us.
What makes a person precious?
It should not be intellect, beauty, virtue. The human soul is precious.

Instead of self-centredness, we must be God-centred.

*

Looking at how most belief systems make out how our earthly lives, it seems almost like we are in a rat-race, where only at the end, are the Elite with special unique qualities of strength and power and brilliant minds, as well as an ambiguous label of goodness, rewarded with heaven.

I would instantly say that most of us will not make the cut because these virtues and qualities are neither common, or attainable in a lifetime. With doing good, while we are selfish, even when the things we do have positive consequences, it is questionable if we have done good.
I could take this on in another lengthy thread.

My question is: what about the weak, the helpless, the broken?
Are they cared for and catered for while they fail to qualify for heaven?

In a society that celebrates and rewards strength, is there any place for the weak and meek?

My critique is that we give too much weight to our moral efforts and we believe that these will be sufficient to carry ourselves to a higher place, and we structure the end reward in a laughable competition against each other, matching each other's moral contributions.
So once again, we displace one another and advance at others' expense.

I find it strange that the path to heaven seems extremely similar to the selfish cutthroat competitions on Planet Earth.

*

We fully depend on Christ because all of our strength is insignificant, and we have no ability to save ourselves from our own brokenness, our own insidious, unloving selves. Christ cleanses us, declares us righteous and worthy despite our fallenness and empowers us to follow after Him, which we could not. He teaches us to love Him and one another, and in all of this, we give glory to God who is worthy of the highest praise.

Only in the Grace of God can we eat and drink without cost. Christ has paid in full.

It is a big step to yield to Christ.
I dislike the word receive, because it is too genial and non-committal.
Rather, we should stop rejecting and resisting Christ in the areas of our life.

*

I have not mentioned Sin. Most of us have no concept of Sin, or we mute it into the form of an occasional mistake that we can surely avoid.

This low view of Sin is dangerous and foolish.
In characterizing Sin, Sin is like a serpent that sneaks in unaware and takes hold of you and will not let go. It aims to bring you with it to death.

If you are angry, it will instigate you to hurt/harm others, even those you care about, and yourself.

It will pervert your normal sexual urges into something beastly and unnatural, that demeans and twists what is meant to be beautiful communion between man and wife.

It will make you forget about love and kindness and gentleness.

It will lead you away from God because God who is Holy is incompatible with Sin.

It will lead you to go against God, and incite you to violate His laws, which have been meant to protect and sanctify you, reserving you who are originally His for sacred use and His purposes.

Because of sin, we lose our place in God's family and kingdom.

Sin is not contented in occupying a small part in your life, or a small piece of you. It will want full claim over all of you.

I am not scaring my readers, but Sin is not something that is over and done with. It is a constant threat to our relationship with God, and while Christ has broken its claim over us, we must not let it dominate us once again.

If we do not think we need to be saved, we will not want a Saviour.
Christ will not be relevant to us if we are fulfilled and happy.

But most of us are neither happy nor fulfilled.

*

Days left to Enlistment: 13

I'm looking to spend the rest of my time getting together with good old friends whom I have not seen, or will not be seeing for a long time, and also to slip in as many times of weight workouts as my weak body can afford, without breaking down.

Where I am now a free roaming adult with no longer any fresh income and thus a relevant resolution not to abuse my ATM card, I have to regulate my outings also.

Wed 1:
Thu 2:
Fri 3:
Sat 4: KARATE DEMONSTRATION @ SUNTEC CITY

Sun 5: SERVICE (MORNING), THE PEOPLE FROM KARATE, MOTHERS' DAY DINNER
Mon 6: EVENING TRAINING @ KOLAM AYER CC
Tue 7:
Wed 8:
Thu 9 :
Fri 10 : FINAL KARATE TRAINING
Sat 11:

Sun 12: SERVICE, FINAL GYM SESSION
Mon 13: PPD
Tue 14: ENLISTMENT DAY

Unless something else seizes me violently, this will be the final expository from me.
And no, I am not a fanatic. If I were one, I would be very inconsistent, frenzied and beyond common reason.

I'm slightly stunned that it is April again.

2009-03-10T20:42:00.010+08:00

I often post in response to somebody else's expository, before I either relate to that somebody's post or go off in another wholely different direction.
(This post was motivated by reading Catherine's.)

My first and foremost query is:
Do people actually read my posts properly and take in what I say?

I will come back to this.

I must address the 'A' Levels, in order to validate it having been a real experience for my person. The outcome was within my expectations when I had not finished the coursework. Xiao Yu tells me, all the way from Canada, that this is a shabby excuse and I concur.

Most of the nerves were lost on me on Friday, because I lunched with Derek first and had beef as well. I like beef because it is succulent (when cooked masterfully) and muscle-friendly and it spites the cow-abstaining idol at home.

I then had to pay $30 worth of fines at the library for a book I borrowed in 2007, and promptly returned into the book-drop because it was unhelpful. I reasoned that if I had paid, and my results were horrific, it'd be even more of a rip-off. Because of this (and other expenditures), I'm broke this whole week. Myself, and several others have been victims of the flawed system in the college library.

While waiting for the long-sighted lady to leaf through the wad of results slips of other compatriots marked down by the unmerciful library, the woman almost gave me a slip with Ds and Us and Ss. It was a rude shock and I thank God my name, "LAU" is super distinctive from other names like "LIM". I'm so sorry, Lim.

When I finally got my rightful slip, by virtue of stark comparison, it felt strangely liberating, though a mild, awful emotion did appear for a bit. I call it the "it should have been me" feeling, triggered when I watched, and recalled watching old friends go upstage to claim their deserved congratulations from the principal.

Back at the hall, even the VP kindly give me counsel and evaluated my results for me. Hakim gave me "The Killing Joke", a 1988 Batman graphic novel as a birthday gift, and it was very entertaining and distracting, while the people who did excellent were called onstage.

God's faithfulness was a solid comfort, because our future in Christ is extremely secure.

John 10:27-29 (NIV)

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."

This is a most important question I've been mulling over for quite some time.
Q: How do you tell if you are a sheep of God's flock.
A: Easy. You follow Him.

I also remembered to praise God for His divine arrangement which the short-sighted creature that I am cannot see. We survive only on His grace, and to also mention a delightful worship song, His Grace is Enough. My extensive study of Scripture then gave rise to two hard-sought A's amidst the other ugly alphabets, and I am thankful.
On hindsight, this was God at work, even through a lazy vessel like me.

A happy conclusion to a Korean drama, and a night at Karate which was slow-paced because of the visiting Swiss Blackbelt, made things better.

And this is how I've closed the chapter on my pre-university education. Even then, I will not entertain intrusive questions about my exam performance. I will then proceed to feign amnesia, in the hope that you might get my meaning and go away, else I will need to behave violently.

I have learnt more about leadership recently and although Gandhi is a pagan, he was pretty accurate to say: "I suppose that at one time leadership meant muscles, but today it means getting along with people."

This is not to say that Arnold Schwarzenegger makes a lousy governor, but that leadership is not a commanding presence or an inspiring one. It begins with humility, enthusiasm and offers respect to coworkers and especially subordinates. It concludes with appreciation for them when the job is done. I saw this in a slim man whose hair was growing white.

The Pyramid of Leadership
Image Credit: Google

If Christ is real, then He should be our everything and occupy all our thoughts all the time and unceasingly. There will be no self, no 'me' but only Christ.

We should strive to have Abraham's faith. God told Abraham to "Take your son, your only son, Isaac whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." (Genesis 22:2 (NIV))

It was incredulous, and it seemed incredulous to Abraham because God had said it was through Isaac that Abraham's offspring will be reckoned and he could not understand how would God still bring forth nations and the kings of peoples if he were to put his heir to death.

But his response was prompt:
"Early next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey." (verse 3)

Abraham trusted that God would provide and make his paths straight, and obeyed God IMMEDIATELY even while he could not understand what God was doing.
In short, trust God even while we cannot see and cannot understand.

In Genesis 15-22:19 (NIV),
"Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward."

1) God is our shield (refuge and shelter) and our defence.
With His protection, we are safe and secure.
But: If we put off our shield (God), we are extremely vulnerable.

Psalm 46:1-2 (NIV)

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,"

2) God is our very great reward. The best of all things are with God. He will protect, enrich, deliver, and correct us.

God is not just speaking to Abraham here. He speaks to His people who come from Abraham (was Abram).

We can even draw lessons from Genesis.

In contrast with how Abraham was willing to give his firstborn son to God. God gave His Son for all of us, and did not hold back. What else do we do, other than devote ourselves to Him.

*

In closing, having a good time should be the least of my concerns, because I should not be living for myself or my selfish pleasures and joys. My life is no longer just my own.

My favourite lines from a worship song, "Blessed be Your Name"-

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Praise God all the time, read His Word all the time, pray all the time.
Spiritual hunger must be satisfied with the correct spiritual food.
Christ is the Word of God, and will fulfill and nourish us.

Do you really read what I write, or you just stare at the pretty letters and wonder how come I'm so eloquent?

2009-02-08T23:51:00.009+08:00

I've dug deep, but still have not found it in me to give a proper expository of what is going on in my head. I'm only going to do it in point form, and if my eloquence comes back to me, I might talk a bit more.

I have underestimated how much I would really miss school. I miss the groggy mornings and how I refused to starting talking to people until I've gotten to the study benches. I miss how Derek, Hakim and I irritate each other. I miss the smartmouths at the back row.
I miss the rendang from the Malay stall. I sorely miss talking over stupid topics at stupid times in stupid places with stupid people.

No, I am not a wuss. I'm only mildly sentimental.
Taking apart the word 'miss-ing', here's how I think of it.
1) Lacking in something;
2) Something is amiss, i.e. something is out of sorts.

So the above very excellently explained how I felt, or am sporadically feeling now.
It's funny how we now miss what we dread.

Then I thought about what I missed, and if I were to live through an extension of it again this year. I couldn't replicate the conditions or summon all my friends who've moved on.
I conclude that I miss the past, which is something that cannot be relived, only reminisced.

How cheerful. Being eighteen forever is an attractive but non-attainable thing.
I can only man-up and move on.

*

I am now like driftwood. So much freedom and no anchor.
I need funding for my pursuits, and I need real physical pursuits.

(Image Courtesy: TravelBlog)

I need a job and yet I fear a job would upset my current lifestyle, because the full hours would sap me of strength and drive to study God's Word, and heave big weights.

If only some teacher in Anglican would fall sick - I'm not intending this to be a curse, but there needs to be an opening before my entrance as an educator and while I displace you, I must add that it also means that apart from you getting more sleep, there will also be no pesky students in this same event.
Required: An Opening.

I had a very good dream this morning, that my results were very satisfactory. And while the endorphins had not yet receded when I rose, I got sober quickly, realising that the contrary always happen with me.

The fear that my results are inadequate are very real and suppressed by my regular treatment towards stress-giving objects (suspension) and my faith that wherever I end up, it will be God's placement.

REAL:
But I still am very much aware that it was my exam and my effort.
Though all of it have been in God's hands from the start, I will reap what I sow.
This worries me.

POSITIVES:
God controls the conditions and the outcome.
I have more years ahead of me which I could spend working towards something I should have attained in my youth.

Required: A swift disclosure of results, or Cambridge having lost all records in a localized fire that consumes only paper and bytes with no loss of human life.

Seek First the Kingdom of God. I got this in the same dream, which was a very strong message that lingered up till I was at church. Wanted to share it when it was time, but was slightly abashed and also because I deem myself dressed too casually, while the people serving were in robes.

I haven't gone deeper into this topic, but I understand that in seeking and receiving this kingdom, we must also embrace the Kingship of Christ. His commands and teachings will provide us with direction; His Word will be our daily nourishment, His way will be our way and we will pray unceasingly and continually. Christ rules over all of me.

Very often I hear people profess love for God. This arouses the skeptic in me.
I dare not say that I love God (as much as I should), and I know that my love for Him is miniscule compared to His for me.
I fear that I confuse love with emotion. Love is not just a feeling.
We humans have lousy, inaccurate ideas about Love.

Our love for Him is only shown through our obedience to Christ's teachings and commands.
If our profession does not match our behaviour, then-

In all,
I am highly dubious that God endorses our worldly pursuits of fame, riches and human success and human hobby.

We may have been expecting that the ungodly things that matter to us also have the same weight in God's sight. We must check ourselves all the time.

When we take on God's way as our way, we will then only be concerned with things of God.

Friends sighted:
Vivien; calligraphy
Aaron; army

Here's a goodbye from Derek and me.
Pictures courtesy of Catherine Chew :)

2009-02-04T15:47:00.003+08:00

Most people who know me from way back and maybe not even that long ago must be wondering why are my posts and expositories always about Jesus and the Bible.

I cannot have had a genuine knowledge of Christ and be unchanged and still living the same way as I was.

I was a poor example of a man and I still very much am.

But I cannot have come to a knowledge of Jesus Christ and keep Him out of parts of my life and separate secularism and Christianity in my person.

2009-02-03T13:20:00.004+08:00

He looked round again and could hardly believe his eyes. There was the blue sky overhead, and grassy country spreading as far as he could see in every direction, and his new friends all around him, laughing.
"It seems, then," said Tirian, smiling himself, "that the Stable from within and the Stable seen from without are two different places."
"Yes," said the Lord Digory. "Its inside is bigger than its outside."
"Yes," said Queen Lucy. "In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world."
(Lewis,1956, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle)

My mood has been cheered slightly by the beauty in Lewis' work, but also dampened by a random atheist on the Internet. For my opportunistic atheist friends that I may have, no, my faith has not been rocked.

I have always thought atheists were ostriches.
But then we cannot make them see what they don't want to see.

We need the Holy Spirit so much.

From the Squalor of a Borrowed Stable
Stuart Townsend

From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the spirit and a virgin's faith;
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Saviour of the human race!
But the skies were filled, with the praise of heav'n,
Shepherds listen as the angels tell
Of the Gift of God, come down to man
At the dawning of Immanuel

King of heaven now the Friend of sinners,
Humble servant in the Father's hands,
Filled with power and the Holy Spirit,
Filled with mercy for the broken man
Yes he walked my road, and He felt my pain,
Joys and sorrows that I know so well;
Yet His righteous steps, give me hope again-
I will follow my Immanuel!

Through the kisses of a friend's betrayal,
He was lifted on a cruel cross;
He was punished for a world's transgressions,
He was suffering to save the lost
He fights for breath, He fights for me
Loosing sinners from the claims of hell;
And with a shout, our souls are free
Death defeated by Immanuel!

Now He's standing in the place of honour,
Crowned with glory on the highest throne,
Interceding for His own beloved
Till His Father calls us to bring them home!
Then the skies will part, as the trumpet sounds
Hope of heaven or the fear of hell;
But the Bride will run, to her Lover's arms,
Giving glory to Immanuel!

God's Love and Mercy; God's Righteousness

2009-02-01T21:58:00.011+08:00

I don't know who reads my blog, but I feel really compelled to do this, and explain the nature of our God, and why there is a need for Jesus Christ, His person and also how did He save us.

The world is drawn to a God who loves and promises goodness, because the world is a rough place and we are tender deep down, longing for care and nurture. That's why it appeals to us when we hear that there is a person called Jesus, who loves us no matter the condition of our mind, body and heart, and we take likely to Him.

Jesus had great love for all of us, if not He would not have the strength and courage to walk to the cross and be crucified.
His whole life was gearing toward His death at Golgotha.
His foreknowledge that His death would bridge God and man and triumph over sin and His love for everyone enabled Him to carry on.

When Jesus was arrested, He said:
"Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?"

Matthew 26:53-54 (New International Version)

God loves us and He cares about our suffering, our distress.
But Jesus came not to make our lives better in the worldly sense or to give us riches and prestige.
The blessings that Jesus brought and promised through Abraham, through Israel were not material wealth, but the promise of closeness and intimacy with a God who is mighty and full of love and power.

Yet our God is also Holy. God is righteous and just. He loves justice and hates iniquity.
He does not condone sin; sin is opposite to Him. God's righteous anger, God's wrath is incurred by our wickedness and our falleness. All have sinned, and there is no exclusivity.

Proverbs 17:15
"Acquiting the guilty and condemning the innoccent-the Lord detests them both."

Because of His righteousness, sin is serious to God. Sin is an offense against an infinite God, and as a result, the punishment is rightly infinite. God cannot, despite His love for us, compromise His justice and holiness and pardon us without a price.

Out of His great love, God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ to take our place and suffer God's righteous anger on the Christ. Jesus who is divinity became man and lived a perfect life as the perfect man, pure and blameless. He came and taught us by example the perfect godly man that we were designed to be, and did not turn away from His intended course-to death on the cross.

Christ Jesus is the Son of God and having infinite worth; therefore He was fully qualified to take up all the sins of the world past and future and pay it all for us. When He died for us, He paid it in full, saying "It is finished" before He gave up his life.

He died for us and He offered us a way out of our brokenness and fallenness, and a way to God. If we believe in Him, we gain life because His blood has fully washed away our sin and He has redeemed us from our death by His own death.

Isaiah 53 is very clear in telling us what was God doing through Christ. God's own arm worked salvation for Him and for us all.

Isaiah 53

Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Yet it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
and though the LORD makes his life a guilt offering,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
After the suffering of his soul,
he will see the light of life and be satisfied ;
by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,
and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death,
and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
and made intercession for the transgressors.

Romans 3:23-26
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus."

With this, we are new creatures in Christ who have received life from the Spirit and must live by the Spirit and according to Christ's teachings in Scripture to imitate and take on the likeness of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 1:14-16
“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy."

Finally, God says in Isaiah 44:22, "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you."

We are redeemed by Christ's sacrifice for us, and His resurrection authenticates the reality of God's grace. In this we must repent, believe and trust in Christ Jesus, submit to His Lordship and walk in love, obeying His commands and teachings and to bear fruit.

We should not only have passive faith, but active faith.

2009-01-27T21:44:00.011+08:00

This new year isn't festive, but familial.
Handshakes and hugs were longer and there were more laughs.
I managed to sit down with my cousins at every stop on the first day for meals and it was sweet.

The day before, my uncle had a little Hennessy which made him extremely talkative over steamboat. Red face and loose lips are excellent tell-tale signs of inebriation.
He gave me some sips which I suspect spread the headache over.

I now decidedly like steamboats, because they bring people together. I've had a few since last week and oh, they fill me up. The small space and the hot boiling pot with goodies in it, and humour flying across the table. The jokes strike you and make you purge rice out your mouth.

Meals are really powerful in bringing people together, especially if the meal is excessive and we are compelled to dine. Such pressure evokes humour which make stuffing yourself more pleasant. This classifies as the best part of all Lunar New Year.

Of the three cars setting off from my grandmother's place when we went to Hougang and the car I was in, with my witty uncle was first even though the odds were stacked against us. I like to thing that the vehicle I was on is blessed.

It was startling to run into Jamie from the back of my father's lorry on Lunar New Year Day One on Upper Changi Rd East while she was in her family's vehicle. Shouting across to her on the road was strange but pretty cool too. Meeting a friend from school on New Year is a rare first for me.

This reminds me that I met a lot of people on Sunday in Tampines after my workout. I was pretty outraged that every food place was closed and I couldn't have my salmon or beef post-workout meal. The good Lord has made me see people whom I haven't seen for a long time for reasons that I humanly cannot fathom, but am grateful for.

White wine helps me sleep I think. My grand-uncle was very generous while emptying the wine bottle. I'm resolving to get some into a private store which I will toast to the health of my big heart. I think beer is coarse and unbecoming of my refined character.
And it makes me nauseous.

I've been stuffed so much, I think I've probably taken in 3 times the amount of carbohydrates recommended by the RDA of Singapore for 20 year-old males. Steamboat and/or rice at every stop. Right now, I feel that my midsection has been compressed top and bottom and thus it has no other option but to balloon outwards.
This is a purely horrid sensation.

I'm wary of the effects of downing a last dose of milk tonight for fear it will upset everything within.

Realisations Recently :
We must magnify the child in us, but have an adult nearby.
I'm pretty sure I like muffins more and more.
I've bulked up, but I've added fat to my frame. Which is dismal.
You never recover from the death of a close one. It's a gap that doesn't get filled in.

With God who is all powerful, nothing is impossible. Also for us humans as limited beings, our definition of impossible is far off from his. Is anything too difficult for God?

I must love because I am a reflection of my God, who is Love.

1st Corinthians 1:27-31
27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

E.Coli Is To Blame

2009-01-13T17:16:00.004+08:00

Recently, writing for me is like starting a car with no gas.
I will avail to reproduce some of the intellectual things that go on in my head.

I call it structural irony on Saturday when I was watching the eighth season of Scrubs and then got admitted into hospital some hours later. The diagnosis was pyelonephritis.
E. Coli again was the source of my agony.
The three-day hospital stay was unasked for but was absolutely necessary I realised, because God was at work.

INSERT-
[The way God works, He does one thing which has multiple and diverse effects that all work for His divine purpose and this is so complex that we haven't even been able to preceive all the things that He's been doing.]

This is what I realised: an antibiotic treatment can be a useful metaphor. If you don't finish the course, the bacteria doesn't die out and you still get sick.
What I really mean: God, unlike an antibiotic, never stops treating you. We need to go back to God, who is the physician and healer for follow-ups all the time. If not, sin cannot be excised from us. We need treatment constantly.

Faith expresses itself through love.
Galatians 5:6
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

All relationships need maintenance, whether if it's with another person, and especially if it's with God. If we leave it by itself, it'll degrade and start to stink.

We buy into lies when we think that we have enough of God sometimes after a heavy 'dose' of Bible Study or Christian literature. Only God fills us up. There is an infinite gap in all of us and only the Being who created us knows how to fix us up and we run away from His fix.

Humans have shallow perceptions. We make judgements based on what we see, and most times, we're not very far-sighted. This is why it is wiser to refer to God all the time.
In Isaiah 8:19, Isaiah asks "Should not a people inquire of their God?"
To Isaiah, it seems ludicrous that the Israelites turned to alternatives other than the Almighty God who had all the answers to every question.

But I guess we turn away from God because already know that God cannot concur with us and that we of course, are in the wrong.

The people we meet and come into contact with in whatever small way is definitely within God's plan. And for good reason. I think Romans 8:19 is especially concise in summing up what is taking place in the world.

"The creations waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. for creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

The human definition of freedom disparages with God's. Our definition of freedom is:
Autonomy from external sovereignty, even from and especially from God.

The freedom God actually gives is freedom from the bondage of sin.
Which as humans we actually love and uphold to be as 'nothing wrong'.
However, sin corrupts and is an object of God's righteous anger.
Dismal.

I enjoyed my hospital stay strangely, and it was not because of the food. I enjoyed the attention and maybe because I was grown up and the needles did not bother me that much. Maybe it's because being told I need to have some blood taken out of me immediately gives me little time to react when the needle is already in my arm.

Or was it because Vivien had her appendix taken out and was downstairs in the hospital. So though alone, I was also technically not alone.

I'm deeply impressed with the nursing team at CGH, and especially with the nurses on call at night. They really have a way of making me feel reassured. I have more respect for nurses than people in any other occupation. The student nurses are really cute though. And by cute I mean their disposition and gentleness. I am abashed to admit that I am attracted to one of them who somehow did not attend to me.
I wonder why.

I like to think that it was to safeguard their professionalism and not fall in love with me that they stayed away.

But the way she attended to the old man in the bed diagonal from mine really struck me because she was so caring and endearing with him. I'm going to ask God if I will see her again.

Visiting the Accident and Emergency area is a pretty interesting experience and it invokes several emotions. There's death, and you feel compassion for the bereaved; there's pain and you sympathise with them for you cannot imagine/understand their distress.
You also become a semi-detective who tries to figure out who's in for what, which can be slightly fun.

I'm grateful to my mentors who visited me and talked with me, because they really helped me a lot in defusing boredom and growing in understanding and knowledge.

In all, I'm grateful to God for everything. My attitude must first be right.

Sweet Ballad

2009-01-03T23:28:00.001+08:00

2009-01-01T22:03:00.018+08:00

I have been meaning to review 2008 for a bit, but still am late.
My punctuality (lack thereof) is a growing problem, and most friends have had a taste of it.
I have concluded that my detachment from the company has culminated in an untamedness disciplinary-wise, and am pretty sure that enlistment will phase out all of my slothiness.

I look forward to shaving my head, and pairing up with a mob of pungent males.
I look forward to long marches, soggy and smelly feet, and caressing my rifle, unnecessary activities and movements, and extremely early mornings.
Yet while belonging to one of the few who can live through an intermission before enlisting, I have the added woe of determining how to spend my time.

It's pretty subjective in labelling any year, or any thing really as 'good' or 'lousy' because our persons live out the same days differently.

2008 has been pivotal for Song Leng, however.
It has been a very rich year. Not economically of course, quite the opposite in that sense.

I have had many more laughs and many more woes, bouts of distress and etcetera.
I have cemented friendships, forged new relationships and learned new things and undergone a major upheaval as to what I thought I already knew.

"The righteous live by faith"-We only are righteous by virtue of our faith and we live and are faithful only by God's mercy, permission and provision.

I've rediscovered what's important, and although my answer will make people cringe or flush, I will stand by it. Jesus is most important. 18th October was a monumental date when God began to work on me.

I understood the difference between lust and love.
Lust is physical. Love is personal. Lust desires and pines. Love accepts and encompasses. Lust destroys, Love heals. Lust weakens, Love empowers.

Love is something we claim we know and believe we live out, but we actually don't.
Whatever relationship most people have now, it hardly can be Love. God's love for us, parental love, and the bond between man and wife in a real marriage (not Hollywood pairings) are real models of Love.

The world is often driven by self-interest. To do otherwise will mean that you have to suffer. And yet this is what Christians are called to do in suffering like our Lord also did when He was here.

I can no longer say I'm growing up. Rather, I'm getting old. Some person said this, and I might have said it before. We begin dying the moment we live. Since the sand in the hour-glass is running out, are we to try and live as rampantly and uncontrolledly before time is up, or should we behave in a manner worthy of Christ.

I've moved from being aggressive to being something mild in my temperament, where Crystal pointed out that I was an angry person. Ah, Crystal is a real brick. She infuriates me, and I infuriate her in return. We incite each other to think, which is precious. I treasure her company a lot.

Derek and Hakim, who are sensitive males that I'm close with, have been with me through fun and distress and also romance, though not with each other though.
Kah Kee and Zicong are dependable exercise partners; Jeremy and Dickson promise fun most times.

I have a store of new statements that I want to meditate on and develp into .
Like: People are just hiccups in one another's lives.
I might pursue the opponent of that statement and say too: People are like gum, which sticks to u, and when you remove them, a considerable blob of the gum will still remain; when u try to remove it with a tough chemical, you burn your flesh.

I will work on it, and hopefully it will make me a Nobel laureate for my revolutionary achievement.

But one thing I am sure of, People do impact one another and induce some change. But God rules over all of it and works mostly.
Just came off chatting with Ke Yi online. At risk of sounding non-masculine, it was heart-warming. It validates the above observation I just made. I've really enjoyed her abuse and will miss her and her treatment of me now on.

It makes me pretty sad to admit that the simplicity of last time will not be lived out again. I will miss this kind of life, way of living. It's already passed.
In Mandarin-"There is no banquet that goes on forever."

I will miss/ I already miss:

The TKD bunch who change in the toilets next to the AVA room on Mondays;
Being sheer lazy in TKD with Zhan Yi and co;
The abuse I get from females who I suspect actually really adore me-a long list;
The first JC 1 Orientation, which to me was pretty perfect because of the thrill and the people;
The class gatherings, chalets, BBQ and games at those occasions;
Pre-U Seminar with Derek in the carpark;
The long bus ride on 5 with Hakim;
Walking to college with Crystal;
Running with my sister to Changi Village;
Chinese New Year;
Prom and especially shopping for clothes for it;
Being in the classroom, canteen, in the food queue, in the Lecture Theatre; and so much more.

I don't often like to reminisce, because it opens me up to a peculiar feeling which I find will hampers my rational thought process. I prefer to let it slide.

The Bible is God's word, and our directory for living.

ACCOLADE
Best movie of the year: "The Dark Knight"
People who've impressed me: Heath Ledger
Usain Bolt
Michael Phelps

New Year Resolution:
To live by the Spirit and in obedience.
To love.

2008-12-15T21:09:00.002+08:00

"If your heart takes more pleasure in reading novels or watching television, or going to the movies, or talking to friends, rather than just sitting alone with God and embracing him, sharing his cares and burdens, weeping and rejoicing with him, then how are you going handle forever and ever in his presence? You'd be bored to tears in heaven, if you're not ecstatic about God now!"

Leonard Ravenhill

2008-12-13T17:54:00.012+08:00

Maybe you think Song Leng is very preachy. Maybe you should skip over all the 'Christian' things that I have recently begun to say, and fast-forward to the flashy, cool, smart and witty things I normally would include in my ravings?

Maybe.

I feel something stir inside my chest, when I read and hear people talking about God.
I'm worried that they don't know the authentic God and instead are buying into the mainstream popular and liberal idea of a God who's ya-know, vaguely there but is letting the world run itself, and according to frail, varied human opinions of morality.

Take sex for instance. Our (moral) stand on it changes. 50 years ago, it was a taboo and could not be mentioned on television, drama and literature. Sex was disgusting, adult and immoral and most of all-private.

50 years later, sex is the best thing that sells.
Any novel, movie, television programme with no bed scene is passed over as boring, old and stale. We are now living in a society where sexuality and sensuality is pronounced okay and marketed widely.

'Sex and the City', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Cashmere Mafia'...
How about the sex industry,which transcends borders, international boundaries and bandwidths?

The media has undergone a phenomenal change of mind from being highly conservative in 1960 to grossly permissible in a span of 40 years.

Adultery is freely discussed and portrayed on all forms of media as acceptable.

Did you think that homosexuality is a recent farce? It was already noted in the Bible during Abraham's time, when God destroyed the city of Sodom, saving only Lot and his two daughters because of its decadence and immorality.

Greek culture in the archaic period(750 BC - 480 BC) condoned pederasty, which was a relationship and bond between an adolescent boy and a man that contained sexual aspects.

Do we call this social improvement, or backsliding?

A god of our own construct will agree and endorse whatever wild and immoral thing we want to do, whereas a real God will challenge and offend us.
And why can't He? He's God.

I've always been hearing people say that the Bible is not a perfect cultural fit because 2000 years ago was too far and detached, and society's moral standards are erratic.
But if man has not changed in essence in his wants and desires, and sin has not changed, why should Scripture not be relevant in talking and teaching about man?

When I said authentic God above, I meant the God of Scripture-God in Scripture is consistent and unchanging. Does He change His mind or the way He does things?

Malachi 3:6
I the LORD do not change.

God does not give suggestions on how to live your life, like what preachers make it seem like.
God gives commands; orders and decrees. Because He is the LORD, and not a liberal, head of a democratic system that men come up with so that their wants are always considered.

Why cannot God's commands contradict your suppositions and ideas?

Romans 9:20
But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble uses and some for common use?

God helps those who helps themselves!?
So you're saying that there isn't a need for God's help, but you're fine on your own, thanks?
How many of this kinds of cliches are there around?
Christ came down to die for us precisely because we could not save ourselves.

To quote Jeff Noblit-"Why, if you're so darn good and desirable, did it take the death of God's Son to fix you?"

I'm beginning to specialize in making people feel lousy and low-spirited?
Well we all like to believe that there is something good inside of us, some inherent goodness in our nature. There is no such thing. On some level we know that we are rotten and we spend effort trying to package and bury our rot.

I've learned some things these days.

I found myself very hasty in casting judgement and discriminating against everybody.
I was pretty agitated and angry previously. But it's somewhat tempered out, thanks to close friends who tell you things you don't enjoy hearing but pretty much know is true.

I have a problem with people telling me I'm wrong; I have a problem with being wrong.

Yet Christians are works-in-progress and I want to quote a pastor I met who said this and it is so true. Christians will always disappoint you. Rather, put your hope and trust in God.

Isaiah 49:22
This is what the Sovereign Lord says:
"See, I will beckon to the Gentiles,
I will lift up my banner to the peoples;
they will bring your sons in their arms
and carry your daughters on their shoulders.
Kings will be your foster fathers,
and their queens your nursing mothers.
They will bow down before you with their faces to the ground;
they will lick the dust at your feet.
Then you will know that I am the LORD;
those who hope in me will not be disappointed."

To Christian friends and Preachers who are eager to tell the world,
Stop sugarcoating God and the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Just present it entirely and God will do the rest.

I'm comforted that despite bad teaching, God has power over salvation.
But this is not a premise for us to teach inaccurately.
Rather, stay true to Scripture because it's accuracy and relevance is timeless.

If the gospel of Jesus Christ relied on human preaching, it would have died even before it took shape; before there would have been the first church.

But, God is in control.

God's way is best and most ideal. Our perspectives are fogged and we don't make decisions with discernment. We should tailor our plans so they are in accordance with God's will. What is God's will? In scripture of course!

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Lastly, I have a small treatise on love and relationship.
It's very hard to love a person. Often we love their merits and appeal.
We should instead love them for their flaws also, which then adds up to the whole package.
Love the unloveable.

There's a fair amount of crazy in everyone of us, and we will have to be able to accomodate it.

finis